My Husband = My Roommate

Husbands should not be just roommates or your wife will stray.

Things happen in relationships that make it go stale. I am in my early 30s with a husband who has a stable good job. We have kids, pets, a nice house in the suburbs but spend most of our time in the city. For me it was a combination of things: he would be too casual with me and never tried to impress me; my friends were all having affairs or thinking about it; I'm insecure and needed to feel wanted because I didn't feel sexy anymore or maybe I never was; I wanted to have earth shattering mind blowing sex; I wanted to feel a bigger dick.

Most of my friends hated their husbands. I am no different. I resent him for so many reasons. Even the way he buckles his seat belt in "the Merc" as he called our Mercedes would irk me. He doesn't know anything about cars, but talked to people and read all these reviews on forums by guys who actually do know about cars so he can masquerade as an automotive enthusiast. He really just wants to pull up next to people and appear impressive because he has a nice car, but he doesn't even know why it's nice or how to drive it.

As a lawyer who went into technology, his crowd was full of these know it all types that wanted to seem like type A personalities, but are really just emotionally rash, insecure, man-children. They are quirky just to garner attention that they are brilliant or see things that mere mortals cannot. I hate him. I hate him every time he smiles. I hate him every time he throws his car keys down on the counter. I hate when he pulls his loud engine down our driveway. I hate how he fluffs himself up in the mirror and walks into a room. I hate how he talks and how he saunters.

I close the garage door behind him and sit down on our mud rooms bench. I sit in silence and appreciating the quiet as the kids are at school. This is when I usually take my vibrator out, but I couldn't find the charging cord for it so I just took a steam shower and used my fingers to rub my clit and nipples dreaming about big dick men. I am a pretty simple woman. I thought about how the shampoo bottle would feel, it was large but too taboo for me to try as a dildo just yet.

I ignore the cat and dogs as I dried off and skirted around them to get dressed. I question my decision on choosing a casual look as I lock up behind me and pull away from our house in my Audi. Wednesdays was for us girls to meet up and just air things out. We called it book club, but none of us actually read books. We would meet up for yoga, meals, shopping, drinking etc. Mostly just drinking. Michelle and I arrive to the lunch at the same time and I immediately regret wearing yoga pants. This was a nicer restaurant and I already felt like I was lower on the social totem pole. As we exchange niceties and sit down, I notice I'm the only one not wearing a dress.

"Excuse the dog hair, I had to take them out after yoga. Ugh, I didn't even have time for a juice today." I spat out, making up an excuse for my appearance and to try and inform the group that I'm busy too.

We ordered food an started drinking. I hated martini's, but Chloe loved them and everyone wanted to be in her good graces. "How is everything while Jim's away on business?" asked Chloe trying to start a conversation with her. It was awkward since she sat across from me and I didn't realize how large the table was. It would have been more appropriate for me to talk to someone next to me, but she was nice enough to stop her conversation and answer my desperate question that was more of a plea for attention.

The whole table stopped talking and all listened, half out of respect for Chloe to answer and half because we finally were getting to the part we all wanted to get to - gossiping about.

"He's back unfortunately, but that doesn't stop me" she followed up with a giggle. Her hair looked effortlessly immaculate as she tilted it back a little. I straightened up my posture as I noticed her tall-ness and really glamorous neck. She noticed my eyes and then touched her necklace (pearls) and tilted her head to the side with an inquisitive look as if to say: are you looking at this? "He got me this to make up for something or another that I was mad at him for. I think I made him feel guilty for something and told Deborah, his assistant how much I've been looking at new pearls." she finished off with another laugh.

She winked at me and then the storm started. Everyone chimed in, I swear even the waitress looked like she wanted to share. We all hated our husbands. It was funny, our moral code. Katie talked about how she wouldn't sleep with a married man because she would never do that to another woman. I thought it was cute, she is protective of a strangers emotions, a woman she's never even met, yet she has no problem cheating on her husband. Tessa chimed in that she totally will and already has slept with married me. "They're more appreciative" she explained.

