Not for the Innocent

She laughed, "Seriously? How do you want me to do that?"

I groaned, "Okay, you're right. I'm just excited, okay? I think I have a real chance for a real relationship with this girl."

"Good luck with that."

"What do you mean?"

"Jimmy, you're a great guy, but I can't see a normal person wanting to join the circus that is your life."

As much as I wanted to argue, my life was the most circus-like of all circus-like lives.

*****

It was a hard-fought battle with my manager, but I won by threatening to fire her, to let me stand outside of the entrance to the aquarium. Everyone else in my group went inside, but I wanted to wait for Lisa.

Ten minutes went by, then twenty, then people started gathering around to line up to get in when it opened for the general public. I was surprised no one recognized me. It seemed to them I was just a kid in sunglasses and a White Sox hat waiting for the museum to open.

I sighed and walked out towards the open area next to the main building. I sat on a bench looking out at Lake Michigan and wondered why I still put up with the life I chose for myself.

Lisa had blown me off, and I felt like crap. I watched the waves crash into the rocky shore and tried to talk myself into not quitting the music business. The only reason I could come up with to stay in it was the money.

If money was the only reason to continue to do it, it wasn't a good one. I already had more money than I could ever spend, making more of it was just a byproduct of my work. My work wasn't all that fulfilling anyway. If I quit, my fans would just latch onto the next good-looking teen idol.

I wanted to write my own songs, but my producers always told me they weren't ready for prime time. I understood that, but I still wrote them anyway. I had about forty that sat in a notebook I carried with me.

In five years, I made six albums. Six albums of fluff that will be forgotten decades in the future. I sang songs about partying, falling in love, breaking up, and even had one song that was a four-minute metaphor for getting a blowjob. Nothing substantial. Nothing that meant anything to anyone that didn't already love everything I sang anyway.

I was only twenty-three years old yet felt as if I were having a mid-life crisis.

My phone rang, and for a moment I brightened up thinking it was Lisa, but it was Kim looking for me.

I answered, "I'm on a bench outside. Lisa didn't show."

"Sorry, Jimmy. You'd better get inside, there's a big crowd of people out there."

"No, I'm just going to go back to the hotel. I'll just chill there all day."

She argued for a while, but I did pay her salary.

I decided to walk along the lake front and try to get out of my own head for a while. I only hoped it worked.

No one noticed me as I walked along the shoreline of Lake Michigan. It was a quiet Saturday morning, yet there was a scattering of joggers, bike riders, and dog walkers.

Each went about their business, moving through life one step or pedal turn at a time. Could they have been having similar thoughts as mine? Could they also have been feeling lost at such a young age? Were they happy with their life's path? I still couldn't get out of my head.

I crossed a busy street and found myself in the heart of the city. People rushed around everywhere, the homeless begged for help, cops stood around and watched as the activity whirled by, until I was finally recognized.

I'd taken my sunglasses off to look in a popcorn shop's window. The smell made my mouth water when I approached it, and there was a line outside the door.

"Oh, my God! You're Jimmy Mace," a man quietly said from behind me in line.

I turned and smiled, "Shh, we wouldn't want to get tackled in a mob rush, would we?"

He laughed as I slid my sunglasses back on.

"No, we wouldn't. My wife and daughters will never believe this. Will you sign my bag?"

"Sure, just keep it quiet if you don't mind."

He nodded and made the zip of his lips motion.

"I'm Mike Davis. I just got into town this morning, and would you believe I was sent here first thing? My wife just can't wait to get her Garrett's. She had some business in Chicago, so I tagged along to visit my daughters. They go to school at UIC, and we surprised them this morning.

"That's cool. I met some girls from UIC at my concert last night. In fact, I was supposed to meet one of them at the aquarium this morning, but she blew me off."

"Wow! You got blown off by a girl? Has that ever happened before? I mean, from what I read, most girls would kill a puppy to be with you."

I chuckled, "No canine sacrifices are necessary, but no it never happened before. She was hesitant to meet up with me because she thought I wanted a one-night stand or something. The problem is, I really liked her and her blowing me off is busting me up pretty hard."

"Well, if it were one of my daughters, there's no chance they'd have blown you off. Your posters are all over their rooms."

