Night Deposit

"All right, but there have to be some ground rules.

"First, it has to be quiet. I'm in no mood for noise, especially right now.

"Secondly, no visitors. I don't want any of my stuff stolen if I end up there.

"Third, no rent. If it doesn't work out, she has to leave and I don't want any landlord-tenant situations to deal with."

"I know she'll be very grateful for your generosity. How soon can she move in?"

"We can stop at the hardware store and get a couple of keys made. Anytime after that is fine with me. She can have the back bedroom; there are sheets and blankets already in the closet."

"Vince, I know you've been through a lot and it's a very bad time for you... a very bad time. I'm here for you. I'm sorry you found out about me and your mother this way. I honestly don't know why I told you. I guess I've wanted to tell you for the longest time."

"When we get back to your house, I'll write down the address and directions. You don't happen to have a picture, do you?"

Alisa opened her purse and took out her wallet. "Here," she said, giving it to me.

On the left side was a picture of a slim girl, almost to the point of being skinny, with mousy brown hair and big, round glasses.

But, on the right, I saw a picture of Alisa and my mother, both smiling for the camera, arms around each other. I could tell immediately they were more, much more than just friends.

So much, I thought that I didn't know and now, probably never would. I handed back the wallet.

"C'mon, Vince, I said I wanted to take you home."

We walked out into the afternoon sunlight. Even in early spring, Southern California was sunny and warm.

The ride to her house was quiet. I stared out the side window and she left me alone.

I wasn't quite sure what Alisa had in mind. Although she was still a very attractive woman in her early forties, she had told me where her preferences were, unless, of course, she... I wondered, strange visions dancing through my head... she DID have a daughter, after all.

Once inside the duplex front unit, she pointed to the couch and I sat down. "At least," I laughed, "it isn't covered in plastic."

When she came back, she had four photo albums. Now, I understood. For the next three hours, we experienced the romance the two women had, me for the first time, she reliving memories of a lost time... a lost love... a lost life.

As she drove me home, I tried to have a better understanding of who my mother had been... not a full understanding, just a small peak through the window of her life. Alisa kissed my cheek and watched me walk into my house.

I called and told the principal I was taking as couple of weeks off after Easter vacation whether he liked it or not. The priest readily agreed to it, not willing to lose, as he put it, one of the best coaches in the South Bay to another school.

Saturday evening was strained... Nancy stayed in the bedroom, I stayed outside in the garage working on my car, not that it needed it. The seven-year-old Chevy was fast, thanks to the new 327 it had. I remembered how she had complained about the expense but the money came from the apartment receipts so I did it anyway.

The radio was still full of what they were calling the "Good Friday" earthquake. It had registered 9.2. Jesus Christ, people in California died from the tidal wave that came down the coast.

By the time I was too tired to stay with the car, it was eleven o'clock and I went to sleep on the recliner.

The last thing I wanted to do that Easter morning was talk to my friends feeling the way I did, so instead of going to Mass, we went to the House of Pancakes in Torrance. As we walked in, I saw families with small children and it was then I truly realized what Nancy and I had lost. One man was holding his son, couldn't have more than two and I could feel the love he had for the child even though I was on the other side of the room. I ordered Swedish pancakes with the lingon berries and Nancy had her regular buttermilk ones. I wasn't very hungry and just picked at my breakfast, finally just finishing one. "Nancy," I asked, "is everything OK? With us, I mean?" Surrounded by families, I kept myself as calm as possible. I had a cup of coffee. I hated coffee. She had a forkful of hash browns in her hand and frowned. "Of course, Vince, why do you ask? Is the something bothering you?" "Friday night..." "What about it? I know the car is gone but we can get another one." "Sweetheart, I just don't understand what happened and why you didn't call me." "I told you, Vince, I thought there was nothing you could do and where was I going to find a phone anyway?" "You found one easily enough to call the police after nine o'clock. What about that?" "Look, Vince, I thought we were going to have a nice breakfast, together. If you want to be that way, we should have just stayed home." "Look, I'm sorry." For some reason, I was on the defensive. "I just was worried about you so much and I felt helpless because I didn't know what was going on." Even I realized I sounded like a weak, defeated man.

