On the Loveseat Ch. 18

"That he confessed right away without trying to conceal it or pretend that it didn't happen meant something to me. I told him that I still loved him. He said he still loved me, and that he had hurt me was killing him. I believed him." Mom turned away from my gaze again. She continued.

"I told him that he had made a mistake, but he owned up to it. I was hurt by what he had done but that I wasn't going to go to extremes to punish him."

"You mean divorce?" My voice quivered with my fear of that result.

"I can't very well fault your father when I have been doing the very same can I?" Mom's eyes came up to pierce mine.

I couldn't answer her.

"I have to forgive him otherwise I can't forgive myself. I'm just as much to blame as him. Also, I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't just say everything will be okay either. If I just drop it without another word what does that say about me?" I knew this was just a rhetorical question, but I didn't want her to beat herself up over dad's misdeeds. They didn't reflect on her own, no matter how right her deeds had seemed to me.

"Mom, you can't blame yourself for what dad did. He has a hot wife and has been ignoring her." I tried to console my mother.

"Can't I?" Her tone was chilly now. "We've been together for so long that we both take each other for granted. Things have gotten boring between us. That happens sometimes. Maybe if I had been more focused on my husband instead of on my son. A marriage is two people. Just because he may not have been paying enough attention to me doesn't mean that I should do the same to him. I should have tried harder to get his attention. I could've worn that lingerie for him instead of you."

Her voice was accusatory, aimed squarely at me.

"Mom ..." I tried to defend our actions but she cut me off.

"No. I'm his wife. I gave my promise to him all those years ago. For better or worse. If I just give up because he's more interested in golf than his wife, then I am just as much to blame as him. As you."

Her eyes were emerald lasers cutting me to my heart.

"What do you mean me?" It came out harsher than I intended, but I didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"Yes you. You are as much to blame as any of us."

"How so? Remember it was your hand in my lap that night!" I cut back at her.

"I remember someone practically blackmailing me to suck his dick in the kitchen." Mom pulled from my arm as she spoke.

"You seemed eager when you did mom." I was now shaking, afraid of both of our responses but unable to stop myself as my words shot from me like a rifle blast.

"And I'm sorry for that." Mom's voice grew softer, almost tender. "I'm not going to say that I regret now what we did, or whether it was right or wrong."

Her eyes melted and welled up with wetness. Her palm came up to my cheek, barely brushing it.

"I love you Jeremy. More than you can know."

"I love you too Jenny. You know that." I grabbed her hand and held it to my face. I felt my own eyes getting watery.

"Maybe if I had been fooling around with Justin instead of you, maybe we wouldn't be in this position now."

"What position mom? You've talked with dad. Let him stew a bit; make him buy you some jewelry or something. Then we can get back to how things were before yesterday." I urged her.

"Don't you see, that's the problem. Justin must have been feeling something if he could be talked into sex with a stranger. If I had done more, he wouldn't have been tempted at all. Like all those years ago with Jess half-naked and he never even noticed her. He was ignoring me, but I was also ignoring him. I was focused elsewhere."

Her face was less than a foot from mine. I had an urge to kiss her. A need to kiss her. But I had to resist my desires.

"You still had sex with him. That's not my fault."

"Yes I did. But mostly because I felt obligated to; I've told you that I had wished it was you instead of him any of those times."

I should have felt elated at her admission, but instead it felt like a knife cut.

"So, what are you saying?" I asked, the tears full in my eyes. I was sure I already knew mom's answer before I heard her speak the words.

"Jeremy ..." Her voice broke. Tears ran down both her cheeks.

"I can't ... be with you ... any more. I'm sorry Jeremy ... my handsome son ... my wonderful lover." Mom pulled her hand from my face, my tears replaced its warmth with cool streaks of pain. "I need to fix my marriage. To give my time to my husband. The man to whom I promised myself until death do us part. That promise doesn't end just because I found someone better. Especially that that someone is our son. You are just as much his son as you are mine."

"I don't sleep with him." I tried to sound as if I was blaming her, but also trying to reconcile at the same time. It came out as neither and more like a whine from a kicked puppy.

But that's what I felt like then.

Like mom had just ripped out my heart and kicked a field goal with it.

"This isn't easy for me either honey. I've never felt a love with anyone else like I do with you. My heart is breaking just as much as yours." Mom's cheeks were rivers of tears.

"But at least you'll still have your husband." My tone was as sharp as a scalpel. I almost expected her to slap me in response.

I added with another whine. "What about me?"