I smiled and said, "Here, I tell you what, because you been so cool in letting me vent, I'm gonna start a live video of us on my Instagram. If your family are followers, it'll make you a celebrity in your house for a while."

He smiled and said, "That sounds great."

I pulled out my phone and started a live stream, "Hey all! It's your boy, Jimmy, standing in line for some fantastic smelling popcorn with my friend Mike. Say hi, Mike."

He said, "Hi, Mike," and I laughed. Then I almost lost it when he said, "Can I say hi to my girls? Hi, Diana, Hi, Julia, Hi, Lisa. Look who I found."

It couldn't be the same Lisa and Julia? There was no way.

I got it together and said, "Hi, Diana, Julia, and Lisa. Spoil my man, Mike, while he's in town. Much love from your boy, Jimmy! Peace out!"

I ended the video, and he gushed, "Oh, Man! that was awesome."

I looked around and no one had noticed what we had done, so I was relieved. I didn't consider I was in public, but with people still wary after Covid, the line was pretty spread out and no one paid any attention.

I was starving and about to buy out the popcorn shop just to have a snack, when he started talking about good lunch restaurants. After a few minutes, his phone started pinging with notifications. He ignored them, figuring they were from his family about the live video, and we were talking about some of the better places in the city to eat.

I finally raised the courage to ask, "Hey, Mike. Your daughter Lisa, is she a redhead?"

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

I sighed, "She's the one who blew me off. She and Julia went to my concert last night. I met her at my concert in New York last month."

"Oh, my God! What are the damned odds?"

"I have no idea, Mike."

We walked into the popcorn shop unsure of what to say next.

"Look, Jimmy, my Lisa's a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. I'm sure she's just too busy to be pulled into your life, and well, with me popping in this morning unannounced, she probably forgot to let you know she wouldn't be meeting you."

"Don't worry about it, Mike. As much as I wanted to get to know her, I figured she'd never think of me as anything other than a pop star. My life is a, oh shit!"

"Jimmy!" a girl shouted from the middle of the line. A dozen young girls all spun around and screamed.

"Nice to meet you, Mike. Gotta run."

I opened the door and ran as fast as I could across the street. I dodged cars, cabs, and even a police horse, as I ran what felt like miles. I didn't see anyone behind me any longer, so I stopped.

I leaned against a light post and tried to catch my breath. I pulled my phone out to figure out where I was, and saw I missed a bunch of calls and texts. Several were from Lisa.

With the revelation that her parents came into town and surprised her, I wondered if that changed anything. I would have understood if she had texted or called to let me know she couldn't meet me.

I decided I wasn't going to figure anything out standing in the middle of the sidewalk, so I looked around and saw a pizza place that Mike said he loved.

"Hi, can I get a seat somewhere private, please?" I asked after the hostess greeted me.

"Um, sure, Mister Mace."

"Thanks. Please let the staff know I'm here so no one freaks out. You know how it can get."

"I'm sure. Don't worry about a thing. Bears and Hawks players eat here all the time, Sir."

A few moments later, a manager came over and said, "Mister Mace, if there's anything you need, let me know. Gina is our best server and will take your order shortly."

"Thank you."

Gina came over, I ordered what I wanted without looking at a menu, and I realized how much of an asshole that made me. What kind of arrogant dick head orders without reading the menu? What if they didn't have what I wanted? I wondered why that was the first time I thought about that.

Fortunately for the kitchen, I ordered a simple salad with grilled chicken, tomatoes, and cucumbers. All restaurants would have that. Even if it weren't on the menu.

She came back with my salad, and I asked, "Gina, what's the best pizza you have? What is the must have pie?"

"The super six. Sausage, ham, pepperoni, green pepper, mushrooms, and cheese."

"Sounds good. I'll take three of your biggest size of that and a large extra cheese to go. Could that cheese be cut New York style? My assistant hates the little square slices."

"No problem. I'll get those started right away."

I texted my road manager and let him know I was coming back with pizzas for the road crew. I knew most weren't pulling out until after lunch, since they wanted to see some sights in Chicago before heading home.

I remembered the calls and texts from Lisa, so I took a deep breath and opened them.

I was surprised to see that there was none apologizing for breaking our date. They didn't come until after I did the live video with her father. Where did I meet him? How did I know he was her father? What did I think I was doing? She still wasn't going to be my groupie.