All of this really led me to talk about all the amazing sex I've been having. I made up stories about how men lusted after me and how I strung them along because I was too good for them or higher class etc. It kept the conversation going, earned me so social capital, and made me feel like I was part of the girls' group. As I drove home after lunch I stopped to pick up some new lingerie. I was frustrated that I wasn't having as much sex as all these other women. I was too occupied to notice that I was low on gas and at that moment resented my husband even more for not checking and filling me up. He is always too damn busy at the country club. I swear that place gets him harder than I ever could. I slammed the palms of my hands down on the steering wheel and had a good cry. I am so angry all the time.

My husband is not the best looking and I thought I could do better. His parents paid for him to go to good schools and paved his way to success so he cannot and should not be proud of that. He is not self made by any stretch of the imagination. I am reminded of this every time I enter to the house.

My hands smell like gas, it took time out of my day and to top it off I have to walk by his trophy case. He puts it front and center in our entrance hallway. He is not the most athletic guy naturally. He has to pay for lessons, expensive equipment, guides and personal trainers to even perform at a mediocre level but is incredibly cocky about his athletic (pathetic) achievements in tennis, marathon running, cycling, and bird watching/photography. These damn pictures of tree branches, birds, and bugs put me over the edge.

I could not stand to be here anymore, surrounded by his shrine of success. I got back in the car and just drove. I do not know where I am going, I just wanted to drive and be away from the house.

I want something to compare to my friends fun lives. I need validation. Am I still sexy? Probably not as much as Chloe. Did anyone ever view me as sexy? I'm just the best my husband could get so he locked me up, but before then, did anyone notice me? I decided I need a stranger to give me attention. I would probably wind up turning him down and it would be nice if they were decent looking so I would feel superior making him feel like he didn't have a shot. That is it. I'll go find a guy, flirt, entice him to know I still got it, but I will not act on it. I don't need to. I just want to to feel something by turning him down.

After an hour of just driving aimlessly and stopping at random shops and stores. I get a phone call. "... yes, your son is fine, but we wanted to bring it to your attention that this is the second time he's been physical with another student at school." As bad as it sounds, I just didn't care. I don't care if my son struck another student, they'll be fine, but I knew I had to act surprised, caring, and motherly. I drove to the school, had the meetings, said the punchlines, and nodded my head. As I was leaving, the principal texted me a phone number and name. "It's the other students parents, you should really call them personally." she suggested.

"Thanks, I'll call them right now." I placated.

I made the call as I pulled out of the school lot thinking they were going to ignore an unknown number and I'd leave a generic message. Nope. "Hello, this is John" came a strong almost booming voice as it rang once and was quickly picked up. He sounded like a no-non-sense kind of guy and was very matter of fact about what happened. He suggested that our families get together and have an apology meeting. I agreed and accepted that it should be sooner rather than later. "My wife, Jess, will call you to schedule something." He said authoritatively and hung up.

I went home and prepared dinner. By that I mean I went to Whole Foods and packed up some boxes of the pre-made stuff, plated it, and put it in the warming drawer. The kids and my husband were arriving home when I got a phone call.

"Thanks, Jess. Tomorrow before school sounds just fine." I said as I tried to end the conversation.

"Umm, my name is Jessica. Only my husband calls me Jess." she tartly replied.

"I'm so sorry, let's meet tomorrow, Jessica!" I said as politely as possible to kill her with kindness, but also a little sarcastic. I didn't like that she was talking down to me already before meeting in person and trying to set the tone as formal and authoritative. I plopped the plates down on the table a little louder than I probably should have in frustration. My husband didn't even notice I was angry at being talked down to and that no one took me seriously.

"Hun, we should talk about something that happened at school today." I said after a few minutes. I realized I was begging for his attention with my actions and he didn't even notice. I was frustrated, desperate, and it was all un-related but all related at the same time. After we talked he went right to his office to review video of his technique for running or cycling or something. He paid more attention to that than to me. How could he be so crass? Did he not notice how upset I am?

We went through out usual routine and my husband explained how he had a big meeting at work and didn't want to be late. What? Am I supposed to handle this couple on my own? I thought. How in-considerate. I'm not good with socially interacting under stress.

