Out in the Black Ch. 16

This is a book-length work, so not every chapter will involve sex. If you're just looking for a quick wank, this may not be your story.

Thanks for reading!

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There's ugly crying and then there's what I did in that bathroom. Tears, snot, spit - it all flowed freely. Quite frankly, I was a mess. Burying my face in a towel, I tried to muffle the worst of it in a futile effort to keep Rusty from hearing me completely go to pieces. The storm passed eventually and I managed to get myself under control, blow my nose, splash some water on my face, and once more attempt to keep it together.

"I look that bad, do I?" he joked when I reemerged. Biting my lip, I shook my head, taking a deep breath, and then another, before I was confident I could speak.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I whispered.

"You need to get your eyes checked, Cap," Rusty said with a smirk. I shook my head again. His usually pale skin had a tinge of greenish-gray and the flesh around his eyes looked bruised, but I'd been telling the truth. Even with his chest swaddled in thick bandages, he looked wonderful.

"C'mere, you," the engineer mumbled, beckoning with his good hand. "I'm glad you're here. Will you stay?"

"Of course!" I grasped his hand in both of mine.

"Good, cuz I gotta sleep more now." The last word ended in a soft snore. I let go of him long enough to pull a chair up to the bed and then sat holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up again. Nurses came in to check his fluid levels and read his vitals, but otherwise we were undisturbed. The first two smiled gently at me and by the third I had finally regained enough sense to request that he pass my sincere gratitude on to Cleo for taking me in hand when I was a wreck. He assured me that he would and slipped out quietly.

Our next visitor would prove to be more of an irritation, though that was not my initial assumption when the tall, dark-skinned man entered the room and introduced himself as the doctor. I shook his hand and expressed my thanks - perhaps a tad enthusiastically - for everything he had done. Dr. Kwedhi responded by bluntly ordering me from the room. My refusal was not as courteous as it might have been. We argued back and forth until Rusty surprised me by squeezing my hand. "It's fine, Matt. Just don't go far, okay?"

"I'll be right outside," I replied, glaring at the doctor as I passed. He ignored me, turning to check on his patient, my existence no longer registering as soon as things had gone his way.

"Mac!" Strong arms squeezed my ribs until they creaked. I stifled a yelp - it hurt - and returned the embrace, embarrassed to find myself once again close to tears. Alix had been my best friend for over half my life, though, and I didn't realize I'd felt the lack of her beside me until she was there once again. She asked about Rusty and I told her what I knew, which wasn't much.

"There was so much blood, Leelee," I whispered, staring at my fingernails, remembering how I'd been unable to get them clean. "So much. I was sure he was dead."

"I know, Mac." She cupped my face in her hands, waiting until I met her gaze. "But he's not. He's alive." I swallowed and gave a tiny nod. "He is alive," she repeated, emphasizing each syllable with pressure from her fingers. I nodded again and she searched my eyes, watching the panic recede.

"Anyway, what are you wearing?" she demanded, moving back a step and looking me up and down. I followed suit and really saw the scrubs for the first time. Hospital blue definitely wasn't my best color. We leaned against the wall, arms brushing, as I gave her the story of how Crispin Phillips had rescued us from a lift checkpoint only to hand me off to Cleo, who had mothered the crap out of me, even down to combing my hair. My XO sniffed my head and said she thought maybe the fragrance was supposed to be kiwi but was more like some chemist's idea of what a kiwi might smell like having only seen a picture. I laughed for the first time in what felt like a cycle.

After I'd talked myself out, Li ran down the steps she'd taken since we last spoke, including making sure Adrenaline had not murdered Lissa (nor she him) and that he got home okay. "The crew is all buttoned up on the Marzi," she said, "waiting for news about Rusty and what our next steps will be. The Enforcers came by and I let them know you'd drop in to make a statement tomorrow. Oh, and it turns out that boy of yours really knows how to build things to last. Two of the cameras were destroyed and his pack had some surface damage, but the internals are good. The team is putting the finishing touches on the broadcast now. The Enforcers requested a raw copy of the footage as well, but I told the creatives that ours takes precedence."

Leelee took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "I have to tell you, Mac, it's not easy to watch."

"It wasn't easy to experience, either."

