New Year Roadkill

On the short walk to the station, there was an outdoor clothing store having a sale. I took Anita inside and bought her a Hi-Vis vest to be worn over her coat. She protested that she didn't need it. I insisted that she did otherwise she might really be run down by a drunk driver. I also bought some stick-on reflective strips that I attached to her handbag strap.

The reason for my purchases became apparent as we walked the last yards to the station. There were two crashed cars that had struck street furniture and a recovery truck trying to remove the battered remains of one. There was a large dent in the windscreen, obviously caused by a head hitting it from inside, and blood smears. I shuddered. That driver could have killed Anita or run me down despite my lights.

Anita noticed too. She reached out, took my hand, and gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you, George, for last night. I knew that there would be drunk drivers on New Year's Eve, but three crashes in two hundred yards..."

"Four," I said, pointing to a car on its roof in the station car park.

"And thanks to Alan and his friends I could have been one of them. Assholes!"

+++

We were standing beside the station barrier about five minutes before the train arrived. I saw Moira before Anita did because there were taller people between Anita and the barrier. Moira saw me and her face brightened. When she was close she said:

"Hello, George. Why are you here?"

Before I could answer, Moira was hugged by Anita.

"Your George brought me here, Sis," Anita said.

"My George?" Moira queried.

"Yes. Your George. He has been looking after me, as a friend should. It's a long story. Come and have a coffee and I'll tell you about it..."

"There's a coffee shop over there," Moira said.

"No need," I said. "My place is only two hundred yards away."

I reached out and took Moira's suitcase. Once we were beyond the station concourse Anita had wrapped an arm around my waist. Moira seemed to think that was a good idea too so she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Moira, unlike Anita, is tall enough to do that.

In my flat Anita took Moira to the kitchen to make coffee while I prepared the second bedroom for them both. It has twin beds. I don't normally use the third bedroom and it is full of junk that would take a while to move.

When I walked into the kitchen my coffee was on the table. I reached out for it but didn't get there. Moira grabbed me for a hug and a kiss. She pushed me to sit on a chair and sat on my lap. Unlike the light Anita I knew I had a lot of woman in my arms. She kissed me again and again.

"Thank you for looking after my little sister, George." Moira said. "And I think she's right. You are MY George -- again."

"And mine too," Anita said as she kissed me on the cheek.

"Coffee?" I said despairingly.

Moira picked up the coffee and gave it to me. I drank, gratefully.

"I needed that. Moira," I said. "I think I'm still drunk from last night."

"I know I am," Anita said. "However much I drank last night, it was far too much."

"I thought Alan was good for you, Anita," Moira said.

"So did I," Anita admitted. "Until last night. That was unforgiveable."

"But now we have George," Moira said.

"We?" I queried.

"You, George, are my friend," Anita said. "But I think Moira wants you back as her boyfriend. You do, Moira, don't you?"

Moira's answer was to kiss me again. I took that as a yes.

When I could speak again I said:

"Moira, you were taking Anita out for a restaurant meal tonight. How about I take all three of us out?"

"Can you afford that, George?" Moira asked.

"Now I can, unlike before. Since you left I've been promoted and a great-aunt left me money that I used to reduce my mortgage. I will own this flat outright in five years, or if I really wanted to, probably this year but I prefer to keep some capital for emergencies."

"In that case, George, I accept. Thank you." Moira said before kissing me again.

"Do you want to see Janis?" I asked.

"Yes, I would like that," Moira said. "Tomorrow?"

"Probably. I should be able to drive then. Which reminds me. I have some breathalysers in my travel bag for use when I go to France. They will be past their use-by date before I next go to France so I could test Anita and I now."

I did. I had four testers. They are basic, just showing whether over or under the limit. I was well over. Anita was almost off the scale -- 12 hours after her last drink.

"OK, George," Moira said. "If you are still over tomorrow morning I will drive us. I am insured to drive any car I don't own and I last had a drink on Boxing Day."

+++

Moira and Anita prepared a light lunch. Neither Anita nor I felt much like eating but we managed something.