"Well... OK, I get it. I'm sorry, it won't happen again," she said.

I wasn't too sure what that actually meant but decided to accept it for the moment. "I... OK, thank you." I took another drink of coffee. It just didn't make me like it, no matter who made it. "Nancy, I forgot to tell you, there were some utility bills that came in yesterday and need to be paid." "But, I don't have your check, yet." "I told you there's a problem with payroll, something they said they'll fix as soon as possible. We've got plenty in the savings, just use some of that." "But..." She shifted in her chair a bit. "We were saving up for the baby... you know, when we have one." "That's all right. When the checks start coming in, again, we'll just replace the money later." "But..." She was lifting her fork just then and the potatoes slid off as her hand shook. "What's the matter, honey? Is there a problem? You look peaked, maybe you're coming down with something. Maybe you should stay home tomorrow. I'll call in sick for you." "No, that's OK... I have to go anyway to send the payments in." She seemed a little more confident, just then but put her shaky hand into her lap. "Why don't you just write a check?" "Uh, yeah... I forgot... silly me... you're right. I'll be fine. I feel better already." "Wonderful... let's go for a ride up the coast and maybe spend the afternoon in Santa Barbara. It's time we had a little more romance in our lives. I'm sorry if I made you feel I didn't care or something." "Whatever gave you that idea?" She blushed just enough to make me nervous. "Oh, I don't know... it just seems like you've been distant, as if you had something else more important than us. That's all." "Vince, no, no, no... there's nothing or no one more important to me than you and us. You must believe that... you must..." She started to cry and I was at a loss. What the hell was actually going on? I didn't have a clue at that point, not a one and it wouldn't make sense until many years later.

I slid across the booth and put my arm around her. "Don't cry, baby, please, don't cry. We'll be all right. We'll be all right." Not exactly how I expected breakfast to go but it was a good start to rebuilding whatever relationship we would continue to have. I loved her but would I be able to live with her?

"C'mon, let's go." I took her arm and helped her up. She was still crying when I threw a ten down on the table and took her outside. Instead of driving for three or four hours up the coast, I drove us to Palos Verdes' Point Vicente and parked by the 'Haunted Lighthouse'. "Nancy, honey, let's go for a walk." We walked along the pathway toward the lighthouse, holding hands like teenagers afraid to do anything else. "There's a legend about a woman who waited for her lover lost at sea while some think it's the ghost of a heartbroken woman who threw herself from the cliff when she found herself abandoned by her fiancé."

I had not intended to go there and tell her that but, by the grace of God, it all seemed to fit with the way I was feeling about her. We stopped walking and I turned her to face me. I kissed her, kissed her, kissed her. Her arms went around my neck and I could feel her tears on my cheeks. Maybe the madness was over and I was just seeing what I so feared to see, even with the red dress and phone calls staring me in the face. I wanted her that much. I was trapped in a passive-aggressive relationship that we both fed into and her erratic behavior wasn't the cause of anything worse than any other time.

My wife, my life... We spent the rest of the day at Marineland. It was like we were dating again. Maybe we both lost sight of what it means to love someone... maybe we both lost sight that we have to let that loved one know we love them... I had a lot of thinking to do about what I had and had not done. There was a very romantic restaurant at Marineland so we had dinner there, talking and laughing and holding hands under the table. My heart was reacting to the woman... to the woman I fell in love with... to the woman I married. We went home and then to bed; we just lay there spooning together. I held her tightly, hoping whatever demons that occasionally possessed her had been banished. I still needed to see the doctor, though. I'd rather be safe than sorry and know just what she was doing when I wasn't around.

Monday, I dropped off Nancy at the back entrance. For once, she kissed me and waved 'goodbye.'

I turned off Hawthorne Boulevard and headed west on Rosecrans toward Santa Monica Bay. Alisa's daughter was moving in and I wanted to meet her.

I started to whistle; something that I had not done in a long time. Nancy didn't like whistling, saying it was 'uncouth.'

Those Beagles were on the radio... 'Love me do.' 93 KHJ was letting me down.

I didn't like the song and changed the station. 1070 KNX... Earthquake, Viet Nam, again... I turned it off, preferring the sound of the wind rushing past the open window.

