Nobody's Dying Tonight

"Ladies," He announced as he threw the key down on the table "I'm feeling a bit tired. I think I'll grab some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night." Laurine said. "I'll see you in the morning and we can figure out flights."

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Chapter 18

He nodded with a small smile and walked toward his room. The price of the room was posted at $300 per night but the manager knocked most of that off. As he stepped into the room he looked around. It didn't look like a $300 a night room, more like a Red Roof Inn than a Hilton. "Doesn't matter." He thought. "I won't be vacationing here. He wondered if he would ever be able to see the Turks and Caicos in any other light than that colored by the wreck.

He couldn't sleep so he began to unpack the gear he had taken off the boat. He opened his dry bag and laid his clothing out on the second bed. It was only a fraction his things. He had the boat outfitted for long term cruising so, he had clothes, books, personal papers, and all manner of gear but now all he had to show was the contents of these two small bags.

He opened the second bag. It had been advertised as a ditch bag and was made for his EPRIB. He packed it with his laptop, iPad, ship's logs, radio, GPS, and the SatCom modem. He pulled the log out and was immediately alarmed, the log was wet. He peeled the pages open and saw that it was mostly the edges of the pages that were wet and most of the log was intact and readable.

He went to the nights entries and saw that Jen had not made log entries as he had directed. "What else should he expect." He thought.

He pulled out his iPad next. It was wet. The bag wasn't waterproof after all. "Well, of course." He thought fatalistically, "Let's see what else is wrecked."

The laptop was next. Like the iPad it was wet and would not turn on. The hard drive is solid state and he thought that he might be able to get the data off it. He started to flip it over to get at the cover on the bottom of the laptop when he saw the SD card poking out from the slot at the front of the laptop. He remembered that he had opened the route planning software earlier in the evening and was looking out ahead at the next leg of the trip. He must have forgotten to take it out of the slot in the laptop and put it back in the tin box he used to store various SD cards. He popped it out and set it on a table and didn't think much about it.

He laid out papers, his wetsuit and some other clothing on the table and chairs on the patio outside his room to dry and gave in to his exhaustion and fell on the bed still dressed in the shorts and shirt he put on in the Air Center.

He might have slept but mostly he rolled from one side to the other, seeking sleep but not finding it. He watched as the room began to lighten as the dawn broke. He gave up on sleeping and got up and walked out of his room.

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Chapter 19

It was still too early for the breakfast buffet but, he did find some coffee and filled a mug and sat down near the pool.

Laurine walked over and sat. "I couldn't sleep." She said "Jen was pacing and talking out loud and no matter how I tried she wouldn't stop. I think she finally wore herself out and she's asleep now."

"I'm sorry." He said. "I was trying to economize a little. Shall I get you a room of your own?"

"No. I didn't mean it that way she said. "Besides, hopefully she will leave, and I won't have to put up with her."

"Thank You." He said. "We can start looking for flights a little later when we wake up. I'm ok with staying the night here and leaving tomorrow. We both need some rest and I don't have the energy to rush to catch a flight today."

"I agree." She said. Give that room back today. I'll stay in your room tonight if that's ok. That will help save a little money. Should I give you some money for the room?"

"No, for all I cost you I couldn't possibly ask you to pay for the hotel but, sharing a room might help. I have no idea how much this is going to cost or how much the insurance will pay. Hell, for all I know, the police or the Turks Navy or whatever passes for an authority could walk in the lobby any minute and take me away in handcuffs. So, save your money -- you may need to post bail!" They both smiled but more from a sense of a "Whistling by the graveyard" than out of any amusement.

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Chapter 20

She was only a few years older than his youngest daughter and he had committed to keep her safe rationalizing in his mind that it was a way of paying Karma forward to make it easier for the universe to send someone to aid his daughter if ever she needed it. He knew there was no science to it, but it made him feel better and concentrating on getting her and Jen off the boat and safely ashore focused him and allowed him to function even when the breaking waves began to sap his resolve and allow worry to run its debilitating course.

