Oregon Coast Ch. 04

"I have no idea, but it sure is a pretty combination."

Her smile proved it.

"Thanks. I had a feeling there was a nice guy somewhere under your bad attitude."

"Eric's a sensitive subject. He sure was a hell of a guy, though."

She kept smiling.

"He really was. In the old neighborhood you'd see all these losers slouching around with droopy pants and do-rags and then there would be Eric with his military attitude and posture showing the little kids what a real man looks like, telling them to stay off the streets and go to school so they could do something with their lives."

"He was obsessed with getting into the Naval Academy. We used to kid him about spending all his time studying for the entrance exams, but the fact is we all admired his ambition."

"He figured that was his best shot at going to college. He would have made a heck of a difference in the world if he'd had the chance."

"Yeah, he would have."

"About two weeks after he died I got a letter from him. One of those that get sent only if a guy's not coming back. He told me that he knew I had the potential to make a great contribution to the world, and he had told his mom to use his life insurance to help me make it through college. I was working on my Master's at Stanford when I found out that all his younger siblings got the same letter."

There were tears in her eyes.

"I hate wars. I hate the way they cost us our best people. I'm sorry if that offends you."

"I've been there, remember? You know what General Sherman said after the Civil War? 'It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell.' I hate war too."

She took my hand, and for the first time I felt that we really understood each other.

"Hey, Doc, why you hiding down here?"

Manny's head popped around the corner, and he saw Allison.

"Pardon, usted con un chica muy bonita."

Allison smiled and replied in perfect Spanish.

"We're just hanging out talking. Thank you for calling me a pretty girl, though. You're not bad looking yourself."

I wish I'd had a camera ready for the look on Manny's face. I laughed and did the introductions.

"Allison Jackson, this is Manny Rodriguez. He's an old service buddy. Allison is Eric Jones' cousin. She's teaching with Lydia now."

"I'm glad to meet you, Allison. Eric was an incredible guy. I'm really sorry about what happened to him."

"Thank you. It's good to hear that people thought so highly of him."

"Look, Doc, Jen was concerned about where you disappeared to. I'm going to go tell her you're in good hands."

"See you later, then."

Allison looked after him thoughtfully.

"In the old neighborhood, when you saw a Hispanic guy with tattoos like that it meant there was about to be a shooting."

"Manny says he's going to have me take those tattoos off when I do my dermatology rotation. He used to joke with Eric about how they would have killed each other if they had met in LA instead of Afghanistan. Instead they became the best of friends."

"He looks like a pretty tough guy."

"He is, but it's not what he's about. He's almost finished his MBA. He and Eric had a lot in common. I didn't know you spoke Spanish."

"Spanish, French, and Japanese. It wasn't my major but I picked it up anyway."

"What was your major?"

"International Business."

"And you decided to become a teacher?"

"I kept thinking about that last letter Eric wrote me, and the fact that his death paid for my education. I felt like I had an obligation to do something more than chase the dollar. I'm already noticing how these high school girls gravitate toward someone in a position of authority that looks like them and came from a place like they do."

"You're the example?"

"I don't know if I can say that. I'm young and not sure where my life is going. At least I'm proof that there are possibilities in life beyond getting pregnant and going on welfare."

She shivered.

"Is it cold out here or is it just me?"

I looked at her bare, slender, cinnamon sugar colored shoulders.

"That's a really attractive dress, but I don't think it was meant to keep you warm."

"I'm still trying to get used to this Northwest weather, too. Let's walk up toward the house."

I got up and extended a hand to help her up. She stood there holding my hand for a second.

"I know you don't want a hug for a hero. How about a hug for a decent guy who did his best?"

"That I can accept."

She stepped forward and put her arms around my waist, and I wrapped my arms around her. She spoke with her cheek on my chest.

"What happened to Eric really wasn't your fault. You have to believe that."

"I'm starting to."

I could feel a lot of old guilt flowing out of me as we stood there. We weren't being romantic-- it wasn't that type of hug—but I couldn't help noticing that I had a firm, curvy, sweet smelling female body in my arms, and it felt damn good. I wasn't in any hurry to let her go, and she didn't seem in any hurry to go anywhere either. Eventually Jen broke us up.

