Obedience and Betrayal

We entered her bedroom and the flashback almost overwhelmed me. There was Carla on her back, and once again, there was a man on top of her. It was eerily like the traumatic day when I had caught her and Gabriel for the first time. The man was still too young, but I realized that he'd resemble Gabriel one day. It was his older son, Felix' step son, Alex.

Once again, the man grinned at me and Carla had this strangely inappropriately interested look again. Once again, the man tried to humiliate me with what he said.

"You can't seem to keep a hold on your wife, Simon."

This time, it didn't work, though.

"I think I could, but I don't want to. You can have her, Alex."

"That's easy to say after she chose me over you."

"She didn't. I wasn't available for her, so she took what else was on offer. It really makes things easier. I'm leaving the village with Leah anyway."

This seemed to stun them into silence. We were just about to turn around when Carla found something she wanted to add.

"Simon?"

I turned around again and looked at her.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry." She said that in a strangely unaffected way, as if we had just interrupted her from reading a book, not from having sex. "You didn't deserve this, but I never had a choice. I'm not as strong as you are. Good luck and I hope you'll find happiness."

I just nodded wordlessly, and by the time we left the room, they were humping away again as if nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had, as far as they were concerned. They would remain in this hell, not even being aware that it was one.

When we left what had once been my house, we found a proud looking Annette waiting outside. She obviously wasn't waiting for us, but for the two lovebirds.

"Oh, Simon, I glad that you're here, actually. The village has chosen Alex, you waited too long. I hope you won't put up a fight, like your father did."

"Don't you worry, Annette. It will be as if we're not even here."

"Good. We?"

"Yes, Leah and I are leaving the village."

"Oh, I see."

With that she just turned around to wait for Alex and Carla. Leah and I looked at each other, stunned. We knew that Annette had always been a cold, unfeeling bitch, but this was extreme, even for her. We hadn't expected a maudlin parting scene, but this was her only child that was about to leave her life for good. A 'good bye' or 'good luck' wouldn't have been too much.

Shrugging, we went to her house hand in hand. At least no one would disturb us while we collected her things.

An hour later, we were on our way towards a new life. The streets were empty and that was just as well. There was no one there who I was going to miss, apart from my good friend, the forest, maybe.

The journey to my uncle's place took us three days, and we spent our first night in the outside world in a simple, but nice hotel. There was never a question about Leah and me sharing a room, and the result was predictable. We were still enjoying the afterglow as Leah's head was comfortably resting on my shoulder. It felt just right, more than it ever had with Carla. It felt like it was supposed to be that way. Still, I felt that Leah was a bit tense for some reason.

"Um, Simon?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to tell you something. I hope you won't think less of me afterwards, but I have done something I maybe shouldn't have. I have definitely sinned."

"Leah, you're a good person through and through. It can't be that bad."

"I hope that you will still think that after I've confessed my sins. It wouldn't be as bad if I hadn't done it with my father."

"What?" Surprised, I had jumped up a bit, thus shoving her head more rudely from my shoulder than I wanted to.

"Simon, please... I had no choice." She seemed close to tears and I realized that what was about to follow might change the way I saw her for the worse. I just hoped that we'd still be together and I would still be able to love her afterwards. That would be typical for my life. Just when I thought things were getting better, some shit happened.

"Okay. I promise to listen with an open heart. We both know things were never easy in the village and we sometimes had to do things we didn't really want to do."

"Thank you," she softly said and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "This is about the night my father died. All in all, it was the most traumatic night in my whole life. It began badly and ended worse. He forced me to do things... Anyway, it began with mother telling me that it was time for me to grow up. This wasn't unusual. She never was interested in books, poems or paintings, she was much more down to earth and considered me useless.

"I didn't think much about it and all she requested was that I bring Gabriel a few sandwiches to the repair shop. That was easy. When I entered the shop, it seemed that Gabriel wasn't working at all. He just sat on a work bench and watched me as I placed the sandwiches next to him. Simon, his look was completely un-fatherly. He watched me like a lion watches a gazelle.

"'Leah, come to me, will you?' he demanded and although I didn't want to, I saw no way to refuse. Suddenly, out of the blue, he slapped me. It wasn't gentle, it was a hard hit. I had seen him doing this to countless people, including you, but he had never hit me that hard before. Stunned, I fell to the floor immediately.

"He came over to pick me up and I thought that he might have had too much to drink, would realize his error and apologize. The problem was that I couldn't smell any alcohol at all. The bigger problem was that as soon as he had picked me up, he slapped me once again.

"'You've always been completely useless, but that is about to change,' he said while I watched from the floor in horror as he slowly opened his pants. 'You've turned into a pretty young thing, you know that? You can make your father happy. You want that, right? You want your father to be happy, right?'

"I finally came to my senses. 'You're my father! Please! You really want to rape your own daughter?'

