My Path

This story isn't a traditional literoticia story. There's not any graphic sex It's the true story of my life. If you don't like that, stop reading now.

First off, let me tell you one thing right here. Before you lay into me with all the "You should have done this..." and "You are such a cuck, wimp, etc." let me tell you a couple things.

I'm now 61 years old. Before I met Jane Rose (Don't call me Jane), I had sex a grand total of once in my life. With a dancer at the Platinum Palace in Memphis. She charged me double the price, and the only thing she said to me was, "Is it in yet?" and "Hurry up". I'd never even kissed a girl before meeting Jane Rose.

Why? Two reasons. First, I'm butt-ass ugly. Yes, I'm that ugly. I'm not a slim, body builder type, but I'm not obese either. I'm 6 feet 2 inches tall, and I went from 250 pounds to 220 in preparation of meeting Jane Rose. I'm strong, so it's not all gut. Second reason is, I'm as socially awkward as they come. Zero self-confidence. I fight very hard to even act normally on-line, much less in person. Everything I type I feel like nobody will care about anyway. So, in a way, putting all this down is good therapy for me.

I had ventured on-line, after yet another disappointing, depression filled stretch of my life. I don't have many friends, as I'm not stupid, just ugly. The only people who talked to me only did so because they wanted something from me. I'd give the shirt off my back to someone who was a true friend to me, but it just wasn't meant to be.

It wasn't a dating site, but more of a social platform. Not too popular, but not obscure either. I never had any intention of talking romantically to someone, just hoping to find an interesting conversation or two. After one week in, ZERO profile views, so I went in the settings to delete my profile. To my surprise, I had just received a new view. I clicked on it, and it was from a female in the Philippines. Now again, let me stop you for a second. I'm a loser, not an idiot. I know about the scammers there and wrote it off as one and went back to the delete accounts page.

"Bing!" I had a message. I looked and it was from said Filipino scammer. I quickly calculated, and it was 4 am in the Philippines. Warning flag for sure. But I figured, "What the hell" and clicked on the message just to read it anyway.

The message said, nearly word for word, that the person was indeed a female in the Philippines, and she was just looking for a friend. Her exact words were, "I don't care what you look like. I'm not looking for love. I'm just looking for a friend who isn't plastic."

A quick trip to the urban dictionary told me that she meant someone who isn't fake.

She was polite and nice, so I would respond in kind, but still make myself very clear. I told her that I was a friendly person, but in no way was I going to be scammed. I'm not sending anyone money. If that was her intention, please save us both the trouble and just stop now. I thanked her for the nice message and wished her well. Send and forget.

So, back to the delete accounts page. Before I could click it, my computer went "Bing!" again. She was on-line and had replied. I was 30 seconds away from deleting my profile. I clicked on her message.

"I understand what you are saying. Yes, there are lots of scammers here. I am not one. I don't want your money. I just want someone I can talk honestly to. Someone who will be nice to me without wanting anything in return."

Ok then. Shields up, ahead slowly Scottie. We chatted for 4 hours before she said she had to go to bed. Who goes to sleep at 8 am? Still, she was nice and very pleasant. I was actually impressed with her intelligence and logic. She talked in general terms about how her friends were fake and people were no longer really nice to each other. All things I agreed with.

So, every morning, her time, we chatted. I slowly learned about her. She was the eldest of three sisters, living with her mother. Her father had passed several years ago. To my surprise, she admitted she had stopped going to school when she was young (13) in order to go work to help feed their family. She came off as very intelligent, so I guess schooling isn't always a good measure of a person's intelligence.

She never revealed anything too personal. She vaguely mentioned a former boyfriend or two, and always changed the subject when I asked what she had for work. I decided not to press her on it because, after all, we were just chatting.

We chatted like this for 14 months. Yes, that is not a typo. 14 months. We talked about life, about friends and about people. She taught me Tagalog and I helped her with her English. It was very cute; she had used a term for months that I didn't understand. "Armfeet". Finally, one day, I asked her what that was. She gave me the Tagalog word, and I typed it into the translator. "Armpit". We laughed about that for weeks. I enjoyed having a real friend for once. She was actually the best friend I'd ever had.

