Party Pizzazz Ch. 01

Party Pizzazz Ch. 01

by BJ Michaels

In my defense, we almost never get any service calls after 3 o'clock on Friday afternoons. In the three weeks I've been working there I've only had one so it was a pretty safe bet I'd just be sitting around for an hour before it was time to go home.

Hmmmmm....I thought: I shouldn't let this time go to waste. I should drink the penis elixir now and before I leave to go home I'll take the boner pill. By the time I get home I'll be ready to stroke-out the first of the many I have planned for the weekend -- if you know what I mean? hahahaha....

Yeah-yeah, I know it sounds kinda lonely and pathetic, but I haven't made any friends in town yet and sometimes a solitary stroke-a-thon is the price we shy guys have to pay. I'm sure in time I'll meet a nice girl, but until then all I have are my fantasies, my favorite porn site and a calloused left hand, hahahaha....

I pulled the small pouch of liquid out of my pocket and looked around to see what I could mix it with. I suddenly had a better idea: John, you always dilute it with water and so far your dick hasn't grown at all -- maybe it'll help if you drink it straight out of the package?

Brilliant, I thought, and opened the pouch and poured the sugary-flavored liquid down my throat in two swallows. I read the empty package for probably the thirtieth time written by the world-famous doctor himself:

"Dr. Orville's Male Enhancement Elixir" and in smaller print:

"To my penile-challenged friends: I stake my world-famous reputation on my 60 day, time-tested regimen to not only increase the length and girth of your penis, but boost your confidence and self esteem as well. Tired of the ladies laughing and calling you 'Needle Dick'? Do you come up limp when only a stiffy will do? No more my friends when you follow the protocols of my penis enhancement and performance program.

CAUTION: Increasing the recommended dosage may result in a longer and thicker penis for which I cannot be held legally liable.

Hmmmm, I better stop taking the stuff when my dick gets to six-inches...maybe seven.

I sat back staring at the clock on the wall waiting for it to turn 4...waiting...waiting...waiting -- damn, is that thing even moving?

I had to do something besides stare at the clock so I came up with another good idea: why don't I get the bag out of my car and see if they sent me what I'd ordered? I didn't open it when I retrieved it from my post office box at lunchtime but now I have the time to make sure they didn't screw-up my order like they did a couple weeks ago.

Back at my desk, I carefully used scissors to open the bag making sure I didn't slice into any of its fragile contents.

My eyes grew wide as saucers when I gazed upon my newest treasures: four pairs of sheer, nylon panties (pink, white, yellow and lime green). I couldn't help myself: I sprung a natural boner simply by running my hands over the soft and sensuous material. Even though I knew I was alone, I sheepishly looked all around to see if anyone was watching then quickly shoved the bag into my desk drawer.

Sure, okay, two-minutes later I opened the drawer (after looking all around me again) and pulled out the bag. I knew immediately what I wanted to do but I couldn't try them on right here in the office, could I?

Awwwww, why not, no one else is here (Damn John, you really need to work on your self-control). I chose the pink ones and stripped off my jeans and white Jockeys.

Ohhhh-myyyyyy, they felt so soft and smooth as I slid them up my legs my dick began throbbing. It took some effort to tuck my hard-on inside the panties but when I did and I looked down at my boner poking out the front of the sheer material I couldn't help myself and grasped my hard penis thru the panties - OHHH-MYYY-GAWWWD -- I'd never felt ANYTHING so wickedly wonderful in my whole life. Why didn't I do this before?

I heard a sound from the backroom and icy shivers raced up my spine; my heart pounded like a bass drum. I quickly found my jeans and pulled them up into place and fastened them while searching all around me for any sign I wasn't alone.

I remained frozen in place for a full minute -- my sensitive ears on high alert. Suddenly the phone rang and I almost leapt out of my skin. It took a couple more rings before my nerves settled down.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

Silence. "Hello?" I repeated.

"Is this 'Peterson Auto Parts'?" a voice finally asked me.

What is it with people? Why do they always ask me that question? Don't they even know who they're calling?

"Yeah, of course it is," I said.

Silence again. Finally the voice said, "This is Brian from BJ Automotive - I need part number 8675309 - ASAP!"

BJ Automotive...BJ? Get it? Hahahahahaha....

"Can't it wait until Monday?" I asked.

More silence followed by, "NO, it cannot wait until Monday!"

Some of our customers can be soooo unreasonable!

"Ohhhh, alright," I sighed, "what's your address?"

