Odd Woman Out

CHAPTER 1

I was thirteen when I got what Mama called the curse. I had been warned, but the blood frightened me. She hugged me and kissed me and cried.

"You're a woman now," she said. "Everything will be different. You must be so careful, especially with men."

I had to dress differently, like Mama did. My hair had to be covered at all times out of the house, because I was no longer a girl but a woman. Modesty was the key, especially with men. Keeping my gaze downward. Not looking men directly in the eye.

The other people on our little island understood about our culture and religion, though it was not theirs, and respected us. But it was sad that I could not be as free as other girls my age.

I was sixteen when the soldiers came, in what I later learned was called ethnic cleansing. They murdered and raped people of other groups, and also anyone who tried to protect them.

They shot my Papa! A harmless blind man working on our vegetable patch! They killed him! I saw it through the window.

Mama hid me in the cellar and went out to face the soldiers. I didn't dare to think what she was prepared to do to protect me.

I was scared, and even had to piss and poo in the corner. There was no water, and I had no clock. I would hide until Mama or thirst got me out. It was a long, long time later when she came back, very distressed, to say that they had gone away, and I was safe.

We heated some water for a bath and I washed her as Papa used to do. There was blood and bruises and her hands were damaged. She said very little, but we both cried till we could cry no more.

Next day we buried Papa according to our custom and went down into the village. No male was left, not even a boy. One had been shot dead and the others taken away. It was people from the mainland, the same country! Most of the houses and even the little chapel had been set on fire. The boys I had played with -- what would happen to them? And the poor women! It was terrible that girls my age were ashamed, as if I was their fault.

After a few days, some friendly boats came and took everyone in the village away, and we were left alone on the island. We had goats, chickens, olive trees and the vegetables. We never killed an animal, but ate those which died, and took some eggs from the chickens with apologies. We also took crabs and shellfish from the beach. The radio told us of terrible things, so when we ran out of fuel for the generator and the batteries died, it was not such a burden to lose it. The soldiers had taken what they thought valuable from the church, but left a large store of candles which we used carefully. We played music together and talked through the old stories of our people as the years went by. We had our books, including some which had been left in the ruined houses.

We looked after the grave of the man who had been shot, buried by the chapel with a simple wooden cross. Not our religion, but a friend.

With no men around we did not need to dress so modestly. Best of all we did not need to cover our hair, our beautiful hair. We washed each other's in the bath. I loved washing hers, running my fingers through the little snakes as they enjoyed the warm water and stroking. My snakes were a little naughtier, and sometimes nipped her -- not hard, just playful.

"Oh, Medusa!" she said. It was nice to hear her laugh.

CHAPTER 2

It was some years later and I was actually walking naked in the flower meadow when I saw a boat coming in to the ruined jetty. There was a glint which might have been binoculars. Had they seen me?

I ran back in, and we sorted out our clothes and sunglasses. Mama reminded me of our curse.

"A man who looks directly into your eyes will freeze. He will recover, but you should avoid it as it alarms people. But if you stare hard, he will go rigid, his breathing will stop and he will die. You must not get angry."

"Sunglasses mean that you can disguise the fact that you are not looking directly at them."

"But those soldiers?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "Every one."

She had never told me the details before. A crowd of soldiers had landed, shot one man in the village and rounded up the rest, keeping them prisoner while the women were being raped. The men had been taken away and four soldiers stayed on the island to search for other men. Two had found our house.

Mama had covered her hair and walked out naked. She was able to get close enough to give them the killing stare. She dragged them to the cliffs and pushed them off. Then she had gone down to the village and killed the other two. I guess from her bruises it had not been easy.

Naturally the stare did not affect our own men, the ones with snakes as their hair. I had never known Grandpa, who had died helping Mama to escape, and only just remembered my Great Grandpa who escaped with her and brought with her to the island, but died when I was young. The men did not have the power, only adult women, so Grandpa had simply fought and died as a man. My people had known ethnic cleansing for thousands of years, and so far as we knew, we were the only ones left.

