Night Games Pt. 21

"Well, your father's in Bermuda, and the milkman's overjoyed.

Your maid is into bondage, and I've got Polaroids.

And I was on the corner when you wrecked your mother's Porsche.

But why should I inform her about your poor misfortune?

Cause everyone has secrets, but sometimes you get caught.

So, if it's just between us, my silence can be bought.

Blackmail."

-Sloppy Seconds, "Blackmail"

*

Johannes Pretorius sat in the same interrogation room in the stockade at Fort Ernesto where Contessa Helena de San Finzione interviewed Baker's Half-Dozen. This time, her friends were not watching from the other side of the one-way mirror to make certain she didn't go too far with him. His Armani suit had been taken when he was deloused, and he was now in an orange jumpsuit and chains.

"That's a good look for you, Johan." Helen sat across the table and told him in Afrikaans. "Or is it Johannes? A guy like you probably insists on the full formal version. Ok, Johannes it is."

"I demand my lawyers!" The diamond mogul insisted, pulling on the prisoners' outfit he'd been forced into and getting up out of his chair. "I will OWN this country for this outrage!"

"SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Helen commanded him. He instantly obeyed. "Someone's told me how I tend to be threatening, but I'm feeling pretty fucking threatening toward you, Johannes. You were caught buying a stolen diamond in my country. Ok, it was a fake one, but you didn't know. The theft of that diamond interfered with a treaty between San Finzione and Uongo, so, that means I can charge you with Espionage. And if I tell those lawyers of yours that your plane departed San Finzione headed home and we don't know what happened after you left our radar, all the airport's records will back me up. You're in orange and chains because you're a common crook, so I decided to dress you for the part."

Pretorius opened his mouth and found himself unable to bluster. He tried to get back up to assert control but couldn't do it. Helen blew a stream of smoke into his open mouth.

"Aww," Helen awed. "Can the little rich boy not stand up and shout in my face? You're just ACHING to ask if I know who you are, aren't you? I do know who you are, by the way. Had to google it, but I do. Your diamond-studded gold toilet is... well, really fucking stupid. The only thing impressive about you is your connections in the diamond industry. Major shareholder in several companies, someone who could and would get hold of Uongo's geological survey early enough to start moving on it before it goes public. Someone who probably has enough informants in Uongo's government to learn that the Star was going to be given to me; and to find out its travel plans. And someone with enough criminal connections to know the woman who could pull that job in the short window available."

Helen put out her cigarette and lit another.

"You know, I usually enjoy a little back and forth with the people in the position you're in, but I know everything I need to about you, Johannes. I know guys like you are the reason the dildo was one of humanity's first inventions. 'Let's see, fuck YOU or this oddly shaped rock that looks like it can get the job done...' I know you've probably got some 'I love diamonds' rant you're just dying to deliver. Maybe even one of those 'son, let me tell you how the world works' speeches that just holds a sign up to the audience saying that this is the bad guy talking. I also know you're one of those shouty types that likes to do all the talking because you think getting in people's faces makes you the man in charge, so I'll deprive you of that and skip straight to your punishment."

Helen brought out her tablet and looked at a video on it.

"Did you know there was a camera in Tracy's purse?" She asked him. "Don't answer, you can't, anyway. But yeah, Alice put that in there. She is damn clever. Your fuel delivery was late because she came up with the brilliant plan to delay it: just have Morris steal the damn fuel truck. I think I know what I'm going to do with those guys now. My main point, though, is that we have video of you receiving what you thought was the Star of Uongo and sending payment for it. Oh, I know it was more than you expected, and you've made some sizable charitable donations with the rest of the money in that account, but it's not going to save you from this. And you had a gun to your head, but I own a film studio; we can edit that part out. The judge would totally buy that story. Especially since, ya know, I'd be the judge. But it's proof of your crime. Proof we could show the media. And once word got out to your criminal contacts and your pals in the industry that you paid millions more for a fake Star of Uongo than the real thing's worth? They'd be too busy laughing at you to ever help with a little project like this again. So yes, destroying your life and reputation are options available to me. So is taking out my Ruger and putting one between your eyes right now."