Already angered, I pulled up to their house early like we planned and approached the couple at the front door area. I hated that I was beckoned here. After exchanging a few terse words, Jessica suggested: "Hey, why don't you take the kids to school? I have a big meeting at work and my husband is really busy too. It would be a good chance for the boys to try and make friends. You're a stay at home mom so you have to drop him off any way right? Thanks!" She literally exclaimed "thanks" before I even agreed. This got my blood to boil.

I played nice and delivered the boys like we "agreed" and then went straight home to blow off some steam. I jumped on the peloton my husband gifted me and just peddled as hard as I could. I got a face time call from John, and realized for the first time that I was really nervous he would see me sweaty, no make up, hair undone and just disheveled.

I answered immediately thinking that the kids got into a fight again. "Hello, gorgeous!" John said with a big smile. The his face went to a confused look and then shock. He was silent.

I could feel myself smiling even though I was caught off guard. "Hi, thanks, I guess?" Drawing out my words and giggling a little to buy time for me to think. I said looking away from the screen nervously.

"Oh no, not you." He said quickly. "I wasn't talking to you."

I stopped peddling and realized I just made a fool of myself assuming he was calling me gorgeous. It really did feel good for a split second and now I just feel like crap. "what do you want?" I asked trying to sound perturbed.

"Well, I didn't mean to call you. I meant to call my wife, Jess, she's usually the last person I dialed. I'm sorry." He said making direct eye contact now.

"No problem, John. I'm just so busy so, I've got to go." I said trying to sound annoyed.

"You're busy?" He questioned "It looks like you've been working out."

"Gee, thanks, John. It's like I've known you for a long time letting you see me in my workout clothes." I said, actually annoyed this time. I couldn't tell if he meant I looked gross and sweaty or if I looked like I had a hard body. I took it as gross and sweaty.

"No, no no, I didn't mean it like that. Let's start over again. I can't even see your outfit, you just sound out of breath. And I figured you are very busy. I meant to call Jess and I call her gorgeous. Not that you're not... you know, gorgeous. You are. I just didn't mean for this to happen. And you do look gorgeous even working out, I didn't mean you were looking bad or anything. You look great. Better than great!" He stuttered.

"I didn't think guys like you got flustered. You better hang up now before your wife finds out you called me gorgeous twice in one sentence. I'm pretty sure she hates me already." I said with a smirk knowing that I had him on the back foot.

"Oh, that, not she's just thinks I told you that you could call her Jess. She says it makes her feel like a kid again when people call her that. I should have said Jessica, but clearly my phone etiquette is pretty poor." He said apologetically. "Look, why don't we just give each other the benefit of the doubt."

"What do you have to give me the benefit of the doubt for? I haven't done anything wrong yet." I said as I started to peddle again. I was getting confident that he was starting to lose his confidence. "It's actually you that owes me one for dropping your kid off. So I guess you're just behind on the IOU's here." Why did I just say that? I thought to myself. What does that even mean. Why am I nervous what I look like? Why am I talking funny? Is this what flirting is like?

We carried on a bit of banter for a few mins before I shut the conversation down. I told him I had to go before he could hang up. It was nice to talk to a guy that wasn't my husband.

As I jumped off the bike and into the shower, I kept noticing how dirty the bathroom was and the laundry everywhere. I texted my husband that it has been his turn to clean for weeks now. We don't even really talk anymore. He just lives here silently, we text every now and then, and he leaves his socks and dishes everywhere. We're more like roommates where as John and I actually talked about things aside from the weather.

My husband read the text, but didn't reply for almost an hour - what a jerk. He said: "I'll call the cleaning ladies to come over this week." That wasn't the point, I just want him to have some stake in the house hold responsibility around here. I know I could have called a cleaning lady, but I want him to be involved.

Anyway, I was frustrated yet again and ended up not texting John: "If you want to repay some of your debt, could you pick up my kid too."

"Hey, babe!" He replied almost immediately.

What!? This escalated quickly. He followed up with: "Whoops, thought I was replying to my wife. Joke! and a wink face emoji."

