Never Let Grandma Buy Gifts

My eyes widened and I jerked my hands away from my ears. "F-Fuck!" I hissed. "Oh fuck oh fuck."

"Psst! You!"

The voice that called from across the way clearly came from another cell. I stepped up to the bars, gripping them. My fingers tightened and I peered into the other cell, trying to see. My darkvision was perfect, but it only extended so far. But as I focused my vision, the darkness swept back and I saw that the other cell had a man within. The man was chained to the wall...and completely. Buck. Naked. My mouth dropped open.

His skin was green and his body was muscular. Like. Really muscular. He had rippling abs that showed clear definition all the way down to a belly so flat that you could eat breakfast off him. His cock was huge. And his balls were thick. And...I was feeling kind of inadequate looking at him. Like, he was bigger soft than I had been hard. But...I couldn't tear my eyes away from that cock of his. I started to wonder, kind of idly, how...it would feel too...

No! What the hell!

I jerked my eyes up to his eyes.

He grinned cockily at me. F-fucking asshole. He totally knew where I had been looking and I...god, I was so embarrassed I could die. "Hey, I hate to ask for payment, but usually, this kind of show at least requires a bottle of wine and some dinner, you know?" he asked, his voice cheerful. He didn't mind. He loved showing off to girls, didn't he? I could hear it in the tone of his voice, which wormed into my head. The...casual confidence was...ugh! What! I was...ah! I shook my head again.

"W-Why are you here? Where is here?"

He made a face. "They must have hit you pretty hard, didn't they..." he sighed. "This is the Galor. It's where the mad Emperor throws all us non-humans." He shook his head. "But they must have known I was a mage. You seem to be an oversight."

I blinked. "Y-You're a mage?"

He smirked. "I know I don't look it, but see these chains?" He wriggled his wrists. "They're made of nullstone."

I nodded, slowly. "W-What can I do?"

"If you can get the guard's keys to me, I can bust us out," he said, grinning. "Now, come on. He's coming back."

That hatefully bright light started to shine again. I winced and realized...I could withdraw my dark vision. I just had to focus and the darkness plunged around me again, allowing me to look at the torchlight without wanting to cover my eyes. The guard walked by and I thought furiously. What could I do? And then I saw that there was a small bar shimmering into existence in the upper right hand corner of my eye. Focusing on it I saw that I had a green bar with a small numeral in it, and a blue bar with another.

So.

I had 10 hit points and 10 mana points.

Right.

Video game. I lifted up my palms. In Bioshock, the left hand was where the plasmids went, and the right was where the gun went. I focused on my left hand and saw several spheres appearing around my fingers. I saw a small fireball icon, a small red cross icon, and a small glowing hand icon. I shrugged, then picked the firebolt. There was a flare of light and the pointer finger of both of my hands glowed with ruddy red energy. The guard paused as he walked past me, looking my way. "Huh?" he asked.

"Hi!" I said, then made finger guns.

The first firebolt zipped through his chest. The second shot through his head. He collapsed silently.

I gaped.

I...I had just...

I had just shot a dude.

There was no blood. And the guy just looked...dead. There wasn't any, like, huge gory holes or anything. That made the shock I felt relax faintly. The orc chuckled quietly. "Well, that works," he murmured. "Now, quick, get the key."

I knelt down, my bare knees scraping on the floor. As I bent forward and thrust my arm out, groping for the keys on the man's belt, I realized something. My shift was riding up, revealing my ass to the wall behind me. And the faint breeze of cool air sliding between my bare thighs was telling me something. I wore a shift...and not a goddamn thing else. I jerked up so fast I nearly dropped the keys, flushing furiously. Okay. Another good reason I took dark elf. My blushes were invisible!

Still, I did take stock and saw that I now had 8/10 mana. Cool. Okay.

"Now, just float it over with mage hand," the orc said, nodding. "Quickly now, cutie."

"I have a name, dude," I said, scowling as I selected mage hand. My left palm shimmered, and then my hands glowed with a pale purple light. I felt as if my hands had become...detached. I tried to move them and found that my hands stayed still, but the purple glow moved. I experimented, swinging the key left and ring, then slooooowly started to move it between the bars, floating it towards the orc. He chuckled, licking his lips. His cock had swelled ever so slightly -- and noticing that nearly made me drop the key.