Nothing positive.

My UBER was a minute away, so I took a picture with Gina and the manager for the restaurant's wall, then posted a photo of the to go boxes on social media to give the restaurant a little bit of a plug for putting up with me.

I didn't respond to Lisa. I finally understood it wasn't meant to be, and I was going to move on and figure out what the next steps of my life were.

*****

My manager sat across from me at my breakfast table. I needed to make a decision on my next recording contract. For months, I'd been the talk of the industry. Some expected me to sign the most lucrative recording contract of all time.

It was intimidating. It was months after my last tour ended, and I still hadn't figured out what I wanted to do. I was an industry. I had dozens of people working for me, and I was about to walk away and leave them out in the dust--it tore at me.

"Jimmy," Carol started as I ate a bite of my fruit salad. "What are you going to do? You can't leave the business while you're on top."

I laughed, "Of course I can. I can do whatever I want. My last tour grossed over 500 million."

"Yeah, but that pop princess Fairleigh grossed over a billion."

"My ticket prices were half of what she charged her fans. I won't have my fans paying hundreds of dollars to see me. It's not right."

"Fine, but your next tour could..."

"No, that's what I'm talking about, but you're not listening. If I sign a new deal, I will only tour once every two records, and no more than fifty shows. I'm tired of the shit, Carol."

"No one will agree to that, Jimmy."

"They will agree to whatever I want. I'm driving my own bus now and for the future. Also, I'm going to be doing my own songs. I'm tired of other people getting rich off of my back. I want to control what I'm singing."

"You're killing your career, damn it! You can't do that."

"Carol, if you tell me I can't do something one more time, I'm getting a new manager."

"Be reasonable. You're going to be insanely wealthy after you sign one of those deals. I've got you getting percentages your peers only dreamed of. You'll be changing the industry."

"I don't want to change the industry. I want to change my life."

I was done arguing so I pulled out my notebook, ripped a page out, and handed it to her.

"This is the list of what I want in the next contract. These are non-negotiable. I want full creative control over my future music."

She sighed, "The money won't be close to what it is now. They'll never agree to that kind of deal if we do your songs and not songs written by pros."

"I'm sure you'll get me the best deal you can. Now, is there anything else?"

"No, Jimmy. I'll be in touch."

"Thanks, Carol."

I took a bite of strawberry and looked out my back windows. The ocean view was amazing, and it calmed me. I'd spent a lot of time looking at that view while I put Lisa behind me. Miles of ocean, an occasional boat, and a horizon. The colors that reflected off the water when the sun set were breathtaking.

It was Christmastime, and I had no close family to speak of. My father left my mother when I was twelve. He married some woman he worked with after getting her pregnant. Then, he forgot I existed until my first single came out and hit the charts. I couldn't get him to stop calling me after that.

I did the same thing to him as he did to me--I ignored him.

All of my grandparents had passed away. I had a couple of aunts and uncles on my mom's side that tried to stay connected, and I talked to them a few times a year. I took care of them and my cousins financially, but I never saw much of them because I was never around.

My holidays were usually spent on the road or in the studio working on my next record. It was just a fluke of timing that I had nothing going on that Holiday Season. I wondered what I was going to do.

The answer came three days before Christmas.

*****

I was in New York City getting some last-minute gifts for my cousins when I saw him--Mike Davis.

I had just grabbed a hot dog from a street vendor, when I heard his voice, "Hey, Jimmy," he said standing next to me.

From habit, I looked around and no one noticed me with my scarf wrapped around my face.

"Hi, Mike, how's the family?" I asked as I paid the vendor.

"One with mustard and kraut," Mike said to the vendor. Then he smiled, "Everyone is doing well, thanks."

I could see the smile in his eyes when he talked about them. He was a man that loved his family and was immensely proud of them. I had a twinge of jealousy flow through me.

"Do you work near here?" I asked.

"No, I'm a business analyst and work from home. We're doing some last-minute shopping and I needed a break. What brings you to the city? Big concert or something?"

"Shopping actually. I'm on a break right now with no tours or anything. I don't even have my assistant with me."

I didn't know why I felt like I had to tell him that. I never had a large entourage or security when I wasn't expected to be somewhere. That would just bring more attention than signing an autograph or taking an occasional picture with a fan if I were recognized.

