Once Again Pt. 01

I saw them the next time at the spring 5K run or walk for the hospital childhood leukemia fund. Karen looked dejected and alone as Montgomery gave most of his attention to the blonde who happened to be dressed in the tightest running outfit imaginable. From outward appearances and word through the grapevine she was ready to draw the fly into her web, he foolishly thought he was on a quest. Little did he know he was about to be fed a slice of humble pie. Addy hadn't come with me, lately she'd been withdrawing a little bit, we still shared our lives and bodies but something was brewing inside. She didn't say what it was and I didn't press. I knew it wasn't another man, we kept each other drained in the sex department, five or six times a week was not unusual for us and unless one of us was sick four times a week was the minimum.

Rumors began to circulate in mid-June saying that Montgomery was bedding the blonde housewife. If that were true the reality would be that she was bedding him. They were rumors and nothing factual but it was easy to believe, once again I marveled at how unaware he was, or was it because Addy knew who the gossipers were that she knew more than others. At the end of the run, I found Karen sitting on a bench apparently waiting for the doc, she gave me a bottle of water as I sat next to her.

"Hi Karen. Good to see you. I thought you would have run again this year."

She looked ejected, "No, he wanted to run with the blonde. The run is nearly over and there's no sign of them, I'm not sure what to think."

It was obvious she didn't want to talk so I patted her hand, gave her a squeeze and headed home. When I got home Addy was clearly at odds with herself, I wasn't sure what to say or do, therefore I did what most men do in a situation like that. Nothing. After supper and clean up we sat on the deck holding hands. I needed to know where things were with us and asked.

"What's going on inside your head Addy. You haven't been yourself for weeks, I've never seen you this conflicted. Have I done something wrong? Or are you simply tired of me?"

She left her chair and sat on my lap, "Oh god no Bobby, I'm not tired of you, you're everything I could ask for and more. You're so good to me, we have a fantastic sex life and we actually enjoy being with one another. I need to say something though and please don't get angry with me."

She was quiet long enough I finally blurted, "What?"

"I love you, I truly do, but not in a let's get married and have baby's kind of way. And to be completely honest, you may think you're over Karen, but you're not, if she opened the door to her heart tomorrow you'd walk in without a moment's hesitation. There's more to this though, my folks are both physicians and have a clinic, their head nurse is retiring, they want me to come home and take her position."

I was surprised by how well I took the information, I wasn't upset or angry. We had both agreed from the beginning that we'd know when it was done, her words weren't offensive or hurtful, we were done. To coin the words of a Bob Seeger song, "turn the page". I pulled her in tight and kissed her.

"They live in Boston don't they?" She nodded. "And baby I can't see myself in Boston even if you had asked me to come with you. Besides, what if Karen needs me when her world falls apart? When do you leave?"

With a tear running down her cheek she sniffled, "End of the month, when the lease is up. Will you stay with me until I go? I want to make love with you every day until then."

I agreed to that request immediately, it was a few days before she was to be done at the hospital that I stumbled upon something I don't think I was supposed to. Addy and Karen having a conversation. I was about to turn a corner when I recognized Addy's voice which made me stop and listen.

"What do you mean Montgomery isn't going to dump your ass? Of course he is you idiot, open your damned eyes girl."

Karen snapped back, "He loves me, he's going to ask me to marry him I just know it."

Addy huffed, "Marry you. You have to be kidding, he no more loves you than the man in the moon. There is one who does though, but you're too fuckin ignorant to see it."

Karen's voice sounded timid, "What? Who loves me so much that I don't know it? Hold on, the way you're looking at me tells me I should know. Who is it?"

Addy said one word, "Bobby."

It was plain to tell Karen wanted to raise her voice but didn't, "Bobby? Hell no, we've been friends since school but he knows I don't date white guys. We're friends, nothing more."

Addy sighed, "That's to your detriment Karen. Skin color, really? He and I have been together almost a year and never once has race or culture ever entered the picture. That man is sweetness personified, and before you say something like you need a man to take control don't sell him short, in any manner. He packs a mean weapon and believe me, when he's in the mood, or if he senses I'm in the mood, he takes me every which way but Sunday."