"And I only hope it's as beautiful as you are..." his voice was a husky purr. It...did things to...to...um...

I shook my head and then thrust the key forward. It clicked into the locks of the wrist bindings and undid them. The orc dropped to the floor of his cell with the grace of a dancer. He rubbed his wrists, shaking his head as he stepped up to the cell. His fingers started to glow before a focused tongue of flame thrust from his fingertip, cutting into the bars of his cell. It sizzled and crackled. I nervously wrung my hands, glancing up at the mana bar. I had used up 5/10 mana. Great. Just great. And this wasn't Skyrim, it wasn't regenerating. Hell, it wasn't even Oblivion. Was I in fucking Morrowind?

Gah.

The orc slid out of the hole he had cut in the cell then stood before mine. He was close to the bars, close enough that his cock was hanging between two of them. I could...look down. I could...I could...keep my eyes focused on his eyes, trying to figure out why they were so freaking beautiful. Then it hit me. I slapped my palm over my face. "I'm an idiot!"

"That's a rather odd name," the orc said, grinning as he started to do the same to my cell. As sparks flew, I groaned and stepped back.

"Menu," I whispered, quietly.

Nothing.

"Options?"

Nothing.

"Come on, let me out you stupid game!" I growled.

Nothing.

"Character screen!" I focused. Maybe thinking would do it. But thinking the words had none of the effect that saying them had -- and saying them hadn't done jack shit. I was started to tear at my hair when those strong, green hands went to my shoulders. I tensed, then gasped as a hot, hot voice whispered into my ear, soft lips almost touching my sensitive ear-tip.

"We should really be going now..."

My whole body buzzed. It was like my skin was crackling with electricity and my nipples were achingly hard. A soft, wet heat was burning between my legs, like the humidity from a jungle. I breathed in a shuddering gasp, hoping to clear my head, but he was so close that his thick maleness was filling my nose and my lungs. It was like a drug. My eyes closed and I knew intellectually that the NeuroWave XT was sending electrical impulses to adjust hormone levels in my body, to spike neurotransmitters, to tingle parts of the brain that controlled arousal and...romantic feelings. All of it was trying to stimulate a heterosexual reaction to this gorgeous hunk of exotic man-meat. The only problem was that it was a straight girl's reaction. And this hetero girl's head was spinning, even as those strong hands slid from my shoulders to my hips.

"But first, I would like a name..."

I bit my lip, shuddering. "Hen..." I stopped. "Uh...H..." Henrietta, the girlified version of my real life name, was fucking garbage. Mary was my sister's name. "Leia!"

"Leia..." those hands squeezed my hips and that voice purred my fucking pulled out of a hat random ass princess name like it was the most beautiful thing he had heard and oh god I wanted to spread my legs so fucking bad for him. But then the orc was sliding past, his right hand pressing to the wall as he grinned at me. His left remained on the small of my back, a contact point that I couldn't ignore.

"A pleasure to meet you, Leia," he said, grinning. "My name is Havok."

I shivered. Part of my traitor, brainwashed brain was already imagining screaming it in orgasmic bliss. Ah. Fuck! Fuck this fucking game! Fuck presents, fuck Christmas, fuck new technology! I gritted my teeth, took a hold of Havok's hand, then shoved it down hard and away from my back. He laughed, then pressed against the wall harder. There was a low groaning and squeal as a secret passageway opened. I glared at it as Havok started forward, moving forward with pure confidence, pants or no pants.

I followed after him.

The secret tunnel, of course, immediately led into a fucking dungeon because this game designer was a goddamn hack when it didn't come to making hunky orcs. I was already picturing my angry Amazon review when Havok held up his hand to forestall me. I stopped, but not before I nearly walked into his palm. He was pressed up against the corner of the rough hewn wall, and leaned slightly around it. He whispered, softly. "Ah, two skeletons," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Fucking of course," I said. "At least they're not rats." I selected the firebolts and casually stepped around the corner. I aimed at one of the skeletons, which turned to face me. They both were...eerie. Like, you see skeletons in a video game or in that old Ray Harryhausen movie, and you think they look kinda goofy. But when they were real (or at least looked real), they went straight into the uncanny valley. They moved too smoothly, too quickly and too aggressively. I froze for a second...and then started to snap off firebolt after firebolt after firebolt.

