My Year with Michelle Ch. 01

"Hah, that's nervy. Which one was it?"

"There's at least one with a strong incest theme -- very explicit in fact."

"Yes, I'm sure I've seen it; the one with the mom in a dominatrix outfit at the end?"

"Right, that's the one."

Michelle was looking steadily at me, and I knew she was gauging how I'd react to discussing sexual topics. But again, I had plenty of past banter with Nora to give me some confidence for that conversation. Plus, I had seen the whole Weird Section and naughty nun situation develop first-hand.

I said, "It wasn't external pressure that ended it, even though we had people like Senator Buckley after us. It was an internal revolt on the staff that did them in."

"They couldn't have actually been offended, were they?"

"No, it was more like they had the idea -- I'd call it an illusion -- that they could get future jobs from their clippings, and being associated with masturbating nuns was a bad career move."

I was reluctant to mention it, but I had been part of the "rebel" faction too, and for somewhat the same reason. My Catholic upbringing had long since lapsed by then.

What I was worried about was that the paper would be shut down and I'd have nothing to do on campus but go to class. At a commuter school like CCNY, The Salient and the four other papers filled in the social role that fraternities and sororities did at other colleges. Yet it seemed to make me look gutless if I admitted to such concerns.

I went on, "So those guys miscalculated about what a controversial mix sex and religion is. Also, the two ringleaders were seniors, so they were lame ducks anyway." I remembered something else. "You saw that mealy-mouthed half-apology we published in September?"

It said, Hopefully, The Salient will continue to print material relevant to our lives as students and individuals while observing a self-defined standard of good taste.

Good taste! I was sure that had been written by our new news editor Lilith, a person I was already beginning to distrust. I added, "I think the two Bobbies hated us." The two guys had the same first name. "In a column one of them wrote, he called us the 'young upstarts.' "

Yet Michelle wasn't dissuaded. "Still, it sounds like it could be fun to be on the staff. I was already thinking of joining."

For a moment I wondered if that date was more about her joining the paper than it was about any genuine interest in me. But that was okay, I realized. Having her around the office a lot would give me more time to get to know her better.

I decided to be gracious about it. "If you wish, I could bring you up there and introduce you around." That seemed easier for her than just walking in cold.

She liked the idea. "Sure, that's great. Let's do it in a couple of days. I'll let you know when a good time for me is." Then she gave me her phone number, which saved me the trouble of asking for it.

For a little while, we talked about our living situations. Back then, there still was truly affordable housing in New York, and some students could obtain an apartment. She had obtained one in Long Island City, which she had briefly mentioned earlier.

"It's the first floor of this ancient wooden house. There's a scrap yard on one side and a machine shop on the other. But it's cheap as hell and actually, well, cozy."

It seemed rude to ask Michelle how she afforded the place, but she readily told me about that. She had a job at a Manhattan company as a typesetter and a paste-up artist. In addition, she was also going to school full-time, and now she wanted to join the paper too. She was obviously an ambitious person.

I didn't say that I had no job and that I was living at home. Of course, if she continued with me, she'd find out all that soon enough. I decided to defer any questions about my own lack of ambition and see what course we took first.

Maybe she was proud of herself because she piled it on a bit. "I also have a car too."

"Really, what is it?"

"It's a 1971 Dodge Coronet. Not too exciting, I know."

But I had no car at all. Nora had bought a used Mustang when I was with her, but that had never bothered me. Now I thought, maybe I need to get my financial act together if I'm looking to meet women at school.

When it came time to leave, Michelle told me she was going to take the E train back to Queens. That stopped under Eighth Avenue, right next to the restaurant.

"I'll ride with you to 53rd Street and then I'll take the D to The Bronx." That would be a brief trip with her and she didn't object.

Just outside the stairs at 23rd she stopped and faced me. I interpreted the look she gave me and I thought, she wants you to kiss her. Go ahead, the worst that could happen is that she'll push you away.

I stepped forward and gently removed her glasses and put them in my shirt pocket. Then I held her lower arms and kissed her; she kissed back. It was only for a couple of seconds, but it seemed warm and genuine on her part. If was if we were signaling to each other, this has gone very well and I want to see you again.

When I stepped back, we looked away from each other. I didn't comment on the kiss, but I just said, "Okay, let's get the E." On the train, she agreed to meet with me again on the following day.

At 53rd Street, she stayed in her seat while I got off. I looked back at her and she smiled and waved at me. She sure is cute and she seems pretty calm compared to Nora's roiling emotions. Then I watched the red taillights of her train disappear into the tunnel.