Karen shot back, "Why isn't he going to Boston with you if he's so special?"

The next sentence I heard shocked me, "You're a stupid woman Karen. You want to know why, I'll tell you. His words were these, "what if Karen needs me"? Yes we had fun, yes the sex has been great, yes we enjoy one another's company, but I don't own his heart and I don't think I ever will. That belongs to you Karen, you're just to dumb to see it."

I quickly slipped back the direction I had been coming from. Holy shit, Addy had laid it all on the table. Now I had to figure out how I was going to act as though Karen never heard those words, that Addy had never exposed my latent love for Karen. Wandering the halls, I decided I would do nothing more than act as though I knew nothing of their conversation. Addy's dad was flying to the Midwest where we were located, he'd rent a truck and move her home. He was due to arrive Friday afternoon, I would help him load the truck Saturday and they would leave Sunday morning.

We took Wednesday and Thursday of that week off, spending the majority of our last days together in bed, or enjoying coitus somewhere within the apartment. Deciding late Friday morning we needed one more quickie we nearly got caught by her dad, we'd been cleaned up and dressed about ten minutes when he knocked on the door. I watched the truck drive away with her car in tow early Sunday morning, I had been able to hold it together until then. When they were out of sight I sat on the curb and let the tears fall, I didn't care where I was or who might see a grown man crying.

The lease on my apartment had long since lapsed and I knew Addy's was due for paint and new carpet, they let me sign a 90-day lease affording me enough time to locate somewhere closer to the hospital and less expensive. With Addy and me both contributing previously it wasn't an issue, with me alone it would be tighter than I cared to live. The first few days I seemed almost lost, my life had been focused around Addy for so long I didn't know what to do with myself. The second week went better and by the third week I was making adjustments, I had also been asked on a Friday if I was going to the bar for Karaoke that night. It had been a long time so I said why not.

I arrived early enough to get the out of the way booth I used to have on a fairly regular basis, ordered the wings and an order of onion rings to go with my ice-cold beer. I was enjoying my second beer when the singing began, a few were good, most were not. As the night wore on a few people from work visited a few minutes and then went their way, I was about ready to depart when I heard a familiar voice. Why had I not seen Karen when she came in?

Looking around the room I spotted Montgomery with the petite blonde, my stomach churned as I sensed he had dumped Karen and she was about to sing her sorrow, just as she had before. Karen was not a country western girl of any sort, yet the song that started was clearly country. As she began to belt out Jolene by Dolly Parton the tears streaked down her face. Her stare was locked on the blonde holding onto the tall handsome black doctor Karen had loved with all she knew how.

When the lyrics reached the point where she was singing "please don't take my man, followed by please don't take him just because you can" she broke down sobbing. I rushed to the small stage, picked her up in my arms and carried her to my car, depositing her in the passenger seat. The moment I was in the car her arms were around my neck as the sorrow of heartache flowed from her eyes and vocal cords. I let her cry and sob until she was cried out, handing her the umpteenth Kleenex she blew her nose and took a deep breath. My first thought was, "once again." Been here before, done this before. Why did I choose to punish myself?

"Why Bobby? Like the song says, she can have any man. Why did she have to take mine?"

I remained silent, holding her seemed to be helping, sometimes it's better to only listen, God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Though she'd asked me a question, I don't think she really wanted to hear a truthful answer at that moment.

Through sobs she carried on, "I gave him everything Bobby, I mean everything. I hate anal but I let him do that, he kept saying if I really loved him I would give him my ass. His words, not mine. It hurt and I didn't like it at all, but I did it for him, to prove I loved him. I hate him. Can you take me to your place? I have nowhere to go, he told me this afternoon we're through, I sublet my apartment a month ago and have nowhere to go. I need to pick up the clothes and toiletries that are mine tomorrow. Will you go with me?"