I continued, "So, you're with the family? I'll let you get back to them, then. It was nice to see you again."

"Daddy, Mom said to not eat that garbage, and we have a reservation for a real lunch," the voice said from behind me. Julia didn't realize I was standing a foot in front of her.

"Consider it an appetizer, Sweetie," he teased.

He looked at me and I subtly shook my head no. He frowned, and I hoped he understood I didn't want to cause a scene with a screaming fan. Let alone the sister of a girl it took me months to get over.

"Jules, I'll be right in, okay? Go on and get out from the cold, Honey."

"Okay, Daddy. Toss that hot dog away!"

He lifted it up and made a show out of taking a bite. I could almost hear Julia growl as she walked away.

"You know," he said with that throaty voice we all have when we talk with our mouth full, "Julia tells her sister all of the time she was stupid."

"It's okay," I said. "I understand. I'm a difficult person to be with. I'll let you go now. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jimmy," he said sadly.

I walked up 5th avenue and ended up at Prada. I spent five figures on four purses or top handle bags, or whatever they were called, and had them shipped overnight to my aunts and my female cousins. With Christmas shopping done, I decided to eat a real lunch.

I smiled when I remembered Julia chastising Mike for not waiting for their real lunch as he ate his hot dog. I could only imagine the joy they shared during the holidays let alone in their daily life.

I found a restaurant and didn't have a reservation, but when I unwrapped my scarf, and the hostess recognized me, I was seated immediately. My mom used to say "membership has its privileges" whenever I was able to get a table without a reservation. I never understood the reference.

I ordered off the menu and was reading the latest fake gossip about me on my phone when the manager walked up.

"Mister Mace, one of our patrons requests you join his family."

I looked up and saw he was pointing at Mike and his ladies. I was about to decline when Julia stood and walked over to take my hand.

"We're not taking no for an answer, come on."

"I guess I'm changing tables. Is it the same server?"

"No, Sir," the manager said.

"Here. Please give this to my server. Thanks."

I handed him a hundred-dollar bill and allowed Julia to drag me to their table.

I was about to sit, when Julia grabbed me into a hug and then Mrs. Davis couldn't hold back any longer. She jumped up and hugged me. The kiss she planted on me wouldn't exactly pass the husband test, but Mike was just laughing at the scene.

"Let the poor man sit down, Diana."

Lisa looked embarrassed the entire time, and it hurt to be ignored by her.

I finally sat and said, "Thank you for inviting me to join you."

"It's our pleasure. I didn't get to tell you this before, but your little Instagram video made me a sort of hot commodity in my work."

I smiled, "Oh, yeah?"

He nodded and said, "Definitely. I do a virtual newsletter that many in my field subscribe to, and I do guest spots on Fox Business Channel, MSNBC, and others. My subscriptions and appearances skyrocketed after that. It's been a great year because of you."

"You're welcome," I chuckled.

"I'm sorry," he said rubbing his leg. I think Diana kicked him. "This is my wife Diana, and you've met Lisa and Julia already."

"Oh, Jimmy! We're all huge fans of yours," Diana gushed. "I can't believe you're sitting with us."

She droned on and on for a few minutes as I watched out of the corner of my eye, Lisa, who seemed more uncomfortable with each passing sentence.

"Thank you, Diana. It's nice to meet such huge fans."

"Yeah, Jimmy," Julia smiled, "we love you."

Diana asked, "What are your plans for Christmas? Do you have family in New York?"

"No, I'm just doing some shopping. I love the city this time of year."

She was aghast, "You're not spending the holiday with your family?"

"No," I said. "I'm usually on tour or in a studio this time of year, so it's a fluke I'm free at all. Besides, my mom passed away, and my dad, well, I don't have a lot of family."

Lisa looked sad, and Julia said, "You mean, you're spending Christmas alone? You don't even live in New York. You're going to spend Christmas in a hotel?"

I shrugged my shoulders and sipped my Diet Coke.

We were thankfully interrupted by the arrival of our lunch.

The ladies chirped on about their meals and Mike was surprisingly silent as he ate his large chunk of lasagna.

I ate my delicious flat bread and watched the interaction of the women. We were seated at a table for six with Mike on my left in the middle, Julia on his left at the end, Lisa across from her, and Diana in the middle across from Mike.