"Doc, I can't find Allison anywhere. If you drove that poor girl away I'll never introduce you to another single woman!"

I could feel Allison rising on her toes to peep over my shoulder.

"I'm right here, Jen. He's actually a pretty good guy. We just got off on the wrong foot."

For the first time since I met her Jen was speechless.

"Uh, uh, OK, good then. Dinner's ready if you are."

Jen fled, and Allison giggled.

"So I'm being set up here?"

"I made the mistake of telling the Girls that I'm tired of the singles game. Now they're having fun introducing me to their single friends."

"A single doctor? I've met worse, believe me."

"A single doctor with bad manners and a horrible work schedule. They're not doing you any favors."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that? Let's go eat."

Allison was struggling to walk across the lawn in the dark, and ended up taking my arm. I think Jen was a little surprised when we arrived at the deck that way.

"So you decided to forgive this clod, Allison?"

Allison put a friendly hand on my shoulder.

"I'm thinking about it."

"He's got his good points. Can you come help in the kitchen?"

"Sure. See you later, Doc."

Brian caught me watching her walk away and grinned.

"Nice girl, isn't she, Doc?"

"You're as subtle as a Claymore, Brian. Need some help with the grill?"

"Sure, grab that platter and help me get these steaks off."

Allison found me as the party was breaking up.

"I'm still glad to have met you, Doc. Like I said, I read everything there was to read about that ambush, including the citation that went with your Silver Star. You can't blame me for being impressed. If you ever want to tell me the rest of the story, though, call me."

Karen poked me as she walked off with Lydia and John.

"One smart, pretty, sensible young woman as requested, Doc. Anything else we can do for you?"

"Uhh... not at the moment."

Karen plunked herself down across from me at the hospital cafeteria a few days later.

"So when are you going to ask Allison on a date, Doc? Even you couldn't have missed the signal that she wants you to."

"I don't know, Karen. I'm not sure she's what I'm looking for."

Karen gave me a dirty look.

"You have a problem with her being mixed race, Doc? I thought better of you."

"Hell, no! A pretty girl is a pretty girl as far as I'm concerned. Every time I look at her, though, I see Eric. I'm not sure I want that constant reminder."

"Reminder of what, Doc? When are you going to accept that what happened to him was just one of those things that happens in war?"

"These things happen, but they didn't happen to guys I was responsible for except for him."

She pushed a piece of paper across the table.

"The hospital runs a support group for veterans, and you need it. Here's the schedule."

I had intended to blow it off, but I found myself wandering toward the conference room Thursday night. No harm in checking it out, I told myself. Listening to those guys, I realized that I wasn't the only one struggling with memories of bad experiences. I started getting in the habit of showing up to all the groups I could. After a couple weeks of thinking about it, I called Allison.

"Hi, Doc! Good to hear from you."

"How's teaching going?"

"Toughest job you'll ever love. These kids are great. How's the hospital?"

"Still working us to the bone. I have Saturday off, though. Want to go catch the jazz festival?"

"Sounds like fun. Let's do it."

We chatted for a while longer and hung up with plans for the weekend.

I picked her up Saturday morning bright and early. She was wearing a cardigan sweater over what looked like another simple but sexy sundress. I had to like her taste in clothing; one never doubted that she was an extremely attractive woman, but she was subtle about it. We spent the day wandering around listening to the different bands, and around noon she pulled off the sweater and stuffed it in my backpack. Just as I suspected, her dress showed plenty of her lovely skin but stopped short of obvious. I enjoyed the envious looks I was getting as we wandered around hand in hand. Eventually we had enough and I took her home around sunset, stopping for a good dinner on the way.

On her doorstep she turned to me.

"Thanks, Doc, that was a lot of fun. Let's do it again sometime."

"Sounds great."

Her face was so close to mine that it would have been rude to skip the obvious next move. Kissing her should have been a thrilling experience, and it was physically, but it felt off somehow. She pulled back a little and frowned at me.

"What's wrong, Doc?"

