My Pissed Flatmate

After I graduated from my degree, I spent a summer of endless parties back in my home town. When I returned to college for the start of my postgraduate year, I quickly discovered that I'd left my accommodation plans too late. In desperation, I responded to an online ad from a rando hoping to share an apartment.

It turned out the rando was a girl named Margot, and by a stroke of luck she agreed to sign me onto the lease. I was fortunate to get an interview with her as she suspected that my application was a hoax because of my name, Magnus. Yes, I know, it's an unusual name that sounds kind of regal and important. The sort of name that would be associated with a giant cock. Magnus Penis. However, it's simply Magnus Hargraves and I'm just endowed with a regular sized peener. But it's mine and I love it.

Margot and I got along just fine in close-quarters living. We had the same outlook on life, with similar tastes in food and habits and we quickly became good friends. Not too good, mind you because it's always wise to maintain some degree of distance from your flat mate. We were both enrolled in coursework masters degrees at the same university - me in physical chemistry and she in literature.

We had lived together for six months, and the college classes had returned for second semester. Through all of that time, I'd say that we never really had a serious argument at all. A couple of minor niggles, but that's only to be expected.

I've always found it better to live in mixed company. Guys grouped together without the female influence can be feral. Women in isolation can get pretty catty. When there's a combination, things just flow better. I don't think it's because of any sexual tension - in contrast to Harry and Sally, I think it definitely is possible for men and women to remain friends in shared accommodation. I think it has more to do with a level of respect for the opposite gender (or maybe it's fear!). But mainly, I guess it is just natural to work towards harmony between the sexes.

Sharing the kitchen and living room was not a problem at all. There were no arguments over washing up, cooking or laundry. We could always resolve any issues over the TV channel or which series to stream. When one or the other of us brought a date back for sexy time, the other one was always polite enough to find somewhere else to be that evening.

In the old times, we would probably be at that stage of life where we'd each rent individual studio apartments, but in this age of a tight property market, the only affordable option was to share a unit. We had separate bedrooms of course, but there was a single shared bathroom. And that became the focus of our only real dispute.

Margot had a total fixation with a clean bathroom. I mean a total obsession. She wanted a dry floor, and wanted the shower glass completely clear with no streaks, and none of that white scaly stuff. I thought her demands were over the top, but I didn't want the bother of an argument so I just sucked it up. It just meant that I used my towel to wipe the floor and the shower after I dried myself. No biggie. Just a bit more laundry.

Her real hygiene complex was a clean toilet. She demanded a flush every single time and absolutely no skid marks. She even made a criticism if there was a bad smell afterwards. I tried my hardest, but she would scowl and make grumpy comments. The worst part, according to her, was when I'd left any urine splashes on the floor. I didn't even know that I'd done it. Maybe it was the middle of the night. Maybe it was just some water that splashed out when the toilet was being flushed.

Margot and I led somewhat separate lives, but once a week we would host a traditional dinner that we'd call 'the family meal', even though there were no members from either of our families that would attend. Rather, it was a convention where we'd cook a fancy dinner, sit properly at the dining table, and always socialize afterwards with a corny old movie. Sometimes it was just the two of us, but more often than not we'd invite a friend or two to join in.

One particular Sunday evening we were hosting our family meal and Margot had invited her friend Tonia from college. Our guest had been kind enough to bring a bottle of red to complement our chardonnay and as a special bonus, she also brought a full bottle of expensive scotch for entertainment during the film. The tradition was always to share everything on family meal night -- what's mine is yours as they say -- so I was looking forward to partaking in the scotch without feeling guilty. I didn't realize at the time just how far the sharing was going to extend that night.

Another tradition of family night is to dress up. I don't mean full formal attire -- our guidance is just to dress in something 'nice'. Margot wore her long dark floral dress, which really complemented her flowing brunette locks. I wore a tee-shirt with trousers, which might sound a bit casual, but the tee had no holes at all and I only wear shorts at other times.

It's always interesting to see how our guests interpret the 'nice' clothing instruction. Tonia wore a white linen shirt, which was buttoned low to reveal some appealing cleavage, and she knotted the tails to show off her tanned midriff and pierced navel. She wore tight denim shorts, but the sexiest part of her outfit were the rainbow striped socks that extended all the way above her knee-line. She had arrived in wedges but kicked them off at the door and as she padded around I marveled at how socks that covered up so much could be so darn hot.