I truly relaxed for the first time since I had met her in the snack bar; I didn't realize how tense I had been. My first "date" with Nora back in June -- my first date with any girl in fact -- had been very emotionally and sexually intense. In contrast, those couple of hours with Michelle had been quite different -- conventional, I'd call them.

I felt pretty upbeat, however. It seemed that I had done pretty well for myself.

*****

In a couple of days, I escorted Michelle up to join the paper. It wasn't like the dramatic entrance Nora had performed for me in September. There was a smattering of staff members there, and they seemed surprised that I had so suddenly introduced a new girl.

One of them was Nora, who was seated in front of her favorite Smith-Corona near the windows. She stood up and came over to where we were sitting. As she remained standing she said, "Hello, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm Nora Meara." She wasn't smiling.

Michelle replied with something like, "Pleased to meet you, I'm Michelle Hanley. Ah, I just joined the staff. Paul invited me to come here."

"Yes, I can see that." Then she gave her first hint of humor. "It's more -- call it eventful here then on, say, The Campus." That was our rival paper than had been around since early in the century.

"Oh yeah, I saw what you printed last year. The nun and all that."

"So you must be a sophomore too?"

Then they chatted briefly, and I think Nora wished her good luck before going back to her seat by the windows.

I understood that Nora had assumed that I was now going with Michelle, and she was curious about who I had landed with in the wake of being dumped by her. I was grateful that she didn't mention some things, like the brief amount of time she had been on the paper or in fact anything to do with her relationship with me.

Nora could be discreet when she wanted to, and she seemed to hold no grudge against me. Rather, she probably respected the relatively calm way I had handled my sudden dismissal from her life.

She had been a bit cold perhaps during all that -- transactional I'd say. She simply had found an older guy with far better career prospects than I offered.

And she didn't mention he own checkered past. That was one thing her new beau also knew nothing about. I had helped her, I guess, transition from being the campus "working girl" to her new life as a normal student. But now that the task was completed, it had become time for me to go.

A little later, Michelle and I sat on a bench on that mild afternoon. The first thing she asked me was, "Nora is your ex, isn't she? She must be the girl you alluded to on the day you met me."

I had learned during my time with Nora how women easily pick up the cues about any social situation, but I was still surprised. "How did you figure that out?"

"Well, you admitted that you had someone on the paper. Then I noticed how she was looking at us, and especially how you were looking at her."

I almost said, and how was I looking at her?, but I knew I shouldn't ask that. Instead, I just nodded. Michelle decided to briefly explain. "It was obvious that you know her well, know her intimately in fact." That I had until recently been banging her, was what she meant.

I also didn't mention that Nora had a new lover. That would have made it plain that she had made the decision to break up, and I didn't want Michelle to know that.

Maybe I had made a mistake to have both my old and new girlfriends on the same paper. But The Salient was becoming important to me, more so than even attending the college itself. I couldn't imagine doing it anything differently.

That was the last that Michelle said about Nora that day. I was glad she didn't ask me any further problematic questions about how I had met Nora or even how long she had been on the staff.

*****

Nora herself was not shy about inquiring about my new girlfriend. I was about to find out that Nora was now somewhat less than a friend but more than an acquaintance. For the first time since our breakup, she wanted to know about my personal life. Later on, she would sometimes discuss her own problems. It was all fine with me.

About two days after Michelle joined, Nora was in the office with me. She came over and said, "Come on, let's get a soda or coffee. I want to talk to you." There was no indication about what she wanted to know, but I had a pretty good idea of what it would be. She led me to the snack bar on the next floor downstairs.

For a moment as we sat there facing each other, I just looked at her. That woman had been a vivid part of my imagination for about five months and then a major part of my life for four more. Now I would have to deal with her on some new level.

Nora usually said what was on her mind, and her first statement was, "So guys do make passes at girls who wear glasses, like me, for example. But you certainly worked fast, I mean with this Michelle person."

My reply was completely superfluous, "What makes you think I'm involved with her?"

"Oh come on, you don't just invite random girls to join the paper. Where did you meet her, anyway?"

"Right here, in this room."

She found that amusing, "So thus you returned to the scene of your first success." What I thought would be my first date with Nora, but it really wasn't, had taken place in that same lackluster cafeteria a few months earlier. "So how did you get her, or pick her up I should say?"

"I just sitting here, and she was standing around looking for a place to sit I guess. So I invited her to sit with me."

"Very good; simple, direct, and to the point. You must have learned something from me after all."

"I learned a lot from you, Nora."

"Yes, you never forget the girl who busted your cherry, do you?" Usually, she said, "your first girl," but sometimes she was blunter just for the impact it would have. "From looking at her, I'd say you've done quite well."

