No Contact

"No big deal except that she never informed me that she'd hired an assistant, nor has she ever mentioned anyone by that name to me either."

"I'm sorry, Alex, but there's more. I don't think she recognized me since it's been a while since I'd been around her because she never reacted to my presence. Anyway, after the rehearsal was over and people were gathering for the rehearsal dinner, the caterer asked me if I knew where the power panel was located because the outlets weren't working and they had a couple of heat lamps that they used on specialty foods. I looked around for Joanne or Steve and didn't see either of them. When I asked, someone told me that they saw them go into the back room to check on something. I walked across the building into the back room which was unlocked. As I entered, it was pitch black but I could see a tiny glint of light around the corner. When I walked up near them, I was shocked to see Joanne on her knees giving Steve a blow job. He was using the light from his phone to illuminate their activity. Whether or not he was recording the blow job, I can't say. Shocked, I took my phone and recorded about ninety seconds of her going at him. My phone has great low-light capability. I'm sorry man, I thought you would want to know. I hope you'd return the favor if the circumstances were reversed."

"Damn! Shit! Hell! Are you SURE it was her, Kyle? Was it her for certain?"

"Sorry, man. It was her, I'm sure of it. I didn't record the video for me, Alex. I did it for you. I'll transfer the video clip to your phone then I'll delete it from mine. From the looks of it, I don't believe that what I witnessed was their first time together."

"I hate that you had to see that, Kyle, but I appreciate that you came to me with this, rather than let it go on unchecked. Thanks, man, for your discretion."

Later that evening, Joanne called me at 10 pm after arriving home.

"Where are you and Elyse? It's late, she should already be in bed!"

"She's spending the night at your mother's. I'm at a hotel."

"Wait, what? What's going on, Alex? Why are you at a hotel? You're not making any sense."

"I'll answer your question with a question. Who is Steve Baker?"

"Who? Steve who? I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Are you telling me that you haven't hired a man named Steve Baker as your assistant?"

"Oh, you mean at work? THAT Steve Baker? No, silly, he's not my assistant. He's just one of the florists I recommend to clients and we do a lot of weddings together."

"I see. And does his florist work also involve you sucking his cock?"

"WHAT? How dare you! You're talking crazy, Alex. Where is all this coming from?"

"I'm sending you a short video clip, Joanne. Let me know when you've watched it."

Two minutes later, "How? Where? Oh, God. Where did you get this?"

"It doesn't matter, Joanne. I'm divorcing you. After what Desiree did to me, you know exactly how I feel about infidelity. I'll be fair; we'll split everything right down the middle. If you fight me on this, on ANY issue, especially custody of Elyse which we'll share fifty-fifty, then I'll send copies of that video to all of your prospective customers and all of our family and friends. Goodbye, Joanne," and I ended the call.

She knew better than to test my resolve. Eight years of marriage down the drain. We sold the house and split the proceeds. She didn't argue with me about anything. It was an amicable divorce. I never asked her any more questions about her affair or if she'd had others. It wouldn't have helped. We did a great job co-parenting Elyse. As far as I knew, she didn't berate me behind my back. From the age of six and a half, Elyse was given the best by both of us. I never badmouthed her mother to her but I did share a few salient details with friends and family.

I was unable to simply shut Joanne out of my life as I had my brother and my ex-fiancée. She and I would see each other when making the weekly exchanges with Elyse and also at Elyse's birthdays and holidays. Joanne tried to win me back several times but each attempt was firmly rebuffed. She remained close to my parents because their status as grandparents never changed. I didn't have a problem with that. Elyse underwent therapy once per week for two years at my insistence. I didn't want her to live through our divorce without someone qualified to provide her with the tools to deal with her emotions. She did well in grade school and graduated high school with honors. For her graduation present, I purchased a nice, safe, slightly used car for her to drive. Joanne and I had always split all costs associated with raising her but the car was all me and I wanted it that way.

