PARA #03 - File #042

LC: You can touch me... anywhere?

DJ: Yes.

LC: Do you... want to?

DJ: Is that what you want?

LC: [Long Pause] Yes.

DJ: Yes. I'd very much like to touch you.

LC: [Pause] Will you...? If you want to.

DJ: Make love to you? [LC nods slowly] I would gladly make love to you.

LC: Will it... be the same?

DJ: Yes... I believe it will be.

LC: You won't hurt me?

DJ: [Kissing LC gently] No. I'd never do that.

LC: [Glancing around] Do they have to stay?

DJ: They're supposed to observe and record everything that happens.

LC: [Looking down, sad] I understand. It's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to--

DJ: [Interrupting by k issing LC gently] I do want to. [Pause] Do you want them to leave?

[Transcript pauses]

CW: [Passing drawing to RM] I had to draw this from memory.

RM: [Examining sketch] This is when?

CW: When Facilitator Jefferies asked her if she wanted us to leave. As you can see, she looks hopeful, but hesitant. I also observed her spectral aura was increasing in brightness.

RM: You think that's because she wanted him to... have her?

CW: Yes. The reports of the other two transitions suggest that rising sexual excitement causes the aura of the manifestation to increase in brightness, and while that seems to be the case, I didn't need to see that to know she wanted him.

RM: What do you mean?

CW: I could tell by her body language and the way she was looking at him she was hoping he'd take her to bed, but at the same time, she kept looking at Hal and me.

RM: So you don't think she would accept your presence in the room?

CW: No... I don't think so.

RM: Very well. Please continue, Hal.

[Transcript resumes]

DJ: [Kissing LC gently] I do want to. [Pause] Do you want them to leave?

LC: [Pause, whispered] Yes.

DJ: Everyone out.

HB: Procedures state that--

DJ: [Interrupting] I don't care what the procedures say. Get out. Now.

[Transcript ends]

RM: [Interrupting] That's enough for now, Hal. Thank you. Facilitator Jefferies, does Recorder Buzga's transcript match your recollections? You didn't include many details of your conversation with the Jilted Bride.

DJ: I can't recall every word we said to each other, but that sounds about right.

RM: So, it seems to me that you'd convinced her to transition without the confluence, yet you engaged with her sexually anyway.

DJ: Your point?

RM: My point, Facilitator Jefferies, is you ordered the recorders out of the room so that we don't have a complete record of the transition. You seem to have a habit of doing that.

DJ: What do you mean I have a habit of doing that?

RM: The Southern Horsewoman. You ordered the facilitators and recorders out of the barn then too.

DJ: That's right. They were being complete assholes. I didn't want them around and risk them screwing up the facilitation over some petty turf war.

RM: And in this case?

DJ: This was completely different.

RM: How so?

DJ: For one thing, the recorders weren't being assholes. For another... if they'd stayed, I'm not convinced the facilitation would have gone as quickly, and smoothly, as it did.

RM: Why?

DJ: Why do you think? It's right there in the transcript. She needed to feel wanted, but it wasn't going to work if recorders... uh...

RM: Buzga and Willder.

DJ: Right... sorry. I'm not sure Lily would have allowed me to transition her so easily if recorders Buzga and Willder had remained in the room.

RM: Was sexual engagement even necessary? It sounds like to me you'd already convinced her to transition. If the public finds out PARA facilitators are fucking ghosts... especially for no reason... that's not a good look. It could be argued that you ordered the recorders out of the room solely for the purpose of not documenting your sexual activity... precisely because it was unnecessary. PARA has been deliberately vague in our public statements over what exactly is involved in a forced transition, but we spin it as violent, dangerous work... not fucking some poor, desperate, broken woman to add another notch to your belt.

DJ: [Annoyed] In my opinion, yes, sexual engagement was very necessary, and it's the facilitator on site who determines the best way to facilitate a transition. This woman needed to feel wanted and desired. I fulfilled that need, and she transitioned. So the question is, C.M. Milner, are you going to argue that fucking that woman in a forced transition is somehow different than what I did to accomplish the same thing?

RM: [Pause] No. I suppose not.

DJ: [Annoyed] I will argue in this case, there was a difference. The woman went peacefully into the afterlife, not violently, and in my opinion, that's what PARA should strive for. We were founded to help these poor souls, so we shouldn't use force except as a last recourse.

RM: [Pause] Very well. I accept your reasoning.

DJ: Did anyone ever just touch this woman? Hold her? Remember the spiel about the power of an intimate touch?

RM: No. You were the first ten assigned to the case.

DJ: In that case, I absolutely stand by my decision because, in my opinion, keeping the recorders in the room with us would have prevented me from providing the closure she was seeking. Lily needed to feel the touch of another human, to feel like someone cared, and to feel wanted and desired. I gave her that... but I don't believe she would have allowed me to give her those things had the recorders remained in the room. That left the choice of resorting to a forced transition or ordering the recorders from the room. I think you not having a word for word transcript of what was said, or sketches detailing her transition, is a small price to pay for helping this poor woman to end her suffering without the use of force.