"3128 Rum River Road," said the voice. "I have a mechanic waiting - how soon can you get here?"

Wow, another dumb question. "How should I know? I've never been there!" I said. Some people can be soooo obtuse, can't they? (or is the word oblong?).

He must have been talking to someone because I heard him cursing into the phone.

"Just get the part here as fast as you can, kid, can you manage to do that?" he asked me.

I hate it when people talk down to me. I kept my cool and calmly said, "I can't get there any faster than I can, can I?"

I heard him say, "Jesus Christ" then the phone went dead.

***

I hate making Friday afternoon deliveries during rush hour. The traffic is so bad they take forever. What's the point of them? What is so important that can't wait until Monday morning except for perishables or maybe milk?

Last week I went so far as to put a note in the suggestion box that all Friday deliveries be done before noon. You know what my boss said? "Who gave you permission to put up a suggestion box?"

I Googled and printed the directions to 'BJ Automotive' (BJ? Seriously? hahahaha) then looked up part number 8675309 in the catalog.

Oh-my-heck, I couldn't believe my eyes - part number 8675309 was a three-and-three-quarter-inch Johnson Rod -- un-friggin-believable!!!

What kind of sick joke is God playing on me now? Not only did He inflict me with an embarrassing fetish for women's panties, but He also sentenced me to a lifetime of low self-esteem by endowing me with a three-and-three-quarter-inch Johnson Rod of my own (if you know what I mean?) and now he's mocking me!

Yes, I know first-hand what it means to suffer from 'penis envy'!

***

Since I'd be going straight home after I made the delivery I remembered to bring my new panties with me but forgot to bring the driving directions. No problem -- I have an idyllic memory so I'll be able to see a picture of the directions in my head.

I made a mistake by not changing back into my cotton briefs though. The nylon fabric of the pink panties kept rubbing against my prick keeping it agitated and drooling. I could feel my balls churning and swelling as they rubbed against the soft and sensuous material, ohhhh-myyyyyy....

Anyway, I got off the freeway at Exit 69 (69? Get it? hahahaha) and was supposed to go west on Rum River Avenue but the problem was I was staring directly into the late afternoon sun making it impossible to figure out which way was west.

I slowed down and searched for a street sign as I approached the next intersection. I caught a brief glimpse of a sign that partially read 'Rum River' so I turned left. I drove super slow reading the names of the businesses on the street but didn't see 'BJ Automotive' (BJ? hahahaha - sorry, I can't help it).

Sudden waves of euphoria swept thru my head when my dick stiffened harder than a steel pole and rubbed against the nylon panties.

'Uh-oh, the elixir is kicking in -- noooo, not now' but that was quickly followed by 'Ohhhhhh-yesssss -- this is wonderful -- mmmmmmmmmmmmm....'

I gripped the steering wheel so hard I was afraid I would break it.

I took deep breaths and told myself, 'Okay-okay, you can do this -- you can wait until you get home to jerk off...stay calm, John, stay calm!'

When I saw the river to my left I figured I was going in the right direction so I kept driving even though there were no more businesses. I saw only huge mansions with football-field-size sculpted lawns and gardens.

I tried to shake the fog of lust from my head and told myself, 'Okay, John, stay calm and find a driveway where you can turn around and go back the other direction'....

It was a long way to the next driveway. When I saw one and turned into it I had to come to a sudden stop -- there were cars waiting in a line, and directly in front of me was a small, white panel van with the words "Party Pizzazz." on the back of it.

'Relax, John, take deep breaths, I told myself, 'when the van moves forward you can turnaround.'

I saw two women out of the corner of my eye. They had to be in their thirties but were still quite attractive for older broads and still had smokin' hot bods, too.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the van pulled forward. I began turning the wheel to make a u-turn when a uniformed guard came out of nowhere and pounded on my window.

'Stay calm, John, stay calm...don't worry, he's not a real cop....'

I lowered my window and smiled at him.

"You with Party Pizzazz?" he asked me.

Huh? What did he say? Why is he yelling at me?

A second uniformed guard appeared and they both spoke at the same time.

"What's your name, son?" asked the first one as the second guard pointed at the part on the seat next to me and asked what it was.

I took a deep breath and calmly and very carefully enunciated, "Johnson Rod."

The first guard snickered and loudly said, "Johnny Rod? You little queerboys sure come up with colorful names!"