"Ha. Ha. I'm sure she won't appreciate that mix up. I'll admit that was good, but here's my address..."

"My wife is already jealous so, I might lets keep this "mix up" between the two of us. our little secret?"

"I swear you're doing it on purpose!" I replied after waiting a few mins. I didn't want him to think I was waiting around for his text.

"Yeah, I did. But, at least it got you talking to me. Mission accomplished." He replied with a big smiling face.

"If that's all you want is to talk to me, then you should schedule an appointment, I'm really busy."

"How does 2:30 sound? I'm dropping your kid off then. Maybe the boys can continue working on their friendship"

"Wait, what? Is this a play date?" I replied thinking he's really smooth and hoping he'd say it is a play date for us.

"See you then!" he replied without even waiting for me to agree.

I loved the feeling of how smooth he was. He just asserted himself. It was no different when he dropped the boys off, he just walked right on in.

"Still in your work outfit I see? What do you do?" I asked.

"I'm the CEO of a dog food company. We make natural, minimal ingredient and minimal processed foods for dogs with allergies."

"Wow, you must be a busy man."

"Not really? I don't do anything much, my wife just wants to make me sound important and in turn make herself sound important. She works there too. A bit of a control freak so she over-watches everyone and likes to boss people around. She doesn't really have a title there, but she likes to feel empowered and everyone doesn't talk back because she's the bosses wife. I can make my own schedule so sometimes I try to pick up the kids."

"They seem to be getting along a whole lot better. That's good news. We can actually hang out as friends instead of me apologizing that my kid hurt yours all the time."

"Don't worry about it, they're kids. They'll figure it out, and I'm not too concerned with some physical play. The school gets so worked up because of liability but boys will be boys."

"Well I like your attitude."

"So a woman can comment on a mans attitude and his outfit, but am I allowed to say the same?"

"What do you mean?"

"I see you changed out of your workout gear and into... are you busy? Do you have a dinner to go to, because that dress is... wow. You really are gorgeous. And all that working out is showing off positively."

"Oh no, I just... um... I just... figured you were coming over and I didn't want to seem un-organized. After this morning I got the sense that your wife thinks I'm a bad parent/wife so I wanted to look put together."

"Don't mind Jess. She's just a bitch. We've been married for 7 years now and I use to like that sassy attitude, but she's gone from sassy to just straight rude for no reason and to everyone."

"Yeah things change in marriages. They... I'm not sure how to say this, but sometimes go stale or whatever." Why am I opening up to this strange man in my house?

"Oh no, they don't go stale. I won't let it. Haha. I'm too much of a sex addict to let that go stale. I'd prefer her not to just lay there, but I have needs... too many needs to let it go stale. He laughed with a confident booming laugh. Then suddenly stopped. "Oh wait, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make fun of your relationship. You're right, it does usually go bland, you just got to mix it up. Do you have toys?"

"Yes, but it's not the same." I blurted out without thinking. I could feel myself blushing. Why did I just share that information with someone I barely know. I guess he just made me feel comfortable, but I also didn't want to seem like a proud in front of him. "I shouldn't be telling this to any random person."

"C'mon I'm not a random person by now, and besides you should be able to talk about this openly. We live in such a deprived society. We should be able to talk about this like adults." He hoped to cajole me in to diverging more information.

"I guess, I'm just not used to it." I admitted.

"Well Jess and I are play around a bit, she likes to choke a woman who is riding me. If you ever want to test out those waters, we threesome a bit."

I didn't know how to reply. "Easy tiger, I'd rather take a run at you first before your wife chokes me out." I joked.

"You think this kitchen counter can withstand us?" He joked back. But I was unsure... is he actually joking?

"Oh, you think you can break kitchen countertops? You must be overly confident!"

He reached his hand out to touch my hip and I could feel how large his hands and fingers were. I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on. I didn't move, I didn't want to make a fool of myself by returning his affection only to find out he's joking. I couldn't tell with him. He's always sarcastic. I wanted to make him chase me. As I looked down at his hand, his other hand tipped my chin up towards his. He pushed me against the counter and pulled my face close to his.