One day, she surprised me. She asked if I wanted to see her on cam. I had seen her profile photo, and it was of an average looking Filipina. Not distinct in anyway. Thoroughly average, but still way out of my league. Heck, walking upright made her out of my league. I hesitated. I told her I was shy. She asked me why, so I told her the truth. I figured it was best just to say it. I told her I was ugly. Really ugly. She told me that we were friends, and it didn't matter. I figured it had been fun, and I have the experience of having a real friend for 14 months, longer than I could have imagined, so it was inevitable that eventually she would see me and immediately drop me. I took a breath and agreed. I turned on my cam and waited.

My screen popped up first, and I could tell she was looking at me. She started typing.

"Ok. I see you. I won't lie. Yes, you aren't handsome, but I already know you are a good person, so it doesn't matter. Are you ready?"

I wasn't sure what she meant, so I typed, "Ok" to her question.

Her screen popped up, and it took a few seconds to load. I swallowed hard, but reminded myself she hadn't blocked me yet, so it could be worse. I fully expected her to actually be a dude.

"OMG! You are gorgeous!" I said before I could even think. She wasn't the girl in her profile photo. She was absolutely stunning! I mean really, really beautiful. This is totally real. I'm not just being a nerd. Anyone who sees her thinks the same thing.

"I'm sorry I lied to you, but nobody who sees me is ever honest with me again. Everyone just wants to get in my pants. I know you are not that, which is why I am showing you the real me now." she said in the most delightful accent. It was like an angel talking.

I snapped back to reality. Oops there goes gravity... Wait. Sorry, wrong story. I immediately got shy. I didn't know what to say. So, I was just honest.

"I know you will go now but thank you for letting me see the real you Jane Rose. You are the best friend I ever had." I told her, then waited for the blocked message to appear.

"Why would I go?" she replied.

"Because you have seen me, and I know you find me ugly, and this will be the end of our chats." I admitted.

"Look Thomas, I'm not running. I see the real you. The outside may be less than desirable, but you have something most people don't have. You are beautiful inside." She assured me.

And she didn't run. We kept chatting every day, just like before. It took me a long time to get over being shy to her. I had actually hoped she was the plain girl in her profile photo. Someone who had experienced rejection and could relate to me. But she was not. I can't tell you how amazing she is. She's all of 5 feet tall, and maybe 83 pounds, but with the most perfect tan skin and bubble butt that guys lust after. Her shiny black hair went all the way down her back to that perfect ass, and she had the face of a beauty queen. Huge, almond shaped eyes with big, pouty lips and the cutest nose. If she were a foot taller, she could have been a super model. I'm really not exaggerating this at all. A solid 9 in anyone's book. A perfect 10 in mine. I could not figure out why she wasted her time talking to me. She could literally have any guy she wanted.

I don't know what it was, but she started trusting me more after that. Maybe because I never said anything about wanting to be her boyfriend. I already knew I could never be her boyfriend. It was probably a good thing she wasn't that plain looking girl in the photo. After 14 months of chatting, I may have said something stupid if she was even close to attainable. Instead, I already knew not to even dream it. I was a pity friend. That's all.

I don't know which was a result of the other, but I grew depressed, and I got a little sarcastic in our chats after that. I just could not imagine why she would be talking to me. Was it a joke? Was she secretly laughing about it with her friends after we got off our chat? The anxiety and awkwardness flared up severely. I was sabotaging the only friend I ever had because I didn't deserve to have a friend.

Jane Rose flat out asked me one day, "Why are you trying to drive me away Thomas?"

I felt particularly smart-ass that day, and I just flat out said it. "Because I can't understand why you would talk to me."

"Because I like who you are on the inside." Jane Rose replied. "You make me happy when we chat. That is when you aren't being rude. I've got news for you. I'm not going away, so you might as well just go back to being the nice Thomas I know."

Slowly, I pulled out of it. She was right. She wasn't running from me, even when I was being a jerk. I decided to just let it go. My depression was because I had hope in my life for the first time. I just needed to let go of the hope and go back to just enjoying the fact that I had a real friend for the first time in my life.