He was afraid and doubtful several times. He remembered as the batteries began their inevitable path toward failure and the VHF was no longer able to transmit. When their link to the Cruise Ship was severed his heart sank. Where he had been hopeful for help, he once again wondered if help was coming. Even then he wouldn't allow his fear to control him or his anxiety to show. He remembered that he had taken the mic from Laurine's hand and switched off the radio. "You did great. He heard us and I am sure he's sending help. So, all we need to do is hang on a little longer." He said as he hugged her and displayed a brave face even if he didn't quite believe himself.

The next time was when the tide began to rise and the boat shifted, with a bang as a wave crashed hard on the stern and forced them forward nearer to the edge of the reef. The water which had been level and holding just below the salon began to rise with a sickening rush. He reckoned that the movement further tore the holes in the hulls and the rising tide was increasing the depth above the reef. Once again he had to force himself from despair and figure out something, some action to take that will prolong their lives till the time came that they were rescued or the wind died down allowing them to launch the life raft. He didn't want to push it over the side only to have the bottom of their last avenue of survival ripped out by the unforgiving claws of the reef.

The rising tide made his decision easier, there was only one thing to do and one place to go and that is when he had ordered them all to collect their gear and move to the foredeck. His mind flashed back to the scene as he watched the salon fill to waist height within minutes. That was his worst moment and he allowed the thought that he was not going to make it to creep in through a gap in the mental guardrail he had erected.

That was when the thought of Laurine and his youngest daughter galvanized him and redoubled his resolve. "No one is dying tonight." He vowed silently. "No one." It was that assertion, his commitment to protect Laurine as his own, as a surrogate for his daughter that steeled him in his moment of doubt and he began to speak and act as the captain, with as much confidence and authority as he could muster. Whether they had believed him or not was irrelevant, they had to obey his orders and yet he knew they were in the military and that as women, the orders would have to be softened and colored by explanation and a quiet, assured tone.

The last time came as Mike swam away from the boat with Jen in tow and he was alone. He had flown in the Navy and knew that as great as the aircraft where, they were only machines. And machines have a nasty habit of failing when you most need them. The dark side of his imagination flashed to a scenario where Mike got Jen loaded in the basket and some failure; Low Oil pressure, lost hydraulics or electrics, or any number of crippling breakdowns in the helicopter systems would result in a mission abort and divert to a safe landing location. If that happened, he would be on his own. Who knows if there is a back-up helicopter or where it was or if it could make it here before the rising Ocean had its way with the wreck of his boat? He looked at the gear on the deck around him. His mind once again sought ways to banish his evil doubts and replace them with affirmative actions. He grabbed the life raft and positioned it closer to the forward edge of the Port hull and checked the security of the knot holding the painter to the forward cleat.

It didn't matter that he had positioned the lifeboat and checked that knot a dozen times before, he went through the actions mechanically. When he was done, he turned back toward the sound of the helicopter still hovering near by and was greeted with the sight of Jen being loaded on the craft and Mike swimming back for him.

Like the temptation of Christ, three times he was tempted to despair, and three times he reached down into his reserves, as depleted as they were and turned away his doubt and recommitted to survival.

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Chapter 21

They were sitting poolside drinking a coffee and waiting for the breakfast buffet when they saw Jen approaching their table.

Laurine said good morning but he could only manage a head nod to acknowledge her presence. She sat, coffee in hand.

"I found a flight leaving today. I'm going to book it. You don't need me for anything right?" She asked. "When can we get back to the boat to get the rest of our stuff?"

He was silent for a moment, controlling his emotions and his response. "No, I don't think I need you for anything here.

He thought a moment before he began again. "I'm not sure you understand the whole situation." He continued." The boat is not near here. The reef is about 30 miles away as the crow flies, off a different island. So, the only way to get there is by boat or aircraft. Even then, how do you get out to the boat on the reef? If it's even there. So, no, I haven't made any arrangements to go to the boat and don't plan to. You have what you have. Everything that you left behind is lost. It's best to just accept that and let it go."

