My Life is Different Ch. 12

"Uh huh," Agent Scully said, and the look on her face seemed to indicate she still wanted more information from me.

"She said she was looking for a package," I added, "She said it was mailed to the University, but for some reason, she thought I might have it at my house."

"Do you have it at your house, Willow?" the FBI agent asked me.

"What?" I asked, surprised and somewhat offended by the question, "No! Why would I have it?"

"Well, if you don't have it," Agent Scully asked, "Do you at least have any idea what this imposter wants the package so badly? Do you have any idea what's in it?"

My best guess was that the package contained the Gauntlets of the Huntsman, however, I really didn't want to tell that to Agent Scully. Agent Scully was a real skeptic. She didn't believe in things like ogres, banshees and fairies. If I told her that the package contained the Gauntlets of the Huntsman, she'd probably just get angry at me.

"Something valuable?" I ventured.

"Uh huh," Agent Scully said, sounding unimpressed with my answer, "Well, we've got your house under surveillance, just in case she comes back. In the meantime, did this imposter say anything that might help us find her? Did she say where else she might look for this package? Did she say anything about any accomplices or allies she might have here in Sunnydale?"

Elisedd and Giles had both talked about agents from Queen Mab, Queen Titania and King Dovregubben all coming here in an attempt to grab the gauntlets before anyone else, however, I really didn't think I should tell Agent Scully about that either. I didn't think she'd take me seriously if I started talking about monarchs from the faerie courts.

"It's hard to remember," I said, as I considered my words carefully, "But after she pistol-whipped me, I think she said something having to get the package before her rivals got it. I think there are other people in Sunnydale after the same thing she's after."

"Of course there are," Agent Scully said, sounding bitter and disappointed. I couldn't really blame her. Having more criminal-types in town after that package would mean more opportunities for shootings, assaults and other types of violence. It would mean Agent Scully's job was going to be even harder than she originally thought.

She asked me some more questions, and I tried to answer them as best I could (without mentioning things like faeries, glamours or shape-shifters), but I don't think I was very helpful. Agent Scully ended up looking very weary and disappointed by the time she was done questioning me.

"Okay, you try to get some sleep, Willow," Agent Scully told me, "I'm going to go talk to your friends. Maybe they've got some information that can assist us on this case."

* * * * *

I was in a cemetery.

It looked spooky. It was late at night. It was dark and shadowy, and the only illumination I had was coming from the silvery full moon up above my head.

It was weird, but I spent a lot of times in cemeteries since I'd met Buffy, and I'd gotten so I had memorized gravestones, statues, crypts and cemetery gates. I knew every cemetery in Sunnydale like the back of my hand, but this cemetery seemed totally unfamiliar.

I wandered around lost and confused, until I heard a familiar voice in the darkness say, "Hey, Red."

I whipped my head around, and there was a familiar face to go along with the familiar voice.

"Faith," I said, feeling more confused than ever, "What am I doing here? What is this place?"

"Not really sure why you're here," Faith replied, "But this place is called Saint Augustine Cemetery. I used to sneak off and go exploring here when I was a kid."

"Okay, now I'm really confused," I confessed.

Faith gave me an enigmatic smile and said, "It's cool, Red. You're in my dream."

I was going to mention how confused I was, however, I had just said that. I didn't feel like being repetitive, so I just kept my mouth shut, and gave Faith a dumbfounded look.

Faith seemed to sense that I needed more information than just a cryptic, declarative statement, and she began to elaborate.

"Ever since you helped me break into that guy's house and we got those tats, I've sometimes ended up doing guest spots in your dreams," Faith explained, "But, this is the first time you've ended up in one of mine."

I needed a few seconds to absorb that information. In January, I had helped bring down a mystical barrier, so Faith could break into a spooky, old house on Franklin Boulevard in Cleveland. The magic I used to bring down the barrier had some long-term side effects. For starters, it left a tattoo on Buffy's hand, Faith's hand and my hand. And the tattoos seemed to link the three of us together somehow.

I was still figuring out the features of how we were linked together, but apparently one of the features was we could do guest spots in each other's dreams.

"I've never noticed you in my dreams before," I finally replied.

"Yeah, the last few times you and I were in a dream together, you were pretty distracted," Faith explained, "I would have had to do some pretty extreme stuff to grab your attention."