Our people, the Gorgons, had been valued and respected for their wisdom once, and were even consulted as oracles. Then they were feared and persecuted. Finally they were forgotten. The villagers had known what we really were, and had been friends. The women had no fear, and the men were careful. No-one talked about us away from the island to avoid the disturbance to their peaceful life which would surely follow.

Mama could not marry, of course.

Until on the beach she found a burned and nearly drowned man. I do not know the details, but I think there had been an explosion and fire on a ship. It took all of Mama's healing arts to save his life, but she could do nothing about the damage to his eyes. It was good that he would never see himself in a mirror, but sad that he could not see the beautiful woman who had saved him. Yet that made him safe to love and marry her.

There was no-one to marry them according to the custom of our people, so they were married in the little chapel by the old priest. Within a year, I was born, and they named me Medusa.

I had never known anything but friendship from the other people on the island.

Then the soldiers had arrived and the village community was gone.

From the radio we had learned of the horrors going on, but it seemed our unimportant island had been forgotten until now.

We stayed indoors and hoped the boat would just be an odd visitor.

But a couple of hours later there was a knock on the door. We covered ourselves but kept quiet.

Then we heard a woman's voice.

"Keto, Meddy! It's Maria from the village. I'm alone."

Cautiously Mama opened the door a bit and looked in the mirror on the wall which allowed us to see outside without harming anyone, then let Maria in.

There were hugs and tears before we could have any sensible conversation.

She was wearing a headscarf, but took it off, so we did the same.

She clasped her hands together and looked at me in such a fond way.

"Oh Meddy! You were such a pretty girl! Now you're a beautiful woman."

She reached towards my hair.

"May I?" I nodded.

She put her hand in my snakes and they were so pleased!

"I haven't done this since you were a girl!" Maria said, with a big smile. "I'd almost forgotten how nice it is."

My snakes hissed happily and I felt a delicious warm feeling of friendship.

She had come to warn us.

The civil war was over, but the country had split up. The villagers had sold their ruined homes and a company was going to build a holiday resort. Just a quiet one, she said, probably for older people who wanted a tranquil time away. She had come along to show the surveyors around the village. They understood that we had been terrorized by the soldiers, so she had come to explain. It would just be for three days, but they wanted to look at the stream which ran through our land. They would not come to the house.

Mama agreed they could look. It was far away from the house, on a rocky section with poor pasture.

Maria came back a couple of days later. The company wanted permission to put a water tank fed by the stream to supply the holiday village. While money for rent did not mean much to us, they could supply fuel for the generator and any other supplies we might need, and we could use a shop they would run. They understood we did not want to talk to men (but not the real reason) so we would only have to speak to a woman lawyer and a woman civil engineer.

When she had gone, Mama asked me "Do you think she was telling the truth? Can we trust her?"

"Yes, of course," I said.

"But how did you know?"

Then it hit me.

"My snakes told me!"

She hugged and kissed me.

"We have a curse and a gift. You cannot have one without the other. This is what happened when you became a woman. We cannot tell the future, but we can tell a lot of things, which is why we were oracles. The trouble is that ordinary people did not like us understanding so much about them, so we cover our hair. If the snakes cannot see, then we know no more than them. It is only the children and the most honest people, like Maria, who do not mind."

She paused and rubbed away a tear.

"It was my snakes which told me that I could trust your Papa. He loved the way I understood him so well, and he loved our snakes."

She was crying, and I was too, thinking of his hands on my face and in my hair. He said that his blindness had been the greatest gift because it had given him his two girls. She told me again of how she had found him half-drowned on the beach, and how her snakes had helped her recognise their mutual love. She sometimes called Papa her gift of Poseidon! He had been buried at sea, like Great Grandpa, which was both our custom and appropriate that he be returned from where he had come.

A few weeks later we were visited by a woman lawyer and a woman civil engineer. The project would go ahead anyway, but they wanted to use a bit of our land, and to respect our privacy.

Mama made a preliminary agreement.

Afterwards she explained what she had done.