"Well, I wish you would have made that clear last night!" She hissed. "I would have insisted that you use the life raft and take all our gear off." Then in a false whisper as if she were trying to keep her comments under her breath she said, "Just another one of your bad decisions." She was back to pacing and biting on her thumb as she rambled on, at this point, he and Laurine were looking at each other with disbelief. He wasn't sure how he could reach her, if he could reach her, if he even wanted to reach her. She just seemed to be too far out there and again he wondered to himself how he had missed this and how he had permitted her on his boat as crew, how he even considered her as a possible partner in his long term cruising plans.

"Boy, can you pick them." He thought, berating himself yet again for his whopping lapse in judgement.

"Jen, I spoke to you and Laurine with as much honesty and transparency as I could under the circumstances. When there is a genuine risk of dying, just why the hell would I lie?" He replied. Voice still even, though his heart was thumping, and he felt his face reddening with barely contained anger.

Laurine exclaimed. "That is completely wrong and unfair!" Her face was red and her lips forming a sneer. "If he wasn't there we wouldn't be here. I'm sure that you would'nt have been able to get us out of there. YOU PUT US THERE!" She fairly yelled in her rebuke. "You lied to us from the very beginning of this. You could have killed me. When I came up for my watch you were sitting in the salon watching a movie on your laptop and eating Nutella. Why weren't you on watch? If you were doing your job, we wouldn't have crashed. So, it's time you shut up and own up to your responsibility in this." She was panting as she ended. Her adrenaline kicking in as she opened up and let all of her pent-up anger and resentment finally escape her mind and find voice.

He sat quietly; discretion is sometimes the better part of valor. The words were accurate and spoken with sincerity and conviction albeit a bit disjointed and seasoned with a French accent .He had to stifle a smile, she had always been soft spoken and her accented English made the rant seem less aggressive, one could even call it cute if not for the seriousness of subject.

He jumped into the discussion. "Ok Laurine, calm down, we're all tired, and probably still in some stage of shock, we have to stay calm as tough as that might be. Think of this as merely the continuation of the rescue so, I still need your help and cooperation until I can get you on your way home."

"Jen," He turned his attention to her. "Sit down. I won't talk to you when you are pacing and ranting. I want you to sit and pay attention." She continued to mumble barely audible but, she turned back to the table and sat down.

"You never said we couldn't come into the salon to get a drink or a snack when we were on watch." Jen said to him.

He started to reply but Laurine beat him to it. "Stop Lying!" She said forcefully as she looked directly into her eyes. "You didn't just walk in for a snack. I heard the movie while I was getting dressed. You were there for at least ten minutes. I heard you! So, tell the truth, you were supposed to be on watch, and you weren't, and we crashed, and you nearly killed all of us!" Once again it spilled out in a rush and she was nearly out of breath as she concluded. He was still amused at hearing the tongue lashing delivered with a lyrical French accent to her English.

He began again. Still angry, but still in control because he knew getting angry and yelling wouldn't help, even if it would feel wonderful. Instead, he held back and focused on the needs of the here and now. "Jen, I don't have a need for you here. If you want to leave today, then you should. In truth I would probably be happier if you do leave."

"Jen you screwed us -- you sunk my boat, wrecked my life and plans, nearly killed us, and now you want to blame others for your negligence and that just isn't going to fly with me. So, yeah, take the flight." He concluded.

Her face was red with shame and she looked straight ahead, not focusing on either he or Laurine. "I was on course. "She was sobbing lightly. "You should have plotted a better course. It's your fault." And looked up at the captain.

He thought about shooting back at her but, knew it would go nowhere. He knew he plotted a course where their closest point of approach to the reef was more than 3 miles. He knew it, he checked it, he made adjustments and loaded it in the Chart Plotter. He had even cautioned her about the wind out of the NNE and not to let it set them south of their course. But the chart plotter most likely was laying on the bottom of the sea along with the course and track it recorded so continued argument was purely academic. He had no way to prove the accuracy of the route plan.