At the apartment I put fresh sheets on the bed for her and made up the couch for me. Once she was ready for bed and under the covers I heard her call to me wanting me to lay with her. I was on top of the covers while she was below them, she was snuggled tight to my side, my arm around her shoulders holding her as she sniffled herself to sleep. When the short even spaced breathing began I knew she was finally in a place of rest, gently slipping my arm from beneath her I quietly exited the room. My mind was still trying to process all that had happened, not being ready for bed I popped a beer and sat on the patio gazing off into the dark of night.

I didn't remember falling asleep, it was the warmth of the early morning sun that woke me. Looking around I noticed my beer bottle was nearly full, sleep had apparently visited more quickly than I thought it would. I was in the kitchen rustling up some grub when I heard her feet padding down the hall, I wasn't ready for what walked around the corner into the kitchen. Karen had on one of my t-shirts, taught nipples pushing against the fabric meant she was not wearing a bra, (I know, lightning quick mind) the shirt was short enough I could easily see her bright yellow panties.

I coughed to get her attention, "Karen, I can see your panties."

She almost sneered, "Yeah, so? It's no big deal. You've seen me in a bikini, same thing."

I walked to her, "It's not the same Karen. Those are your panties, and I might add not very thick, I can see the shadow of your bush through them. We've been friend's a long time, but I'm still a man Karen."

She laughed a little before speaking, "Come on, you're Bobby. I don't get what the big deal is."

I turned and made my way back to the patio with some coffee and toast, as I walked away I looked at her sternly, "I'm still a man Karen, I have feelings and emotions just like you do. Seeing you in panties is something I've only dreamed of up until now."

She didn't follow me to the patio, in fact, I didn't see her for another forty-five minutes. When she reappeared, she was toweling her hair dry, at least she was now clothed in the jeans and shirt she'd worn the night before.

"Bathroom is yours Bobby, I'm ready for the day."

Walking into the bathroom I knew I'd been invaded by a female, hanging on the shower curtain rod was a very thin bra with some kind of lace around the edges and the bright yellow panties she had on at breakfast. I removed them, took them to her and pointed toward the laundry room.

"The deal this time is the same as last time, no decorating the bathroom with panties and bra's, there's a drying rack in the laundry room ... use it."

Taking them from me she smiled and gave me a hip bump, "You like touching my panties don't you Bobby. Did you check my bra size as well?"

"I didn't need to check it, you've been a 34C since I've known you and as far as I can see nothing in that department has changed. As for touching your panties, that's a conversation for another day. Give me a few minutes and we can get your stuff from what's his name. What is his name anyway?"

She chuckled softly, "You aint gonna believe this, his name is Reginald, but he insists on being called "doc" in public and "baby" in private."

I gave her my inquisitive look, "What is it about you and choosing guys with weird first names?"

"What do you mean? I have you, Bobby isn't a weird name."

I looked at her with as little expression as possible when I answered, "The thing is Karen. You've never chosen me .... for anything. To you I'm nothing more than sweet old reliable Bobby, someone to help pick up the pieces when you crash."

I quickly turned away and entered the bedroom. That bedroom had a half bath off to the side and since I wasn't going to take a shower I took care of the rest of my daily routine without having to go into the main bathroom. I was angry and upset, but I knew it wouldn't last, I had no intention of being her patsy one more time but I wouldn't kick her to the curb either. I learned long ago I didn't have to hate someone to not like them, and right now I didn't like Karen no matter how much I loved her.

As I exited the room she was standing in the hallway, it seemed as though she'd been waiting for me. Moving to me she put her hands on my chest and stood about six inches from me.

"Bobby I'm sorry. I didn't mean to treat you badly. Can we put the last hour behind us and forget it ever happened?"

I took both hands in mine and lowered them to her sides, "We should go, it's already after ten and I'm sure it'll take three quarter to an hour to get you packed and moved. By the way, where is your car? We'll need to get that as well."

I stepped to the side and walked past her, she looked dejected and hurt. I wondered if that was how I looked every time I'd been her shoulder to cry on in the past. With the door open I waved in a "come along" sort of gesture.

"Let's go Karen, come on. I'll treat you to lunch at the Mexican restaurant over on Reynolds Avenue when we're through. Again, where is your car?"