"Like I told you seemingly a long time ago, you have to find yourself a girlfriend. One your own age," she paused, "one that isn't already taken."

"But mom! Jenny!" I begged.

"No Jeremy! I'm no longer Jenny to you. I'm your mother. And only your mother." Her voice was very maternal with its scolding tone. She wiped her cheeks as if that would erase her pain.

"What about all that we've done together? Your morning shakes, me ..." I wanted to remind her of our sexual antics, but that seemed so crass right then. And I knew that it wouldn't change anything. Mom's mind was made up and she wasn't going to change it because I reminded her how I took her anal virginity, or how I made her squirt, or any of the many things we'd done.

"Jeremy." Mom looked at me from beneath her eyelids. "The time we've spent together ... I'll treasure it always. You've made me feel things I've never felt before. I love you for that. I can't say that I won't miss ... some of the things we used to do, but I should be doing them with Justin, not you."

"We still can. Maybe not as much, but anything that you want mom." I was grasping at falling straws for anything I could hold onto.

"No we can't. You know that. We are too addicted to each other. One thing would lead to another, and we would be right back to here again." Her voice was more normal, the conflict inside her having worked itself out, leaving her pained but calmer.

"But here is such a great place to be!" I teased, my last effort to save my tortured world.

"Yes it was." Mom actually smiled, the smile she had give me so many times when we were together.

"It was truly magical being with you Jeremy. Wonderful, amazing ..."

"Nice?" I interjected.

Her smile grew larger, almost brightening the room. A room that seemed funereal to me.

"Yes, very, very nice." Mom's hand returned to my cheek, wiping away the wet streaks before holding it almost sensually.

Then she surprised me and kissed me on the lips with just as much ardor as she ever had!

I returned it, hoping that this was my reprieve.

After a few short moments mom pulled back.

"You really are a great kisser, Jeremy." Mom's voice was actually playful.

I gave her my most charming smile I could manage from my ruins.

"That was the last of those that you are going to get." Mom stated almost carefree. "A sort of kiss goodbye you could call it."

"But I'll still see you all the time! Still be dreaming about you!" I extorted as the warmth from her lips melted away.

"I can't stop the dreaming. I'm sure I've given you plenty to dream about." She smiled almost sexily as she must have thought about what I would be using those dreams for.

"It will be hard for me too, seeing you and remembering what we had, but it has to be this way. It's the only way for all of us." Mom said with a tinge of pain in her glistening eyes.

"It'll be harder for me." I hoped she caught my innuendo. No, it was mom, I know she caught it!

"I'm sure it will be. And I will miss your harder." She caught my tease and returned it with a lob.

"Mom ..." My last plea.

"Jeremy." Her tone was stone.

"You aren't going to tell dad that you had something going on too?" I knew that she could never tell him about us, but thought she might use an affair as a conciliatory offering to dad.

"Of course not! We have enough problems now without him having further suspicions about me." Mom drew away from me.

"What are you going to do about dad?" I asked my mom, now as only her eldest son.

"Probably let him stew for awhile. Have him buy my some jewelry." Mom joked with me.

I was glad that we wouldn't lose that.

"Can I still talk with you, mom?" I asked quietly, the weight of my question heavy on my words. "I mean, not as just your son. Maybe as ... a friend?"

"I'd like that Jeremy. We have talked about my period, my fantasies, you know too much about me to be just your mom. Yes, we can talk, but we can't do anything physical again. You hear me?"

"I do. It'll be nice to have you as my friend, mom. You know me better than any friend I've ever had." I felt a smile growing on my own lips.

"Can we talk about the ... things we've done? You know, reminisce?" I know, I was still reaching. But even as just friends, I wanted to be able to relive our experiences.

"I don't think that would be wise. At least for a while. Until we can control ourselves." Mom even took half a step back from me as if my presence was a temptation. I guess I was. Much as seeing her around the house would make me hard. "But, other than Jessica, you are the only one that I can talk with about some certain things."

I don't know what she was alluding too, but that she would feel comfortable to tell me was small compensation for my loss.

"I don't want you telling me about your sex life with dad!" I had to grin at that. Even in my pain.

"What kind of friend are you then?" Mom grinned back. She also stepped close again.

"The best kind. Your son."

"Yes you are." She gave me look with her head cocked slightly to the side. "Are you going to be alright Jeremy? I'm your mom and I want to comfort you. After that mean girlfriend of yours went and broke your heart." Mom teased and eased me at the same time.

