Ping Pong Summer

So as they stood up, she let Tommy slid by her and kept him between herself and Zach all the way back to the car.

The boy had already forgotten about the hand holding and was going on and on about the movie and which parts he liked. Zach had obviously been paying attention as he was able to talk about every scene Tommy mentioned, and when she saw her nephew so happy and animated, those original good feelings washed over her again.

As they got to his car, Tommy hopped in back and as Zach was opening Rachel's door he said, "Are you too warm now?"

She'd forgotten all about the sweater and yes, it was warm, but she was completely unaware.

"Um, a little, but I'll be chilly if you turn the AC on," she said without looking at him.

"I can leave it off," he told her.

"Oh. No. Um...it'll be too warm for Tommy in the back," she said knowing she would also be too warm. She just didn't need Zach helping her like that again at that particular moment when her brain was trying to sort through the jumbled mess of emotions his presence was causing her.

Tommy continued his stream-of-consciousness replay of the movie for several minutes before finally giving it a rest.

When he did, Zach looked over at Rachel and said, "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, sure," she said in a way that told him it wasn't.

Knowing this wasn't the time or place, Zach didn't tell her he knew something was wrong. For that matter, he was almost certain what it was that was bothering her, and that it centered around him. The only thing he didn't know was how she felt about him, and that could go either way. Or it could go nowhere at all.

Zach's place was on the way between the theater and Rachel's home so he asked if they might like to stop there on the way.

"Oh, I don't..." Rachel began before Tommy drowned her.

"Can we? Please?" he asked much too loudly.

"I promise I won't try and keep you long," Zach told her. "Scout's honor."

His boyish smile got to her, and although it only added to her growing confusion, she told him that was fine.

Tommy's happy, "Yes!" helped lessen the conflict in her mind, but it didn't make it go away as she sat there wondering how it was even possible she could be conflicted.

Part of her kept saying, "There's nothing here for you to be conflicted about. Thinking there is is nonsense, and you need to get over it right now."

But another part kept saying, "Sure, he's a lot younger, but he's not only very good looking, he's kind and caring and thoughtful."

And that part keep reminding her Tommy really liked him, too.

As surprised as she'd been by her reaction to being around Zach, she was even more surprised when he drove into what appeared to be a very upscale apartment complex. Rent was outrageously high anywhere within a 30-mile radius of Seattle, and this place had to cost a fortune.

Zach's home was on the ground floor, which Rachel thought was a plus, but when he let them inside she was really taken aback.

"Your apartment is...gorgeous!" she told him as she looked around.

"It's a condominium," he told her.

Surprised yet again, she asked, "So you're buying rather than renting?"

Zach laughed then said, "You sound surprised."

"No. I...guess I just..."

She looked at him then said, "Okay. Yes. I'm...surprised."

Before he could say anything else, Tommy had found the trophy case.

"Aunt Rachel! Come here! Check this out!" he called.

Without looking to see what was what, she could tell there was a whole lot of 'what' to look at.

"Wow," she said as she gave it a quick once over before going back and looking at each trophy or medal or certificate.

"Look!" Tommy said, pointing to a photo. "That's President Obama!"

As she bent down to look, he said just as loudly and right in her ear, "Cool! This one's President Trump!"

"You're very popular," Rachel said. "Or rather...very famous."

"No. Not hardly," Zach replied. "Those were just photo ops for the Olympic team. Kind of like Forest Gump who kept ending up at the White House."

Rachel laughed as she recalled 'Gump' saying, "So I had to go meet the Prez-uh-dent of the United States—again!"

"What a great movie," she said as she kept looking.

"It's one of my favorites," Zach told her.

"Stupid is as stupid does!" Tommy piped up loudly.

"Could we maybe be just a tiny bit less loud?" his aunt asked very politely.

"Sorry," he said. He knew he had the tendency to get loud like most boys. But like most boys, he forget it almost immediately right after being reminded.

"I'm starving. Is anyone else hungry?" Zach asked just as he remembered he promised not to keep them.

"Sorry," he said to Rachel almost immediately even as Tommy hollered, "Me, too!"

"It's okay," Rachel said as she continued battling herself over whether or not staying was such a bad idea.