At the end of the day however, even if he messed it up and plotted a bad course, that was exactly why you post a watch. You don't just set the autopilot and go to sleep. It's a tool like any other and like all other tools it needs human oversight and even intervention. Jen was not at the helm. She could not have seen the breakers off the nose, and she did not intervene by changing course or alerting the rest of the crew. Jen was just wasting time waiting for her watch to end.

"That's enough. That's just enough and you need to let it go now. Tell your friends whatever you want. You can lie to them and they will never know the difference and they can soothe you and agree with you that I was an incompetent captain. You'll know it's all false of course but, you'll perpetuate the myth. I don't give a rat's rump what you say to your friends. What I do care about is what, if anything you say to my insurance company. I am not going to ask you to lie or try to soften any aspect of the incident. All I am asking, all that I am telling you is that you should speak objectively. Talk only to what you know, state facts and not your opinions and if you can't do that, or won't do that, then you will be continuing your campaign of destruction long after the boat is gone."

"I don't want to talk to any insurance people." Jen said. "That's your business, not mine. I'm going home and forgetting all about both of you and this terrible trip. You know you need to get additional training, you're a terrible captain, I should have left way back in the Bahamas when Kris and Bob left. You know they didn't like you and thought you were mean and a bad captain and couldn't wait to get off the boat."

He sat back stunned. He just was not equipped to deal with a person that had no purchase on the reality to which everyone else was anchored. "Let's hope that you don't have to. But I must let them know who was on the boat and they have every right to ask for your version of the event. All I ask is that you speak truth, take your medication if you need. But I want nothing more than that."

Laurine was getting out of her chair, clearly outraged and he was sure that Laurine was intending to slap Jen by looking at her balled fists and the tightening of her face and body muscles. He stood up and walked between the two. "Laurine, can you please get us another coffee. I'll finish up with Jen and we can get her on her way."

Laurine was physically gasping. Her temper was up. Her heart was beating, her blood vessels dilating to channel the extra oxygen to her muscles in readiness for fight, her eyes were wide and unblinking, she was gasping her chest heaving. He held her a moment to let her wrestle control of her physiology. He whispered in her ear as he held her. "Thank you so much Laurine. I should make you my lawyer! But don't let Jen get to you. She wants to leave; I think we should let her."

Laurine's breathing relaxed. She sniffed and nodded, reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "I thank you." She said. "Even if this crazy, ungrateful witch can't see it. I know what happened and I'll tell the truth."

"I'm sure you could do nothing less." He said still holding her shoulders and smiling at her. "You were huge last night, fearless!" She smiled, wiped her eyes and collected their coffee mugs and headed for the coffee bar.

He turned back to Jen. "Do we have anything more to say?"

She shook her head. "I'm packed and have my reservation. I leave for the airport at 9."

It was nearly 7:30 AM. He was sure that he could find a way to avoid her for the next hour or so.

She stood up, turned, and walked away without a further word. He remembered that they had a brief interlude as lovers, and he thought he should say something but what?! She said it all he thought. He knew that it had been a mistake, but hindsight is always perfect and there was no way he could have known the extent of her personality disorders in the short time they had together.

She had a lake front home in New England, an inheritance from her mother and she spoke about it with pride and love many times.

"Jen," He said, and she stopped a moment and turned around. She had a slight smile on her face, and he wondered if she thought that he was going to call her back for some all is forgiven reconciliation. Instead he said to her. "You know that house you're so proud of?" He went on before she could comment. "Imagine you were hosting a party on your deck and one of your guests was grilling and walked away and left the grill. Now imagine that with no one minding the grill, and it fell and spilt burning charcoal and set your house on fire and it burned to the ground. Sure, the insurance will give you money, maybe even the full price of what the house was worth. But then all you have is money, you don't have the house, your memories from times there are forever tarnished, all of your knick-knacks and family treasures are lost and all you have left is the hole in the ground where the basement was. Let that sink in. Then maybe, just maybe you will begin to understand the degree of loss that I am feeling right now. All that was taken from me, so much that is irreplaceable. How do I get that back? Will you make that up to me? "