One in Seven

We left the television off, and I twirled some of her hair around my finger as we drifted to sleep -- for tonight, anyway. We did the same thing twice the next day and once on Sunday, before getting back to our duties and schoolwork. Even so, we kept looking forward to our next opportunities; one of them came the following weekend, just ahead of my birthday. My family wouldn't be coming for mine, as it was only a week ahead of spring break and they would make a week-long thing of it once I got home. Let me simply say -- Carly gave me a very happy birthday indeed.

When we came back from spring break, she gave me another present: instead of simply telling me she was now on the Pill, she showed me the prescription she had gotten. She didn't have to do this, but chose to, as a measure of good faith. Since we no longer had to worry about a condom slipping off, she let me take her in missionary, and to take more of my time. In short, we didn't just have sex; we more closely made actual love.

When summer came, we may have had to go back to our respective homes, but that was the only thing keeping us apart. We called and texted each day, and often; we were even lucky enough to persuade her parents and mine to get us to spend two weeks together that summer, starting with the Fourth of July weekend. She came out to see me in Pennsylvania for the first week, after which I saw her back to Illinois for the second; these were our first visits to each other's home state, as it happens, plus a for-the-hell-of-it day trip up to New York City when she was visiting. My family took to her in the same way hers had taken to me; both sets of parents knew we must be sexually engaged, but it worked out. We pretended to be reasonably discreet, and they pretended neither to notice nor to care.

Once the school year resumed, so did we, especially since Carly, now a sophomore, was able to move into my dorm, which was coed. Our studies had to come first, of course, but when we found time, we were with each other every chance we could get. Cleveland Symphony concert? Check. October pilgrimage to Columbus for a Buckeyes game (part and parcel of living in Ohio)? Gotcha. A two-hour drive for an April camping trip to a state park in upstate western New York? Yessir. Into that mix, we added what love we could make, as often as we could, because it's true for everyone, but especially college students: we never got all the sex we wanted, but definitely wanted the sex we got. We weren't making any long term plans, but were simply glad to be in the moment with each other. The only thing standing in the way of our future -- was our future.

Since my testing out placed me a full academic year ahead of Carly, I knew there was an above-average likelihood that we would have to part ways sooner rather than later. Toward the end of my junior year and her sophomore, I began to pursue graduate school options, while she began to think about internships and a career path (having decided on biochemistry for a major). We made our respective applications based on our interests, and I tried tailoring some of my applications to match hers geographically. Carly, however, wanted none of that; "we need to find programs that will work for us," she told me. Had I chosen to pay attention, I would have seen some form of an end coming; what I chose was holding out a glimmer of hope for us.

In November we were intimate only once, and that was to celebrate her hometown Cubs beating the local-crowd Indians in the Series. In December, our one time happened the day before we left for the Christmas holiday. We talked back and forth while we were apart, but I began to sense that her heart wasn't as in things as they had been; the hammer fell when we came back. She didn't officially break up with me as much as placed our relationship "on hiatus," as she put it; her idea was that I should focus on my graduate school applications, and she on where she would land. I knew, of course, that she was right, but my final months at Mecklenburg were among the most difficult of my life, having Carly near enough to touch and yet unable to focus on her as we both wanted. The "once more for old time's sake" sex we had the night before I graduated was more between friends than lovers -- it felt enjoyable, of course, but it wasn't the same as in the past and we both knew it.

For my master's, I was lucky enough to get a school one state over from my Pennsylvania home. It wasn't my ace in the hole, or any of my other five from high school, but the campus and the program fit together well enough for me to attend Carly's Mecklenburg graduation the year after mine; she found work right away at a research lab -- in Denver. My PhD program was another matter, as I got accepted to a program in California.

In the five years since I graduated from Mecklenburg, I have seen Carly all of twice. The first, as I mentioned, was at her own graduation; the second happened in the summer of 2021, when I decided to swing through Denver on a trip back to Pennsylvania. We didn't go out for a restaurant and a show, but were content to order in and put on some streaming movies. At the end of the fourth one, she looked up at me, threaded her fingers through mine, and said one word: "Delaine."

"That's a pretty name," I said, smiling back at her. This is doubly true -- Delaine is not only a pretty name in its own right, but it also happens to be Carly's middle name.

"It's what I want to name my own daughter one day," she mused. "You know, if it hadn't been for all the protection we used, you'd be her daddy right now," she said wistfully. "I can almost -- almost -- wish you could be... tonight..."

Hope wasn't the only thing springing eternal that moment, as I held her a touch more closely and kissed her forehead. "Just say the word."

She drew the backs of her knuckles over my bulge, then turned toward it -- to talk to it. "Sorry kiddo, you gotta stay put for a while."

"I bought some condoms if you want --"

"Why don't we put on another movie, or some music." She kissed me gently and sniffled. "It's not sex I've missed as much as I've missed being with you."

"You and me both." I dropped a tear of my own, as we held each other; we fell asleep on the couch halfway through the movie. We went out for breakfast the next morning, and I flew out to Pennsylvania; we reached for each other's hands throughout the meal, and kissed heartily before my flight left, but there was still the undercurrent of missing something, and not just each other.

I haven't seen her since, and we remain "on hiatus." Both of us have gone on dinner dates with other people, and our lips are sealed as to whether we've been with anyone else. Yes, we follow each other on social media, but it's nothing near the same. As to knowing where our future lies, get back to me after not this coming April, but one year on; that's when, all going well, I will be defending my dissertation. Once I'm Dr Kramer, I'll have a better idea where things stand, and Carly and I will go off hiatus, either by breaking up for good or by getting back together if I can get employed closer to her. That last would be against odds... but we're both keeping a little faith.

It wouldn't be the first time a moon shot beat the odds for me.