"Fair point." There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. "Did he - I mean the bomber - did he say - "

"Yeah." It was something I had been trying not to think about. Geeta May was one of the highest profile celebrities I'd covered and it was widely known that a scary percentage of her legion of adoring fans consisted of those who were obsessed with the star and refused to respect boundaries. Geeta herself traveled with a dozen or so security personnel at all times. "I guess he thought this would get her to notice him or something, though I don't know why it would matter since he blew himself up, too."

Alix bit her lip. "A few of the more awful tabloids framed your video as an explicit rejection of her, probably so they could trade on her name in searches." That I had not known. Once it became clear my "leaked" video was going to have the intended effect, I made a point to ignore all coverage of it. That I'd been scheduled to do another piece on Geeta next quarter had slipped my mind until the hours I spent alone with my thoughts while Rusty slept. "We sent out the usual objections about false reports," my XO continued, "but you know how those places operate. I suppose it's possible your attacker believed he was defending her honor or something."

"Fuck." I looked bleakly at the door to Rusty's room. "This is my fault, Leelee. He's lying in that bed, he almost died, because of me."

"No." Alix took me by my shoulders and turned us so my back was to the door. "This is all on the piece of shit who decided detonating an explosive in a crowded area next to a children's hospital on a fucking space station would be a good plan."

"Oh shit." I hadn't even considered what might have happened to others in the area. "I've been so worried about Rusty - did anyone else get hurt? Or - " I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

"Luckily, no. Well, not severely. Other than the asshole who blew himself to pieces, there was Rusty and then a handful of people with some shrapnel that the LowDRI clinic took care of. A few dozen complained of some hearing loss, ringing in the ears, that kind of thing. Honestly, it's kind of unbelievable. If he had attacked earlier in the day..." My XO trailed off. The damage would have been considerable with all of those gathered to watch the lab open. "Geeta herself released a short video condemning the man's actions and promising to donate a million credits to LowDRI and match another half million more. And she thanked you for doing good work and expressed a wish for Rusty to heal quickly. Overall, we were pretty lucky."

I took a moment to absorb all of that, forcing myself to recognize the truth of her last statement. Had Rusty been lost, though - well, it didn't pay to think about that. "Do we know who he was?"

"Not yet. Enforcers are still collecting, um, evidence." I winced, knowing what she was euphemizing. "They're going to have to do a DNA search and, considering the state in which some places keep their records, it could take some time."

The door hissed open behind me and I turned to find Dr. Kwedhi stepping from the room. "You can go back in now, Mr. Carolinas. Ma'am." He nodded to Alix and walked briskly down the hall.

"Did he just 'ma'am' me?" Alix asked, glaring at the surgeon's retreating back. I grinned, envisioning a showdown between my XO and the doctor. I had no doubts about who would win that one. "Go, be with your boy. I'm headed back to the Marzi, so call me if you need anything. Anything at all, you got that?"

"Thank you, Leelee." I pulled her into another hug. She returned the embrace, thankfully less enthusiastically than before, and punched me lightly on the shoulder when we separated. I watched her walk away until she turned a corner, then straightened my spine and scrubbed my hands over my face. A few fortifying breaths and I felt as prepared as possible to once again face the sight of Rusty in that damn bed.

"What in the stars are you wearing?" Rusty asked me when I reentered the room. His bed had been inclined so he could sit up without straining newly repaired muscle fibers.

"Oh." I glanced down at the scrubs, which were starting to look rather crumpled. "My clothes were kind of a mess, and this is what they had." I shrugged. "I know. Not my best look."

"I think they're cute." He beckoned me closer and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the bed. I did so gingerly, afraid of jostling him. "Sorry about the suit, though." I waved off the clothing loss. It was so far down my list of priorities it didn't even rate.

"Now," he said, giving me a speculative look, "are you going to kiss me or what?"

Far be it from me to say no to a request like that from the guy who put his body between me and a bomb. I leaned forward and tried to touch him as little as possible, barely brushing my lips against his. There was an unsettling twinge of pain deep in my chest as I attempted to keep my weight from falling on the engineer. Rusty's hand cupped the back of my head and he pulled me in for a real kiss, upsetting my balance and ending up with my torso half sprawled across his. When he shifted a bit and grunted, I pulled back. "Am I hurting you? Should I stop?"