After lunch, the three of us were on the settee. Moira was sitting on me. Anita was pressed up against my side. Moira had been with me for only a couple of hours but we seemed to have resumed the status of boyfriend and girlfriend as if there hadn't been a several year break. Today, Moira was even more demonstrative than she had been before and I was enjoying it.

The restaurant was only fifty yards away. I had to prop Anita up. She was still slightly wobbly on her feet in the open air. The meal was a great success but Anita and I were drinking water.

Half way through the evening Moira announced that she had been recently promoted. I congratulated her but she and Anita seemed to think there was an amusing secret Moira was concealing. Over the coffee after the meal Moira came clean.

"George, my promotion means I have to change offices in a couple of weeks' time."

The pair of them were grinning at me.

"To where?" I asked.

"Here," Moira said.

"Here? Where here? I don't follow," I said.

"Here. My new office is the other side of the road from this restaurant."

"So, only fifty yards from my flat?"

"Yes, George. I was going to stay with Janis while I looked for somewhere to live..."

"But it would be much better if you stayed with me, Moira."

"It would, George, if you think it is a good idea?"

"If you want to be my girlfriend again, Moira, I would be delighted."

"I do. You are. And I'm grateful to you for looking after Anita. She shouldn't repay you, but I can, and will -- tonight in your bed."

I blushed. Moira had said that aloud in a crowded restaurant but no one else except Anita seemed to have noticed. Anita was grinning at me.

"I think you ought to accept that offer, George," Anita said.

I might have done but Moira was embarrassing me again by kissing me despite everyone around.

The walk back to my flat took longer than it should because I had two sisters tightly wrapped around me. They pushed me on the settee before Moira straddled me to hug me with my face in her cleavage.

Half an hour later, Anita had retired to the second bedroom and I was in my double bed, kissing Moira's naked breasts. I was still too drunk to do much. Moira didn't seem to mind. I went to sleep with Moira wrapped around me. I woke up with Moira hugging my back. I turned over and was kissed.

+++

After breakfast I used the alcohol tester again. I was still just over the limit nearly a day and a half after my final drink. Anita used the last tester. She was still well over. Moira agreed to drive all of us in my car to my sister's.

Moira was astonished when she saw my car. It is a top of the range enormous 4 x 4 with all the extras.

"Why, George? Why have you got such a large car? You're not off to the Sahara on weekends, are you?"

"No, Moira. Remember the car I used to have?"

"Yes. It was a tiny Ford about eight years old."

"Two years after I started buying this flat, and after I had inherited some money, I wanted a Chinese takeaway. My order was too small for free delivery so I went to collect it. I would have walked but it was raining hard. I parked my car outside the takeaway and was waiting for my order when my car was hit by a drunk driver in a large BMW. My car was crushed as if it had been a wet cardboard box. If I had been in it I would have been dead. It wasn't recognisable as a car anymore."

"OK, but why such an enormous replacement?"

"It was the advice of one of my office colleagues. The local car auction sells off company cars twice a year. The smaller and medium-size cars sell for reasonable money but anything large that uses a lot of fuel sells cheaply. He had bought a two-year-old Jaguar for less than two-thirds of the price of a one-year-old small car and he loves it. It was high mileage but he doesn't do many miles in a year so the fuel consumption didn't bother him.

I do even fewer miles per year than he does. After I received the insurance money, not much, for my wrecked car, I went with him to the next auction. This car was high mileage but had been properly serviced and was in good order. There was no reserve at all. There was only one other bidder, a dealer who wasn't that interested. I bought it for two thousand and six hundred pounds when it had cost ninety thousand when new."

"That's a ridiculous price, George!" Moira exclaimed.

"It is but I love it. I feel safe with all that metal around me and I look down on most cars. It is comfortable and has all the extras -- sat nav, automatic dash cams recording inside and out, built in and recording front and rear, air con, heated leather seats, the lot...

"And you want me to drive it, George?"

"Why not, Moira? You are sober. Even now, I'm not. As long as you take it easy it is a delight to drive."

Moira wasn't convinced until she had driven a few miles and got the hang of the size and weight, far bigger than any car she had ever driven.

Moira commented on the three ditched cars surrounded with police tape and four other places where the car had been recovered but the tape was still there.

"What's up with your local drivers, George? Four crashes between the station and your flat and now all these. Don't they know how to drive?"

