My Sexual Awakening

"You know I'm going to miss you, don't you?" Max, my boyfriend of 5 years looked at me with his big blue puppy eyes. I was leaving the next morning for a six-month internship in Europe. I was in love (or at least I thought I was), but it was time for me to live an amazing experience abroad and make good use of my degree.

"I'll miss you, too. We'll text every day, I promise." He leaned in for a kiss -- innocent at first. He was always so gentle with me. I slipped my tongue between our lips, the kiss went from innocent to passionate and we started breathing faster. I put my arms around his neck while he held me around my waist. He was so much taller than me, so I stood up on my toes and moved closer to his body... just as I was starting to feel a tingle.... He broke the kiss and pulled away from me.

"Max, please... just this once..."

He got up, raked his fingers though his hair in frustration and said "I have to go. You need to get some rest... I'll call you tomorrow morning... I love you, Violet!"

I let out a loud sigh and was left standing there in my living room. I was 23. We had been going out for 5 years... and... and we were both still virgins. As I turned around and went back to my room, I asked myself for the millionth time how was this possible after 5 loooong years?

We were both raised by very religious families, that's how. Sex was a taboo. It wasn't explained, it wasn't discussed; it was just something very mysterious done behind closed doors by husband and wife.

My mother would just hint about it and never in a positive way. It was something a wife "had to do" because husbands "had needs".

"Keep your legs crossed! If you act like a slut, no man will ever want you as his wife. A husband wants to know that he's the only man you've ever been with!" This was her mantra.

"But what about Max and me? We've been together for so long and we're going to get married one day. He loves me. I love him. What difference would it make?" I was desperate to reason with her.

She would just end up getting upset and saying, "Now you listen to me young lady. I haven't sacrificed so much in my life to raise you to be a respectable young lady. He loves you BECAUSE he knows you're pure. Lose your virginity to him and he'll leave you as soon as he cools down! Besides, don't think that there's anything fun about having sex for a woman."

Max's family was very similar to mine. Maybe even worse. His parents were quite upset when they were informed that I was moving for six months. "Could you even IMAGINE??? A young unmarried lady, going to live alone in a big city half way around the world???" his father yelled. His mother cried and said that she'd pray for my pure heart and pure soul to return home just as pure.

Very early on in our relationship, Max made it quite clear that a respectable man needed to respect his future bride. I wanted a college education, so getting married right away was out of the question. He was willing to wait for me, and he would not allow for his carnal desires to get the better of him. So our "dates" basically meant hanging out with chaperons hovering around us.

Lord knows I tried to change his mind. Once I managed to be alone with him at home. My parents got caught in traffic and would be home later than planned. We started kissing. He pushed me down on the sofa. I could feel that he was hard as he started pushing against my leg. I managed to shift my body a little and wrap my legs around him. I pushed my hips against his body and he let out a gasp. His right hand moved up to squeeze my breast... I couldn't take my eyes off of his face and I was desperate to feel something... anything... between my legs. I tried lifting my hips to meet his thrusts and his eyes flew open.

"Violet, I... I'm so sorry!" and he lifted himself off of me.

"Max, please listen to me! There's nothing to be sorry about! We love each other!"

"But you're not my wife!" he blurted out while he was trying to get his breathing back to normal. "We will be married as soon as you return home. Then you will finally be mine."

I thought I loved him because he didn't consider me just a body. That's what I was taught to expect from a man deserving to become my husband.

I spent so many nights awake in bed, in the dark, my hormones making me crazy. I'd let my had slip down between my legs and I'd try to put some pressure down there. I'd push and push until I felt something blow up. I had no idea that was an orgasm. I had no idea what or where my clit was. I didn't know what masturbation was. I had no idea that the amazing "feeling" had anything to do with sex. I wouldn't actually dare touch my bare pussy.

I figured it was something forbidden, otherwise someone would have spoken about it. I thought it was a secret that only I had discovered. I had tried asking questions to my friends, especially to those who already had husbands. But they'd pretend they didn't understand, so I'd be left with more questions than answers. Was I a slut? Was I a sinner???