"No and hell no," he said, pulling me close again. Even so, Rusty had to break off sooner than either of us liked; his injury and the bandages reduced his lung capacity a not inconsiderable amount. The tips of his fingers brushed my cheek and he pushed my hair behind my ear. "I was afraid I'd never get to do that again."

"Me too." He twined his fingers through mine and studied my face, his brow creasing in concern. "It was my fault," I admitted, knowing he'd seen the guilt I was feeling. "If I hadn't leaked that video - "

"No." Rusty's voice was firm. "In no way was this your fault, Matt. The blame lays squarely on the fucker who tried to blow you up. And maybe some for whoever convinced him it was a good idea. Not you."

"But - "

"No fucking buts, Matt. Seriously. You didn't plan the attack. You didn't carry out the attack. This is not on you, no matter what that dick gave for his reasons." I shrugged a shoulder, not wanting to argue anymore but unwilling to grant myself absolution. "I've seen a lot of shit in my life, been face to face with a lot of terrible people. You, Matthison Carolinas, are not one of them."

Rusty looked down at our joined hands, his thumb making circles on my knuckles. "You know, when I saw the guy, that bomb," he said softly, not looking up, "my only thought was to keep you safe." He blew out a breath and met my eyes again. "It wasn't because you're my captain, though, or because you're an incredible reporter. I just couldn't face the thought of waking up tomorrow to a universe without you in it." My heart skipped a beat and then made up for it by doubling its pace.

"Sounds like love to me, dumbass." The sarcastic voice came from behind me, but I was captivated by Rusty's reaction to the words. His guard was down and he still held my gaze; there was uncertainty there, tinged with what I thought could be hope. Things started crashing together in my head: half-formed thoughts and remembered conversations and recollections of what I knew about his past wove in and out, creating a web of connections. To cover my confusion, I stood and turned toward the intruder. Kelly Buchanan leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her chest, right foot hooked behind her left ankle.

"Kells!" There was joy in Rusty's voice as he greeted his friend. Jealousy clawed at my guts; I vividly remembered watching explicit evidence that they had been more than just friends multiple times in our engine room. For her to show up right when things were looking up for the engineer and me was lousy timing, to say the least.

"Rusty!" She straightened and took a step toward the bed. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, asshole," he shot back.

"I'll give you two some time," I muttered, starting toward the door. Rusty halted me with his grip on my hand. I turned and raised an eyebrow. He raised his in response and tugged me closer, pulling me into a kiss that went a long way toward easing the sting of the marks the green-eyed monster had put on my heart. To her credit, Buchanan didn't make a peep.

"Don't stay away too long," my engineer said softly, brushing a final kiss against my cheek before releasing my hand. His friend winked at me as I passed and I managed a polite nod in return. A quarter hour later, I was storming onto the Marzi and calling for Alix. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

~*~

I was exhausted and everything hurt, but I'd seen the look on Cap's face when Kells showed up and there was no way I was passing out again before I could talk to him. Despite my best efforts, I was dozing a bit when he came back and it took me a second to force my eyes to open. When I managed that, I saw him eyeing the small bag of coffee Kells had left on the tray next to the bed.

"It's for you," I said, voice rough. He jumped a little and gave me a sort of guilty look. "The coffee," I clarified, nodding toward the tray. He stared at it like he was afraid it was going to eat his face or something, which was not the reaction I'd been expecting. The captain was a coffee fiend. I figured he would have been making out with it, not whatever this was. I coughed - which hurt like a motherfucker - and tried to reach across my body for the water the nurses dropped off last time they'd been in to poke and prod at me. Cap noticed the movement and hurried to pour me a drink, insisting on holding the damn cup for me even though I still had one perfectly good arm. Once I was done, he put it back on the tray and stepped away again, keeping that buffer of space between us. It was starting to piss me off a bit, but I didn't have the energy to fight.

"Why?" he asked softly.

"Why coffee? Other than the fact that you basically live on the stuff?"

"No, why me?"

I shrugged, just barely remembering not to use my injured side. "I mentioned to Kells at some point that you are both completely addicted to the stuff, so she brought that along when she headed this way."