It occurred to me that I'd been having some pretty erotic dreams lately. Pretty much since the first night Buffy and I slept together, my dreams had been drifting in an NC-17 direction, with lots of nudity and graphic sexual situations.

I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment, as I realized Faith must have seen me engaged in some very intimate and sexually explicit activities.

"Oh God," I exclaimed miserably.

"Geez, Red," Faith said, with an amused smirk on her face, "If you can't throw down with a hot babe in your own dreams where can you throw down? You don't have to get all embarrassed about it."

"Look, I was raised by a Jewish mother," I explained, "I got taught shame and guilt at a very early age. Being embarrassed it just a natural reflex at this point. I can't help it."

"Whatever," Faith said, shrugging her shoulders and causing her ample cleavage to rise and fall in synchronization with her shoulders, "If you gotta blush, you gotta blush. So, what brings you into my dreams? Is this a social call, you need my help, or did you just wander in here by accident?"

I thought about Faith's question for a few seconds, and finally replied, "A little bit of all three, I guess."

Faith seemed to take a few moments to digest my words, and then she replied, "Okay, somewhere in there it sounded like you need help from Big Sis. What is it? Does Sunnydale have a new Big Bad?"

I sighed. Faith was pretty close to the mark. I mean...she didn't hit a perfect bullseye, but she was pretty close.

"We've got chaos," I replied, "A professional bad guy, named Ethan Rayne stole some magical gauntlets, and sent them to Sunnydale not long after he stole them. Nobody knows exactly where they are, but a bunch of heavy-hitters and sinister strangers have been coming to town looking for them. People are getting hurt, and it's not going to stop until we figure out where the gauntlets are, and get them out of Sunnydale."

"And you and B don't know where these gauntlet-thingies are hidden?" Faith asked.

"Nope," I replied.

"Seriously?" Faith asked, "Come on, Red! You're supposed to be some sort of genius! You've got like a 140 IQ, and you haven't figured it out?"

Actually, my IQ is 146, but this didn't seem like the time to correct Faith's math. She seemed to be hinting that she knew where Ethan had stashed the Gauntlets of the Huntsman, and that was a lot more important than establishing my IQ score.

"Buffy and I thought they might be in the Administration Building, on campus. But, Buffy went there, and she couldn't find them."

"Geez, Red," Faith exclaimed, "You've dealt with Ethan before. Don't you understand his deal yet?"

"Um," I said numbly, not quite getting what Faith was driving at. Buffy and I had encountered Ethan before. He'd been to Sunnydale three times that I know of, but I couldn't think of anything that we'd learned about him that would be helpful to figuring out our present situation.

"B told me what went down the last few times Ethan came to town," Faith said, "Once you know the guy's history, he's not all that hard to figure out. He's kind of a one-trick pony."

"I know his history," I said, "The Mark of Eyghon, turning us all into our Halloween costumes, band candy that turned all the adults into irresponsible teenagers...I don't see how any of that makes him predictable enough to know where he stashed the gauntlets."

Faith rolled her eyes, and exclaimed, "Seriously?"

Faith gave me a few more seconds to see if I could figure it out for myself, and then she got tired of waiting, and then began to explain her theory to me.

"Okay, Red," she began, "It's not like Ethan is a James Bond villain out to kill off the entire human race with a super-weapon, or a Dudley Do-Right villain out to terrorize the wealthy girly-girl into signing over the deed to her ranch. He's a drama queen, out to make a scene and get G's panties in a bunch."

She paused, and then continued, "Our boy's got issues with G. Every time he comes to Sunnydale, it's not about money or world domination. It's all about making a huge scene that makes things suck for G. It's almost like Ethan is a crazy ex-girlfriend, who's pissed off that G dumped her."

I started to get it now. Ethan's plan was Giles-centric.

"This was never about the gauntlets at all," I said, "Ethan was just looking for a way to pull the rug out from under Giles. He wants Giles to freak."

"He wants to do damage to G," Faith confirmed, "There's no way he'd stash his mystic do-dads on campus. G doesn't work there, and when the screaming and terror and the bloodshed goes down, our drama-queen is gonna want G to be right there at ground-zero."

"The gauntlets are at Giles's apartment, aren't they?" I asked.

"I knew you'd figure it out, Red," Faith said, a huge smirk on her face, "being a genius and all."

