My Horny Double Bypass

MY DOUBLE BYPASS ADVENTURE

By Dann0

For context sake, the reader may wish to first read an earlier horny "medical adventure" story, my spartan account of my messy barium enema and how I met my naughty nurse wife Beth. At least my barium enema experience was an outpatient procedure. My unexpected double bypass lasted a full five days. I am again using the fictitious name Joe Williams to um, protect the guilty. Since everyone is guilty in the story, all the names are made up, actually. With that on to the, ahem, adventure.

~

My first hint that my hurriedly scheduled double bypass surgery might offer me some special treatment for me came from my nurse wife Beth who advised me to be sure and ask for her nurse friend Ginny to do the full body preop shaving and not to let one of the CNAs do it, as they were too "by the book." Too by the book? I did not pursue it, but I should have.

And now it was happening. The elevator doors opened and the woman pushing the gurney seemed a bit too cheerful. "You ready for your full body shave, Hon? Head to toe and everything in between."

Though it was barely 6:00 a.m. and had not had coffee, I had a come back. "You just wish you were doing it." I turned around to look at her. "Am I right?"

Clearly busted she did not respond verbally, but blushed profusely.

I thought about the little groin shave I received prior to my heart catheterization. I was supposed to have been shaved for a femoral artery opening. The young CNA got carried away and ended up shaving the right half of my pubic area. She seemed to not care one whit that the blanket the doctors had covered me with. I did not object when moved off to the side, exposing my whole nether region. No one else seemed to care either as she ran the electric trimmer over my skin, then finished up with long stretches of tape to pick up the hair. With many medical procedures under my belt, I was used to this.

My attention turned again to the woman pushing the gurney. "Anyway, I suppose I am ready, and what choice do I have anyway? Are they really going to shave ALL of me?"

She laughed. "Every single hair!" She pushed the gurney through large double doors and into what I assumed to be a pre-op area. Ahead was a large curtain which she barreled through, past a desk with a large monitor. The attractive woman sitting at the desk jumped and pulled the curtain around the enclosure. "You must be Joe. We've been expecting you. Beth told me to give you extra special care this mornin'.

"You must be Ginny then. Beth says you and she went to nursing school together."

"We sure did." She looked at me to see my reaction.

Dark curls, Dimples. She was exceptionally cute. "So, are you as ornery as she is?"

"Nobody is as ornery as Beth. But the whole class was one of the most fun ones -- ever --according to everything I hear. So you ready for your head to toe shave?"

"I guess so."

"I'll use an electric trimmer until I get to your privates. Then I'll switch to a straight razor. Male genitalia, especially the scrotum, is too prone to nicks with the trimmer. You no doubt noticed we got you in a front opening gown for the shaving. When you wake up from surgery, you'll be in one that opens in the back." She tenetively opened the top to look at my chest. "I'm gonna need a lot of tape for that chest? You hairy all over?"

"Yeah, fairly hairy."

"Let me see." Ginny opened the gown even further and looked me up and down. "You ain't lyin." She stuck her head out of the curtain. "Missy, can you get me a new roll of tape I got a hairy one here."

Moving the gown further apart, it fell to the sides and I was now basically completely naked. What else was new? She took a second to eyeball my penis laying over my right leg then looked at me. "Who only did one half of your pubic area?"

I explained that the girl doing the heart catheter hair trim was only supposed to do my right inner thigh, for the femoral artery catheter, but got a bit carried away. "She kept pushing the blanket further and further over. No one seemed to notice or care."

"Hmmph. These youngsters they hire as CNAs. I can see she must have got an eyeful. Well, best get down to it. She clicked on the electric shaver and started pushing off handfuls of chest hair.

A young woman stuck her head in then partially entered, to better take in the view I assumed. Then, eyes wide, she came all the way in behind the drape holding the new roll of tape. "Damn, he is a hairy one." She watched Ginny work for what I felt was way too long. "I'll be close by with the shave cream, towelettes and razor when you need 'em. Enjoy your shave, Hon." She looked at my crotch, gave me a smile and turned around.

Ginny was working quickly which I found impressive. "So, you shave a lot of guys, I assume."

"All day long. Every day."

I tried not to look shocked. "Nice work if you can get it."

"Yep. It is."

"So, how's your boyfriend feel about that?"

"Girlfriend. I'm bisexual, actually.'

"Oh. Oh my. Lucky you."

