Never in a Thousand Years

The characters in this story were 18 years old when they first engaged in sexual activities.

September 1984

"Ten bucks says Heather won't date you," Jeff said, smirking, as he pulled a $10 bill out of his wallet.

Brian and Shawn each slapped their ten on top of Jeff's.

I responded, "Wait a minute, if she won't go out with me, I'm out 30 bucks, but each of you are only out ten."

"So? If she does go out with you, you'll get 30 bucks. All you have to do is turn on your charm. Seems like good odds to me," Jeff said.

"Yeah, right." Being a computer nerd who'd only had a couple blind dates that didn't go well, my ability to charm women was sorely lacking.

* * *

It all started one day at lunch in my high school cafeteria. I was sitting across from Brian, Jeff, and Shawn, all juniors like me on the track team, at a lunch table when four girls across the cafeteria caught my eye. Actually, it was one particular girl who attracted my attention--I'd admired her since the semester began. She reminded me of a younger version of Julie Andrews, but with a ponytail.

Brian had me asked a question, and when I didn't respond, turned to see who I was staring at so intently. He asked, "Earth to Mike--which one are you interested in?"

I answered, "The new girl--Heather Fuchs."

Shawn, always being inappropriate, responded, "You pronounced her last name, 'Fox,' but if you look at how she spells it, it looks like 'Fucks.'"

Ignoring his vulgar insinuation, "That's because it's a German name that means 'fox.' But no matter how she spells it, I'd like to date her."

Jeff laughed, "You're dumber than I thought--she's an 'ice princess.' I haven't heard of any guy being able to get a date with her. There's a rumor she's a lesbian."

"I sit next to her in my English class and she seems nice," I said.

That's when each of my three friends pulled out $10 and offered a bet that I couldn't get a date with her.

After waiting about a minute to think it over, I said, "Okay, you're on."

They didn't know I'd overheard Heather mention to one of her friends that she joined the chess club. The chess club didn't have many members--mostly nerdy guys, like me, and a few girls. They ate their lunches together and talked incessantly about chess, except for Heather, who ate with two or three of her girlfriends--I'd had my eye on her for awhile.

I'd have joined the chess club myself, but I was busy every afternoon after school. Three days a week, I ran on the school track, with 400 meters as my specialty. Our track coach recommended we stay in shape by running, even during the off season. My goal revolved around getting a sports scholarship to college since my family didn't have a lot of spare cash. I spent my other after-school afternoons and Saturdays working at a local computer store.

It took until the next day when I had an opportunity to meet Heather in our English class. I said to her, "I know you're in the chess club, but I couldn't join because I have an after-school job and I'm on the track team. I'd like to improve my chess game and wondered if you'd help me?"

Heather raised an eyebrow while her bright blue eyes seemed to bore right through me. She asked, "What's your rating?"

"Rating?"

"Yes, your Chess Federation rating."

"I don't have a rating. I'm simply an amateur and I'd like to learn how play better."

At that point, our teacher walked into the room and called the class to order. Heather whispered, "See me after class."

I sat through the entire boring English class thinking about the $30 I'd have to pay Shawn, Jeff, and Brian.

At the end of class, I stayed behind as Heather stopped to speak to me. "I want to talk to my parents before I agree to help you."

I thought to myself she really didn't want to tutor me in chess. She was probably stalling for time.

At lunch that day, Jeff asked, "Well Romeo, have you asked her for a date yet?"

"Not exactly, but I'm working on it."

Jeff, Brian, and Shawn ribbed me unmercifully the rest of lunch period about my "romance" with Heather Fuchs.

The next day Heather spoke to me after English class. "My mother wants to meet you before I mentor you in chess."

Since she had an "ice princess" reputation, I really didn't want to meet her mother. But I had $30 bet at stake, and I'd have to go along with Heather's demands. Heather tore out a notebook page and wrote her phone number and address on it. Below that, she'd written, "Call me after 7 PM."

At my next lunch with the guys, I had to explain I was still working on getting a date with Heather.

Later that Friday evening, I called the number she gave me. Her mother answered the phone and I asked for Heather. She came to the phone and we talked about English class, how nice the weather had been, and so on. I finally got around to asking if she'd tutor me in chess.