"We can go back out or I can make us some sandwiches," he said, now feeling guilty for thinking she thought he'd been dishonest.

"We don't need to go back out," Rachel told him. "And I can give you a hand."

"Are you sure?" Zach asked.

"Yes. I'm sure," she told him, finally smiling.

When they got to the kitchen he said, "Rachel. I honestly didn't mean to keep you here. I blurted that out before remembering my promise not to keep you long."

Now that she was standing face to face with him, her reasons for not wanting to stay faded into the background of her mind as she told him it really was okay.

"I'm glad," he told her. "I won't lie. I do like spending time with you, but I'd never...lie...in order to do so."

"Zach? That never even crossed my mind. I believe you're an honest man. If I didn't, I wouldn't have even agreed to go to the movie with you today."

He was maybe a 18 inches away from her as he smiled and quietly said, "I'm really glad you did."

That 'flutter' thing was back, and Rachel found herself saying, "Me, too."

"Me, three!" they heard Tommy, who'd just walked up, say, even though he wasn't sure what either of the grown ups had just said.

"Yeah, that was a lot of fun, huh?" Zach said as he turned toward Tommy.

That one small comment got Tommy back on a roll, and it was a good five minutes before Zach had a chance to ask what kind of sandwich he wanted.

As he and Rachel stood side by side making them, she said, "As you can see he loves movies."

"Me, too. I can do movie lines all day long."

She laughed and said, "My husband and Tommy's father used to drive me crazy doing that!"

"Oh," Zach said in that 'now you tell me' voice. "Note to self. No movie lines in front of Rachel."

She tried not to laugh, but she was actually having such a nice time she couldn't help herself. When she did, Zach was moving behind her to get something.

He stopped then leaned a little closer and said very quietly, "I love it when you laugh."

And there it was again. The flutter thingy. She smiled but didn't say anything just as she finished Tommy's sandwich.

"Okay, who ordered the ham and cheese?" she asked.

Tommy's hand shot up causing her to laugh.

"Here you go," she told him as she slid it his way.

When he didn't immediately grab it and take a bite, she asked him what was wrong.

"I just wanna wait for you and Zach so we can eat together," he told her.

Zach walked around the counter, put an arm around Tommy, then said, "That is very nice of you."

Tommy smiled and said, "I just want to feel like we're a family."

His remark caused his aunt to nearly cut herself as she sliced Zach's sandwich in half.

"You're a pretty lucky guy to have your Aunt Rachel. You know that, right?" Zach said, his arm still around the boy's shoulder.

"I know," he said. "She's actually my mom."

Rachel stopped what she was doing and looked at Tommy who was smiling at her.

"I know I have a real mom, but she's in heaven, so my Aunt Rachel is my mom now."

She teared up so fast she had to spin around and pretend she was looking for something in the refrigerator as she tried to collect herself. She dabbed her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater leaving black marks on it from the mascara, but she could deal with that later.

She had no idea Zach had walked back around to see what was going on and when she finally stood up and turned around, he was quite literally in her face again. It scared her so badly she screamed, and when she did, Tommy started laughing.

Rachel had her hand on her heart and said, "Oh, my gosh! Be still my beating heart!"

Zach tried to be serious as he said, "Sorry. But I do have that effect on some women."

Rachel's eyes opened wide and her mouth dropped then Zach said, "The racing heart thing. Just so you know."

Tommy was still laughing, but Rachel wasn't. She wasn't because as Zach looked into her eyes from so close a distance, the flutter thing turned into a whirling dervish of emotion that caused her to quickly look away and step aside.

"Your um...your sandwich is ready," she told Zach without so much as glancing his way.

As they ate, Tommy did most of the talking wanting to know about going to the White House, which president he liked better, and what it was like playing table tennis in China.

Zach chuckled but answered each question starting with it being an honor to visit the White House. He dodged the second question by telling Tommy he respected the presidency more than any man holding the office, and lastly he said playing in China was one of the highlights of his life.

"I can't wait to go back to school and tell all my friends I know someone who knows two presidents and who's been to China!"

"And Zach speaks Chinese," his aunt told him.

"Not fluently. Just conversationally," Zach quickly added.

