Not Again!

"Ding-dong."

Joel went to answer the door without looking through the peephole first. There was no need to. He opened the door. It was Faye, his ex-wife that he hadn't seen in three years. He just stood there with an indifferent expression on his face.

"Well, can I come in?"

"Sure, I've been expecting you."

"Your sister told you?"

"No, she WARNED me."

Joel went over to the kitchen table. There were two cups of hot coffee on the table.

"I thought you didn't have a girl friend?"

"I don't. That cup's for you. Unless you don't like it the way you used to."

"No, that's not changed." Faye took a sip of coffee and spit it out. "What the hell is this shit?"

"Just a little coffee with strychnine. De-con rat poison."

Faye ran towards the kitchen and tried to throw up in the sink. Joel sat still and smiled widely. "Joel, you son-of-a-bitch. You're lying."

"Yeah, there used to be a lot of that around here when you were still part of the family. I guess it kind of rubbed off on me." He paused to let his insult sink in. "There's fresh coffee in the pot. I gave you three-day-old coffee to show you how welcome you are."

Faye went to pour a cup and hesitated. Joel reached his cup towards her, "You can put some more coffee in my cup if you're afraid I wasn't kidding." Faye poured some in his cup and then poured her cup. She waited until he took a drink before she did. It was obvious she had to calculate how much Joel hated her.

"That's better but it's still not as good as I remember."

"I can't afford the good stuff anymore. It's been that way since my bitch ex-wife stole all my money and ran off with her boyfriend."

Faye ignored the comment. "Your sister said that you had to sell the house and move."

"When you left, I lost your income and OUR assets. I couldn't afford to continue our lifestyle without both of those. Not only did I AND my daughter have to move, I had to declare bankruptcy, short sale the house, and become a Ramen noodle gourmet chef. Since you took the good car, I have had to use bailing wire and duct tape to keep the old hooptee running. MY daughter and I have not eaten out since the last time my sister and her husband paid for us. I don't consider McDonald's as eating out. So, yeah we lost the house."

"I'm sorry, Joel. I . . . "

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, FAYE." She cringed and waited. "I don't care if you are sorry. I got over needing to hear you say, 'I'm sorry' when I realized that I lost my house and my credit rating was ruined. It wasn't too long before I realized it was worth it to get rid of your lying, cheating, stealing ass." Joel calmed down, smiled sweetly and said, "Now you were saying?"

"I'm sorr. . . "

"Did you become hard of hearing? I don't want to hear you're sorry. You don't have the right to say that now. I won't believe it anyway. You made it quite clear that I was a no-good, limp-dick, poor excuse of a husband, father, and lover. You could not be happy unless you left me. It was even worth giving up your only child to get rid of me so you would be able to be happy forever with your 'soul mate.' Well, you left, so tell me, did you come back to share some of your happiness with me?"

"Joel, damn it, I was sick. After the miscarriage, my hormones were all messed up. I became clinically depressed. I needed you, but you weren't there. I guess you had to mourn by yourself. You didn't give a shit about my feelings. I shouldn't have run away, especially from Samantha, but I didn't know what else to do. When Paul offered me a way out, I took it. If I hadn't, I might have killed myself. Being able to blame you was necessary to ease my guilt. That's where the insults came from.

"I figured if I could convince myself he was my true love, it was excusable to start my life all over again, even if that meant leaving you would require giving up my daughter. Instead of getting my true love, all I got was a true loser. But he wasn't as big as a loser as I was.

"Joel, believe me. If I had some happiness to share, I would give you and Sam all I have. The truth is that I have had none. It is my hope that I can get and give some happiness by coming back here, coming back to my true family and starting over."

"Faye, you're seriously delusional. There is nothing here for you. You burned all your bridges. You have NO family. You have NO husband. You have NO daughter. If you're sincere about wanting us to have some happiness, start with returning the money you stole."

"I wish I could, but I can't. Paul stole all my money soon after I moved in with him. He ran out on me right after we opened a joint account, and he took all our money with him. My parents paid for a place for me to stay under the condition I would see a doctor. After several doctors, psychiatrists, and a therapist, I began to become a regular human again.