During the summer before she started college, I sat Elyse down and told her that she was now old enough to learn specifically why I had divorced her mother. Of course, I spared her the graphic details but explained that her mother had been caught having an intimate affair with another man and I couldn't live with her after that. Elyse explained that her mother had painted a whitewashed version of the demise of our marriage saying that we simply wanted different things. She accepted my version as the truth. While I was at it, I explained that, owing to very similar circumstances, that's why I had cut my brother's family out of my life. He and his wife had both intolerably betrayed my trust to an extent that I could never get past. She took it all in stride, accepting and understanding the reasoning behind my decisions.

When Elyse started college, Kyle introduced me to his sister-in-law, Tasha McMasters, who had been widowed two years earlier, losing her husband to cancer. Her daughter, Amber, was the same age as Elyse and was also entering college. Tasha and I gravitated to one another and connected on an enigmatic level. Having been burned badly twice, I wasn't interested in pursuing matrimonial connections nor was she ready to change her name yet. She still missed her soulmate. We gratifyingly met the needs of each other and were living a very fulfilling life together. She moved in with me a year later and we managed the blended family situation to the best of our abilities.

Elyse and Amber graduated college the same year while receiving their four-year degree but from different universities. Elyse had met her dreamboat during her junior year of college. Barry Dotson was a nice enough guy who convinced me that he truly loved Elyse and had a good head on his shoulders. We disagreed on a few political issues but nobody's perfect. Elyse was thrilled to accept his proposal and they were to be married within nine months. Joanne and I met with them to discuss budgets and expectations. Once a number was decided upon, Joanne and I agreed to split the expense right down the middle. It was at her upper limit and she couldn't afford another nickel. I could easily have afforded their wedding budget alone but she wanted to pay her half, likely to have control of the wedding. Since wedding details are generally a mother's domain, I left them to it.

Elyse asked for my list of potential wedding invitation recipients. She and her mother had already hammered out their names and sought to add any others I wanted to the list as long as it was within their budget. I told her I had to give that some thought and asked her to furnish me a copy of the list they had already developed so I could see what friends of mine weren't already on it to save time. She dropped it off and I reviewed it two days later. I was shocked. Prominent on the list were the names of Gordon and Desiree Whitcombe and their three children, Donna, Clay, and Lisa. For the wedding party roles, they had included Clay as a groomsman, and Lisa would be their flower girl. I knew that Joanne and I both had made it perfectly clear to Elyse how I felt about my brother and his family. This was no accidental mistake. I met with Elyse and Barry to have a little pow-wow.

"Elyse, you know how I feel about my brother and his family and you know why. I've always been crystal clear about them. Now I see that you have invited them all to your wedding and plan to involve two of their kids in the wedding party? What's going on?"

"Daddy, I love you with all my heart. Barry and I both do but I naturally became curious about them, what kind of people they are, and why you despise them so. I wanted to see them for myself and make my own decisions. I know this may bother you some, Daddy, but I've been seeing them for the last 4 years and have built a relationship with them without your knowledge. I never mentioned it before because I didn't want to upset you."

"Upset me? You went behind my back and built a relationship with them knowing how I feel about them?"

"Yes, it is true that we all kept it secret from you, knowing you would object. They're really wonderful people. I felt compelled to invite and involve them in the wedding thinking that this would be the perfect opportunity to get you back together with a big part of your family that's been missing from your life far too long. I'm an adult now and I can make my own decisions and invite whoever I want to my wedding."

"You're absolutely right, princess. But as you said, you KNEW my feelings about them and that's why you all conspired to keep me in the dark until close to the wedding. I'm surprised you didn't blindside me with it at the wedding."

"We talked about that and thought it over, but felt that blindsiding you would only induce you to make a scene and ruin my wedding, so I decided to tell you ahead of time so you can learn to accept it. They promise not to cause any problems. They miss you and want to see you again. I want you to do this for me, Daddy. It's MY wedding.

"Does your mother know about this? She KNOWS how I feel about them. Why didn't she say something to you?"

"Of course, she knows, Daddy. Mom, grandma, and grandpa are the ones who suggested that we all get together and re-forge the family ties back where they should have been all along."

"You presume to judge me? Imagine if you had a sister and she stole Barry away from you shortly before you were to be married and she turned up pregnant with his baby? How lovey-dovey would you be with your sister under those circumstances? Honey, you've always known what my boundaries were and if my brother and his family are invited, then perhaps I should reconsider paying for my part of the wedding."