RM: [Pause] Very well. The important thing is you accomplished the transition. I find it amazing that you held her in the room so long by simply talking to her. With every other facilitator, she would get upset, bolt into the bathroom, and cut her wrists... even though they said more or less the same things to her.

DJ: Maybe... but you said she was never touched.

RM: And you hugged her.

DJ: Exactly.

RM: Dammit! We need more tens! Okay. Moving on. After ordering the recorders out of the room, what happened?

DJ: As I said, I made her feel wanted and desired.

RM: So I understand, but details, Facilitator. That's why recorders are assigned to transitions, so they can capture the details. Whether this was a forced transition or not, this was the first facilitation of this kind. There's so much we don't understand about transitions... especially forced... or reluctant I guess you could call this one... but, since you ordered them out of the room, you're going to have to provide the details. Did you experience the confluence?

DJ: Yes.

RM: Did you also experience confluence psychosis?

DJ: What's that?

RM: That's the term that's been assigned to the feeling you and Facilitator Rogers described as the overwhelming need to continue fucking.

DJ: Oh. Yes, I did.

RM: You did?

DJ: Yes.

RM: Interesting. The big brains back in Morgantown thought that maybe confluence psychosis only occurred during a forced transition, when the spirit was fighting you. You're saying that's not true?

DJ: That's what I'm saying, but with Lily it was different than with the Southern Horsewoman.

RM: Different how? Never mind. Just tell us in your own words what happened after you ordered Hal and Chrissie out of the room.

DJ: You want all the details?

RM: Yes, please... since you didn't allow the recorders to stay.

DJ: We undressed each other, then--

CW: [Interrupting] How?

DJ: What difference does that make?

RM: I asked Chrissi to sketch, as closely as she can from your descriptions, the transition. Because this is the first transition that wasn't forced, yet wasn't completely voluntary, Morgantown wants as much detail as possible. As much as you can, please repeat everything you and Lily said and did so that Hal and Chrissi can reconstruct the event as completely as possible.

DJ: [Annoyed] I don't remember all the details.

RM: Just do the best you can.

DJ: Fuck... Okay, so we undressed each other. It was a typical seduction I guess, like any two people would. We kissed and caressed as we slowly undressed each other.

CW: [Displaying sketch] Something like this? I'll clean it up and add details later.

DJ: [Examining sketch] I suppose. I remember that she liked being kissed under her ear and along her throat.

CW: [Sketching] Good... okay... those are the kind of details I'd like to know.

DJ: I also remember telling her to slow down, that we had all the time in the world and that I wanted to enjoy my time with her.

HB: How did she respond to that?

DJ: I don't remember. I know she seemed to like the idea because she did slow down... became less... desperate I guess you could say.

CW: Where were you in the room?

DJ: Standing beside the bed where we were when you left.

CW: Okay. Good.

DJ: So, we undressed, and then I nudged her to the bed. She was laying across the bed, and I knelt--

CW: [Interrupting] So you were both nude?

DJ: When she settled to the bed, she was still wearing her pants and shoes, but she was undressed above the waist. My shirt was unbuttoned, but otherwise I was still fully dressed.

CW: Okay... wait. [Sketching] Something like this?

DJ: [Examining sketch] Yeah... probably.

HB: Did you, either of you, say anything?

DJ: Not that I recall.

RM: [Pause] Please continue, Facilitator.

DJ: So, as I was saying, I knelt at the edge of the bed and... well... I ate her until she came. Okay, let me back up a little. I removed her pants and shoes, and then I ate her out. After she--

CW: [Interrupting] Wait. Hang on. Let me catch up. [Pause while sketching] Something like this?

DJ: [Examining sketch] Yeah... kind of, but she had her hands on my head. I do remember that... and she was face fucking me.

CW: So, rocking her hips?

DJ: Yes. I know she said a bunch of stuff, but I don't remember most of it.

RM: If you can't remember exactly, can you give Hal the gist of what she said?

DJ: Things like 'Don't stop', 'Right there', and I know she said 'Oh... God', or maybe 'Oh my God' a couple of times.

CW: [Displaying sketch] More like this?

DJ: [Examining sketch] Yeah... that's more like I remember it. Seeing it, I seem to remember her back arching too. How'd you know?

CW: [Smiling] It's a woman thing. I'm imagining how I'd be in Lily's situation and drawing that.

RM: Then what happened?

DJ: After she came, I waited a moment to see if she began to transition. When she didn't, I joined her on the bed.

RM: Did her aura dim after her orgasm?

DJ: No... I don't believe so. If it did, it didn't by much.

RM: But it brightened during her orgasm?

DJ: Yes. [Smiling] A lot.

CW: [Smiling, muttering, sketching] You stud-muffing, you.

RM: Could you sense the confluence at this time?

DJ: Yes. It wasn't strong, but yes, I could sense it.

RM: But you didn't have confluence psychosis?