"I sat in darkness while they were in the light. I was able to let a few of my snakes peek out from under my headscarf. I think so far as they knew, it will be all right."

CHAPTER 3

So it began. It was mainly men, of course involved in construction, and they had been told not to come to our house. Only the woman civil engineer visited to tell us about the progress.

She said they could bring running water to our house, but Mama refused. We did not want men coming in. So the men laid a plastic pipe up to the house, and the woman herself installed a tap and drain indoors beside our cooking range. When we opened this, an automatic pump gave us filtered water from the stream. Such luxury!

Later on they installed electricity up to the generator house, so the men did not have to come in.

We were both sad when the men put a fence around our land and signs saying "Private Property". None of the villagers had had locks on their doors. People's lands and homes were matters of respect, not barriers. Inside the fence was a flower meadow, where we had been happy for children to play. But there would probably be no children in the new village.

Meanwhile work began. The chapel and a few houses were repaired, but most were demolished and a set of one storey modern ones were constructed, what were called chalets. I watched from distance.

But I had been starved of company. Mama and I had mainly spoken in Greek, the language of our people, though we also spoke the language of the islanders. And when I heard some people speaking English, the language of my dear Papa, I cried, but I had to go back.

I hung around as discreetly as I could just to listen. The conversations were not the sort of thing Papa had said. Some were obviously technical, but most were not, and I learned the word 'fucking' though it just seemed to be used all the time for no reason.

Mama told me what it really meant, but how many men used it to swear.

"The more they use it, the less important they are," she told me.

I knew about sex of course, and had seen it with animals. I had known what Mama and Papa must have done, but had never really thought about it. The books I had read often were romances, which ended with a man and woman getting married. But that was just a dream, and not something that would happen to me.

In fact, knowing what the soldiers had done to women in the village, I was sure I did not want fucking. After all women did not need it for pleasure. Mama and I often sat side or lay by side, stroking our mouvis. How our hair would stand up and our little snakes writhe as the pleasure increased until they were almost straight out, their little mouths open! And we would laugh with happiness to see each other's orgasm! I had been eighteen before she encouraged me to do this. We had to get on with life even without Papa.

We could have that pleasure as often as we wanted. Mama had said two women could live together and pleasure each other. Maybe I could find a woman like this who would not fear my eyes, and we could be happy together when she had gone. That was really her best hope for me.

Now I began to thrust two fingers in, to think of a man penetrating me.

Mama understood, and promised she would try to find a blind man as a husband for me. But of course we had no way of doing this.

It was depressing. Now I could see fit young men working on the buildings, it was almost painful, but I could not keep away. At last I understood eros: sexual desire.

I gave myself several orgasms a day, but was not satisfied, so stopped.

I did not want a woman. I wanted to do what other girls did, and find my own man to love me. I was greedy, wanting romance and sex, but I was a young woman, and really it was only natural. Mama and Papa had been lucky and they had loved each other. I might love a blind man, but I did not want to be just found a mate like an animal.

CHAPTER 4

Mama warned me, but I took to going around the holiday village. It was not yet open, but there were staff preparing, and I began talking to some of the women. They were different nationalities, but generally spoke English. About half of them were from the mainland and spoke a language similar to that of the island.

Maria had come back to live and work there. It was her husband who had been killed, so she wanted to be near his grave. Her son had been taken, and never seen again. One of the supervisors said I could have a job, and could keep my hair covered. I so much wanted to be with people, but had to refuse.

I had stayed for a meal with Maria, and it was getting late when I started home. There were two building workers who had obviously been drinking, and started to taunt me.

"Hey, it's that Muslim tart that's always hanging around," one of them said. "What do you think she's up to?"

"Looking for a bit of best British cock, I reckon," said his friend.

They barred my way and I could smell the drink on them. I kept my face down, not answering back, being humble.

From a distance, I heard someone call "Hey, leave her alone!"

"It's getting dark, you don't need sunglasses," one of them said, and pulled them off. I closed my eyes tight.

"Not a bad looker, actually," he said, as I stood there trembling.