Like Margot, Tonia was also enrolled in a postgraduate degree in literature but hers was a serious research Masters, studying the influence of Donna Tartt on the modern American psyche. She banged on about her novels and essays over dinner, but I didn't really absorb a lot of it, instead becoming mesmerized by her wavy blonde locks and cute smile.

Margot cooked us a fantastic roast with all the trimmings. Our deal was that whoever did the cooking got the night off from washing up, so sink duty was assigned to me. The girls retired to the living room and annexed the best parts of the sofa to drink, chat and prepare the movie while I did the dishes.

I filled the sink, which gave me the urge to wee, especially with that wine and a full belly, so I did a quick bathroom stop, ensured to wash my hands thoroughly, and returned to the kitchen duties.

I knew how dangerous it was to drink straight spirits for an entire evening, so I organized myself a bottle of chilled water that I kept on the floor beside the couch. I made sure to alternate drinks all night - scotch, water, scotch, water, and so on.

The girls had selected "Along Came Polly" as the movie for the night which was a typical old-school rom-com girls' selection. I slouched into the recliner while the girls huddled on the sofa. We watched the film, drank scotch continually, and chatted during the slow bits. I could tell that the girls were becoming more intoxicated as the movie wore on - their guffaws were becoming louder and their comments less inhibited.

We came to a long scene in the movie where Ben Stiller and Alec Baldwin are interacting in the men's bathroom and end up side by side at the urinal. Margot and Tonia seemed to get excited and giggly at this scene for some reason, and they noticeably shifted to get closer to the screen to see exactly what was going on.

"Do you reckon they really look across at each other's dicks?" asked Margot.

"I don't know. We've got a guy here - why don't we ask him!" replied Tonia, looking at me. "Well?"

"Well what?" I remarked, not really sure where their questioning was going.

"Do guys really avoid looking across?" asked Tonia.

"Yeah, for sure," I replied. It was definitely my philosophy.

Tonia said wistfully, "I wish we could take a leak standing up."

Margot interjected like Tonia had said something wrong, but the anger lay with me, not her. "What, and piss over the floor like him?"

Tonia looked at Margot and tried to silence her friend with a "Shush".

Margot explained. "Tonia went to the toilet earlier Magnus, and she stood in your piss."

"What piss?"

"I don't know. Sometime between dinner and when Tonia went for a pee."

I looked to Tonia and was struck by guilt, just noticing her bare legs for the first time. Oh no. I pictured her pretty long socks soaking up the mess on the bathroom floor.

She looked at me with a raised brow that conveyed "I didn't want to raise it, but yes, and it was gross". At least, that was my interpretation, and as a result I felt pretty embarrassed and a bit ashamed, even though I hadn't intentionally done it.

"Sorry," I apologized to Tonia.

"It's OK," she replied, with a smile, and an unexpected tipsy giggle.

Margot wasn't going to let it go. "How hard can it be? It's a pretty big bowl. It must take a lot of effort to miss by that far."

They were both a bit drunk and they laughed each time they flung an insult my way, but Margot was definitely suppressing a bit of frustration.

"I wish I could see what goes wrong," Margot continued.

Tonia retorted, "It must be like this." She thrust her hips forward and spun them around in an exaggerated way, which I actually found to be really sexy, like I imagined she would thrust her hips up to me if we were fucking.

"Why don't you come and see then?" I offered, blurting out an invitation before I'd really thought it through.

"What?" questioned Margot, unbelieving, and probably hinting that she'd been insulted.

"OK," responded Tonia before the offer got revoked.

"I've got to go anyway. Why don't you come and see what goes on," I explained.

Tonia shot to attention like a soldier. "Come on Margot," she said excitedly, extending a hand. "Let's go find out something new."

Margot remained slumped in the sofa. "I'm not sure this is a good idea," she said to no-one. Then she looked straight at me. "Promise me you're going to clean up any mess that comes out of this."

"I promise." What mess? What could go wrong? I led the way to the bathroom with the girls following, and I noticed that Tonia whispered in Margot's ear as we headed down the hallway.