These were the usual questions going through my head that last night in my bed before leaving for Europe the next day. I thought about that last kiss with Max and I closed my legs and squeezed my muscles. Just one last time, I promised myself again. Let me reach that amazing feeling one last time and I'll never do it again.

After many goodbyes and "remember who you are" from my parents, I set off from this new adventure. I was allowed to have a cell phone so that I could at least text Max and my family to tell them I had arrived. Ten hours later I was finally in what was going to be my home for the next six months.

I was starting an internship in a non-profit organization our church worked with; our pastor's sister, Mrs. Frensch, worked there and she was going to be my supervisor. This was the only reason I was "allowed" this experience in the first place. I was offered a small studio apartment and a minimal stipend for my living expenses. I was due to go to their main office the next morning so I spent my first day cleaning, food shopping, and studying the map of this huge city.

I woke up the next morning more nervous than ever. I knew what I could do to relax and my hand automatically went between my legs. I needed the "feeling" and I hoped it would just happen fast. I started massaging myself hard and fast. I held my breath and finally let out a groan, being it the first time I didn't have to worry about someone hearing me. I had no idea how to define what I felt. I just knew that it felt amazing. Why did no one else know about this?

I got up before I could feel guilty, got ready and went to my new job. I walked up to the receptionist and asked for Mrs. Frensch, gave her my name and told her it was my first day working there. She smiled, picked up the phone, announced me and then told me that someone would come get me shortly.

I was looking around when I heard a deep voice call out my name. I slowly turned around and my heart skipped a beat. Coming towards me was one of the most gorgeous men I had ever laid eyes on. He towered at over six feet, he had dark brown hair, deep blue eyes, full lips and the most amazing smile.

"Pleased to meet you, Violet! I'm Mathias, but you can call me Matt. I will be showing you around today. How was your trip? Is this your first time here?"

It took me a second to remember how to speak after we shook hands. "Uhm, hi, yes, sorry, I guess the jet lag is really getting to me. I was expecting Mrs. Frensch."

Matt looked confused and said, "Oh, no one informed you? Mrs. Frensch broke her leg last week so she won't be here in the office for at least a month. But I promise that you're in good hands and I will teach you everything I know!"

I lowered my head hoping he wouldn't see me blush and kept a few steps behind as I followed him into the office. I couldn't help but notice how fit his body was and the thought sent a tingling feeling down my spine. Just a day away from Max and I'm already noticing another man's body...

"They chose a weird week to make you start your internship. Everyone left for a five-day meeting in our other office up North, so it's just you and me."

I stopped to look around... there was quite a large open space. But it was completely empty.

"Don't get used to this peace and quiet... it's never like this," Matt said turning his head towards me. Then he stopped in front of a door at the very end of a long hallway.

"Here we are! We will be working here."

He let me in a very simple but cozy office and I saw that there were only two desks facing each other. Wait a minute... I'd be spending 8 hours a day for 6 months alone in a room with a man??? Maybe Max' mother was right. Maybe I did need her prayers after all.

Luckily Matt was nothing but a gentleman. He was very professional when explaining to me how the organization worked. He listened to all of my questions and would never lose his patience if he needed to go over something more than once. The only time we would loosen up a bit was during our lunch break. He'd ask me questions about the US, about my family, my studies. I did the same and I would feel myself getting lost in his eyes or staring at his amazing lips, his big strong hands. It didn't take long for me to start wondering what it would be like for our bodies to touch...

But then I'd snap out of it and remember that my future husband was back home waiting for me. We sent short messages to each other every day, usually just a "hello, I miss you," knowing that his parents were checking his phone.

Friday afternoon finally came around. I was getting ready to leave when Matt said, "So, what are your plans for the weekend?"

"Nothing special, I suppose I'll clean my apartment, do some laundry... I sound very boring, don't I?"

Matt let out a laugh and said, "How about this... get your housework out of the way this afternoon. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and take you sightseeing. I promise I'm a good tour guide!"

I gave it a whole two seconds thought and agreed. I figured no one here knew me anyway, so it wasn't like I could get a bad reputation for being seen with a man.