"Whoa! Nice pair of tits!"

I couldn't help it. He grabbed my breasts. I opened my eyes and saw him leering at me. I was frightened and angry.

I glared at him.

And he went rigid.

I had killed him!

I fainted.

Coming out of the faint I did not know who I was or what was going on.

There was a face looking down at me.

"Ah, pupils are equal. I think she just fainted. How are you?"

I answered in Greek, then caught myself and said I was all right in English.

There was a man staring into my eyes, and he was talking to me. Something about first aid. He had not gone rigid.

Cautiously I looked round.

My attacker was sitting up rubbing his chin and being told off by several people, while another man was rubbing his fist.

The attacker's friend had gone, but some other people were gathering round, and looking at me.

Men and women, looking into my eyes!

But my headscarf was loosened and I could feel a couple of snakes trying to peer out, so I quickly tucked them in.

I realised then (and Mama agreed) that because I was only half a Gorgon, my curse was reduced. A man could look into my eyes without freezing, and my stare did not kill.

I was introduced to the young man who had punched my attacker, and thanked him.

He said I had nice eyes.

He said I had nice eyes!

A man could look into my eyes!

I looked at his eyes for a long time, but it was not the angry glare. He just blushed, and turned a bit away.

He told me his name was Percy. I said I was Medusa, which he said was a lovely name.

CHAPTER 5

Percy insisted on walking with me back to our house. I told him my mother's name was Keto, and my father was dead, but did not say why. I noticed he was careful not to touch me, though I really wanted him to.

When we got there, I called out in Greek to warn Mama. She opened the door and looked in the mirror we had on the wall to see us. Her hair was covered.

"Salaam alaikum, Keto" he called out, but lowered his gaze. "My name's Percy. Your daughter had a little accident, but she's fine." I didn't know what the first words meant.

Mama rushed out, looking down, and hugged me.

"Thank you!" she called as she brought me in, her head bent down.

"Thank you!" again as she closed the door.

It was a happy/sad evening. She was overjoyed with the news that I could look at men if I was careful, but sad that she was still a danger.

A few days later I was talking with Maria, when Percy came up to us. I had not noticed his approach. Automatically I looked down.

"Salaam alaikum, Medusa," he said and also looked down.

"Hello," I said, a bit puzzled.

"It's OK," he said, "I know some Muslims, and I know women are not supposed to look at men. Obviously we can't..."

"We're not Muslims," I interrupted. "It's an older religion."

I looked at him and he looked at me. He had nice eyes, too. Nothing happened.

Except there was a lump in my throat and I could feel my snakes wanting to peek out, so I tucked in my headscarf tightly.

"Excuse me," I managed to say, and hurried home.

We kept away from the village for a while and talked. We cried a lot.

I was a young woman with natural desires, said Mama. Quite old enough to be having sex, and there were ways to stop having babies. Maybe I would never find someone like Papa. Percy was just the first young man I had really met since I became a woman. I needed to get to know several before taking the step. And how could we keep our secret, now the world was coming to us?

The conclusion was to talk, be modest and be careful.

"Perhaps he would believe our religion allows touching of hands, but nothing else, and woman's hair is reserved for her husband," she suggested.

I was so happy! We hugged and kissed and let our snakes intertwine, feeling the love between us.

But it was more difficult than she had suggested, as I found out.

Carefully I approached Percy and asked if we could meet. The café & bar was already operating, so he bought me a strange drink called cola.

"Can we shake hands?" I asked, knowing from Papa that this is what British people did. He was pleased to do it.

"It's all right with hands," I told him, "but Mama says nowhere else. And I have to keep my hair covered."

"OK," he said, looking pleased.

"It's our rel--," I began, but could not say it. My snakes wriggled and hissed. I cleared my throat to cover the little sound.

I could not say it because it was not true. I must be an oracle. Oracles cannot lie. We can tell stories, providing people know that it is a story, but we cannot lie. It had never been a problem on the island before. There was no need to say anything but the truth. Now with these other people we had to pretend we were like them. But I could not lie.