"I'll be okay. I hope. I have a good friend to help me get over it, over her. And my mom will help me too." I almost thought things would be okay.

"Would you like a hug from your old mother?" She held her arms wide for me.

"I'm kind of old for that, but I guess I can. For you." I stepped into her clutch.

We held each other tightly for a moment.

Yes, I couldn't resist.

I pushed my crotch at her and let one of my hands drop to her incredible ass.

"Jeremy!" She exclaimed loudly and jerked away from me.

"Do that again and I will tell your father about you groping me!" Mom's tone was fierce and unyielding. I knew she was completely serious with her threat.

"I could tell him you groped me first!" I joked back. I gave her a big smile to let her know that I was joking.

"Jeremy!" Mom warned.

"Okay mom! I got it. No more grabbing your ass, or squeezing your big tits, or putting my hand in your panties!" I darted out of her arm's reach as she swung to slap my arm.

After a moment of silence, mom spoke again.

"You are eighteen, and I can't tell you what to do. However, if you love me and respect me I would ask that you don't go begging to Jessica now. She might succumb to your charms, even after I ask her not to. She does have her new boyfriend to think about now. Don't go messing things up for her also. Okay?" Her eyes were as sharp as her words.

I didn't answer right away.

Not only was mom cutting me off, she was also taking away my first fantasy girl, her sister.

"You hear me?" She repeated, more sternly.

"Yeah." I said half-heartedly. That she used my love and respect of her against me meant that Aunt Jessica was really off-limits as well.

"You haven't said anything to her yet?" I asked hesitantly.

"No. And I don't want you to either. Not until I've had a chance to talk to her first."

Mom continued to stare at me.

"You better go to your room. You have to reacquaint your hand to your friend!" Mom said with a bite in her tone.

"Mom!" I croaked out in shock!

I couldn't believe she suggested that!

Yeah, we'd done everything together, but in this new understanding we had I had thought some things would go back to being unspoken.

"You wanted us to be able to still talk about these things! That goes two ways mister!" She might have been holding back a grin, but if so, she was succeeding.

"You sure you don't want to help out?" I offered. It was teasing. Unless she accepted!

"No, I'm not doing that again! And I don't want to see it either. Don't go waving it around at me or I'll cut it off and stick it on your door!"

I grimaced and held my crotch in mock pain.

I had to smile to myself though. I knew full well that she really did want to see it again. And again. Only her resolve to patch things with dad was preventing her from jumping me right then.

That's what I told myself anyway.

I did go to my room. Not to relieve myself though. The anvil of mom's decision hung on my being, draining me of all energy. I fell into my bed to rest. We may have left things on an easy note, but I knew that I was still in shock from mom's bombshell. Every ounce of me refused to believe that mom and I were done and over. I loved her so much! It couldn't be over. It just couldn't!

Jenny was my life! I loved her. We had too much between us to pretend that things could end with a few words. And that we had to continue to live in the same house and see each other every day! There was no way that we could stop just like that! Mom would see reason. Or fall to her ravenous libido!

It just couldn't be over!

That was my last thought before I fell asleep.

My sister roused me for dinner, teasing me for sleeping all afternoon. I had to tell myself that it was just the late night Saturday that had made me so tired.

Dad looked worn at dinner and I was fairly sure that mom had been crying again. Whether from dad's straying or I hoped, or feared, more likely, the end of our time together.

I tried to make eye contact with mom, but she clearly avoided looking at me.

She was just as upset about her decision as I!

Not that I felt she would change it. My karma had swung in the opposite direction. I suspected I would now have seven fallow years as a balance for what I had experienced.

I don't know if I had gotten too much sleep, or it was still Saturday paying me back, or the great sorrow that was welling up in me waiting to break free, but I fell back in my bed.

The tears came later that night and continued on through the darkness that permeated my body as much as it did my bedroom.

The picture of Jenny and I on the Venetian Gondolas making out so carelessly and carefree sat on my nightstand like the memory of a dream.

Don't worry, there is still much more to come! Jeremy's story isn't over yet. Stay tuned!

Thanks again for reading! Remember to vote and please comment!

Onedragon

Note: Many readers have given me suggestions as to how the story should end; a few have been close, most not so much.

I want to give a special shout out to Larry for the detailed ending he sent me, which though it is far off the mark, shows that you readers care about my characters. That's why I write. That you can feel for, and about them as I do.

I will say that one commenter has guessed as close as anyone could about how the story will go. I won't mention names so as not to spoil it for others, and add that there are some twists coming that no one could possibly guess!