"Michael, my parents are pretty strict about who I hang out with. Would you be able to come over to meet them tomorrow evening?"

Saturday evening I approached Heather's house, nervous as a mouse in a home full of cats. Heather answered the door and introduced me to her mother, Linda, and to her father, John. They offered me a seat and we chatted a while. Mrs. Fuchs asked about my family. I mentioned Dad worked at the Post Office, and Mom worked as a bookkeeper at Ace Hardware.

I became ill at ease when Mrs. Fuchs asked a number of probing personal questions about my thoughts on women and dating. When I told her I hadn't dated much and thought women should be respected, she eased off a bit. I hadn't expected to get the third degree by visiting Heather. The idea crossed my mind that Linda might have had something to do with Heather's reputation as an "ice princess." What teenage male my age would agree to sit through an interrogation just to get a date with her daughter? Of course, there was also the idea I might make a date with Heather to collect on my $30 bet.

During a lapse in the conversation, I asked Mr. Fuchs where he worked and he said he was a field engineer for IBM.

"That's interesting," I said. "I bought an IBM Personal Computer a couple years ago with money I earned from my paper route. I assume you have one?"

He answered, "No, the Personal Computer division is separate from mine. My work involves installing and troubleshooting mainframe equipment in large data centers. Besides, I don't have any reason to spend a lot of money on a computer just to balance my checkbook."

Smiling, I replied confidently, "There are so many other things a tabletop computer can do. My mother uses an IBM personal computer with accounting software at the hardware store. There are word processing, database, and spreadsheet programs that make it easier to do office and personal work. I've read there's a computer-aided design program that allows an architect to draw blueprints for a building. This past August, IBM released a new computer they call the AT, and it's a lot faster than the Personal Computer, but it costs more."

I continued, "Heather would benefit from using a personal computer for her school work. My word processor saved me a ton of time in writing assignments, and I've used a spreadsheet for my AP statistics class. I was also able to find a job at the Bits & Bytes computer store because of my computer experience."

Mr. Fuchs said, "I'm impressed you know so much about computers as young as you are. If it would help improve Heather's grades, I'd consider it, but I don't know anything about software for it."

"I'd be happy to help with that," I said, with a satisfied smile.

After about half an hour of conversation with Heather's parents, she interrupted them, "Michael stopped by to learn more about playing chess."

Heather led me to her family's den where a small table stood with an inlaid wood chess board, and a carved wood, Staunton chess set sitting on it. A chess clock sat off to the side.

"You can be white since you're the guest, and let's dispense with the clock since we're just playing for fun," she said.

I began by pushing my king's pawn two squares ahead. Heather pulled out a chess score sheet and recorded my move. Then Heather made her move and wrote it on her score sheet. I watched her scrunch up her nose as she considered her possible future moves. Although it wasn't a real date, spending time with a girl as smart and pretty as she was made my heart beat faster.

Within half a dozen moves, I was in deep trouble. Heather took no prisoners--she played with a slash and burn strategy. She captured one of my knights, then I lost my queen. I could have played on, but without the queen, it was a losing cause, so I conceded the game after 14 moves. Maybe I'd spent too much time watching her and too little paying attention to the chessboard.

After my quick defeat, Heather reset the pieces on the chess board. She showed me where I'd made my first major mistake by not protecting my knight. Second, she pointed out my next mistake by moving my queen where it could be attacked.

Heather's mother frequently checked on us. She first asked if we'd like a soft drink. A little later, she brought some pretzels. Initially, it seemed nice of her to offer us snacks, but the look on her face appeared as if she'd sucked a lemon. It seemed she didn't trust one, or both of us.

We played a second game. This time, Heather explained why she moved her chess pieces where she did, then demonstrated how I could counter her moves.

Awhile later, Heather's mother popped in to see how our chess game was going. Heather just rolled her eyes when her mother left.

As 10 PM arrived, I decided to leave, not wanting to overstay my welcome. I'd enjoyed spending the evening with Heather and hoped she'd be willing to tutor me again.

Heather's parents were watching TV as I prepared to leave. Mr. Fuchs said to me, "Mike, I've considered what you said about a computer, and if I buy one, I'd like to talk to you about teaching Heather and me how to use it."