We had been friends for 19 months, when things changed. Jane Rose told me that Christmas was coming, and she wanted to invite me to spend it with her family.

"Really?" was all I could respond with.

"Yes Thomas. Really. No one should be alone at Christmas. I can share my sisters' room, and you can stay here in my room. We (Filipinos) love Christmas, and we love to celebrate. If you don't mind, we are poor, we can have a great holiday. I asked my mother, and she approved. (She was 23 and still needed her mother's approval?). Now, do you have the courage to meet me in person?"

I told her I would think about it. And I did for an entire week. I decided this was a wakeup call. I had the chance to have a real friend. A real life friend. I could spend my first Christmas not alone. I'd never figure out why she was my friend, but I needed to get over that.

So, I told her yes, but I had to do some things first. I went to my doctor and laid it all out to him. The social anxiety. The depression. The awkwardness. Everything. I told him I needed help. I needed to be normal.

He agreed to give me meds, but insisted I see a psychiatrist. I made an appointment with one and got the prescriptions filled. It took a while before I started noticing any effects, but I finally did. It was more a feeling of numbness than anything else. However, that also meant less anxiety. Less depression. Less awkwardness.

I know you will not believe this, but this is the exact accounting of my appointment with the psychiatrist. I went to her office, and she asked why I was there. I spent 45 minutes laying it all out to her. Every last detail. I left NOTHING out. She asked a total of 4 questions, and when I finally stopped, she put her head into her hands and rested there for a minute.

She took a deep breath, and said, word for word, "I can't help you. I can refer you to a psychologist, but I can't help you. Please leave my office." She never even sent me a bill.

Well, I decided that I didn't need any more psychobabble, so I'd just patch myself up the best I could on my own. I called my project, "The broken man under repair". I joined a gym and tried to exercise some. Not as easy as it sounds. I'm as uncoordinated as I am awkward. I literally injured myself walking on a treadmill, but I kept going. I lost 30 pounds. That didn't fix anything, but it didn't hurt.

I started putting myself in socially awkward situations on purpose. I'd never be normal, but I was just striving for functional. I had to learn how to pass as normal around other people. I had a goal. To keep my first real friend for as long as she would have me.

When the calendar turned to November, and Jane Rose still hadn't uninvited me, I bought a plane ticket. Open ended in case she kicked me out the minute after seeing me in person, but I bought it. I don't know why, but I showed it to Jane Rose. She just said, "Good".

I won't lie. Getting on that plane was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was mentally exhausted by the time we took off. I slept the entire trip. It was late night when I arrived. Jane Rose told me that she had arranged a van to pick me up at the airport. She told me to find her where the passengers exit. I walked down the ramp, one suitcase full of my stuff, and one suitcase full of presents. I had looked it up on-line. Bringing presents, even small ones is a big custom in the Philippines. There was a sea of people at the bottom of the ramp. I credit my new medication for not turning tail right there and running.

I waited there for 40 minutes. Scanning the crowd for the girl I had seen on cam. Nothing. It had been a joke. They were probably having a good laugh somewhere in the crowd at my expense. I turned and walked back towards the ramp heading back in the airport, when a man said, "Hey Joe". I just nodded - the best I could manage in this crowd and kept walking. Then he hollered louder, "Mr. Thomas!"

I turned on my heels and went back to the man.

"I will drive you." he said to me as he tried to grab my bags.

My first thought was, he is trying to steal my luggage. I knew better than to go in an unofficial taxi, so there was no way in hell I was going with this guy. We were wrestling over my luggage.

"Jane Rose tell to pick you here." he said, trying to get me to release my luggage. I really didn't understand his English, but he pointed.

There was a glass enclosure - stairs heading back up to the departures level. A girl was jumping up and down inside the glass. It was Jane Rose.

I followed the man, making our way there. When the crowd finally parted, letting us meet, I saw the look in her eyes. Disappointment. I have that effect on people. She could not help but cringe, then immediately try to hide it. At least she was being polite. Trust me, that doesn't even bother me anymore. I'm used to it.