"You think she's pretty?"

"Nothing extraordinary but, yeah, she's nice enough." Nora could be vain at times, and she was using a bit of a put-down to make herself look better. I already knew that she liked to gossip, and this new girl was a good source for that.

Yet, I was relaxed when talking to her anyway. Now that she was my ex, I felt it didn't matter what she thought of me. She still tolerated me enough to have a conversation with me, and that was okay.

She quickly followed up with, "So where is this chick from, anyway?"

"You must know Bayside. She's a Queens girl like you are."

"I certainly do know it; so she's one of those little Bayside princesses."

I teased her a bit, "Nora, I know you pretty well. Your social insecurities are showing." She was from Maspeth, a working-class neighborhood at the opposite end of the borough. I almost said, besides, you think of yourself as a queen, not a princess.

Anyway, she understood the status hierarchies of Queens neighborhoods, and she squinted at me. I added, "Besides, she has an apartment in Long Island City now." That was adjacent to Maspeth.

"And how does she afford that?" Nora was still living in her uncle's house.

"She has a job, of course. It's at a typesetting company downtown, in Chelsea."

"You know, Paul, she sounds like an ambitious type, and you don't have a job at all." That had already occurred to me. "You might think of upping your financial game a bit if you want to hold on to her. I mean, you saw what happened with us."

"I thought Mister Triumph convertible was paying for everything now." That was a bit gratuitous, but I knew who she had left me for.

Nora got a bit huffy. "I make my own money, thank you very much, and now it's all completely legitimate."

"Sort of what the Corleone family was aiming for."

"For a quiet guy, you can be quite a smart-ass at times." Then she came as close to offering an apology as she ever had. "I really don't have anything personal against you."

I was still on The Godfather angle, "So it wasn't personal, it was just business."

That made her angry, but she contained it. "That's the way the world works, my dear; that's the way men and women relate to each other."

"I get it, a better deal came along and you took it."

"Right, and what of it? That's another thing you should have learned from me. I don't know why I'm bothering with this, but I've been trying to give you advice about Michelle. Just don't take her for granted."

Nora was not a heartless person, but she sometimes ragged on me about my faults. Maybe I needed it a times. I said, "I never took you for granted."

"Oh yes, you did. While I was busting my ass in fast food places and then in offices, what were you doing all summer?"

"You know, I had a job as a messenger."

"Big deal; four hours a day, and then you quit three weeks before the term began. Did it ever occur to you to just keep working at it this semester? I know, you have all that important reporting and writing to do."

She doesn't know yet that Michelle owns a car too. Nora had bought her 1970 Mustang over the summer. Then she asked me, "Have you been out to her place yet?"

"No, but I expect it will be soon."

"I see, taking your time. Unlike our whirlwind affair." She smiled, and I knew she was teasing me.

"Somehow whirlwind doesn't describe it."

We chatted for a short while longer, and then she said, "I think we've covered about everything." She got up to leave.

"I'm going to stay here a while and relax."

"Suit yourself."

As she got up and turned around, I noticed the tight black trousers she had on. Sometimes I think women have eyes in the back of their heads because, like Michelle, she stopped and turned back. "You're going to watch me go, aren't you? I know you have an intense interest in female rear ends."

"You do look great. I'll close my eyes, okay?"

"I don't care what you do." Then she turned again and unmistakably shook her ass at me. "Notice that I don't have a VPL."

"How did you manage that?"

"You know, there are only a few possible ways to do it."

"Knowing you, I'll assume it's merely a thong."

She shook her finger at me just as Michelle had done about a week earlier. "And knowing you, you're going to be dating Michelle and then whacking off while imagining me. So dream on honey, whatever works for you."

When she was gone, I sat there with another snack bar erection. Maybe it's true that nineteen-year-old guys are at their sexual peak.

I remembered every wild thing that I had ever done with Nora, and I knew I missed her. So what would Michelle be like in bed? Or in a car, in a park, on a rooftop, in a restroom stall or, once, on a stalled late-night subway train. One time I had watched Nora masturbate in the back seat of a bus headed for New Jersey. She was thoughtful enough to give me a handjob on the trip back.

In a little less than three years, we'd both graduate, but until then I'd probably have to deal with her unless she quit the paper. At least she seemed willing to talk to me, and I knew her jibes were more tongue-in-cheek rather than outright nasty.

Meanwhile, I supposed I'd know what Michelle desired from me soon enough.

######

The Salient was based on a real student paper at City College, and the masturbating nun drawings and the R. Crumb cartoons did appear in it. See "The Past is a Foreign Country."