"This didn't stop him at all. He just started to laugh while I stared in disgust at my own father's fully erect penis. Despite my panic, I just thought 'This is not right. This can't be true.'

"Just as he started to kneel on the floor to rape me, I jumped up towards the work bench in front of me. Without any conscious thought, I tried to reach a safer place on top of it.

"As big as he was, my father could be quick as a snake. He immediately jumped upwards, pinning my belly to the bench.

"'You will come to like it soon, my sweet, goody two-shoes daughter,' he said, but I strongly doubted that.

"Suddenly I had what I thought was a brilliant idea. 'What about mother?' I screamed.

"'Don't you worry about her. She was the one who suggested this.'

"This was so sick that I just knew that it was the truth. My parents did things that no one could make up, and they did so on a regular basis. I hated them anyway, but at that moment, they literally made me sick. He just turned me around to look into my face as he was about to rape me, the sick bastard. With one hand, he pulled up my dress, with the other he roughly fondled my breast while he still pressed me against the bench with his hips and tried to kiss me.

"Suddenly, it was too much for me. I had always tried to be a gentle, understanding, nice person. This should not happen to me. This was cruel and unfair. My father should be the one who protects me, not the one who rapes me. I could have sunken into despair, but instead I exploded in rage for the first time in my life.

"Blindly, I reached behind me and frantically tried to find anything that might help me. The first thing I found seemed to be some kind of handle and I just gripped it and swung it around, towards his head. It was heavy, but not too heavy for me and I managed to swing it in a nice circle. I think it hit the back of his head.

"I felt or heard something crack while he was still trying to kiss me. Had I thought about it rationally, I might have realized that he'd surely kill me for this. If he didn't, I probably would have submitted to him, out of fear, like everybody else.

"Although I was sure that I had hit him, there didn't seem to be much effect. He just moved a step backwards and looked at me with a calm, but disappointed expression. He even shook his head, as if he was about to admonish me for a little mistake. In hindsight, I'm sure that there was some blood, but I didn't really notice it at the time.

"Then he shook his head a bit harder, as if to clear it, turned around and slowly went out of the shop. The whole scene was very slow, very peaceful and somehow surreal. He opened the door, stepped through and collapsed into the mud.

"Still not thinking clearly, I followed him, stood next to him and just looked at him. I felt nothing. I had never seen him so peaceful before. His eyes were closed, but he seemed relaxed and content. I watched him lying there for a while and realized that his chest wasn't moving. For the first time, the thought that I might have killed my father crept into my mind.

"I waited for emotions, but nothing came. I wasn't sad to see my father dead. I didn't even feel bad for killing someone. I wasn't shocked that my own father had tried to rape me with my mother's permission. Those missing emotions were the first aspect about this that made me feel bad. I always regarded myself as a caring person and I hoped my parents hadn't destroyed that.

"I just dropped the hammer into the mud and went home, not looking back and still numb. My mother greeted me with that sickening grin and a 'Congratulations, you're a woman now.' I didn't bother to reply at all, just went to my room, leaving my happy mother behind. She was probably right, but not in the way she meant.

"Later, someone confirmed that he indeed was dead. I expected to be lynched immediately, but I've always been the weak, gentle and harmless girl in the ivory tower. In their eyes, I was a victim, not a killer. I waited, but no one even accused me.

"I was irritated when they started to suspect you. I was prepared to step up and confess, should things get out of hand, but no one seemed to be too interested in finding the killer."

"That's it?" I replied.

"That's it. You don't think it's a lot?"

"Puh, for a while I thought you had done something really bad," I joked, trying to relieve the tension.

"Seriously, you bastard?" she said, trying to suppress a smile. She was obviously very relieved and punched me lightly into my arm.

"Seriously. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and that you had to do something so out of character for you. It was a clear case of self-defense. He tried to rape his own daughter and she killed him. I think he deserved it, not just for this."

"Simon, I..." Then she stopped and kissed me, obviously still overwhelmed with relief.

"Okay, so the mystery is solved. I didn't kill Gabriel. I wish I had, if only to spare you this experience. I certainly don't love you any less for it."

"I love you, too. You know that we have defeated him, right?"

"Well, you certainly did, Leah."

"Both of us did. We are the survivors. We are the only ones in the village he didn't break. We are the only ones who still love someone and don't just use others, as he taught them. We are the only ones who at least tried to remain clean in an unclean place."

I thought about how close Gabriel had come to breaking me. I thought about my growing contempt for the villagers, how I was beginning to respond to them just as Gabriel had. Leah was right: it was only a matter of time before I either became Gabriel the Second or became dead.

But Leah was also right that he hadn't broken me completely. I still wanted to do what was right, even though the village would see to it that I failed. Now, tonight, our first night in the outside, the village and its filth had no power over me or Leah. I knew then that we'd have the great life we deserved and as it turned out, that was exactly what happened.

Many thanks to George and Randi for their help.