"Oh." The way his face kept twisting, seemed like he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"There's a note," I pointed out. "She made me swear not to read it."

"And did you? Read it, I mean."

"No." I grinned at him. "I'm hoping you'll tell me what it says, though."

"I'll think about it." He picked up the folded paper that had been tucked halfway under the bag. I could see his eyes moving as he read it; it took him an awfully long time to look up, considering it was a really small note. Then he snorted a laugh, which surprised the hell out of me and made me really want to know what my friend had written.

"Well?"

"Nope." He deliberately tucked the note into his pocket.

"Where's the gratitude?" I feigned hurt. "After I saved your life and everything!"

Giving me a small smile, he finally came over and sat on the edge of the bed. Matt leaned forward and I moved to meet him automatically. Instead of the expected kiss, he put his cheek against mine and, lips brushing my ear, whispered, "Thank you." Nobody can prove the shiver that traveled through me at that point wasn't because they kept those hospital rooms entirely too cold.

"For the coffee," Matt continued. I felt his lips curve in a grin because the fucker knew what he was doing to me.

Confusion distracted me from my physical reaction. I'd just told him the coffee came from Kells, not me. Sure I'd told her he liked it, but that wasn't enough to get me credit for the whole thing.

Details came together slowly through the fog of pain and drugs. Cap had been gone for a while and then come back wearing a jumpsuit from the Marzi. I was so used to seeing him dressed like that, it just seemed normal. But now I remembered he'd been wearing those really unflattering scrubs - though I wasn't lying when I said I thought he was cute, they really didn't do anything for him - so he must have made a trip to my girl. Which meant he finally got the damn package I'd ordered forever ago. He would be caffeinated to the hilt for a quarter.

Taking advantage of my distracted state, the captain stood and tried to step away. "Oh no you don't," I growled, catching him with my good hand. He let me tug him back; it's not easy to admit, but I wasn't feeling like the stronger of the two of us right then. Thankfully, he was perfectly happy to let me manhandle him into a position where he could be thoroughly kissed. I had to stop long before I wanted to, though, and didn't manage to hide my pain well enough.

"Dammit, Rusty," Matt muttered, cupping my face in his hands. "Stop being so fucking stubborn for once in your life. You need to rest, to heal, and there's no point enduring pain when you don't have to."

"I know." He gave me a skeptical look. "I know," I repeated with emphasis. Not sure why he thought I liked to hurt. "I ain't trying to be macho or nothing. It's just - " I cut off. Admitting I needed drugs or sleep or pretty much anything else was a hell of a lot easier than admitting I needed him. Fuck me. "They make me tired, okay? And I didn't want to miss the chance to talk to you."

"Oh, baby," he said, eyes swimming with sympathy. That little pet name did some weird things to my stomach that I wasn't about to admit to the captain. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We have time."

"I guess so." I ain't superstitious or nothing, but something about almost dying makes a person realize that maybe there isn't always the time you think there will be. I was hurting pretty bad, though, and feeling worn the fuck out, so I figured we'd said what needed to be said for the moment and maybe it wouldn't be so bad to sleep for a bit.

Matt kissed my forehead and got up. After a minute, I heard him talking to someone, then there was a nurse injecting something into my IV line. I tried to say thanks, but I'm not sure I managed to get the word out. He checked my vitals, reclined my bed a bit more, and then it was just me and the captain in the room as things started to get a bit hazy around the edges.

"You went to the ship?" I asked through lips that were feeling thicker than usual.

"I did," Matt responded, pulling up his chair again and claiming my hand. "Alix is impressed, by the way." I made a questioning noise. "The two cameras nearby were fried, but the system itself made it through relatively unscathed." That got my eyes to open, which made me realize they had drifted shut. "Yeah," he continued, the corner of his mouth turning up. "All the footage that hadn't been uploaded is intact. Including the, well..."

"Oh." I didn't know how to feel about that. I was glad our work hadn't been wasted, but the thought of people watching it, seeing how someone tried to kill my captain, made me a little sick.

"Don't worry, Rusty." Matt's hand was cool against my face. "Everything is taken care of. Just rest now." I heard myself make some noise in response, but before I could figure out what, I was gone.