Huh? What did he say? Did he just call me 'Queerboy'? Damn, you give ONE guy ONE handjob and you're labeled for life!

My whole body began trembling. I don't like confrontation but before I could correct the guards mistake one of the pretty women came over to the car, squinted at me, and said, "Johnny Rod, huh? hahaha -- good name! You must be one of Sharon's boys" and she told the security guard, "He's with us."

It looked to me like the guards smile turned into a sneer as he said, "Okay, Johnny Rod, the lady says you belong here so follow the van thru the gate and park next to it -- you got that, Johnny Rod?"

I don't know why I get all shy and tongue-tied when I deal with Type A personalities, but all I could say was "Yes sir" and followed the van thru the gate. I figured once I was far enough inside I could turn the car around and get the heck outta there.

I parked next to the van just in time to wait out an especially strong urge to rub the panties on my throbbing hard-on.

Ohhh-yesssssssss-niceeeeeee...and when I squirmed on the seat the panties felt soooo wonderful rubbing my dick an even stronger wave of exhilaration rushed thru my body -- ohhhhhhhhh-myyyyyyyyyyyy- gawwwwwwddd -- SHEESH - I gotta get home and jack-off before I shoot a load inside my brand new panties!

BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM -- a pounding on the drivers side window scared the heck out of me.

"ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?" shouted someone thru the window.

I was quick to say "I'm fine -- I'm fine" without even glancing at the person.

When I did raise my head I wasn't sure what I was looking at -- he or she, I couldn't tell which, was dressed in some kind of green, tight-fitting shirt and pants and wore a small, triangular cap on 'its' head.

He/she surprised me by opening my car door and I saw the rest of its outfit was green, as well.

"Who are you?" I softly asked.

"Peter Pansy," said the person in a high-pitched, male voice.

"Your name is 'Pansy'?" I suspiciously asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"No silly, I'm playing Peter Pan for the party so they call me 'Peter Pansy'!" he/she giggled.

He/she stepped closer and offered me 'its' hand to help me out of the car.

"You're Johnny Rod, right?" it asked me. "I was behind you in line at the gate."

Huh? Oh my God, what gate? I was in a line? When was that? What's going on here?

I had a sudden moment of clarity and remembered my encounter with the rent-a-cop at the entrance gate and blurted out, "Yes, Johnny Rod..."

Peter Pansy smiled and said, "I know, right? We play so many different characters at these parties it's hard to remember who we are sometimes, am I right?"

'It's hard to remember who we are sometimes... 'It's-hard-to-remember-who-we-are-sometimes!' WOW -- that was the most profound statement I'd ever heard in my life!

My eyes moved up-and-down Peter Pansy but suddenly stopped and stared at the bulge in the crotch of the strange, green outfit. Ohhhhhhhh, I get it - Peter Pansy is a guy.

I heard him laugh and say, "Soooo, you like my package, Tinker Bell?"

Huh? What's he talking about? He's not carrying a package! All I see is a huge lump in his pants.

He continued: "You're such a little cutie I'm gonna talk to Laura about putting us together on stage - I'd l-o-v-e to have you bottom for me today."

I didn't understand a single word he said but his smile was soooo beautiful I smiled back at him.

He offered me his hand again and said, "C'mon, Tinker Bell -- if you're late that bitch will have me spank you in front of everyone!"

My body shivered. 'I don't want a spanking,' I thought, 'at least not in front of everyone.'

A kaleidoscope of surreal thoughts and images filled my head as Peter Pansy helped me out of the car. WOW - this is the strangest delivery I've ever made...did my creepy boss put them up to this?

My legs felt like rubber when I stood and I would have fallen but the nice boy dressed in green caught me and held me upright. A plastic bag fell out of my pocket.

I had the feeling I should pick it up but it was such a long way to the ground I was afraid I might fall over and wouldn't be able to get up.

Peter Pansy picked up the bag and examined the contents. I'd forgotten what was in the bag so I looked at it, too.

He chuckled and said, "What cute panties -- very sexy...lemmee guess, you're wearing pink ones underneath your jeans?"

I panicked. OH-MY-GAWWWDDD -- HOW DOES HE KNOW? Peter Pansy must have ESPN -- how embarrassing!

Suddenly, another surge of euphoria enveloped my crotch and I almost fell again. This time Peter Pansy squeezed my hand and said, "Tinker Bell, your boner is going to pop out of your pants -- you're really looking forward to performing tonight, aren't you? Don't worry, I'll make sure you get to the party without falling down."