"I have to tell Giles," I said, "Sooner or later the bad guys will figure it out, and bust down the front door to Giles's apartment."

"Either that," Faith replied, "or Drama-Queen will send an anonymous message to the bad guys, telling them where to look."

"Giles is in danger," I said, and Faith nodded in agreement.

* * * * *

I woke up in the hospital. While I'd been sleeping, Buffy and Terri had shown up in my room. My head was feeling much better now. I'm not sure what sort of damage occurred when my mystic shield was hit with multiple rounds of nine-millimeter ammunition, but the damage was likely only temporary. I felt fine.

"Buffy," I said when I opened my eyes, and saw my girlfriend sitting across from me.

"Hey, Will," Buffy said softly, "You feeling any better?"

"Much," I replied, "I think I was just suffering from some sort of mystic reverberation. A small amount of the was impact was duplicated in my skull when those bullets smashed into my protective shield. Some spells have consequences like that, but I feel just fine now."

Buffy looked over at Terri, and Terri just shrugged her shoulders and said, "I didn't understand most of that, but my takeaway from this is that whatever happened to her earlier, she's okay now."

"Good," Buffy replied.

"Yeah, I'm good," I replied.

"And since you're good," Buffy said, "I might not have mentioned this before, but when you live with roommates, there are certain common sense rules you should follow, like before you invite a succubus to come live with you, you should talk to aforementioned roommates, and ask them how they feel about living with a succubus."

I felt a chill permeate my body, and realized that Buffy must have found time to talk to Daryl while I was sleeping.

"Oops," I said.

"Yeah," Terri said, and then she added, "I'm still unclear on exactly what a succubus is. Could I get clarification on that before we go any further?"

"Okay," Buffy said, "I mean Giles understands it better than I do, but a succubus is a sex-demon sort of creature, that feeds off of humans by having sex with them. I think there's this sort of- "

And then I interrupted Buffy in mid-sentence and said, "Giles! Giles is in danger!"

"Wait! What?" Buffy replied.

"I figured out where the Gauntlets of the Huntsman are," I said, "They're in Giles's apartment! And when the bad guys figure it out, Giles is gonna be in serious danger!"

Buffy and Terri both stared at me for a few seconds, looking perplexed and not saying anything.

"Will," Buffy finally replied, "are you sure you don't have a head injury? Because, as hiding places go- "

And then I interrupted Buffy again, and began to explain how it all made sense.

"Look, it was Ethan who sent the gauntlets to Sunnydale," I explained hurriedly, "and Ethan has this really unhealthy obsession with Giles. Every time Ethan comes to town, his whole deal seems to be screw with Giles and turn his world upside down. When all three Faerie Courts have an epic battle, and kill each other over those gloves, Ethan will want Giles to have a front row seat for all the screaming and the bloodshed."

"Oh hell," Buffy said, after she had a few seconds to think it over. Then she turned to Terri and said, "I think she has a point."

"We have to warn Giles," I said, "The sooner he finds the Gauntlets, the sooner he can get them far away from here. I'm thinking somewhere in the Sonoran Desert might be a good place for them."

It was a good plan; however, good plans don't seem to last very long in Sunnydale. It's like the Hellmouth has evil magics that follow Buffy and me around and sabotage good plans almost as soon as they come off the drawing board.

Agent Scully was suddenly in the doorway of my hospital room, along with a tall, slender, blonde woman. The blonde woman was dressed in the same sort of attire as Agent Scully, so I almost immediately assumed she was another FBI agent.

"We leave in five minutes," Agent Scully announced, "Terri, you and Daryl will be leaving the hospital with Agent Mulder. Willow, you and Buffy will be leaving with Agent Stonecypher and I."

Years of watching that TV show with Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. had totally screwed with my impression of what an FBI agent was supposed to look like. I had always pictured FBI agents as middle-aged men with square jaws, unimaginative haircuts and dead eyes. Agents Scully and Stonecypher were both female, both young and way more attractive than Agent Erskine and Agent Rhodes from that FBI TV show.

I didn't mention any of this out loud. I just said, "Oh, I guess I'd better get dressed."

* * *

The FBI agents and my roommates left the room, and I mulled over my problems while I got dressed.