DJ: No. Not yet. Like with the Horsewoman, the... psychosis as you called it... didn't begin until after I came the first time.

RM: So, you have to come before the confluence psychosis begins?

DJ: That's the way it seems to me. I mean, I was turned on, just like I would be if I were with any beautiful and sexy woman, but I wasn't crazy with lust. Not at that point.

RM: But you said you did experience the confluence psychosis?

DJ: Yes, but later, after she made me come.

RM: You said the psychosis, when you experienced it, was different between the Jilted Bride and the Southern Horsewoman?

DJ: Yes... that's what I'm saying.

RM: Can you describe the difference?

DJ: I'm not sure. It's hard to describe. I think the best way to describe it is I wanted to make love to Lily... but I wanted to fuck the Southern Horsewoman. I wanted to make love to Lily until she was exhausted, but I wanted to break the Horsewoman. Does that make sense?

RM: I think. With the Jilted Bride--

DJ:[Interrupting] Lily.

RM: With Lily you wanted her to transition because her need had been met... like with any normal transition, but with the Southern Horsewoman, you were forcing her to transition, and fucking her was the way to accomplish that. Does that sound right?

DJ: I guess. Like I said, it's hard to describe. I wanted... I needed... to fuck both Lily and the Horsewoman, but with Lily it was... different. I can't explain it except to say it was how I felt as I was fucking her. Imagine making love to your wife or girlfriend, versus fucking a prostitute or someone you'd just picked up in a bar. Same act... completely different experience.

RM: I think I understand. Why do you think that is?

DJ: [Shrugging] Don't know. Maybe because she wasn't fighting me? Maybe because she wanted to transition, but couldn't? Maybe because she was a virgin? I don't have an answer for that except to say it was different. Just as intense, but different.

RM: Interesting. Please continue.

CW: Wait. Before you do, what did you do when you joined her on the bed?

DJ: Held her. Kissed her. After--

CW: [Interrupting] Hang on. [Sketching] Something like this?

DJ: [Examining sketch] Yeah... I guess. I know she had her arms around me like that, so yeah, I'd say that's pretty close.

CW: Then what?

DJ: Then she said she wanted to please me and she started unzipping my pants.

HB: Is that what she said... 'I want to please you'?

DJ: Yeah, I think so.

HB: Not I want to suck your cock, or anything like that?

DJ: No. I don't remember her saying anything like that... ever.

HB: Interesting.

DJ: Why?

HB: No reason. It's just 'I want to please you' seems so... quaint... especially considering the origin was only eleven years ago.

DJ: Lily was... shy... uptight... especially at the beginning.

CW: [Smiling and sketching] But you loosened her up?

DJ: [Smiling] Some maybe, but she was still... innocent. I liked her... and I'm glad I was able to give her some peace and that she transitioned easily.

RM: Please continue.

DJ: Okay. So, as I was saying, after she didn't transition, and had recovered from her orgasm, she started playing with my pants. I could tell she had no experience, and didn't know what to do, but she was trying. [Smiling] An interesting thing was that her lack of... skills... and not knowing how to present herself... made her sexier. Anyway, I let her pull my pants off, and then she hesitated.

RM: Hesitated? How?

DJ: She wasn't sure what to do. I asked her if she'd ever tasted a man before, and she said no.

HB: Tasted?

DJ: Yes... tasted. I didn't want to say something she found offensive.

RM: Understandable, but why?

DJ: Two reasons. One, I was concerned that if I said something that offended her, she'd want to stop and then I'd have to force transition her. The second was... she was a decent, wholesome girl... woman... who'd been given shitty deal... and I wanted to make her last moments as perfect as I could.

CW: That's... sweet.

DJ: I suggested that she kiss me. She did, then she took the head into her mouth. I guess she thought she had to take all of me, because she tried and then gagged. She apologized, and I could tell it embarrassed and upset her. I pulled her into a kiss and told her it was okay, that I didn't mind, that most women couldn't do that, and that it wasn't necessary to please a man. I suggested she take only as much as she felt she could and to tickle the head with her tongue. She tried again. She was a quick learner, and I helped her along.

RM: How?

DJ: How do you think? When she was doing something right, I told her how good it felt and how skilled she was.

RM: Okay. Please continue.

DJ: Once she had an understanding what to do, I pulled her around and started licking her pussy again.

CW: Wait. Let me catch up again. [Displaying sketches] How's this?

DJ: [Examining sketches] This one's pretty close, I think, though obviously I don't know about my expression. I can't stay about the second one because... you know... my view was limited.

CW: You were enjoying it though?

DJ: Yes. [Pause] Like I said, she was a quick learner, and while I was licking her pussy, she started experimenting.

RM: Experimenting how?

DJ: Slapping my cock against her breasts, titty fucking me, becoming more aggressive with her sucking and tonguing, that sort of thing. I could tell she was getting turned on again because not only was she becoming more aggressive in sucking my cock, but she was also starting to make noises and rocking--