"Yes sir, I'd be happy to help you, and I think it's a good decision to purchase one. Be sure you order one with two floppy drives and extra memory." I looked forward to spending more time with his good-looking daughter.

The following Monday, Heather told me her father had talked to someone he worked with who owned an IBM Personal Computer and they convinced him to get one. I still hadn't had a date with Heather, but I could see I was getting closer to winning my bet with Jeff, Shawn, and Brian.

Of course my friends wanted to know if I'd had a date with Heather yet. I said that I'd been to her house and met her parents on Saturday evening.

"That doesn't count," Brian said. "Our bet was that you'd go on a date with her."

"I'm still working on that," I said.

Jeff growled, "We need to put a time limit on the bet. Otherwise we'll graduate from high school, and you still won't have had a date with her."

I answered, "Give me a couple more weeks. It's going to take a while to get an ice princess to thaw out."

Shawn pounded the table with his fist, "Okay, two weeks--but that's it"

I probably wouldn't have pushed Heather for a date after the experience I'd had meeting her mother, but there was that $30 hanging in the balance. So, I decided it was time to go for broke.

That evening, I finally got up enough nerve to call and asked, "Heather, I'd like to ask you for a date on Saturday night. Maybe we could get a pizza and then see a movie?"

"Just a minute," Heather answered, then I heard her speaking to her father in the background. Then she answered, "Yes."

Well, at least I'd get $30 for my effort. The next day Jeff gave me an evil smile as he asked if I had asked Heather for a date.

"Matter of fact, I have a date for a pizza and then a movie on Saturday night," I said, with all the confidence I could muster.

The three of them looked at me in wonder. "How'd you swing that?" Brian asked.

"You just have to be smooth when you ask a girl out," I said.

Shawn scowled, "We want proof."

I recalled Dad had a Polaroid camera in the closet, so I responded to Shawn with, "Would a photo of me with Heather be proof enough?"

The three of them looked at each other for several seconds. Then Jeff shrugged and said, "It's okay by me if Shawn and Brian agree."

* * *

Saturday evening I showed up at Heather's house wearing a sports jacket and tie. I may have been overdressed, but I wanted to impress not only Heather, but also her parents. Linda met me at the door and invited me inside. She told me Heather was still getting ready.

I asked Mr. Fuchs if he'd gotten his computer. He said he'd ordered one, but it hadn't arrived yet. He further mentioned he'd ordered IBM DOS as the operating system. We spent several more minutes discussing what other kinds of software he needed. I suggested he stop by the Bits & Bytes computer store and I'd demonstrate the WordPerfect word processor and the Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheet.

At that point, Heather came downstairs wearing a white blouse and a sky blue skirt which matched her eyes. She wore her hair down and curled--different from the ponytail that she usually wore. I thought she looked even prettier than at school.

Now that I was assured I'd won my bet, I figured we'd go to Lou Malnati's Pizza. It was more expensive than Pizza Hut, but their pizza was rated among the best Chicago pizza restaurants in town, and I'd have an extra $30 to play with.

Heather and I shared a deep dish pizza. She told me she'd never had a better pizza, which made me feel good about taking her there.

Since we only had two theaters in our area, over our pizza, we discussed our choices: 'The Right Stuff' or 'National Lampoon's Vacation.' We settled on 'Vacation.'

During our meal, we had a lively conversation. Her humor, vivacious personality, and bubbly laughter immediately endeared her to me. Cupid's arrow had hit me squarely in the heart.

I asked Heather what she planned to do after graduation. She said she wanted to get a nursing degree at 'U of I' as the University of Illinois is called locally. She mentioned she volunteered at Northwest Community Hospital as one of the Candy Stripers in order to learn about nursing.

I said I hoped to get an athletic scholarship at Stanford or Princeton studying computer science, but if I didn't do well in next spring's track meets, I might wind up at U of I, too.

Our evening out went reasonably well. I learned that besides chess, Heather and I had similar interests. We had a good time, and when the movie ended, it was only about 9:30 PM. Heather suggested we go back to her house and we could play a game of chess.

That seemed okay with me, so we returned to her home. Mr. and Mrs. Fuchs seemed surprised when we came back early. Heather told them we'd had fun, then added we were going to their den to play chess.

