Plans Come Together Ch. 01

It was an odd friendship. I liked Joanne, and she liked me, but her sexual history was just ... there. Had she not been so ... experienced, I could have imagined her as the ideal girlfriend. I couldn't really complain about her having been with so many guys, because I was one of them. And then there was the reason I'd invited her to the cottage.

It took almost an hour and a half more to get to Walker's Corners, a collection of about twenty houses, a gas station, a diner, and the little grocery store. Then I had to be careful to find the turn-off, onto a dirt road that led to the lake. It was longer than I remembered - probably twelve to fifteen minutes of careful driving so that I didn't hit a pothole.

There was no big sign for the Walker place, but Bailey had hung a life jacket on a post at the end of the access road, so that we couldn't possibly miss it. The road sloped down a bit, toward the lake. Then we levelled out, just short of the cottage, where one car was already parked.

Mike and Joanne got their first looks at the cottage (mansion/palace), and their first view of the lake.

- "Wow." said Mike.

- "Whoa ..." said Joanne.

Bailey and Lisa came out to welcome us.

- "You made it!" said Bailey, full of good cheer. I could never tell if it was fake, or genuine, or just a habit that had been practiced and polished over the years.

- "Hey, Kyle." said Lisa.

Both of them skipped past me. Honestly - I think they just wanted to see what Joanne would look like.

- "Incredible place, Bailey." said Joanne. "Thanks so much for the invitation."

- "Wait till you see the lake. Do you water-ski?"

I had to smile at that. Joanne and water-skiing?

- "Hey Joanne." said Lisa. "Glad you could make it."

- "Me too. I've been looking forward to getting to know you a little better. Kyle has told me so much about you."

- "Has he now?" Lisa turned to look at me. I couldn't tell if she was gloating or glaring. The funny thing was ... I'd never said a word about Lisa to Joanne.

Steve and Matt came out of the cottage, presumably to help carry in some of the booze and beer that they'd be drinking. I introduced Mike around, and didn't fail to note Matt leering a bit at Joanne. According to her, she'd never fucked him - but she hadn't remembered her first time with me, either.

Many hands make short work. There were only three cases of beer to bring in at the end. Steve and Mike came out with me to get them. I took the opportunity that was available.

- "So, Steve ..." I said, to get his attention. "Just so you know ..."

- "Yeah?"

- "You say or do anything to make Amy or Diane uncomfortable - anything - and I promise I will beat the living shit out of you. In front of everybody."

- "What the fuck are you talking about?"

- "You know exactly what I'm talking about." I looked him in the eye.

Steve was two inches taller than me. He was in good shape. His clothes were probably worth more than my car. He'd been looking down on me for most of his life. But he saw the expression on my face, and understood. He might get in a few shots - heck, he might even win a fight with me. But he would need reconstructive surgery afterwards.

- "Whatever." he said.

- "That goes for Joanne, too. You disrespect her, and I will fucking end you. Clear?"

He didn't even make eye contact.

- "Lighten up, Grant." he said. He took a case of beer, and headed for the cottage. Yeah, that was another of his tendencies: he never called me by my first name. Steve always used my last name, to remind me of my place in the pecking order. But he wasn't used to being threatened - not physically, anyway.

- "Holy shit, Kyle." said Mike. "What was that?"

- "Just setting the ground rules." I said. "If the shit does hit the fan, though, I'd appreciate you doing whatever you can to keep Matt from joining in. Even a couple of seconds would help."

- "What have you gotten me into?" he asked.

- "Hopefully, the best week of our lives so far."

Diane and Amy arrived an hour later. Bailey and Lisa went out to greet them. Mike, Joanne and I went out to help them unload their car. Steve and Matt didn't bother; they were already on their third beer of the day.

Diane was thrilled by the view of the lake in daytime. She and Bailey immediately formed a mutual appreciation society, so that the hostess and the valedictorian were soon engaged in an intense conversation which excluded all of us lesser mortals.

- "Hey, Amy! Welcome." said Lisa. "Don't you look nice."

Amy was hot, sweaty, and overdressed. It's not easy to conceal large breasts in the summertime.

- "Mee-ow." said Joanne. Lisa didn't miss that comment, but she pretended that she hadn't heard.

Mike hovered around Diane and Bailey. I started unloading the car, with Amy's and Joanne's help. Lisa finally remembered her manners, and pitched in, too.