"Oh, really!" She spat in anger. "Daddy, it's time to let go of the past. It's all water under the bridge long ago. It's unreasonable for anyone to hold a grudge that long. It's not healthy for you. Just let it go once and for all! Greet them at my wedding and put your broken family back together."

"Elyse, honey, you know I love you but it's not your call to make. You can want that for me all you wish but it will never make ME want it."

"You've never broken your word to me, Daddy, not once in my entire life that I can recall. You promised me you'd pay half. Are you going to go back on your word simply because my flesh and blood aunt and uncle will be at my wedding? My word should mean something too, Daddy. I gave them my word that they would be invited to my wedding and that Clay could be a groomsman, and Lisa would be our flower girl."

She knew she had me there. I've always been a man of my word and she knows it. I exhaled a big sigh.

"You're right, sweetheart. Please forgive my oversight. My emotions got the better of me. Thank you for reminding me that I'm a man of my word. I will honor my word to you and pay my half of the wedding expenses because my word is my bond. Also, I agree with you. You promised them, you gave your word, and just like me, you need to honor your word."

Elyse hugged my neck in joy, but I continued. "While we're on the subject of honoring my word, I gave my word long ago never to be in the same room as them. I am not a liar, I keep my word. When you invited all of them, you unintentionally uninvited me. You knew my feelings about them, yet you went behind my back and embraced bringing them to your wedding. It is your right, honey, and I respect that. I can accept that you want to have a relationship with them all and I will never ask you to ignore them as I do because they have not betrayed you. The only one they've betrayed is your father. However, I will not be walking you down the aisle because I won't be there. Perhaps your amazing uncle can assume that honor."

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! Don't you dare threaten me with that, Daddy. If you don't show up for my wedding and walk me down the aisle with them there, I'll never speak to you again!" She flared heatedly.

"Elyse, honey. You have no idea how deeply it hurts me to hear you say such a thing. My shithead betraying ex-brother and his cheating backstabbing slut wife's betrayal is now complete. They have induced you to drive a wedge between us and keep me from your wedding."

"No, Daddy, that's not what I want. I want you at my wedding and I want you to be happy to be there with them."

"You want that, do you?"

"Yes."

"I wanted a brother who wouldn't betray me and stab me in the back. I wanted a fiancée who wouldn't cheat on me and bring about the destruction of my family. I wanted parents who would honor and respect my wishes. I wanted a wife, your mother, who wouldn't cheat on me. I wanted all of those things but I never got a single one of them. Honey, since you gave your word to all of them, it is best that you go back on your word and betray only one person, me, rather than going back on your word to everyone else in the family. It's the logical and prudent thing to do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and get drunk. The pain of missing your wedding is unbearable."

I wanted to be left alone to deal with my misery. I didn't get what I wanted. My angry parents, my fuming ex-wife, Joanne, and even my outraged girlfriend, Tasha, and her daughter, Amber, all tried their best to convince me to change my mind and let bygones be bygones. Every one of them insisted that I reconsider and apologize to Elyse and make up with my estranged brother. Tasha informed me that by not attending the wedding and walking Elyse down the aisle, I would destroy the relationship with my daughter.

I haven't spoken with Gordon or Desiree for more than twenty-five years. Why start now? I have to admit that there is now a rift with Elyse, and every family member I know has become actively involved in criticizing me. I did some soul-searching. My boundary of not wanting to see my brother was my choice, and my pain was all-consuming. I explained to everyone that my boundaries kept me emotionally safe. I had set an expectation that was followed up with consequences. However, everyone was in lockstep saying that when my boundary demands that others have the same mentality about the situation, the boundary becomes unhealthy. They all asked me if it would be worth what I could lose just to maintain my precious boundary.

Because she lived with me, Tasha had more access to me than the others.

"Alex, honey. Please listen to reason, why won't you be reasonable and at least try to find a compromise, one that allows you to maintain your boundaries without damaging your relationships? If you would consider being at her wedding and walking her down the aisle, aren't there compromises you might ask of Elyse? For example, not being seated anywhere close to them? Think about it, if you could separate your brother's betrayal and Elyse's wedding plans that would help you to focus on your emotions and energy in a healthier way. Is your history with your brother worth losing all of the people you are now shunning?"