"Joel, I can't tell you how many hours I cried when I realized how I treated you and Sam. I wanted to tell you, but you had that restraining order. I have become dedicated to redeeming myself. The rest of my life will be spent trying to make up for my horrible behavior. All I ask is that you give me a chance to prove it to you and Samantha. If I can forgive you for abandoning me, can't you forgive me for abandoning you?"

"No. No. And Hell no. I hope I'm not being too nuanced for you."

"Joel, I'm prepared to wait for you to come around. I deserve the harsh feelings you have towards me. I can accept your cruel words even if they upset me. But there is someone else involved. I have to redeem myself with my daughter. Right now, I would like to see my daughter."

"No, Samantha is NOT your daughter. The courts have said so. She is MY daughter. You abandoned her and me. You were crystal clear on how you didn't want a child tying down so you and your prick-on-a-stick could enjoy yourselves. You deserved your happiness. Remember? According to the court's judgment, I have TOTAL custody. You have zero, zilch, nada right to see her. IF you ever see her, it will be when I say so, or after I'm dead." Joel paused for a moment. "I guess I shouldn't give you any ideas."

"Do you really think I would kill my daughter's father?"

"Why not? You did once already."

"Joel, regardless of how you feel towards me, she's MY daughter, too. That's all the right I need. No court can tell me I didn't carry her in my body for nine months and helped feed and care for her for five years, but now, somehow, she's not my child. You can punish me all you want, but you will not keep me from seeing my daughter. You'll have to kill ME."

"That doesn't sound too bad right now." Joel did not say anymore. He sat and sipped his coffee.

"Where is she, Joel? Is she in the house?" Joel glanced towards the back yard.

"So, she's out back." Faye moved towards the sliding doors off the kitchen. She was surprised Joel did not move to stop her. Instead he casually mentioned, "You might want to be careful, Faye, Sam has a puppy that is very protective of her."

"I can handle a damn puppy."

Joel said in a voice Faye could not hear, "I guess a two-year-old, 90-pound, pit bull can still be considered a puppy." Soon there was a blood-curdling yell followed by the streaking figure of a woman with part of her clothing ripped off running through the kitchen into the living room.

"Call him off, Joel! Call him off!"

"Bruno, heel!" The dog came to a halt, but he continued his growl.

Faye was bent over, panting from the dash-for-life she had just made. "How could you have such a dangerous dog around my precious daughter?"

Eight-year-old Samantha came into the living room. "I assume that this is the woman who says she's my mother? It looks like the mother I remember."

Joel answered, "That's the woman who gave birth to you and then abandoned you."

"What does 'bandoned' mean?"

"It means she left because she didn't want you anymore."

"That's not true, Joel. Don't lie to my baby. Sam, Mommy was sick and knew she couldn't take care of you the way you needed. I had to get away for a while. Now, I'm back. Please, come and give me a hug."

Samantha backed away. "Daddy, I don't have to do that, do I? I don't like her being here. Can you make her go away?"

"Samantha, sweetheart. Don't say that. Mommy loves you."

Samantha ran to Joel. "Don't worry Samantha, the lady was just leaving."

"The hell I am. I'm just getting . . . "

"Bruno, KILL."

Faye ran out the front door screaming, "It's not over by any means."

Joel had a good laugh. Bruno was chomping away at his bowl of food. 'KILL' was the command Bruno was taught to mean it was time to eat. The command to attack was another word only Joel knew.

Joel spent a lot of time to try and prepare Samantha for further contact with her bio-mother. Joel's sister, Elaine, had been the closest thing to a mother for Sam. Although Joel was grateful for his sister's help, she had always pushed for Joel to reconcile with Faye if he ever had the opportunity. She believed the hormone and illness excuses. He had to ban the word 'forgiveness' when she talked to him. At least she called to tell him Faye was coming. Then he grinned at the remembrance of the just completed 'reunion' scene.

Several days later, Joel received a phone call. After he said, "Hello" the familiar voice of his ex-wife came on the line.

"Joel, I want to apologize for my behavior the other day. I wanted to see my daughter so badly, I was too 'bitchy' I guess. Gosh, she is so pretty. You have done a wonderful job raising her. Anyway, I wanted to start us off on a more positive note. I have a proposition for you. Are you listening?"