"Too many of them drive drunk, Moira. The City is the night life capital for the country for twenty miles around. The rural buses stop by eight pm. The taxi firms, unless pre-booked, will not go more than five miles out. On New Year's Eve, because of trouble in previous years, there are even fewer taxis than a normal weekend night. Unless, like my friends on New Year's Eve, they are collected by a friend or relation -- they will drive when drunk as the only way of getting home."

"And now I can appreciate why you want such a large car, George, I feel safe with all this metal around me even if it drives like a tank."

"As long as you don't put your foot down hard, or take corners too fast, it is safe. The engine is so large that even three tons of car will do nearly twice the speed limit at a cost of single figure MPG."

By the time we reached Janis's house, Anita and I were almost asleep.

At Janis's house, the two women and I were greeted like long lost friends. Carol and Susan hugged and kissed me so much that Moira complained.

"George is mine," she said.

"He may be," Carol retorted, "but he is a good bloke, and we appreciate him for what he is."

"So do I," Anita said. "Without him I might have been road kill."

"But now," Susan said, pointing at the Hi-Vis vest, "You can be seen."

"That was George's idea," Anita said. "He bought it for me."

+++

Carol and Susan were kissing me so much that Moira decided to act. She pushed me at one end of a settee and sat on me. Anita went off to change our of Janis's clothes into her own. She put Janis's clothes, and the clothes she had been wearing on New Year's Eve, into the laundry basket. She then sat alongside Moira and I to help protect me from more attacks.

"Why do you want George so much?" Anita asked. "You've all got boyfriends."

"We have," Janis replied, "But George has helped last year to maintain and decorate this house. He has done a lot and we hadn't really expressed our thanks yet. While the boyfriends are away? I'm his sister so I can't do much. The others aren't so..."

"But George is mine, Janis," Moira said firmly.

"He is, Moira, he is. Perhaps you can thank him for me?" Janis said.

"I will. But I still haven't finished thanking him for Anita."

I wanted to object that I didn't need all this thanks. Moira's lips silenced me. When she finished I was aware that Anita was hugging me as much as she could.

It was difficult to drink my coffee with two sisters wrapped around me.

We had a light lunch because all of us except Moira were still recovering from New Year's Eve. Afterwards I was back on the settee with Moira on my lap and Anita beside me. Anita's mobile rang. She answered it, said "No!" loudly and passed the phone to Moira.

"It's Alan, Moira. He wants to apologise but I don't want to speak to him."

"OK, Sis."

"Alan? You're a fucking asshole. You and your friends nearly killed Anita. You gave her enough alcohol to risk her life from alcoholic poisoning and when she left she was so drunk she fell down in the roadway and could have been run over except that someone rescued her. You and your friends might have been facing charges of manslaughter. As it is you committed assault."

"No, Alan! You listen to me! Anita does NOT want to speak to you -- ever! She was there as your designated driver and YOU should have looked after her. If she had driven, she might have killed herself and you. If not and she had been stopped by the police, she would have been banned from driving and it is entirely YOUR fault. You behaved like a murderous asshole and none of us want anything to do with you ever again. Goodbye and Good Riddance!"

Moira stabbed a finger at the phone to end the call.

"Thank you, Moira," Anita said. "I was so angry I couldn't speak."

I moved my arm to hug Anita. The rest of us were stunned by Moira's words.

"You were right, Moira," Janis said into the silence.

"I should have said more, Janis," Moira said. "But he wasn't worth it. Now, let's forget him."

"It's not going to be that easy," Anita said.

I moved Moira to make room for Anita to climb on my leg and rest her head against my shoulder. She turned her head towards me and gave me a weak smile.

"I loved Alan," Anita said. "I thought he would propose on Valentine's Day -- and I would have said 'Yes'. But now? I just hollow inside and shattered. I feel awful from the alcohol but the betrayal has hurt me far more. If it wasn't for George I would say 'Forget all men'. I'll become a nun'. I won't. George has shown me that men can be great -- just as I thought Alan was. Now I have to find a George for myself since my big sister has claimed this one."

"And although he is mine, Sis, he'll always be there for you, won't you George?"