The first caught a skeleton in the ribcage. It staggered and the second blasted off its sword arm and the third exploded its skull. The other skeleton was struck twice, right in the forehead as it advanced on me. Its skull flew apart and I grinned -- even as I noticed that my mana bar had hit 0.

"Wow," Havok said, stepping around the corner. "Nice shooting."

I grinned, my knees feeling weak. And for once, it wasn't because my brain was being hammered by a game console into wanting to fuck an orc. No, it was because I felt...wan. Tired. Right. 0 mana. But then a flare exploded through my body, light shining around me. I stood up, my eyes wide.

"What was that!?" I asked.

"You leveled up," Havok said, nodding. "If we find a Save Shrine, you can spend the point."

"S-Save Shrine?" I asked, looking at him, my eyes wide as saucers.

"Yes, that's where you can save your spirit, so if you die or are...ah...indisposed for a while, you can restore yourself and your abilities," he said, nodding to me. "You can also spend skill points."

I grabbed his arms. "Where is one!?" I asked, excitement surging through me. That was where the menu was! That was how I could get out! Havok chuckled, quietly.

"You're quite cute when you're excited, Leia," he said, quietly. I realized how close I was standing to him. I realized that the faint pressure against my thigh was the curve of his big...fat...green dick. My throat worked and I gulped, trying to wet my mouth. Since right now, my mouth was as dry as my...other...parts were...my mind scattered as Havok leaned froward then gently pressed his lips to mine.

Have you ever been kissed by a man before? As a girl?

I hadn't. I hadn't even imagined it. But the first thing that I noticed was how gentle such a strong, muscular man could be. But that strength was still there. My palms slid along his forearms, then to his shoulders, then to his chest as the kiss deepened and I knew that there was a save shrine I had to get to and I had to get outta here and his tongue was sweeping into my mouth as I felt the glorious sleekness of his abs. My eyes closed and I groaned, kissing him deeper and deeper. Then Havok was grabbing my legs. I squeaked, jerking my mouth back, my mouth opening in shock as Havok picked me up. He pinned me against the wall with the ease of a true male.

My thighs were wide.

My cunt was exposed. Cunt. God. That was what I was thinking like now. My head was spinning and I panted heavily, my whole body shuddering as I felt the hot slap of his cock against my sex. He ground slowly against me, his voice hungry as he purred. "I have to have you, Leia..." his lips pressed to mine again and I started to roll my hips. I couldn't stop myself, I was too goddamn hungry for this. My sex slipped against his member, and I felt his heat, his silky smoothness, his hardness. And he was so fucking big. My tongue and his wrestled as he shifted his grip, squeezing my legs and spreading me wider.

Then...

Magic flared and my shift peeled off.

Peeled.

Like a banana, it ripped along seams and left me completely fucking naked. My full, heavy breasts were heaving as I panted, my tongue lolling out as Havok drew back. He grinned at me, whispering. "Do you want me to take that cute little dark elf pussy of yours?" He chuckled. "After all that magic, I bet you need a refill."

I nodded desperately, my eyes half closed. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I whispered. All pretenses of heterosexuality were completely gone. I couldn't even remember what it was like to have a cock. And then, a short time later, I didn't even want to. Because Havok shifted his grip, drew his hips back, and then slammed into me. His cock spread my sex and my sex was oh so fucking willing. I gasped out and crooned in pure bliss, my whole body shuddering as his member sank in inch by inch by inch. He slammed home and his balls slapped against my ass roughly. I shuddered and then clung to his muscular body as he took my virginity.

My fingers tightened and I panted heavily. "Oh gods, Havok..." I whispered.

His eyes were closed and he looked as if he was savoring the pure bliss of this moment. Like...like he had never felt anything as good as me. Seeing that expression filled me with a kind of warm, pleasant glow. It was...nice. Knowing that you had given someone so much pleasure. My legs locked around his back, my nose flaring as I breathed in his scent, and I wondered, idly...what...what would sucking his cock be like?

Then Havok started to draw his hips back, then thrust forward. His cock never left me entirely -- he merely slipped halfway back, then slammed home again. Then again. Then again. And my body kept shuddering with every thrust as my fingers tightened on his neck, drawing him close so that I could kiss him again and again. I moaned and squirmed and gasped, my whole body shuddering. I felt a sudden spike of pleasure. White seemed to flare through my eyes and I felt my sex clenching on him. Hard.