When they finished eating, Rachel thanked Zach then told him they really needed to get home.

"Sure. I'm just glad you stayed a while longer," he told her.

She didn't say anything, and Zach was trying to figure out what he'd said or done to upset her as things had gone south around the time he scared her. Yes, he'd startled her, but that couldn't possibly be the reason for the sudden cold shoulder. With Tommy so near them he couldn't even ask her so he tried not to let it eat at him as he took them home.

"May I walk you to the door?" Zach asked when he pulled into their driveway.

"I...I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Rachel told him.

"Why, Aunt Rachel? Why can't Zach walk you to the door?" Tommy asked, his voice clearly expressing hurt.

"It's...complicated," his aunt replied as nicely as she could.

Out of nowhere, Tommy flung the door open, and as he got out said with tears welling up in his eyes, "We're never gonna have a real family!" then slammed the door.

Zach sat quietly knowing this was none of his business.

"I apologize, Zach. He's just a little upset."

"I understand," he said quietly as the reason why suddenly became clear.

She looked him briefly then watched Tommy run to the door as she spoke.

"I almost never go out. You know, with men. And because Tommy likes you so much, and because I did go...with you...he has it in his head that you and I are, well, you know, more than just...friends."

"Yes. I do know," he said with understanding.

"He's just so young, and I know he needs a male role model, but he doesn't understand how people...well, how they...fall in love first and then become a family."

Zach nodded but didn't say anything else.

"Thank you for taking us to the movie and for lunch," Rachel said.

"Oh, sure. It was my pleasure," he told her.

"Okay. Well, then I guess we'll see you at...at Tommy's first lesson."

She went to reach for the door handle when Zach said, "Wait."

She rested her hand on it but didn't open it.

"I don't have any trouble meeting women," he began.

This time Rachel sat quietly and listened without looking over at him.

"But I have a really, really hard time meeting women I enjoy being with so much I can't stop thinking about them."

"Oh?" she said rather quietly.

"Yeah, it's very rare to meet someone who, from the moment you first see them, and then even more so once you get to know them, that you want to spend as much time with as possible."

"You must meet lots of girls...sorry, women...like that," she said, still not looking at him.

"No. Actually I don't. In fact, I've only met two of them. Ever."

He turned sideways a little in his seat and sat there waiting for her to look at him. When she slowly turned her head his way he explained.

"I've only been in love once. My senior year in college. I've never met anyone like her before or after."

He didn't smile this time, he just...intensified his look.

"Until I met you."

"I...I don't understand," she said. "Did...did she not love you back?"

"She loved me very much," Zach told her.

Both of them noticed Tommy standing at the door wondering what was going on.

"It's...it's none of my business," Rachel said as she went to open the door.

"Rachel?" Zach said.

"Please don't shut me out because of something as arbitrary as a difference in age."

"That's not exactly arbitrary, Zach. It seems pretty real to me," she said in a way that let him know that was a huge part of what was bothering her so much.

"I'm not denying it's real. I'm only trying to let you know it doesn't matter to me at all."

"It isn't just that," she said as she turned his way again a tiny bit. "I have a son. A nephew, but still..."

"And I think Tommy is a wonderful boy," he told her. "So would you please not close the door on 'us' before you give me a chance to show you I'm a pretty decent guy?"

"Us?" she said.

"Yes. Us. You and me. And Tommy. That makes...us."

Rachel sat there for a couple of seconds before speaking then only said, "I...need to get inside."

"At least let me come around and get your door," he said rather softly.

Rachel didn't move as Zach hopped out and ran around the front. He opened her door then extended his hand. She knew if she took it, if she so much as touched him, she might not be able to stop herself from doing something she'd later regret. Like kissing him right then and there; something she absolutely could not allow to happen.

So she ignored his hand, stood up, and thanked him again for his kindness to her and her nephew.

"I'd like to see you again, Rachel," he told her as she stepped to the side.

"I don't know, Zach," she said.

"I hope this doesn't offend you, but I think you do. Know."

She finally looked up at him but didn't speak.

"I think you feel the same way I do, but you're afraid to get involved. And I'm pretty sure I know why now, too."

"You...don't know me at all," she said, more to convince herself that Zach.