"Wrong?"

"Even for a first kiss, I could tell your heart wasn't in it. What's wrong?"

"Allison, I think you're an incredible woman. Exactly what I was wishing for when I said I was tired of stupid games. I can't see you without thinking of Eric, though."

"I know. Every time I see you I think of that Silver Star citation. I wondered for years what kind of man would charge into a kill zone to pull a wounded buddy to safety."

"A terrified man with a job to do? I'm no hero, Allison. That was just ten crazy minutes of my life."

"And I'm not my cousin."

She sighed.

"Damn it, I honestly like you. At least I think I like what I can separate from my hero worship. Why can't we just be two people who like each other without all this baggage?"

"We both have stuff to work through, I guess. I like you enough that I'm willing to do the work, though."

"Good."

She stepped forward into an honest, long, friendly hug and ended it with a kiss on my cheek.

"You're a good man, Doc, and an attractive one. Let's work through this."

"I definitely want to. Call you later?"

"You better."

I spent a lot of my spare time thinking about the situation over the next week or two. Allison was the most attractive girl I had met in years: smart, self-reliant, and not hung up on the idea of dating a doctor. Not to mention pretty, funny, and attracted to me too. I wanted to get the whole Afghanistan thing out of the way and just date her and see where it went. Since I couldn't think it through all the way on my own, I went down to the temple to talk it over with the monk I had learned the most from growing up. He poured me a cup of tea.

"Good to see you, Emerson. How's your medical training coming?"

"Going fine, Roshi."

"What's bothering you, then?"

No use trying to hide anything from him. I explained the whole thing about Eric, meeting Allison, and wanting to get to know her as a person and a woman without all the baggage.

"What have I always told you, Emerson? You can't change the past, and you can't predict the future. Do your best for today."

"But what about Eric?"

"Nothing stays the same forever, and you can't make it so by wishing. Remember the story of the mustard seed?"

"Tell me again."

"One day as the Buddha traveling around teaching a woman driven mad by grief came to see him. She was carrying her dead child and demanded that the Buddha restore it to life. She had asked many others, and they all laughed at her. The Buddha didn't. He told her that he would restore the child to life if she would bring him a single mustard seed from a house where there had never been a death in the family.

Of course, at every house she went to the family was unable to help her. Some relative or other had died. Finally she realized what the Buddha wanted her to see: that death is a part of life and the living can't let it stop their lives from going on. She buried her child and moved on.

You did your best for your friend. You couldn't prevent his death any more than you can ultimately prevent anyone's. Maybe you need to go looking for a mustard seed."

I thought about it.

"I guess I never looked at it that way. All this time studying the Middle Way and I don't apply it to my own life."

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?"

As usual, he saw right through the problem. I thought about it a couple days and then called Allison again and asked her out for dinner. She accepted cheerfully.

When I got to her apartment to pick her up she invited me in while she finished getting ready. Something looked different when she came out to the living room ready to go. She looked a little worried.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Emerson?"

"I think I'm seeing just you for the first time. Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?"

"No, but feel free to any time."

I went to help her with her coat and ended up with my arms around her. Before I knew it we were locked in a deep, passionate kiss.

"Wow, Doc, that actually felt like a man who finds me attractive."

"Was there ever any doubt?"

"I was starting to wonder if you were just going through the motions to keep the Girls off your back."

"Well, I'm sorting you out from your cousin. He was a hell of a guy, but you're a lot prettier and more fun to kiss."

"You kissed him?"

"Only when I was trying to get him breathing...oh, never mind. Come here."

She pulled back a few minutes later.

"If we don't stop this and go eat we're never going to get out of here."

"How is that a bad thing?"

"It isn't necessarily, but I'm hungry and you promised me dinner."

She came back to the subject when we got to our table.

"You were starting to remind me of a guy I dated at Stanford. It took me a couple of months to realize that he wasn't interested in me so much as he wanted to shock his family by going out with a non-white girl."

"What an idiot. Doesn't everyone have stories of dating some real ding-a-lings, though?"

"True. Everyone probably thinks they have terrible luck in dating until they're lucky enough to find the right person."