She let that sit in the air and sent out a stream of smoke. Helen returned the tablet to her purse and fumbled for a second as if she might be looking for her gun in there before turning back to him.

"But you're lucky in one respect, Johannes. Tomorrow's my birthday and I told someone I'd try not to kill anybody for it. So, I'm going to put you to better use than being another object lesson in Why You Don't Fuck With La Contessa. I mean, you're definitely poorer after this, but I suspect you have more bank accounts than the one that just got emptied. You'll recover."

Helen stood up and slowly began to pace. A predator sizing up her prey.

"My economist raised a valid point this morning. Sooner or later, the Uongoian government will have to deal with the diamond companies. And when they do, you're going to be their fairy fucking godmother. See, someone inspired me last night to do to you what I usually do to the people I bring into this room. You're getting a mental makeover, Johannes. I think you'll be going by Johan afterwards; less pretentious. But yes, you're getting a whole new set of loyalties and priorities. I'll give you back your clothes and let you board your plane and fly out of San Finzione. But you're going to do it a changed man with a burning desire to help the Uongoian people any way you can. You'll sell that gold toilet and build some orphanages with it. You'll also tell me who buys it, because it'll probably be another dick like you and I suspect I'll want to have some fun with that one as well. You're going to make sure Uongo gets the best possible deals with your partners. And you'll also feed me back any information I can use. You wanted to play at being a criminal, Johan. How does being my spy in the diamond business sound? Doesn't matter, you're doing it."

He gave her a look that said that it didn't sound good at all. Helen turned her chair around and sat down, leaning against the back. She took out her phone and brought up a song. "Glory to San Finzione" began playing from it.

"Now." She told Johan, looking deeply into his eyes. "Let's make a new man out of you."

* * *

Camera crews returned to Castle Finzione that morning to cover the signing of the treaty in the Rose Garden. Helen stood by Lady Maria Louisa Francesca de San Finzione, pushing the stroller carrying Lords Vincenzo Ramon II and Byroni Troilus de San Finzione.

"I feel like I haven't seen you at all this week, Dearest One." Helen told Maria.

"You have had other matters to see to." Maria replied. "The country was fine. I think that apart from that one thing, the President has had a nice visit."

Helen reached over and took her great-granddaughter's hand.

"I just still wish you could have been a part of things."

"The last time I got caught up in one of Great-Grandmama's affairs of this nature, my car was destroyed by a tank. I was driving it at the time. Prior to that, I was kidnapped. I am happy to see to the country and guests while you take care of these things."

Helen smiled. Nunzio Lombardi entered the room, dressed once more in the traditional outfit of a castle page for the signing ceremony. He carried another large oaken staff and loudly thumped the cobblestones of the paved path through the garden where President Balozi Faraji would emerge.

"I have got to establish a tradition of announcing official guests that isn't so hard on the stonework." Helen told Maria. She then smiled as the photographers turned their attention to the President's entrance.

Balozi Faraji, first President of the Free African Nation of Uongo, entered the garden, the presentation box under his arm. His interpreter followed behind him. He had an expression that Helen wasn't used to seeing on the faces of interpreters and didn't recognize it at first. She realized that the look was job satisfaction, something people in his line of work often didn't receive in her presence. But, because Faraji had spent most of the week with Maria instead of her, the interpreter had gotten to do some of his job while in San Finzione and wasn't standing there bored like Helen was used to seeing.

Faraji approached a podium bearing the flag of Uongo. It flanked the table where the treaty was laid out and ready to be signed. Helen stepped away from La Familia Royale and approached an identical podium bearing the flag of San Finzione on the opposite side. A microphone was clipped to the lapel of Faraji's interpreter, and the President spoke.

"In my country, we speak of life as a journey. And ours has been a hard one. There is no shame in admitting that one needs aid on a trek such as the one Uongo has taken. When that journey seemed too much to bear, we sought aid. And when it seemed all hands were turned away from us, one remained. And stayed with us through the darkness, offering more than thoughts and prayers for our plight. More than words of condemnation for our oppressors."