Looking up she gave me a warm smile. Down to below my navel now, I was starting to get tingles. Next my right leg. She picked up my penis and placed it over my left leg. Then picking the leg up, moved it out to do the inner thigh. Seemingly completely unfazed by my nudity, she looked up at one point. "I'll get the peri-anal area with the razor too. It's easier." And with that it was on to the other leg, after first flipping my penis again. In another few minutes, I was basically shaved except for my pubic/genital area. She grabbed the roll of tape and started ripping of arm lengths of it pressing it all over my body. The tape ripping took longer than the shave it seemed.

Missy stuck her head in holding shaving supplies. "I heard the tape pulling." She looked me up and down. "Not much hair left on him now." I watched Ginny pick up a can and press. "Heated foam! For your comfort! Beth requested it. She started slathering it all over my balls, penis and peri-anal area. Missy had not yet left the room and I shot her a look, expecting her to leave. But she stayed. Her gaze was intense, fully enjoying the view.

"I'm gonna have to move your family jewels around a lot, hope you're okay with that." She lifted my testicles to shave underneath, then pulled them down to shave on top. "You got a lot of foreskin. I have to slide it back tight now." With one hand wrapped around my shaft, she slid her hand down to shave all around the end under the rim. Then pulling it out to stretch it, shaved the shaft down to the base, underside, left, right, on top. At this point it had stiffened up considerably. Her touch was anything but shy.

She looked at my manhood appreciatively. "It's a lot easier to shave it when it's hard. Nothing to be embarrassed about, especially as blessed as you are." She gave me, then Missy, a quick smile and went back to work.

"Not embarrassed at all. You are quite the expert penis handler if I may say that."

She took a hot towel and wrapped it around my shaft, then down to the base. It was fully erect now, glistening and red from the hot towel. "Hon, I've handled more penises than a hunderd hookers. Maybe a thousand."

I shook my head in disbelief. But then I realized it was probably true.

Missy leaned down to appraise the work. "You gonna need any more towelettes! I've got 'em nice and hot." Missy left briefly and came back holding a stack of hot towelettes.

"Perfect. Just set them there. We're just about done here."

Missy scanned my body up and down. "You got him clean as a whistle Ginny! He looks terrific! He's kind of oozing there though."

"Yes. He is clean as whistle! Beth is going to love it." Ginny grabbed a few hot towels and started wiping off shave cream. My penis still had a bit of shave cream on it, so she wiped down with her fingers wrapped around the shaft. Confirming Missy's observation, a clear rivulet poured out and over her fingers. Missy's eyes bugged out then wiped my opening and head with her finger. "He's gonna need a release, Ginny. I don't think we have the time."

Had I heard correctly? "If you can really do that, can you make the time for me? I'm right on the edge." I assumed Missy would watch that too. Or, would she assist? A surge of tingles shot through me.

"Sure Hon, we can do that."

Just then a loud male voice boomed outside the curtain. "We have a patient who needs shaved for the OR, ASAP. You about done in there? We're already running late."

Ginny looked grief stricken. "I'm sorry." Carefully patting my balls dry, she swished underneath and all around. "All done." She hastily pulled the gown front together and tied. Then she raised the blanket, bunching it up at my crotch to hide my arousal. Ginny looked apologetic. "Maybe next time, Joe. I really am sorry."

Missy who had watched the entire drying procedure, pulled the curtain all the way back. "Okay, we're done in here. Next stop the OR for you Joe." She patted my hand and smiled. "I hope it's a success!"

On to open heart surgery with a case of blue balls. Perfect.

~

"Time to wake up sleepy head. Come on now Darlin'. Rise and shine." The honeyed voice sounded familiar. A gentle hand was shaking me awake. Finally, I opened my eyes to see two big brown eyes staring at me. The smiling face was vaguely familiar too.

"What? Where am I?"

"You don't know? Cardio ICU!"

"Oh that's right, my double bypass. How long have I been out?"

I watched the pretty brunette at my left check her smartwatch. "Looks like about 14 hours. They drugged you up real good! You don't recognize me do ya Darlin'?"

"I'm sorry. As good looking as you are, I would surely remember someone like you. Maybe the drugs are fogging my brain. You sure do look familiar."

"I'm Lorie from your barium enema. Beth's friend! From nursing school!"

I blinked hard. "Lorie! Of course! The Tilt-a-Table nurse. How stupid of me! You cut your hair. I like the curls." My mind flashed to all the table tilting she did to get the messy white barium fluid distributed through my innerds.