For the rest of the afternoon, I had such a hard time reminding myself that it wasn't a date, that Matt wasn't interested in me. He probably just felt bad that he was basically the only person I knew. I woke up the next morning right in the middle of a dream -- I was sharing an amazing kiss with... with Matt! Yeah right... as if that would ever happen.

I was extra careful getting ready that morning. I chose a flowy blue skirt and a white short sleeved blouse. I stopped short as I was buttoning it all the way up. I stood in front of the mirror and wondered just how many buttons I could leave open. I opted for three -- enough for me to feel naughty since I would have never been allowed to even walk out of my room like that back home without a sweater to cover me up. The shirt also had a sort of bodice type ribbon in the back. I always left it very loose, but this time I tried tightening it, just to show off my figure a little bit. I was used to trying to hide my body so that no one would notice me. Did I want Matt to look? Yes! Would he like what he saw?

I tightened the ribbon once more and I was surprised to see how large my breasts looked. I released one more button. I allowed my fingertips to brush against my nipples but I stopped after a few seconds because I felt them harden under my bra and blouse.

I had just finished letting down my long curls and putting on a little bit of gloss, I was about to button up again and loosen the ribbon, when I heard a knock on my door. With my heart pounding, I went to open. Matt let out a gasp. "Violet! Wow! You look amazing. I hope I don't sound disrespectful, but where have you been hiding yourself?!?!"

I gave out a nervous laugh and said, "Thanks... let me go get my purse..."

I felt his eyes on my body as I walked away; I also felt my body tingle. Is this what it was like to feel sexy?

I realized I had left Matt standing in the doorway but I knew I couldn't invite him it. It would have been too improper. What would he think of me?

As I was locking the door, I saw him look at my blouse. I didn't notice that another button had come undone. Matt was much taller than me, so I realised that he could see my cleavage perfectly. I decided to pretend I didn't notice. I needed to feel sexy. I needed to be looked at.

We ended up spending a very fun day together. Matt was indeed a perfect tour guide and he made sure to explain every monument, including funny anecdotes about his favourite spots. A couple of times he placed his hand on my arm or shoulder to guide me towards whatever it was he wanted to show me. It probably meant nothing to him. To me, it was a completely new experience and I kept telling myself that I shouldn't let my imagination get the best of me.

"Matt, I wanted to thank you for your time this week and today. You have gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome and a less lost!"

He smiled, staring right into my eyes and said, "You are such a breath of fresh air, Violet! I couldn't have asked for a better way to end the week..."

Before I could think of something witty to say, Matt put his hand behind my neck, his fingers raking through my hair. He gently pulled my head up and came closer and closer to me. His body was just centimetres away from mine. I was afraid he could feel my heart pounding in my chest. All I could do was close my eyes and feel his lips gently brush against mine. I opened my lips to his but he pulled away; then he wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me closer. I tried to find his mouth again, but he would just brush his lips gently over and over against mine. I remembered that I had arms and hands of my own; I lifted them from my sides and slid them up his back. I felt him smiling and he finally let his tongue search for mine. I felt a sudden heat between my legs followed by an amazing wetness as he pushed his hardness against me. He started gently biting my lower lip and I was sure to lose my mind. He suddenly stopped and strpped away from me. My eyes flew open... why was this happening to me again?

"Violet... please accept my apology. I don't know what got into me. I'm your supervisor and I don't want you thinking I'm trying to take advantage of you..."

He walked me home and we were both silent the whole way. It wasn't long before we were at my building. The sun was beginning to set and the sky above us looked amazing. I knew that I wasn't able to put into words what I felt. How could I tell him that I WANTED him to take advantage of me. I wanted him to make me feel like a woman. So... all I did was take him by the hand and pull him towards my front door.

"Are you sure?" he whispered in my ear as I put the key in the lock. I turned my head and lightly kissed him.

As soon as we were inside my tiny apartment, I suddenly felt like I was getting cold feet. Just a week ago, I was saying good bye to Max and here I was lusting after another man. Maybe I WAS a slut and a sinner.