Helen fought back tears. She needed a smoke but couldn't have one because the world was watching. The guilt of having done The Thing to Faraji to get her way hammered into her. Troy forgave her because that's what Troy always did. She'd have to live with it because that's what she always did.

Faraji continued his speech. His interpreter continued translating into Italian.

"Now, we are through that darkness, and a new age dawns. Along the way, a great many of my people's treasures were taken from us, but some few survived. Now that we are beginning a new part of our journey, where San Finzione shall walk with us as our ally rather than our benefactor, Uongo wishes to express our gratitude for the things that La Contessa has done for us on this journey."

He opened the box and revealed the large diamond to the media. They brought the cameras closer. Helen saw Balozi squint and blink, still unaccustomed to having camera flashes going off in his face all the time. In addition to being Contessa, Helen also sometimes did tourism ads for the country and made the rare cameo in San Finzione Studios' films. She had gained that ability to operate under constant bright lighting and ignore flash bulbs that celebrities acquired. Balozi still had things to learn about his new job.

"As we enter this shimmering new age," Faraji concluded. "And in honor of La Contessa's birthday tomorrow, it is my privilege to present her with The Star of Uongo. One of my people's greatest treasures. It is our hope that the light which San Finzione shined for us will always shine back at her through it."

He turned the box to face her.

"Contessa, it is my privilege to present you with this gift on behalf of the Uongoian people."

"We gladly accept this gift." Helen declared in Swahili, giving the interpreter a little more work. "When we saw the difficulties that lay ahead on Uongo's journey, we knew we could not sit idle. We welcomed those who sought refuge from the ones who tried to impede you. And when they needed to be stood against, we were proud to stand with your people. We will happily continue to do so as we see what bright things the future holds for them. Holds for us. And we are grateful to hold this piece of your country's past. And now, if you will join me in signing this treaty, that new age can begin."

The room applauded. Faraji handed her the box. She accepted it and carried the stone to Maria, who would give it to Nunzio to return to the vault. She returned to the table and joined Balozi in signing the treaty that would begin the future they'd promised. Once the reception after was done, Helen turned him to Maria again. La Contessa had another matter which needed seeing to.

* * *

Tracy Baker and the group that La Contessa had named Baker's Half-Dozen stood in the Throne Room of Castle Finzione. They faced the empty throne of the Reigning Monarch and awaited their fate. A pair of Ultimados flanked each exit to the room, and Helen's friends stood at one side of the room, facing the door where she would emerge. A table bearing a number of long plastic cases was next to them. Supervisor Luc Allaine from Interpol stood with the group.

Luc leaned over toward Susan Bailey, who stood next to him.

"I understand that whatever happens, you have done all you can." He told her.

"Helen wouldn't have us all here if she was going to do something bad." She turned to face him. "Your job's been difficult this time around. You know it won't always be like this, right?"

"Oui. I have seen this sword swing the other direction as well. My concern is that one day, my work may put me at odds with La Contessa. Because she is The House in San Finzione. And therefore, always wins."

"You have us, Luc. Yes, Helen always wins. We'll make sure it's not one of those wins where everyone else loses."

"I cannot always count on you three being here to see to this. In many ways, my job is easier in San Finzione." He looked to the door. "And in many ways, it is more difficult."

La Contessa entered the room, dressed in her robes of office and wearing her tiara. She held the Scepter of San Finzione in one hand and her cigarette case in the other. Silence fell over the room, punctuated by the clicking of her heels as she traversed the floor to her throne. Helen took her seat, lit a cigarette, and looked down at the defendants before her.

"I now officially hold court." She told them. "You are Enemies of San Finzione and have thus foresworn your rights to legal counsel or trial by jury. Know that you face the highest law in the land. No judge may dispute my ruling this day and the punishment I assign shall be carried out immediately and without appeal."

A long inhale and exhale of smoke, and Helen began.

"In light of your assistance with taking down Johannes Pretorius and your unknowing role in his scheme, we find you not guilty of the crime of Espionage. There is, however, still the matter of the theft of the Star of Uongo in the first place and your assault on the President and his guards. On that note, you're pretty fucking guilty."