I couldn't answer. Anita was kissing me with tears running down her face.

"Yes, Moira, he will," My sister Janis answered for me. "Just as he is for all three of us."

Carol and Susan nodded.

"If any of us has boyfriend trouble," Carol said, "George is always there to pick up the pieces and make us feel loved."

"He loves us," Susan said. "We love him and know he would never do anything to hurt any of us."

"And you three have been there for me, especially last year when I was dumped twice," I said.

"Dumped? Why would anyone dump George?" Moira asked.

"For working and studying too hard," Janis answered. "He goes to evening classes twice a week and does a lot of overtime."

"The studying," I said, "Was for my professional qualifications which I got last June. The overtime? Because I live so close to my office, even if I do an hour's overtime I'm still home before my colleagues who have to commute."

"But the two women thought he was doing too much and neglecting them. Neither saw the point of George trying to improve himself. After all, he has a large flat and a car. What else does he need?" Susan said.

"All three know I want is a house," I said. "My flat is great. It has three bedrooms, a garden and off street parking for three vehicles and is very close to the city centre. But above me is rented out to three tenants, some of whom aren't great neighbours. I'd love a detached house, close to the city centre, with a front and rear garden and parking. They exist but are expensive."

"Are you still studying?" Moira asked.

"Yes. This year I started a two-year MBA at evening classes. Once I have that, maybe a break for a few years before a Ph,D..."

"I will be studying too," Moira said. "I have my basic accountancy qualifications but I want some specialist ones too. I will support you with your studying time if you will do the same for me, George?"

"Of course I will, Moira," I said before she kissed me again.

"Oh dear," Carol said with a grin, "that means we won't have to cuddle George because he has been dumped. I enjoyed that."

Moira climbed off me.

"Carol," she said. "George loves you. Go on. Have a cuddle. But only when I'm here too, please."

Carol's cuddle was followed by one from Susan, and then Anita. Finally, Janis climbed on me for a few seconds, ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead before getting off so Moira could have me again.

+++

Moira and I left in the middle of the afternoon. The other four women had some work to do while they were on a break from work. I decided that Moira should drive again because I wasn't wholly sure, although I felt much better, that the alcohol was out of my system.

We had gone about three miles and were on an old Roman road, a two-way carriageway that wasn't narrow but ran straight to a bend about half a mile away. A car came around that bend and overcorrected, nearly ending in the ditch before another violent swerve.

"Oh shit!" I said.

"I agree," said Moira.

She pulled our car as far off the road as she could and brought us to a complete stop. The approaching car was still swerving all over a completely straight road. We watched the inevitable end. Although we had gone as far off the road as we could, the car hit our front offside quarter.

I got out, wrenched open the driver's door and grabbed the keys from the ignition. He was moaning but since he had been wearing a seatbelt, seemed uninjured even if his car was wrecked. I used my mobile to call the police and told them that the driver appeared very drunk but might need an ambulance. Within ten minutes the police had arrived.

I asked Moira to record on her mobile phone as I took a folding crate from my car and unloaded all the bottles on the passenger seat. Apart from a dozen empty lager bottles there were open bottles of strong cider and vodka. The vodka bottle had its cap off. I didn't want the driver drinking before the police arrived.

When the police sergeant and police woman arrived I showed them the contents of the crate. The policewoman looked at the driver.

"Bert?" She called. "We know this one. I was in court last week for his latest drink drive conviction."

She looked up the car's details on the police computer while the sergeant transferred the driver to the back of the police car for an alcohol test.

"OK, Bert," She said. "I assume he's failed?"

"Yes, Penny. 140 when the limit is 35. I've arrested him for that."

"OK, Bert. You can add that the car is not insured, not taxed, has no MOT and was stolen from Batley two years ago. I'll just check on his details."

A minute or so later she called again:

"He is disqualified from driving. His last ban started last week and runs for four years. He is wanted for failure to appear in court on four burglary charges and there are two drink-driving offences for which he was arrested yesterday and this morning. Why he wasn't held in custody yesterday or today? Do you know why, Sarge?"

"Probably. All our cells were full from New Year's Eve. But we'll find a nice quiet place for him this time, even if he has to sleep in a toilet."