"I work in cardio now. I made sure to sign on as your post op nurse. I remembered what a hunk you are."

"You did?"

"I sure did. Great to see you again. I remember the good time we had with me running that crazy tilting table."

"Better than any amusement park ride!" I hoped my sarcasm was showing.

Lorie laughed. "I don't know about that. But you were such a good patient. I promised Beth to take extra special care of you. You in any pain? 'Course ya are. I got some killer drugs for that."

I watched her reach for a tray with meds and a water glass. "Here. Take this. It'll get you flyin' high and you won't feel as sore. Next I got stool softener, acid reducer, gas pills, and heparin for clotting. Gee, you sure don't weigh much. Not an ounce of fat on ya. Hope your stools don't get too loose. I'll keep an eye on that."

I took the pills and she put the cup to my lips. "How'd you end up gettin' a double bypass anyway? You're too young for that."

"Young. Yeah right. I wish. Well, like a dumb ass, I went for a calcium score CT scan. I shocked everyone with an over the top score of 2558. My GP doc said he's never seen a score that high. So, here I am. Never had a single symptom."

"Well now that's hard to figure. You bein' all fit and trim. Most guys in here are blubber fat walruses, bald and diabetic. But don't you worry none, Darlin'. I'm a takin' good care of you! She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

How did I get so lucky to have Beth's good friend as my post op nurse? I smiled back.

"So, you ready for me to get all up close and personal on ya? We gotta take out your Foley cath so you can pee on your own. You wanna pee on your own, right? 'Course ya do." She moved my gown to the side so I could see the tube running down my leg into a bag of urine. "See what I mean? No hurry on that. Let's let the pain meds kick in better. 'Sides, Amber ain't here yet. She's my nurse in trainin'."

It was slowly dawning on me what was going to happen. I knew about Foley catheters from hearing Beth talk about them. The thought of my wife's friend seeing my privates was just starting to sink in. Lorie was even more gorgeous than I remembered. As I pondered this, a fresh faced adorably cute young blond slid into view, all perky and bouncy.

"Hi Mr. Williams! I'm Amber the nurse trainee. I'll be helpin' Lorie with the catheter removal, since uh, well, I'm the one who put it in you, then I swapped out your front closing gown for a new one that opens in the back. But you were out cold so you don't remember that. Lorie's just gonna supervise me. After that, I'll give you your sponge bath, --assuming you're okay with that."

"A sponge bath, you say." I blinked hard. I felt some serious tingles in my loins. "Uh, since you're going to be seeing a lot of me, why don't you just call me Joe?"

Amber giggled. "Not just a lot, Joe. Ever' blessed thing you got, -- which I already have."

I watched to two women grinning at each other. Mischief was in the air.

"The pain meds kickin' in Darlin'? We want you feelin' good when we do this." Lorie looked at Amber and winked.

Inwardly checking myself I had to admit whatever it was Lorie gave me was having a most pleasant effect. Some sort of opioid, no doubt. The raw soreness on my chest was even down to a dull roar, which was a relief. I grinned at Amber and then Lorie. "I've got quite a buzz on now, so I guess you two can have your way with me." I laughed. They laughed.

"We heard that! Sounds like a big time consent to us! Alrighty then Darlin', let's get that gown up an git down to it. Right Amber?"

Amber took the bottom of the gown and raised it some. "Now don't you worry none, Mr., uh, Joe. I won't be seein' nothing I ain't seen before." And with that she raised the gown above my chest while Lorie pulled the thin blanket down below my knees.

Amber bent down and checked the tubing. "First thing is, we've got to deflate the little balloon inside your bladder so I can slide this Foley outta you."

Lorie nodded approval and fiddled with the drain tube. "Okay. The tube is drained. I'll detach the urine bag and empty it."

Amber looked at me. "Alrighty then. Now Mr. Williams, uh Joe, take a deep breath and hold it. On the count of three I'll side that whole thing out of your penis. She wrapped her fingers around my manhood and stretched it straight out. "Ready? One. Two. Three and....done. How'd that feel?"

I blinked. "Must be the meds at work. I barely felt anything."

Lorie beamed. "You did good Amber. Now what's next?"

"Let's see. I clean the end of his penis and work some neosporin into his opening with my little pinky. Clean hand -- dirty hand, like you taught me. Gloved of course."