"But can't you see it from my side, Tasha? Elyse has decided that she's willing to alienate me for someone who betrayed my trust. It doesn't matter if it was twenty-five years ago, it only matters that it happened. It's easy for everyone to say 'get over it' when it wasn't done to them. Ask Elyse if her fiancé cheated on her tomorrow and then he moved on with his new slut but I decided to remain close friends with him, if she'd be okay with that."

Tasha paused and considered my logic, "Elyse should not get to dictate when or if you let go of the past, but she is well within her rights to invite whomever she wants to her wedding and build a relationship with her uncle if she chooses to. It's time to consider whether or not being in the same room as your brother is worth sacrificing your relationship with your daughter. Honey, if you can't compromise in some way, your decision will likely irrevocably damage your relationship with Elyse and I'd hate to see that happen. Could you survive that?"

"I think my boundaries should be respected. There are levels of survival I am willing to accept."

I finally grew weary of constantly defending myself to everyone. I told them off and now I'm ignoring their calls. I've basically separated myself from my ex-wife, Elyse, my parents, and many other extended family members and well-meaning friends. The mood was cold and frosty in my home. We were at an impasse. Though I couldn't imagine it possible, I was resolute, angry, and sad all at the same time. I spent a lot of time thinking about what was at stake. Did it boil down to my pride versus a relationship with my daughter? I dearly love Elyse with all my heart. Then I asked myself the question, who is truly being punished by my demands? I had to admit, I was teetering. Elyse never informed me that Gordon and his family had been uninvited, so that means that she was doing exactly as I had advised her to do, keep her word to the others and break her word to me. As Spock once famously quoted Charles Dickens, 'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.' I was in despair.

On a Sunday afternoon, two weeks before the wedding, my doorbell rang. Amber was out with her friends so it couldn't be someone for her. Tasha yelled that she was busy and told me to see who was at the door. Then my stomach jumped wondering if I was going to have to defend myself again against some well-meaning interloper. I finally managed the wherewithal to rise from my chair and see who it was.

"Elyse?" I incredulously muttered in shock at the sight before me.

"Hi, Daddy, may we come in?" Elyse was all decked out in her glorious wedding dress in full-blown regalia and grinning from ear to ear. Standing next to her was Barry Dotson, her fiancée wearing a very sharp tuxedo. Another unknown man in a plain dark suit holding a Bible was standing right behind the overdressed pair.

"Of course, sweetheart. Come on in. You look absolutely stunning in that dress. You're so beautiful, it takes my breath away," I acclaimed.

"Thank you, Daddy. I was hoping you'd be pleased."

"And you too, Barry. You're sharp as a tack."

"Thank you, sir," he responded.

"Welcome to our humble abode, sir. My name's Alex Whitcombe. And you are?"

"Pastor Richard Walters. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. I'm here at this fine couple's request."

"What's going on, baby? I mean, I'm not complaining in the least. You look gorgeous. Did you come by so I could see you in your glory before the wedding?"

"No, Daddy, Barry and I are getting married."

"I know that silly, but why are you here now?"

"You don't understand, Daddy. Barry and I are getting married right here, today, in your backyard. We brought the preacher with us and the photographer will be here in fifteen minutes. We had to time things where they could work us in."

"What? But why? I mean..."

"Barry convinced me, Daddy. He reminded me that I'd told him that you have always been an outstanding father and an honorable man ever since the day I was born. He asked me, of all the people that I know besides him, whose feelings matter the most to me. Without blinking, I told him it was you, hands down. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks." She began to cry, "I'm sorry, Daddy. Next to Barry, you're the most important person in the world to me and I have poorly treated you as if that wasn't true. But that's not all, Barry asked me who I wanted to walk me down the aisle. You already know the answer to that. But he followed up by asking me, 'What's preventing that from happening?' and I told him that you wouldn't be there if my uncle was. Next, he said a word that shocked me to the core. Barry said, 'So?' It was as if the scales were lifted from my eyes.