I gasped, whimpering. "Havok!"

He grinned. "That's one..." He whispered, his hips starting to thrust faster and faster and faster now. It felt as if I was riding along a rapidly flowing river, each bump forcing another moan of pure bliss from my lips. I nuzzled against his neck and gasped out the question that burned inside me.

"O-One what?!"

"Orgasm," Havok purred, his balls slapping against my ass with a pap pap pap. At the musical cry that tore from my lips, he laughed. "And that's two."

My eyes were closed, tears of joy dripping along my face as I wondered how it was possible for this to feel so fucking good. I wanted to feel this forever. I clung tighter and tighter, my sex fluttering on the cock slamming into me, as I gasped out hungrily. "Yes yes yes yes yes yes cum in me, cum in meee!"

If my heterosexuality and masculinity had been in tatters, I was now dousing them with gasoline while whistling the Marseillaise. And then the ultimate sensation of bliss came as Havok let out a manly grunt. Manly. I had always kind of sneered at that term. Manly was douchebros who acted like assholes and somehow still got girlfriends. But Havok was pure masculine in a way that set my girlish brain into gales of delight, and feeling his cum exploding into my sex was pure. Pure. Pure. There was no other word for it, even as I shuddered and writhed and gasped, my eyes unfocused.

"That-"

And that was when the world tore apart in a haze of static and flaring sparks. It didn't hurt, but it was dislocating as fuck. It felt as if my mind was flying apart at the seams and I was writhing and twitching and gasping.

"Dude!"

I gasped, heavily, looking up at Mary. She was holding the NeuroWave XT in her hands, looking down at me. "DUDE!" she said, again. "What the fucking fuck is going on!?"

I sprawled in a puddle of sweat, my body trembling. My brain cackled and I wasn't able to actually move my limbs. Only through an intense pressure was I able to twitch my left arm up, to wave it at Mary, who still held my helmet.

"Ghhuruuhhh," I gargled.

"You were making weird ass noises and I come in here and you're fucking spazzing out!" she said. "I thought it was fucking killing you!"

"Mmmuhh..." I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth. Okay. Feeling and control was returning slowly to my limbs. I managed to get my hands underneath me, feeling a mixture of pure rage, utter relief, and deep confusion. How dare my sister interrupt me while I...was...being fucked by an orc in a body I didn't want thanks to a sexuality forced upon me? I shook my head, then pushed up, sitting up. The blankets that still wrapped around me slid down. "I'm fi-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" I squalled.

Because there, on my chest.

Were two.

Perfect.

Titties.

***

There's this super cheesy 1980s Italian zombie movie called Nightmare City. At the end of the movie, everything is revealed to be a dream, but then the zombies show up again and the film freeze frames and slowly pans up the words THE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REALITY while playing super cheesy electronic horror music.

Well.

THE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REALITY.

"Duuuuuuuude!" Mary said, stepping back and immediately shutting the door because Mary was a good sister and I love her a lot. "Fucking duuuuuuuuuuuude!"

I scrambled out of the bed, my knees collapsing and leaving me face down on the floor. Which only made it all the clearer that I had fucking titties. I managed to get my feet under me and wobbled back up, looking down at my now rather ill fitting clothes. "Oh my freaking what?!" I gasped, grabbing at my chest. My breasts were sensitive and tingly. I jerked my hands back, as if they had turned white hot.

"So, uh, can I give that headset and that game you were playing to some trans friends I got?" Mary asked.

"Dude!" I hissed.

"Hey, just saying, it looks cheaper and faster than HRT," Mary said, casually. "You still got a dick?"

"Dude!" I squealed.

"Hey. Listen." Mary lifted up her palms. "I'm your bro."

"You're my sister!" I hissed.

"Yeah. Your bro sister," Mary said, casually. "And I'm the one thinking rationally here." She pointed at the window. The ruddy red light of dawn was breaking across the city. The streets glittered and the clouds were slowly clearing -- revealing that the storm had blown itself out over my marathon game session. "In three hours, we're having our Christmas group lunch. Now, unless you want to reveal you're...like this now, we need to figure out what happened and then come up with a plan on how to make sure you fucking pass."

I put my hands over my face. "Ugh. Wait. Wait. Wait!" I ran to the computer in the room. I sat down and started to tap away, trying desperately to not focus on my groin. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.