Morris Sinclair and Gordon Walker looked down at the marble floor, Walker still standing on crutches from the beating Julie Equals had given him.

"Next, the GPR unit you stole from the Ministry of Science. We recovered that, undamaged except you broke the tracker; that's Destroying Government Property. You got away with the unit, so there's Theft of said Government Property. You assaulted a couple cops, but who amongst us can say they haven't?" She raised the hand holding her cigarette toward her friends without looking away. "I wasn't asking you, Troilus."

Helen blew a smoke ring before continuing.

"Then, we come to the robbery on this castle. You trespassed on the Denti property and broke into the house. La Familia Denti were an important part of San Finzione's history. Their home is an historical site. But since you didn't steal anything there, we'll call that Unlawful Entry on Government Property. You then entered the hidden tunnel into the castle. That passage's existence is a state secret, and that's enough for me to stick you in the darkest hole in the Baglio, but let's come back to all the things you've learned that you shouldn't have. You then used your knowledge of that state secret to infiltrate my home.

"Whereupon you burgled my safe, stealing my petty cash and a letter which contained another state secret, assaulted my person, and stole more of my property. It wasn't the thing you wanted, but I commissioned my best friend to make the piece, so it still belongs to me. These are all Crimes Against The Monarchy, but because I, specifically, was your target, they carry a more serious charge: Direct Crimes Against La Contessa Herself. This is why you have forfeited your rights. You're also responsible for the destruction of a centuries-old door that I was particularly fond of." Helen looked over at Alice Mei with that statement. She looked away, but Helen saw her lips curl. "And you gassed someone who, although it's one of those state secrets we keep coming back to, is, by blood, a member of La Familia Royale, thereby committing another Crime Against The Monarchy."

Helen let the next drag roll out of her mouth in a cloud.

"But I can't deny that this week has been enjoyable. I'm used to thinking I have to take care of everything alone. You picked a time when my family were gathered to back me up, and they made taking you down much more fun. We got back everything you stole, you cooperated with us on Pretorius, and you've shown me that you're smart, capable people. The kind of people we like around here. So, as far as the things you've learned, I'm simply going to command you to never reveal them to anyone who doesn't know. Basically, the people in this room, the Generalissimo, and a couple others I'll introduce you to."

They had no choice but to accept the command she'd given. No one outside this room would ever learn her secrets from them unless she said it was ok. They accepted this.

"Now," Helen said with another long drag. "There's still the matter of the criminal charges against you. It's been entertaining, but you still fucked things up in my country. And if I let you go, you're wanted in other countries for plenty of other things. Interpol is literally standing right there, waiting to nab you the moment I do."

She used the cigarette as a pointer and gestured to Luc.

"You might not have noticed it, but he's been fighting for you." Helen continued. She turned to face Luc. "I've noticed, Luc. And isn't it true, inspector, that if they're already serving a life sentence in San Finzione, they can't be extradited?"

"Since La Contessa makes the laws, it would entirely be her decision." Luc stated. Helen turned back to the others.

"And I know what that decision would be. Therefore, Tracy Baker, Gordon Walker, Morris Sinclair, Oscar Dodge, Alice Mei, Spencer Malone, and Franz Hauber. You got 300 million to divide amongst yourselves from this job. Therefore, I sentence you to Life plus three-hundred million hours of Community Service."

Alice spoke up at this.

"You're gonna make us pick up trash FOREVER?" She asked.

"Not necessarily. You're also talking to the person who gets to decide what constitutes Community Service. For a start, you're all invited to my private birthday celebration tomorrow after the parade. But you'll be cleaning up afterwards. In addition, I have a Study to decontaminate, and you already know about the secret passages, so I won't have to wipe your memories after like I would if we brought in a proper HAZMAT crew. I trust you have some training in that department, Alice."

She looked up again.

"I suppose I do..."

"And when you're done with that, Tracy had a valid point. My Ministry of Science could certainly use you." She turned to Spencer. "Same with the Ministry of Intelligence. I asked their hackers, and it turns out they've heard of Lone Star. Some of them have even gone after you. I've been down to Electronic Intelligence. Carlito has some cool people working with him. Susan likes going there with me."