Never Cum Again

Her name is not important however I dream about being her bitch. I am writing this to her and about her to explain to her my sick perverted desires. Although she already knows them, she does nothing. I masturbate thinking about her degrading me, taking me and making me a whore. I jerk off to the thought of dressing up in lingerie while she straps on a big plastic cock and fucks my ass. I would even suck on it afterwards if she bade me to. I chicken out whenever it even has a chance of happening. I have dressed up in front of her before and had sex with her dressed all in red, but this is different. This time I want to be owned, if even only for a night.

I want to lose my inhibitions and have her ride me, to grab my hips and plow deep inside me. I have jerked off over many things throughout the years. When I was younger my biggest turn on was two girls, now I am older, I want to be sissified. I imagine myself being told by my Mistress to suck whatever she puts in front of me. It starts with a carrot, then a cucumber, finally followed by a plastic dildo until I imagine a real cock sliding between my lips. Each time she smile and urges me on. I make her proud as she fingers herself watching me and cleaning them with my mouth. Although this is all fantasy I wonder what would happen if she were to just take charge into my home and not give me a choice.

This fantasy occurs sometimes while I dress up to look the part with my own little collection of fuck me clothes. I place on garters and thigh highs along with a five inch heel. Other times I am totally naked lying in the tub with a finger up my ass lubricating it each time with my mouth. Eventually I can taste the shit on my finger which only makes me feel that much more of a sissy. I want to stop, I want to pull away and not be like this anymore, but I can't. I am just turned on that much more and I wish my Mistress was watching me.

Other times I jerk off imagining she is fucking two guys. I am dressed on my knees wearing my own strap on cock this way when it is my turn to fuck her I do not cum after only seconds. I watch as the two guys she is with pleases her and cum inside her. She is glistening when she commands me to come over and clean her. I do as ordered. I bow my head between her legs tasting the juices left behind as I hear her sweet voice telling me what a grateful cum puppy I am. My dick pushes against the plastic cock harder as I lap faster pleased that I am making her happy.

I dream that she makes me service a guy or two. She makes them shove their cocks in my mouth and I am only allowed to beg for more. My ass is spread open and my mouth agape by the huge pieces of flesh tearing me apart ruthlessly. Tears escape my eyes as she watches them violate me. My cock hard and dripping with pre-cum shows my excitement mixing with my fear. She allows them to cum inside me and I feel the warmth explode through me.

These are just some of the fantasies I incur on myself. She has asked me what I would like and how she could help me but I am embarrassed. I shiver at the though of telling her in person and I chicken out. After she leaves I want to tell her how bad I want to be owned, to be controlled, spanked and used. My problem is after I cum, my rational is restored, I am no longer a cock whore I am just me. I am writing this for her to read. I am writing this for all to read, to get opinions and thoughts and encouragement to just do it. To bow down before her and eat cum from her pussy that she demands I place there, or maybe to get advice to just get help.

Maybe I can do all of this if she doesn't let me cum. Maybe I can play in my own shit and piss like a naughty puppy slut. Maybe I can suck clean a dildo or cock from my ass. Maybe I can have a wave of cum come over me, or maybe I can dress up and be her little sissy slut if I never cum again.