Lorrie smiled. "What she means is that she's going to hold your penis in one hand and apply the ointment with the other, careful not to mix them up."

Amber looked at me. "I'll smear some around the head too and the frenulum as well. It looks a little red. See?" She rolled my penis around so I could see the underside. It did look red. How thoughtful. Was this really happening? With her fingers wrapped around the shaft she pulled the foreskin taunt, sliding her hand down to the base, watching it elongate some. "We gotta get those wrinkles out too. Bacteria can hide in them wrinkles, you know."

Lorie nodded approvingly. "Always good to be thorough. Beth is gonna ask me if I was, so, uh, you know." She blushed and then regained her composure.

Amber was now at the sink filling a small basin with warm water. She turned around smiling. "Ready for that sponge bath? We don't want any infections." Amber started dabbing gently at the raw incision where they split my sternum open. Then lower down to where two drainage tubes had been. One tube remained and she dabbed around it. "Well take this remaining drain tube out soon, I promise. That water warm enough? I gotta move lower now. You doin' okay?"

Maybe it was the drugs kicking in, but I was thoroughly enjoying their Kentucky accents. I was doing more than okay. And I was liking their friendly cheery attitude.

She grabbed a fresh cloth and moved my leg up and out. "Gotta get that peri-anal area. Going all "gyno" on ya now. Sorry 'bout that. Now you know how us gals feel." I let my other leg fall open to give her better access which she seemed to appreciated. Amber was indeed seeing "ever blessed thing."

Lorie watched intently. "Be sure and lift his testicles too. Work under there and all the way down into his butt cleft. That's right. Good job Amber."

"I'll wash his testies real good as well. I see he's a likin' this." She gave a Lorie a naughty wink.

"Just like I taught you." Lorie grinned. But they're called testicles Amber. Remember that." Amber blushed, looked up at me and smiled sheepishly at her mistake but kept working. "I just always called 'em balls. Sheesh." It was a whisper but I'm sure Lorie heard it.

I was indeed liking the attention. Was it really happening? It was. I liked it that Amber was not the least bit shy. "This is probably a better job than you working in a cubical some where." I hoped I sounded agreeable.

Amber laughed. "Yeah. I'll say. A lot more interestin'." She stretched my penis out to run the soapy cloth up and down the under side all the way to my sensitive scrotum. I was amazed that I was not quite fully aroused though I was feeling more and more tingles. Amber took a dry cloth and began drying the whole area before putting my leg back down.

And with that Lorie was lifting the blanket back up while Amber lowered my gown. "All in a mornin's work Joe!"

"Thank you Amber. Thank you Lorie. I'll be sure and give Beth a good report." I laughed.

Lorie patted my hand. "I hope that is your last sponge bath. Tomorrow, we'll get you moved into your own private room, complete with toilet and shower."

"And a TV too!" Amber was fairly bubbling over.

"Well, isn't that special?" The thought of being able to shower myself sounded appealing, especially being able to have more privacy. I had no idea that being allowed to shower oneself was against the hospital rules. More intimacy. More nudity. Hospital SOP. Whatever.

Later that afternoon, it got me thinking on when the first time two nurses saw me naked and for an extended period. It was shortly after I had been diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer and my urologist wanted to make sure it had not spread to other areas. One concern was my bladder, so he ordered a trans-urethra ultrasound procedure.

It took place in a very small room. There was the exam table with foot stirrups and this big computer like machine with a large screen. I was walked into the room by the head nurse who instructed me to lay down. She put my feet in the stirrups and parted the front opening gown leaving me basically totally full frontally naked, just like when I got shaved.

Shortly after that another nurse came in to numb my penis with a big needle, then stretch it out so she could run the long wand up into my bladder. She was soon joined by another nurse who operated the computer and monitor. Neither seemed concerned about my total frontal nudity, even though the woman at the monitor kept looking over at me frequently. I too would look down at myself noting how the wand running up inside my penis artificially elongated it. The procedure seemed to last for way too long. When it was finally all over the head nurse came back in and announced I could get up and get dressed.

Numerous other instances ran through my brain but none as explicit as that one, even including getting the full body shave. I knew from Beth that nothing had been unusual from a nurse standpoint -- just from a patient's.

At close to 6:00 p.m., I saw Amber approach the nurses' cardio ICU desk, check in then walk quickly toward me. "Hi Joe! How you doin'? My shift is about to end but I wanted to check in on you. Looks like your gown has some blood spots on it. We can't have that now can we?"