The bathroom had one of those layouts that crowds everything into a small space. Against the back wall was a combination shower-bath with a glass screen spanning half of the width. There was a small basin and vanity in one corner and in the other corner was the toilet itself.

I walked up to the loo and lifted the lid and seat together to Margot's cheeky commentary, "Ah - very interesting - lifting the seat - very good. Let's see if he puts it back."

I shuffled backward, and invited the girls to crowd around to watch the routine unfold. I could tell that Tonia was keen, and it was pleasing to see Margot maintained interest. The women passed around from behind me to position themselves on each side of the pan. Margot stood on the wall side, scooting past the loo paper dispenser. Tonia squeezed into the other side, with the vanity just behind her.

"This is cozy," said Tonia, and they both let out a nervous giggle.

The scotch must have brought out a bit of exhibitionism in me, because I didn't feel any reluctance to unzip my pants and pull out my dick in the presence of the girls. They both made a cooing noise in unison as they looked down to my member.

"OK, here it comes," I announced a little prematurely. I tried to push out a wee but there was nothing but bated silence in the room. The girls giggled, then they laughed loudly.

"Is this what stage fright is all about? No wonder you don't look at each other's dicks!" squealed Tonia. "Nothing happens if someone's watching!"

I felt a little embarrassed as I was the headline act but not delivering. Eventually a weak dribble emerged and dripped onto the porcelain at the front of the bowl.

"Ah ha! I told you. It is you making the messes," declared Margot.

"No Margot. This is not a normal situation. But anyway, I never denied it."

Silence returned and the girls continued staring at my dick. Margot broke the stillness with another quip. "I think they only use the little dick when they're going for a wee. I like the other dick. The big one they use for fucking." Tonia laughed and agreed. I remained embarrassed with a little dick in my hand and a piss hiding from its audience.

I pulled back my foreskin a little. I find that helps sometimes to get the stream started. The girls noticed my action and they were fascinated, so it formed the next topic for their conversation.

"Ohh look Margot!" exclaimed Tonia, pointing. "He's poking his little face out to take a look around before he does his wee."

"What do you mean?" Margot asked her friend.

"It's as if his head is all tucked away like a turtle. And he's come out of the shell - out of his foreskin to look around. Snappy Turtle. That's what we can call it!" Tonia found her own joke hilariously funny.

"No you can't," said Margot. It seemed that maybe she was a bit protective and maybe she was on my side. "Because - just because. That's a stupid name for a willy."

"Suit yourself," said Tonia, and she just continued to stare at my dick like a little girl gazing longingly into the window of a candy store.

After a few more agonizing moments without any action, Tonia asked, "Can I hold it?"

"When, now?"

"No, when it's in action. So I can be like a firefighter holding your big firehose." I know that I'm only average size, so I detected that she was just trying to ingratiate herself with me.

"You know," I said, "they usually have two firefighters holding the hose, because they are so powerful."

"Oh, get over it," said Margot rolling her eyes. "You couldn't even fit two hands on that little pecker!" The girls giggled again.

The room fell back into silence while I concentrated, and they watched in anticipation. I could feel the pressure welling from inside of me, and I finally felt my bladder and urethra relax. The pee started in a nice firm stream that sparkled with the light and splashed straight into the bowl.

"Yay!" exclaimed Tonia, and Margot just laughed along. I found it a strange situation, for two girls to be getting so excited about a man's urine stream.

The piss was a very pale colour, almost transparent, and projected in a neat laminar flow. Tonia reached across with an open palm. "Can I," she asked and gently held the shaft of my cock as I released my own grip.

"I can feel it. I can feel the liquid moving on the inside. Wow!"

Tonia's fingers on my manhood offered a firm but gentle touch, but what was even more satisfying was the look of joy and fascination on her face as she watched the piss squirting out.

She pulled my foreskin back a little more. The stream transitioned to that familiar swirl that creates a turbulent flow from the outset. But as she drew the skin back a little further, it changed the geometry of my opening and the beam split into two separate channels. She panicked, not knowing what to do. I did not react to offer any assistance - she had taken responsibility for my dick, so she could deal with it.

"Fuck! Now there's two streams. What did I do?"

She tried hard to adjust the angle of my cock so that both streams would aim into the bowl, but it was impossible. She just had to choose one or the other side to sacrifice. Of course, Tonia elected for the stream on her side to go into the bowl, meaning that the other stream angled out of the toilet and onto Margot's dress.