I pulled into my space at the apartment building. With twenty units, it was a necessity or I would have had to park down the block and walk up the hill.

I did a walk-around the property, one I had neglected to do this last week. Satisfied everything at least looked normal, I went to the upstairs apartment I had hoped to move into. Walking up the stairs, I passed a pretty brunette coming down. Even though technically still very early spring, it was a warm day and her white shorts and an almost too tight 'Texas A & M' T-shirt quickly caught my attention, something that rarely happened since I married Nancy.

Standing on the landing, I knocked on the door. There was no answer although I heard those Beagles playing on the radio.

"Excuse me, please." The voice sounded like a wind-chime in a gentle breeze.

"I'm sorry; do you need to get by?"

"No, this is my new apartment."

"Well, then, you must be Amanda. Please, let me help you. I'm Vince, Alisa's... I mean, your mother's friend."

"Great. Here, it's starting to get heavy. I'm Mandy, by the way." After giving me the box, she unlocked the door and stepped inside what should have been my apartment.

The song was still playing, 'Please, please me.' This time, I listened to it and found that I actually liked it.

"Those Beagles are pretty good," I said, uncomfortably trying to start a conversation.

She laughed. "You silly, those are the Beatles! You're funny."

I laughed, trying to play off my ignorance and she let me. There were times Nancy would ride me forever about some imagined mistake or misspoken word. I couldn't help it if I stuttered every now and then, it just happened. My anger started to surface again. Damn it!

"Do you have anything else?"

"Just a few more... My car's right outside. It's the white one. Would you like to come with me?" Without waiting for an answer, she walked out and practically bounced down the stairs. I caught a glimpse of her tight shorts just before she disappeared out of sight.

"She moves pretty fast," I said to myself and took off after her. That turned out to be true in so many ways. I hoped I could watch her descend the stairs to a little VW Bug crammed with boxes and bundles of clothes.

While unpacking, Mandy told me almost her entire life story and the graduate scholarship in Biology she was awarded at USC.

She was so happy to be back in Southern California, the Promised Land, as far as she was concerned. I was happy to just listen to her talk and before we knew it, it was lunchtime.

"Let's get some lunch, sort of a 'welcome back to California' lunch. My treat."

"OK, let me get my purse."

As we walked downstairs together, I felt guilty. This was the first time I would have a meal with a woman not my wife since Nancy and I had been married.

"Look, I'll pull my car out and you take my slot. You can use it from now on."

"Thanks, Vince. That's very nice of you."

After the switch was made, I drove north to Anthony's, an Italian eatery on El Segundo's Main Street.

"This place has the best pizza, just like in New York." I had been looking forward to taking Nancy back there but her attitude just kept me putting it off. Better late than never, I reasoned, smiling at this new opportunity. For some reason, at that moment I no longer was as depressed as I was the last few days.

Sitting at the table, I looked at her. "Anything in particular?"

"Well, truth be told, if it's not pepperoni, it's not pizza. How's that?"

"A woman after my own heart. Large or small?"

"Oh, come on, there's no such thing as a small pizza, that's called a slice."

"Well, fine, that's great... just know, we don't say slice out here, it's a piece."

"You're right, I forgot. So... had a piece lately?" She laughed as I blew my iced tea onto my pants.

Mandy waved the waiter over and ordered their largest pepperoni.

"So," she asked, "clue me in... what else is there to get some kicks here besides eating pizza and surfing?" She gave me a 'Mona Lisa' smile and watched me squirm in my seat. It was obvious, I thought, she wasn't putting me on.

"Most of the men... well, boys, really, are pretty thick when it comes to women." She took another sip of her Coke and took a look around for the waiter. "Do you see any possibility of getting back with your wife? At all?"

The waiter interrupted my thoughts, just in time. "One large pepperoni... another Coke, young lady?"

"Yes, thank you. Now, Vince, answer my question. Please." She gave me a little-girl look that probably worked a whole lot back in Texas.

I took a piece from the plate, stringing mozzarella all the way across the table. I folded it up like a paper airplane and bit into the still oh-so-hot pizza. Jeez, it was so hot... and, so good. I chewed with my mouth open a bit, trying to let the heat escape before the inside was completely burned away.