"I'm trying to, but I'd rather be watching some re-runs of the Bill Cosby Show about to come on, so get to your point."

"You and Samantha need more money for expenses. I have had a good job the last six months. I was able to get a transfer to the local store. Once I get settled in, I can give you child support."

"Sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?"

"I guess I should expect skepticism. There is no catch to the child support, per se. The 'catch' is that I could give you even more if I didn't have to get my own place. I could move back . . . "

"Whoa, right there. There is no freakin way you are living with us again. Besides there are only two bedrooms. Keep your damned money if it comes with you attached."

"Will you please quit thinking about how much I hurt you for one minute and think about what help I would be for you and Samantha. I don't need a bedroom. I can sleep on the couch. Aren't you tired of doing all the chores I used to do? I can cook, clean, and babysit FOR FREE besides give you money from my paycheck. I would be just like a live-in nanny. You would be able to afford a decent car.

"Think of the things you have had to deny Samantha because you couldn't afford them. Don't you know that Sam is aware that she doesn't get to do the things or have the things as other kids? You would even be able to afford to go out to eat now and then. Can't you put your positive feelings about Samantha ahead of your hate for me?"

Joel was torn. He had felt guilt during the last few years that Samantha had to do without sometimes. She never complained, but he could tell by the way she looked at kids of other families. He desperately wanted to provide for her more. All he had to do was to invite the viper into his nest. The thought repulsed him.

"Faye, I just can't take the risk. Breaking our hearts once was enough, more than enough. I'm not going to give you the chance again."

"How about taking small steps? How about I invite you and Samantha to go out to eat? My treat."

Joel thought. "She is taking the frog and the hot water approach. Little by little she hopes to convince me to give her a second chance. I might be able to risk that again, but not Samantha. She was too young to be significantly harmed by Faye's abandonment the first time. It still took two years and professional therapy. The next time could be disastrous for her. It was up to me to see there was no second time."

"No, Faye. I won't take the chance. I can't take the chance."

"Joel, I have already gone to an attorney. He says there is a good chance I can get limited custody and visitation if I agree to restore the money and show the judge my medical records that show my post-partum depression."

"I'll fight you, bitch. If I have a say, you will not get one minute of time with her. Go back and crawl under that rock you and your dick-of-the-month were living under. She was nothing to you when you left. There is no reason to get her hopes up about having a mother who wouldn't abandon her again."

"Joel, you can't afford a lawyer to fight this. After my miscarriage, I was sick. In leaving you two, I was doing something I should not have because I was not in my right mind. All that you know. What you may not know is that after a lot of help and hard work, I am better.

"Samantha has always been my daughter and she will continue to be my daughter. I am not trying to take her away from you. I am just trying to plug the hole where her mother should be. I am her mother, not you or anyone else. Elaine is her aunt, a wonderful aunt. You need to understand that I WILL be in her life. I want us to get along, so it would be in your best interest to be figuring out a way to accept that. This is not a losing proposition for you. More money, someone to do household chores, and someone who would be grateful to meet your sexual needs. Very grateful."

"So now you're a whore instead of a slut? Offering me sex to gain access to my daughter. What an improvement! I hope your therapist gives refunds. You really need to get your money back."

"I'm going to ignore your nasty words because I deserve them. That does not change the fact that I plan to be back in my daughter's life. The sooner you agree with it the better it will be for you and her."

"Fight or flight." For some reason, that phrase came to Joel's mind. He wanted to run away with Samantha, but he couldn't financially afford to leave, get a new job, or get a new place to live. He wanted to fight, but he couldn't afford an attorney. He decided to wait until he was forced to do something. "Maybe Faye is bluffing and will get tired of fighting and just go away." Wishful thinking.

A month or so passed. Faye went ahead and rented a small apartment and got settled into her new job. She started renewing old friendships including Elaine and Joel's parents. She found sympathetic ears. Once a week she would call Joel to see how he was and get any information on what of significance had happened in Samantha's life that week.