"Fuck Tonia, what are you doing? Yuck!" exclaimed Margot. She tried to extricate herself, but she was wedged into the corner. It was a tight little spot already, and my positioning and the toilet paper dispenser prevented her escape.

She screwed up her eyes, turned her face away and cried, "Make it stop!"

I tried my hardest to close off my bladder and suck the wee back in, and my stream diminished quickly, reducing to just a couple of drops. I'd held it back for the moment, but I wouldn't be able to hold it forever.

"Fuck Margot, did you see that?" said Tonia with mischief sparkling in her eyes. "That was so fucking hot. I had no idea that was even possible. Imagine, he could be pissing onto both of us at the same time."

"What are you talking about?" retorted Margot with an insulted tone.

"Yeah, I'm finding this really fucking sexy," said Tonia looking into my eyes. "Can you keep holding it in Magnus?"

"Yeah sure," I replied, not actually sure how much longer I could hold back my interrupted wee with a burgeoning bladder.

"You've got good pelvic control there. You know girls really need to train those pelvic floor muscles with babies and all that. You're a natural," she complimented.

Tonia had been staring at my cock, intrigued with the process. When she was sure that the piss had completely stopped, she looked up at me with her big wide eyes and grinned broadly.

"Is that it?" she asked. "Can I shake it now?"

Obviously, she was familiar with the traditional dick-jiggle to shake away the piss, so I nodded to acquiesce. She gave a little gurgling chuckle and looked back down at my dick. In a clumsy kind of way she held it in the midpoint of the shaft and gave it a shake down and up. A final short stream came out from the pent up piss that had remained in my hosepipe. When she shook downward, a splash shot below the bowl and landed near my feet. When she shook upwards, a small spurt flew up and landed across the back of her hand.

"Fuck," exclaimed Margot. "I knew it. There it is - more piss on the floor!"

"Don't worry about it Margot," comforted Tonia, taking a much more reasonable line. "He's going to clean it up anyway." Tonia let go of my dick and became transfixed looking at the droplets of piss on the back of her hand. She twisted her wrist this way and that, balancing the drops as they formed little streams on her skin. Then all of a sudden, like someone sucking the salt for a tequila shot, she put the back of her hand to her mouth and slurped off the residual urine.

She looked at Margot, who had a disgusted look on her face, then looked back to me. "It doesn't have any taste at all," Tonia said in dismay. I was pretty confident that would be the case, given my hydration strategy, but it obviously took the girls by surprise.

"Don't lie," contradicted Margot. "It's gotta be gross."

"No. There's no taste at all," repeated Tonia, returning her hand to her mouth and giving it another lick. "I was expecting something yucky like stinky men's toilets. But it tastes like nothing."

Margot's face betrayed disdain at the whole affair, and my presumption was that she would have preferred to get the hell out of there by now, but for some reason she continued to hang around.

Tonia made a "nup-nup-nup" sound with her mouth, opening and closing a couple of times like she was finishing off a meal. Perhaps she was subconsciously ending an entree and thinking about the main course. Her focus flipped pensively between my face and my peener a few times as if she was concocting a plan.

"Do you think you could do that split stream again?" she asked.

"I guess so," I replied. I didn't really know if I could do it on command. Usually when it happened to me it was unexpected and often resulted in a mess around the toilet.

"Let's do it then. You could do the both of us," suggested Tonia.

"What are you talking about Tonia?" exclaimed Margot.

"Well - I'm thinking that he could do me and you at the same time. I can hold it while he pisses, then you can hold. It'll be fun! C'mon!"

"It doesn't sound like fun to me," said Margot the fun killer, drawing her head back a little like it would help get further away from the distasteful thought.

On the contrary, I thought it sounded fantastic. Having Tonia hold my dick felt intimate and exciting and her enthusiasm at continuing the watersports was a real turn-on. When my piss had streamed onto Margot's dress, I felt an exhilarating jolt all the way up my dick, even though she didn't welcome the splash. And when Margot tasted a bit of my wee, it gave me a real thrill. It had never really been something I'd given much thought, but images of me pissing all over the two girls, on their bodies and into their mouths raced through my mind.