I'd brought my Dad's Polaroid camera into Heather's house when we came in. I asked Mr. Fuchs if he'd take two photos of us and that I'd give one of them to Heather.

"I wish I had a photo of my first date with Linda," Mr. Fuchs said, as he snapped our photos.

Now that I had proof to show my school buddies, it was time to ask Heather if she'd help me improve my chess game. We played two games and she beat me badly both times, but being around Heather made the losses acceptable.

Monday I went to school with my Polaroid photo of Heather and me together. At lunch I showed it to Brian, Jeff, and Shawn, then collected my $30 bet. After that, the guys thought I must have put some smooth moves on Heather, but I didn't tell them I'd originally asked Heather to improve my chess game.

A week later, Mr. Fuchs' computer arrived. He called me and arranged a time for me to demonstrate the software we sold at Bits & Bytes. He brought Heather with him.

I introduced them to Mr. Jacobs, the store owner, then fired up a computer we used to demonstrate software we sold.

I showed them how easy it was to use the WordPerfect program to create a document, then to use 'cut and paste' to move paragraphs around. Both he and Heather were impressed with the ease of creating and editing a document. Then I demonstrated how Lotus 1-2-3 could store information in a spreadsheet and how it could be used to play 'what if' by changing a few parameters and recalculating the entire spreadsheet.

He purchased both programs, and asked, "Would you teach Heather and me to use the software?"

"Of course," I said. In my wildest dreams, I couldn't have imagined a better situation where I could spend time with Heather.

After they left the store, Mr. Jacobs approached me and said, "I watched your sales pitch from my office. That young lady had her eyes on you the entire time. You could have sold her our whole store inventory."

"She's my girlfriend," I said. "I told her father she'd get better grades if she had a computer with some productivity software."

Mr Jacobs patted me on the shoulder, "You're a very lucky young man. She's a knock-out."

During the next two months, I spent at least one evening a week teaching Mr. Fuchs and Heather how to use WordPerfect and 1-2-3.

Mr. Fuchs said he appreciated my help with his new computer, and Mrs. Fuchs was friendlier than the first couple times I'd met her. Heather and I were now more than just classmates. We ate lunch together in the school cafeteria. Jeff, Brian, and Shawn pestered me to eat lunch with them, but I'd found a new interest.

Heather and I enjoyed each other's company so much that we went on frequent dates. We'd moved from holding hands to kissing--and how I savored her gentle kisses. Perhaps it was infatuation, but as I look back on our relationship, it was unbridled love I felt for her.

A couple weeks before Christmas, I was working at Bits & Bytes and noticed a new addition to our inventory--a computer chess game. It received my immediate attention.

In short order, I purchased it and installed it on my computer. I set the skill level to 'three' and played several games a day against the computer. After a few days, I went back to some of my saved games and followed the chess program's moves, attempting to determine why it moved pieces on the board where it did. I began to see some patterns evolve and used them to improve my chess skills.

When my win-loss rate was about 50 percent, I dialed up the skill level to the next level, and gained even more insight about my play. Being able to play against the computer at my own level gave me an opportunity to see how my bad moves led to losses.

Heather and her parents spent a couple weeks over Christmas vacation visiting her grandparents in Florida, so she had no idea my chess game had improved. When she returned, I was ready for her. Generally, she beat me five games out of six, but I'd learned some tricks, so the next time we played, it took her more effort to beat me.

"How did you improve your game so quickly?" she asked.

"I bought a chess program for my computer."

"Really?"

"Yes, I've learned a lot from playing against the computer, and it's ready to play any time I am. Sometimes I play four or five games against it. Would you like to come by my house to see it?"

"Yes, I would. Your parents wouldn't mind would they?"

"No, I think they'd like to meet you."

I told Mom and Dad I was bringing Heather home to show her the chess game on my computer and to play chess after our date on the weekend.

Mom frowned like mothers do, and said, "Mike, your room had better be spotless if you bring a girl over."

"Yeah Mom," I groaned. She was always concerned what other people might think of her housekeeping.

Saturday evening after attending a movie with Heather, I brought her home and introduced her to my parents. Dad's Audubon Society T-shirt caught her attention, and she commented her parents were members too.

After a few minutes of conversation, I showed Heather my computer chess program and let her play against it. She started off at skill level 'six' and had trouble beating it.