"What?" I tried to stall for time, wondering where that came from. I took another bite, this time a lot cooler... just this side of very hot.

"Look, I know you're wiped out because of your wife and everything. I'm just trying to find out if there's a chance for a girl like me." Like I said, that girl moved pretty fast. Jesus Christ, it was totally insane.

"Mandy..." I sighed. "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, myself. Listen, I appreciate your 'interest,' but I don't know. Tell you what, I'll keep you in mind. That fair enough?"

"Good... mom told me you weren't some candyass. We cool, Vince?"

"Yeah, we're cool." I looked at her. Behind that girl-next-door pussycat exterior, I realized there was a tiger inside. I wondered whether Alisa knew. These damn women with their damn secrets, all messing with my head.

We finished our lunch. For me, the time couldn't pass fast enough. I wanted to get away from this new shark in the water. I needed my mind clear for whatever came next with Nancy. Somehow, I had to make it work; I still loved her. I was insane.

Tuesday went about as normally as possible, considering the state of mind I was in. I tried my best to be especially nice to her and greeted by her very quiet demeanor when I brought her home that night.

The next morning, having taken a very subdued Nancy to work, I went to my doctor, a friend of mine. He had volunteered to be the team's doctor and was vigilant watching every player for injuries. If he told me the kid couldn't play, then the kid couldn't play.

The doctor was visibly upset with me and I could only imagine what he was thinking. He took enough fluid samples to test for about every VD known to man or woman.

"Now, this is going to hurt," he laughed, as he stuck me with the needle. "This penicillin will clear up any gonorrhea you might have picked up. It's the most common thing going around, now. God help us if it becomes resistant to penicillin. Syphilis and some other nasty things will take a little longer if you have them and I'm hoping not.

"Anyway, this will get us started and I'll get back to you as soon as I can... better, you call me on Thursday and we'll know what's what.

"OK, tell the lady outside to give you a lollipop... I'm sorry, Coach, I didn't mean to make fun of it. This really is bad. I'm sorry."

"That's all right, Doc. I've already gone down that road. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice."

Hooray, April Fool!!!

I drove over to Bank of America to deposit early rent checks.

I was standing in line, not paying much attention to other people and was quite surprised when Mary turned out to be the teller. It was one of those fateful, watershed moments that affect the rest of your life.

She was just as surprised as I was. Giving me a smile, she handled my deposits quickly and handed my passbooks back. As I walked back to the parking lot, I noticed she had inserted a note between the first and second one.

'I must talk with you please wait if you can I get off at noon'

I checked my watch: 11:35 At least it wasn't an hour away. I couldn't understand what she wanted, though.

Eight minutes after twelve, she walked out the back entrance to the bank. I approached her from my car and she saw me.

"Take me somewhere else, Vince. Please."

I looked quizzically at her dark brown face. Her eyes were filled with sorrow.

Another woman with secrets... Was there one around me without them?

"Mexican?" I smiled.

"Whatever you want, Vince... I really don't care."

Damn... another moody woman.

I took El Segundo Boulevard west to Inglewood Avenue and south from there.

A rumbling royal-blue Chevy would be easy to spot so I didn't want to drive past Nancy's place; somebody was bound to spot us.

Soon enough, we arrived at the same little Mexican place Alisa introduced me to. When we were seated, the same young girl brought out two beers and a glass for Mary.

"What would you like?" I asked.

"I really don't know. You've been here, before, I guess. Could you just order for me?"

I knew Mary had not contacted me for a free lunch so I decided to splurge a little and asked the girl to bring tacos and enchiladas and we'd go from there.

I looked at the woman sitting across from me. She reminded me of that girl singer in the Supremes, only slightly heavier and curvier... I thought she'd make someone who loved her very happy.

This was the second time that I was sharing a meal with a woman other than my wife.

"Calm down," she said, "I don't bite... at least, not too much."

I waited 'till she finished her first taco before I asked, "So, dear Mary, to what do I owe the honor of your company?" Yeah, I thought, that sure was smooth.

She gave me a nervous smile and put her hand on mine. With all the craziness that had been thrown at me since last Friday... sitting there, having lunch with a very cute Negro woman just seemed to fit in with everything else.