Performing? What party? I wondered. This isn't right, is it? I'm supposed to be delivering something? I abruptly stopped walking causing Peter Pansy to stop beside me.

"Getting nervous, Tinkerbell? Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything...just think about the money you'll make tonight!"

Money? I'm going to make money tonight?

He quickly added: "We're gonna clear at least five-hundred and if we work together and you do whatever I tell you -- you and I will take home over a grand apiece! Do you want to make a thousand-dollars tonight, Tinkerbell?"

Is the Bear catholic? Does a pope shit in the woods?

"You betcha I do!" I said with a silly, lust-fueled grin plastered on my face.

Ohhhhh, what a nice pansy he is...and he has such a strong grip, too!

"Did you bring the matching bow ties, Tinkerbell?" asked Peter Pansy.

He must have seen the confusion in my eyes and added: "I dunno what your boss expects, but Laura wants her Pantyboy's wearing matching panties and bow ties when they're serving the guests...c'mon, I think we have a box of 'em in the van."

Why would my boss want me wearing matching bow ties and panties? This sure has been a weird afternoon!

When he shut my car door something on the front seat caught my eye.

I wondered: What is that? Ohhhhh, yeahhhh, it's a Johnson Rod...why is there a Johnson Rod on the front seat of my car?

***

The footing to the backyard of the house was so treacherous I had a death-grip on Peter Pansy's hand. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he squeezed my hand and gave me a wink and a reassuring smile.

A warm glow filled my heart. Ohhhhhh, he's such a nice pansy, I thought.

We walked thru a row of tall pine trees then suddenly in a clearing I saw a mansion with a huge, grassy backyard and an Olympic-size swimming pool.

"Welcome to Neverland!" said Peter Pansy, "where fairies prance and frolic amongst the real men!"

***

There were grown men swimming and grown men laying around the pool and grown men playing three different cornhole games with the operative word being 'men' - the place was lousy with swinging dicks (not literally, of course, that would've been gross).

Wherever I swiveled my head there wasn't a single camel toe to be seen. I became self-conscious holding hands with Peter Pansy but no one looked or said a thing to us, and he WAS keeping me from falling down.

When we got closer I saw that most of the men were wearing ridiculously skimpy swim trunks -- and I do mean SKIMPY!! -- my Gawwwd, if you looked close enough you could see the outlines of their flaccid dicks and heavy, manly balls straining against the thin fabric of their swim trunks.

Sure, I admit it - I check-out guys bulges all the time but it's strictly out of curiosity. I like to see what they have dangling between their legs...oops, that doesn't sound right -- no, I mean I like to see how I measure-up compared with other guys. Nine times out of nine I don't measure up too well.

Peter guided me to a group of four boys who were about my size and age but something didn't look right. They weren't naked but they might as well have been. All four wore tiny, powder blue jockstraps that didn't leave much to the imagination, and what the heck? Powder blue bow ties, too.

"Hey boys," Peter called out to them, "look at the present Sharon gave us -- this is Johnny Rod!"

I looked all around to see what 'present' Peter was talking about but they were all just staring at me.

A woman suddenly came up to us and I vaguely remembered her from somewhere.

"Where's your costume, boy? Didn't Sharon tell you to bring a costume?" she sternly asked me.

I froze. I always become tongue-tied around strong women. Luckily, Peter Pansy spoke up for me.

He showed her the clear bag with my new undies and said, "He's Pantyboy -- can he be my partner tonight -- I'd love to show him the ropes how we do things at parties."

"Oh, I'm sure you would, Tommy," she smirked, "but they didn't pay for a bondage act!"

I guessed she made a joke because all the boys laughed. I didn't get it because I was wondering who Tommy was.

"Okay, take the little cutie in the tent and get him ready," she said to Peter, "...and make sure he takes a boner pill -- I think a lot of these men are going to want to get into his panties tonight!"

Why would the men here want to wear my panties? I wondered.

"Will do, Laura, thanks!" he said to the pretty woman.

She was about to turn away from us but abruptly stopped and said, "Tommy, you better fit your new boyfriend with a butt plug - these horny old fucks will pull a train on him if we let 'em, and I don't want to return him to Sharon with a stretched-out pussy!"

"I think you're right, Laura -- I'll do that," Peter said to her.

That makes sense, I thought. I can barely feel anything when I'm screwing a normal pussy, much less a stretched-out one!

Peter took my hand again and we began walking towards a large canvas tent.