Joel grudgingly began to mellow. He knew that the hormone excuse had some validity. She never gave him a chance to explain why he didn't visit her at the hospital. "If she wanted to save our marriage and our family, I was willing to try to forgive her if she got help. Regardless of how she had treated me, she still had a daughter who needed her. When Faye deserted us, my willingness to forgive her left too."

"When Faye announced her decision to abandon us for her new man, I knew her hateful comments about me was her way of justifying her actions. I'm grateful in a way because her pronouncement saved me the agony that a contested divorce would have caused. I did live with a great deal of tension for a year before I could file for divorce because of abandonment. I was afraid she would come back before the year was completed and ask for a 'do-over.' Filing under abandonment gave me the one thing I wanted most: total custody of Samantha.

"I was the one who suggested she seek professional help in the first place when she announced her intent to run off. She should have listened to me, but she didn't. If she had stayed, I guess I would have made her go to the doctor, but I didn't get the chance. I hope therapy has been able to help her. She was a very good mother and wife, once.

"It has been hard on me raising a daughter alone. My sister has not been able to be a mother figure and take care of her husband and two kids too. And I haven't been laid in a long time. The closest I got was a blow job from a stripper at my friend Raymond's bachelor party. I think I lasted all of ten seconds. But it was a helluva good ten seconds."

Joel's sister and parents had pled Faye's case in her absence. They tried to explain the effect of hormone changes in pregnancy. They tried to get him to understand the grief he felt at the miscarriage was understandably even worse for Faye. They tried to tell him how much Samantha needed her mother. He also remembered how things were the years before her second pregnancy. They were good years.

Joel started making out a list of conditions under which he would agree for Faye to begin to have contact with him and Samantha just in case he could bring himself to risk it. The partial reconciliation needed to be gradual and re-assessed frequently. In the process of making the list, Sam came in and asked what he was doing.

"Oh, I'm helping Santa to decide what to give you for Christmas. I'm making a list of all the nice things you have done this year. It's really long. You've been a very good girl. Now maybe you can tell me any of the bad things, just to be honest with Santa." Joel was surprised to see Samantha look sad and almost come to tears.

"Daddy, there is one bad thing I have done that I'm afraid to tell Santa about. It's supposed to be a secret from you."

"Sweetheart, keeping secrets is very important, but there are some people you should never keep secrets from besides Santa: me and your Aunt Elaine."

"What about Mommy?"

"You have a secret you want to keep from your Mommy?"

"No, it's a secret about Mommy."

"I guess you better tell me the secret so I can tell Santa how good a girl you were to tell me."

"Well, when I go over to Aunt Elaine's to play with my cousins, Mommy comes over sometimes and plays with us too. I was scared at first, but Aunt Elaine helped me get over it. They told me not to tell you because it would make you sad."

Joel was burning with anger. "What do you and Mommy do? Do you go off with her, just the two of you?"

"No, we stay inside at Aunt Elaine's. We play different things. Mostly with dolls. Mommy is great at tea parties. She can make lots of funny voices. She has one for each doll at the tea party."

"Does she say anything about me?"

"She says that she hurt you very bad and that you're mad at her. She says she wants to make you feel better, but you won't let her. Daddy, why doesn't Mommy live with us? I think she would really like to. I would share my room with her."

Joel told Sam to go on to bed. He would finish the letter to Santa and put it in the mail. As soon as Samantha went upstairs, Joel tore the list of conditions into little pieces. He started a new list.

In a couple of weeks, Joel called Faye. "I've come to a decision about you moving back in. I would like you to come over at 7:00 Friday night. Bring Elaine with you. She needs to be aware of the terms of my decision."

Faye was ecstatic. She assumed Joel would have a set of conditions for her to move back in. She was ready to agree to almost anything. Once she was in, it would just be a matter of time before she would be wife and mother again. Her life would be better than it had been for a long time.

Friday night came and Faye and Elaine were right on time. They anxiously came to the door and rang the bell. There was no response even though there were lights on. Elaine had a key, so she opened the door. They cried out for Joel but got no answer. Then they saw the legal pad propped up against a flower vase on the kitchen table.

There was a note from Joel: "Dear conniving bitches, Luckily I found out about your defiance regarding my restriction on Faye seeing Samantha before I almost caved in.