"That's not true, either. I know you well enough to know there's something between us. I know you're struggling with a couple of things, but I also know you wouldn't be struggling if you had no interest in me at all. So again, please don't shut me out because of when I was born."

Rachel continued looking at him, and in her heart she knew he was right. About everything. But she needed time to sift through the cascade of emotions that were crashing down on her making it impossible to think.

"Thank you again, Zach," she said before breaking eye contact and walking away.

He got back in the car and waited until both of them were inside before starting the car.

"I'm falling in love with you," Zach said out loud to himself. "And were I a betting man, my money would be on you doing the same with me."

Rachel pulled back a curtain just enough to see through the window and watch Zach drive away then sighed. When she turned around, Tommy was laying on the couch, something he never did unless he was sick. He sat there for hours on end playing video games, but he never just laid on it.

"What's going on, buddy?" his Aunt Rachel said after sitting on the couch with him.

"Nothing," he said.

"No? Nothing's bothering you?" you asked quietly as she ran her hand through the hair falling down over his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it," he replied.

"Okay, but if you decide you do want to talk about, you know you can tell me, right?"

"I know," Tommy said, his voice hollow and sad.

Like so many other things lately, Rachel knew the answer to her question. She just didn't want to have to deal with the consequences of admitting it. So she bent over, kissed her nephew on the forehead then stood up.

"I'm going to lay down for a while, okay?" she told him.

Tommy didn't reply or even nod. He just lay there staring into space causing the growing hurt inside his aunt to reach a new level.

Rachel didn't bother undressing. She knew she couldn't fall asleep. She also knew she needed to think, but thinking was the one thing she didn't want to do.

After less than five minutes of trying to relax she sat up and grabbed the Sudoku puzzle book she kept on the nightstand for times like this and busied her mind trying to fill in the missing numbers. She finished one she'd been working on for days then completed three more before Tommy came to her door and knocked.

"What is it, honey?" she called out.

"Can I come in?"

She put the book down, swung her legs over the bed, forced a smile then said, "Sure."

Tommy opened the door and walked in, that sad look still on his face.

"Come here," his aunt said as she patted the bed beside her.

The young boy sat next to her, and when she put an arm around him, he leaned over against her. She kissed the top of his head then felt his body shake; a move that told her he was crying.

"Hey. What's going on?" she said trying to sound cheerful.

"Why don't you like Zach?" he asked as he tried as hard as he could not to cry.

"Wait. What makes you think I don't like him?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said the way children that age did when confronted with a complex question that sounded simple.

"I...like him," his aunt said.

"No! Not like that," Tommy said, the hurt in his voice coming through loud and clear.

Not sure what else to say, Rachel tried holding him close, but Tommy wasn't going to accept that as an answer.

"You never go out! You don't even try!" he said as the sadness choked his words.

"I...go out," she said, trying not to sound defensive while knowing she rarely did. In fact, she could count the number of times she'd been out in the last two years on one hand, but she had gone out.

"No you don't! You never go out, and you don't want me to have a dad like other kids. Zach likes you, and I know you like you him, but you won't even give him a chance!" Tommy managed to say as the tears fell.

"Oh, honey. That's not..."

She couldn't finish her sentence because she knew it was true. Just being around him stirred up feelings and emotions she hadn't experienced in so long they scared her. And the fear came from the thought that she was 42 and he...wasn't. He wasn't even 30, and that thought alone caused her even more discomfort.

Yes, he was nice. And he was beyond just 'attractive'. It was also obvious he like her. He'd even told her so directly. And okay, he seemed to like her nephew, too, and Tommy clearly had a kind of 'man crush' on Zach.

But it wasn't like there was five or six years between them. It wasn't even ten. He was TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD, for heavens sake!

And while she knew he had a nice 'house', she had no idea what he did for a living other than play ping pong. She didn't care, at least at that moment, that it was called table tennis. She just new she was about to go out of her mind trying to reconcile all these conflicting emotions that were now affecting her nephew.

Were a job was concerned, Rachel didn't need a man to be rich. She didn't need him to be anything close to it, but that wasn't the issue. The issue was she'd never get involved with any man who was able work but chose not to do so.