Then my thoughts were interrupted by Matt who was behind me, he closed the door with one hand, while moving my hair to one side with his other hand. I tilted my head as I felt him kiss my shoulder, then glide his tongue on my skin, before moving up towards my neck. I raised my arms around his neck once he started nibbling on my earlobe. I tried turning my head towards his mouth, but he pulled away. Confused, I dropped my arms, thinking something was wrong. But he shifted to the other side of my neck, starting from my shoulder, slowly working his way towards my ear. I was afraid that he'd stop in his tracks again, however this time he wrapped both of his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to his body.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I instinctively put my hands on top of his and pushed his palms underneath my blouse. He squeezed both of my breasts in his large hands. My brain was screaming "DON'T STOP!"

I looked down and decided to undo the rest of my buttons. Our breathing was getting faster and the heat between our bodies was rising. In one swift motion, Matt lifted my bra above my breasts and he began caressing every inch of them. Then he suddenly touched my nipples and gave a little pinch.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Matt pinched harder and hissed in my ear, "You are so fucking sexy." He started to guide me towards my sofa. He sat down and pulled me down on his lap. I could feel his hardness pushing against me. He kept kissing my neck from behind, while increasing the pressure on my nipples. I managed to look down and I gasped. I had never seen my nipples so large and hard.

He began to flick my nipples, then squeeze, then flick, then squeeze. Faster and faster. It felt like electricity was running all through my body. I suddenly realised I was moaning, louder and louder. I didn't care if someone could hear me. I felt a pressure in my body that I didn't understand; I was almost scared but it was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. I instinctively squeezed my hands on top of his and pushed my legs together; that sent me over the edge. My whole body shook. There is was... the "feeling"... but stronger than what I had ever felt. After the waves had subsided, I managed to slip off his lap, sitting next to him and to turn to face him for the first time since he came into my apartment. I was still breathing fast. I felt my face blushing. I was beyond embarrassed. What had gotten into me?

Matt broke the ice, "Now I'm sure I have never met anyone like you. I never had a woman orgasm just by touching her nipples. You're more than just sexy..."

Wait... an ORGASM??? A taboo I had just barely ever heard anyone talk about, this mind-blowing "feeling" was an orgasm???

All I could say was, "It was a first for me, too. I didn't think it was possible."

He stood up, turned to face me and I could see a huge bulge in his pants. I bit my lip and reached out to caress it. Matt grabbed my hand, pushed it hard on him and said, "Let's see what else is possible..."

My studio wasn't that big, so it was just a few steps from my bed. Those few steps were enough for that nagging voice in my head warning me: all he wants is sex... he won't respect you once he gets what he wants. I told that voice in my head to shut up. I felt like my body was alive and feeling the pleasure it was meant to feel.

We were in front of the bed facing each other. Matt took his T-shirt off; he went for his belt buckle but I stopped him. "Let me," I whispered. I managed to keep my fingers from fumbling and I undid his belt and the buttons to his jeans. I pushed them down his legs and he stepped out of them. I ran my hands up his body, taking my time to feel every single muscle of his legs, then his abs. I followed my fingers with my eyes and almost gasped when my hands reached his boxers. The head of his penis was sticking out of the elastic and it was bulging underneath his bellybutton. I had never seen a naked man so I didn't know what to expect, but I was fascinated. There was a shiny drop of liquid coming out of the hole in his tip. Without even knowing if it was right or wrong, I put my fingertip in the drop and slowly spread it around.

Matt gasped and I pulled my finger away. I looked up at him and said, "Did I do something wrong???"

"Wrong? No no... not at all. Don't stop!"

I shifted my gaze back down, put my fingers inside the elastic of his boxers and pulled them down. I sat on the bed and turned him towards me. I wanted to explore him with my fingertips some more, so I traced his penis from the tip all the way down to the base. I could see thick veins pulsing and followed its trail. I looked up at Matt and his eyes were in a daze, he was breathing in little gasps and his mouth looked hungry. Instinctively, I tried to wrap my hand around his member but it was just too big for my hand. I used both of them; he moved his hips so that his penis moved up and down in my hands.