Jane Rose walked to me. Then she put her arms around me. I couldn't hold it back. Tears ran down my face. She still, to this day, she doesn't know why I cried there. I had not hugged another human being for over 10 years. I had forgotten how it felt. Even if she turned and left at that very moment, I would not have regretted it at all. But she didn't leave. She grabbed my hand and led me to the van.

Maybe I should have been worried as I watched the city move around us. A girl I'd never met was taking me to what could only be described as the rough part of town, in a city I didn't know. Honestly, I wasn't afraid. She could have pulled a knife out of her bag and stabbed me in the chest, and my last words would be, "Worth it".

Now, don't get me wrong. I did not grow up with money. Quite the opposite. But the poorest house in the US would be rich compared to her village. It didn't matter. It wouldn't have mattered if we had to sleep outside in the garbage. I had a real friend.

When we arrived at her house, it felt like the entire village was there to meet us. I nearly shut down. I tried to pass it off as jet lag, but Jane Rose knew something was wrong. She did her best to shoo everyone away after they met me. Eventually, it got back down to just her family and me. And this was 1 am in the morning.

I passed out gifts to her family, which made them happy and made Jane Rose smile. She said she was impressed that I had studied her culture.

She took me upstairs and showed me her bedroom. The same room I'd seen on cam. We sat down and she asked me what was wrong. So, I told her. I showed her my meds, and she just told me, "Thank you."

"Why would you say that?" I asked her.

"Because you did that for me." she said.

I had no idea what to say. Jane Rose just got up and told me to get some sleep.

Without getting into too many boring details, I had a great time. For the first time in my life, I experienced what it was like to have a good friend. She took me everywhere. I saw so many things. For three weeks, I had a best friend who was inseparable from me.

Let me stop for a second and answer this. She at no time ever asked me for money. She never put me in a position where I felt like she was forcing me into paying for something. I actually tried spending more money on her, but she wouldn't allow it. Her exact words were, "What would I do with 4000-peso ($80) perfume?"

It was the most simple and yet the greatest holiday I'd ever experienced, but like all good things, it came to an end. Jane Rose took me back to the airport and hugged me again. Two hugs in one month! I know I'm a dweeb, but I'm the fucking dweeb lord! The only thing I told her was this.

"I had the happiest time of my life. Thank you."

Jane Rose actually cried. This amazingly beautiful creature standing before me has been hiding a heart of gold the whole time. I meant what I said. It was the best days of my entire life. It's not even close.

Back to the US and back to work. Jane Rose was unusually quiet for a few days after I got back, but I just let it be. If she wanted to tell me, she would have. Eventually, we went back to normal.

7 months later, 26 months after we first met, Jane Rose disappeared. One day, then two. Then a week and then a month. I'll never be sad for meeting her, but I hated to see it end. One day, two weeks later, she messaged me. Short but to the point.

"I'm sorry. My mother died." was all it said.

I thought for a while, what the best thing to say is.

"I'm so sorry. I'm here when you need a friend."

A week later, she messaged me again.

"You are my best friend, but I need a miracle now. Thomas, I need to ask you something. Can we chat?"

I got on-line and waited for her. Finally, she showed up, and opened her cam. She was crying and looked extremely rough. Without a doubt, losing her mother had devastated her.

"It's more than that." she explained.

Everything fell on her. None of her family could support three additional mouths to feed. She had to support her sisters on her own. I offered immediately to help her, but she declined.

"This is my burden to bear. I won't allow you to do that. It's not what my mother would have wanted." she cried. "But I want to ask you something."

To make a long story short, Jane Rose asked me to bring her to the US, so she could work and support her family. She had promised her mother, on her death bed, that she would take care of her sisters. The only way it was going to be possible was if she went overseas to work. She figured the best place was the US. She said she would not ask me for anything. She would get a job and support her sisters who would live with her aunt.

"How would I get you here?" I asked her.

She was shy and didn't want to say.

"The only way is to bring me there on a fiancée visa. Thomas, I promise you, I won't ask you for anything, and I won't interfere in your love life (which didn't exist). I would pay you for all the costs and clean your house and cook for you if you let me stay there." she offered.

"So, lie to the USCIS, and say we are in love so that I can bring you here and you can work to support your family?" I summarized.