She was quiet for a couple minutes.

"How is your family going to feel about you dating me?"

"The younger ones could care less what your ethnicity is as long as we're happy together. Honestly, I'm not sure what Grandma is going to think. Her generation didn't do interracial relationships. She's a really good person, though. I think she'll get used to the idea once she gets to know you."

"I can live with that. It's never been easy not fitting into any one race."

"Ah, the whole thing's silly. Why can't we just be two people who like each other?"

"As long as you and I are comfortable with it, we'll be OK."

I went on to tell her about my visit to Roshi and how he helped me sort out my feelings about her and Eric.

"You're Buddhist? I studied it a lot in school but never formally took the Refuges."

"It's one of those things where you're free to accept as much of it as you find useful. You remember the last words of the Buddha?"

"It's been a while... Something about not believing anything until you analyze it for yourself?"

"Right. Don't believe teachings because the Buddha or someone else said them, or because they're written somewhere, until you look at it for yourself and see whether following the teaching will lead to happiness or suffering. 'Do not seek an external refuge, but be a light unto yourself.' I take it that my being Buddhist isn't a deal breaker for you?"

"Nope, not hardly. Especially since it's helping you see me for myself."

"I like what I'm seeing, too."

"Good, because the feeling's mutual."

Dinner went on like that with the mutual attraction continuing to build like a fire feeding on itself. The kissing started again on the way to the car and stopped only so I could drive her home. When we got there, we barely made it inside before we were devouring each other again. Before long I had her dress unzipped and started to push the spaghetti straps off her shoulders to give me room to keep exploring her lovely body. She pulled back.

"Hold it a second, Doc."

I pulled my hands back immediately.

"We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Doc. I want you at least as bad as you want me. I'm always preaching safe sex to my kids, though, and I practice what I preach."

I reached into my pocket.

"Good thing I came prepared, then."

"Only three? Pessimist."

"If I was a pessimist I wouldn't have brought any."

"Well, it's enough for a good start. Come on."

She lowered her arms from my shoulders and the straps slipped down, leaving her in nothing but a very skimpy lace string bikini. She grabbed my hand, pulled me back to her bedroom, and turned to me.

"Where were you? Oh, now I remember. That feels good..."

I hope her long nipples felt as good to her as they felt in my hands. A little more fumbling and I had her totally naked.

"Where was that thing? Oh, here."

She pushed me backwards onto her bed and followed, attacking my belt and pulling my pants off. Once we were both naked she stretched out on top of me. My hands were gently exploring her curves and valleys, and she was clearly liking it. She put a hand on either side of my head and kissed me again, causing her nipples to rub up and down my chest.

"Being naked with you feels great. It's about to feel a lot better, though."

She slid down my body and made herself comfortable before gently kissing the head of my cock, giggling at the way it jumped. Then she ran her tongue around just under the head, and up and down the bottom of it. The feeling was amazing.

"Oh, God, Al, you're incredible..."

She blew gently where she had just licked, causing another rush of amazing sensations.

"You're looking pretty incredible there yourself, big guy."

With that she gently rolled the condom on and wiggled back up to face me.

"You comfortable with this now, Doc?"

"No, but I'm about to be."

With that she straddled me and guided me into her hot, ready body.

"That better?"

""Never better in my life."

She started sliding up and down, very slowly. I loved it but it wasn't enough, so I grabbed her and rolled her onto her back. She quickly adjusted to the faster rhythm and joined in enthusiastically.

"Oh, this is so good... just like that... YES!!!"

Watching her pretty face as she reached a long, sustained orgasm was the most erotic experience of my life, and took me right with her. After we started to catch our breath I moved to get up.

"Don't move, Doc, you feel too good right there."

"I'm not crushing you?"

"No, you feel great."

Eventually I had to get up for a second, but when I came back I wrapped her tightly in my arms again. She made herself comfortable with her head on my shoulder.

"That was pretty incredible."

"It sure was. You going to spend the night?"

"I'd love to if it's all right with you."

"I'd love it too. Being cuddled up to you like this is really nice."