As we drove she told me her car was still at the pub we'd been to the night before. I decided we'd swing by and pick it up after we ate. The air was thick with tension as we entered Montgomery's home, at least he was polite to Karen, when I addressed him as doc he sneered, "That's Doctor Montgomery to you."

I sneered back, "You may address me as Mister Ulrich from this point forward."

He sat on the couch sipping his glass of sherry watching me carry the few boxes she had to the car, I guess a beer was beneath his dignity. I was correct in my time estimate, when I looked at my pocket watch as we left the driveway we'd been there fifty-five minutes. Getting in the car Karen reached for my watch, turning it over reading the inscription.

"Why do you still use this old pocket watch? You're the only guy I've ever known who has a watch fob hanging from the change pocket in his jeans. You can certainly afford a newer digital watch, or one of those computer watches. You use a wrist-watch at work, why not all the time?"

I remembered when my grandfather gave me that watch for my tenth birthday, where we lived pocket watches were still used by all the old timers and some of the younger guys. I was one of the younger guys, I wanted to be just like my grandpa who at 74 was still cutting pulp wood every winter and helping with barn chores most mornings. My old watch still had a Union Pacific fob, although it was worn to the point it was barely legible any longer.

"You know Karen, what you call a change pocket was originally designed for a pocket watch. It only became known as a change pocket when people stopped using pocket watches. That watch takes me back to where I came from, I never want to forget where I started. I may live in the big city now, but that doesn't mean I've chucked all my country values. If there's ever an opening in our county hospital back home I'm gonna take it. I have no plans to be in the city all my life. I'm grateful for all I've learned at this hospital, but I'm not going to live here forever."

The rest of our ride was quiet, pulling into Vallarta's I noticed the place was fairly empty, we'd beaten the lunch crowd, which on a Saturday would be significant. Over lunch she asked if I minded her staying with me long enough to find somewhere, she'd take the sleeper if she could have the hallway bath. When I asked what I was supposed to do about showering she told me certainly that was expected. Once again I had one condition. It didn't become underwear city. She sat back and stared before speaking.

"If it's my bathroom why can't I have my undies in there? It's not like you haven't seen women's underwear before. Shoot, you and Addy were together the better part of a year."

I put my hand up, "Hold your horse's sister, that isn't YOUR bathroom, it's the one we share as far as showers are concerned. There's a lot of difference between me seeing Addy's sexy stuff and your sexy stuff. I got to touch hers, I don't have the right to touch yours ... therefore ... they stay in the laundry room. Capiche?"

She nodded, we finished our meal and headed to the apartment. I gave her half the bedroom closet, I didn't use it anyway, it was where all of Addy's clothes had been. Karen unpacked and took over the hallway bath, shampoo, conditioners, make up, scrubby things for her face, a box of Tampons on the vanity. It must have been her chocolate week. That's what my mom called it when my sisters were having their period, their chocolate week, we men folk knew what it meant. I was happy all I had to do in there was take a shower.

We settled into a routine within a few days. As we approached the third week it became clear to me she had no intention of leaving anytime soon, which wasn't our agreement. I knew I was thinking like a prick, at the same time we'd done this before and I was the one left with an aching heart, I was determined not to let that happen again. When I brought up apartment hunting she grabbed the remote, turned off the TV and moved close to me on the couch. There wasn't a foot between us as she looked deep into my soul.

"Do you want me to leave Bobby, am I that much of a burden? I thought you liked my company, I certainly like yours. I've been under the impression we were doing okay, I've kept my undies in the laundry room where you wanted. What have I done wrong that you want me out?"

I felt a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball, my stomach tightened and my breathing became staggered, I felt like I wanted to throw up. I looked at her and was only able to say one thing.

"I don't want you out, it's just the opposite."

Before she could answer I went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer and went onto the patio pulling the door closed behind me. Thankfully she didn't follow, I wasn't sure I could have carried on a conversation at the moment without breaking down, something I was not about to do. I'd walk away and go elsewhere before I let past feelings and hopes drag me into the abyss again. I'd been out there about an hour when the patio door opened, in a timid voice she asked.