I couldn't really say anything about the Gauntlets of the Huntsman to Agent Scully or Agent Stonecypher, but now that I was in protective custody, I couldn't just go and run over to Giles's apartment to warn him.

Damn, what I wouldn't give for a banana phone right about now. Other students on campus owned banana phones. Why didn't I have one? Why didn't Buffy have one? If we survived this whole chaotic deal with the FBI and the Faerie Courts, Buffy and I were totally getting banana phones! This whole thing where I couldn't communicate emergency information right away was for the birds. We needed cell phones.

As per the FBI's plan, Daryl and Terri went with Agent Mulder. Buffy and I went with Agent Scully and Agent Stonecypher.

Buffy and I sat in the backseat, while Agent Scully drove. Agent Stonecypher was in the front passenger seat, just in front of me. Neither woman seemed to be focused on Buffy or me, so I felt relatively safe discussing strategy with Buffy.

"So, what's the plan?" I asked, "How are we going to warn Giles?"

"What?" Buffy shot back, "Why do I have to be the one who comes up with a plan? You're the one with the genius IQ."

"Yeah, but you're the Slayer," I countered, "That kinda means that that you're the one in charge."

"Oh, really," Buffy asked argumentatively, "And yet it seemed so much like you were the one in charge of everything when you invited a succubus to come and live with us without consulting me! When were you even going to get around to telling me about that?"

"Are you still going on about that?" I complained, "How many times do I have to apologize?"

"Just once would be nice," Buffy retorted.

Then Agent Scully swiveled her head around, glared at us and shouted, "Hey, I don't know what's got the two of you so bent out of shape, but I'd really appreciate it, if the two of you could postpone the shouting match until after- "

And, that's when the whole world spun sideways.

Well, first there was a loud crash, and then the car lurched violently to the right, and I think my upper-body was thrown violently to the left.

There was the sound of shattering glass, squealing tires, and then there were two more loud crashes before the world stopped spinning.

"What the hell was that?" Buffy demanded, and I looked around to try and get some idea what had happened.

The front windshield was destroyed. Shards of broken glass were all over the place. Airbags had deployed up front and Agents Scully and Stonecypher were both wedged in tight between the bulging airbags and their seats. Neither one of them appeared to be conscious.

"I think another car crashed into us," I replied.

Then I realized that there was another vehicle about ten feet away from the nose our car. It was a huge, commercial, diesel-engine truck. The truck wasn't moving, but it's engine was idling ear-splittingly loud.

Buffy pointed to the truck, and said, "I think they crashed into us, on purpose."

Buffy's opinion got some validation when the occupants of the truck stepped out.

The first one was a menacing-looking bald woman, with impressive-looking biceps and an impressively-large sledgehammer hefted over her shoulder. Her t-shirt was tight and sleeveless, thus giving her an opportunity to show off her broad shoulders and deeply muscled arms.

As she advanced closer, I couldn't help but notice, she had the most imposing muscles I'd even seen on a woman. And she stood about six-feet tall. She was very tall for a woman, and very powerfully-built. She looked like some sort of Olympic athlete.

Then the other person got out of the truck.

Suddenly the woman with the shaved head didn't look so impressive anymore. The man who got out of the passenger-side of the truck was nearly seven feet tall, and so thick with slabs of muscle that he almost didn't seem human. I'd seen bodybuilders before, but this guy made every bodybuilder I'd ever seen, look deficient by comparison. He had the sort of thick, dull slabs of muscle that come from endless physical labor. He didn't bother wearing a shirt, and I doubt he could have found one in his size anyway. His shoulders were so broad, it was a miracle he was able to fit inside the cab of the truck.

He had a fierce, antagonistic look chiseled into his facial features, as he advanced towards our demolished car, and then I noticed something even more outlandish about his appearance.

He had tusks.

There were two of them. They grew out of his lower-jaw, they were curved and looked to be almost three-inches long. I don't know what the hell this thing was, but I was pretty sure it wasn't human.

"Get out of the car, Will," Buffy said, "I don't know who these guys are, but if we stay here, they've got us boxed in."

I got out of the car, and my first instinct was to run and tell Giles what had happened. But, then I reconsidered. If I ran, Buffy was outnumbered two-to-one. And if I stayed I might be able to help. At the very least, I might be able to divert the attention of one of Buffy's attackers, thus saving Buffy from having to fight both of the bad guys at the same time.