Bailey and Steve had commandeered the master bedroom, naturally enough. Lisa had taken Bailey's usual room, and Matt had taken another. Mike and I had chivalrously refrained from choosing a room for ourselves, so that the other girls could choose first.

Diane and Amy decided to share a room and a queen bed. Joanne picked a room with a double. Mike and I had already discussed it; we took a room with two single beds.

Bailey roped all of the girls into an 'official tour' of the property, including the dock and the boathouse. We could hear the squealing - mostly Diane's - all the way up at the house.

Mike tried to fade into the woodwork, clearly uncomfortable with Steve and Matt. But I went ahead and treated Matt like a long-lost friend. We talked soccer for a few minutes, and then I asked for his expert opinion.

- "I've got two bottles of schnapps." I said. "One peppermint, one watermelon."

- "Yeah?"

- "I'm trying to figure out which one the girls will like more - you know?"

- "Yeah!"

- "Want to try 'em out, and tell me what you think?"

- "Yeah. Okay."

- "Steve?"

- "Sure. What the hell."

I served both of them shot glasses of schnapps. It wasn't even 3:00 in the afternoon, and Matt had put away four beers and two shots. Steve was only a beer behind him. Mike and I were still sipping our first. I have to say it: I love when it looks like a plan is coming together.

Even better, a light rain began to fall. The girls came back into the mansion, still laughing and chattering - well, four of them, anyway. Amy was pretty quiet, but Joanne was acting way more girly girl than I'd ever imagined she could.

I kept an eye on Steve. He knew, it, too, and barely even looked at Amy or Diane. Matt was, though. It occurred to me that he might not have realized yet that he'd been reserved for Lisa's private and personal use.

That wasn't going to matter, though. He'd had another beer, and I snuck him a taste of the bottle of Riesling I'd opened for the girls. Beer, schnapps, wine ... and I wasn't finished with Matt - not by a long shot.

Bailey had several trays of microwaveable lasagna, a good option, considering that the rain was intensifying, chasing us all back inside.

It was too early to eat, though - or maybe everybody except Amy was in the mood for a drink or two before dinner. I was all in favour of that.

- "Name that tune?" suggested Bailey.

It was a collection of videos, playing five to eight seconds of a popular song, followed by an eight second delay before the name of the artist(s) and the title of the song were revealed.

Teams were formed: Bailey and Steve, Lisa and Matt (good luck with that), Diane and Amy, me and Joanne. Nobody had really considered Mike, so he was added to my team. Diane volunteered to keep score.

Joanne grinned at me; this was right up her alley - and mine.

- "The 1960s!" announced Bailey.

I looked at Joanne. We were going to kill them.

The first song was by the Animals: House of the Rising Sun. Joanne and I practically called it out in chorus. We then got Johnny Cash (though not the song - Ring of Fire), only because Joanne knew the cover of 'Hurt'. Lisa beat us to the Beatles, Hey Jude, by milliseconds.

Diane recognized Simon & Garfunkel another split second before we did. Amy knew the song - "Sounds of Silence".

Joanne and I went on a run. We identified Creedence Clearwater (though not the title - Fortunate Son), The Stones (Satisfaction) and the Kinks (You Really Got me).

Lisa called Chubby Checker and the Twist before we could, but Joanne nailed Steppenwolf (Born to be Wild).

It was fun. Joanne high-fived me when I called 'Wild Thing' by the Troggs after the first two notes. Lisa stole some of our momentum by getting Elvis and the Beach Boys. Then there was a succession of songs that nobody knew: Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, and Sam n' Dave.

Diane recognized Neil Diamond (who?), and Lisa shrieked when she nailed The Jackson Five. Joanne got Roy Orbison (Pretty Woman), we all whiffed on Jefferson Airplane, and I got the Who (My Generation) - again on the first three or four notes - which earned me another high five.

- "We should probably get started on dinner." said Bailey. It was a good idea: it was getting late, and some of us had been drinking for most of the afternoon, with only snack food in our bellies. I was pleased to see Matt, especially, was already drunk - and the evening's fun hadn't even started.

- "Maybe we could play another round after dinner." said Lisa.

- "Fuck that." said Steve. He hadn't guessed a single artist or song.

Matt belched - a loud, obnoxious sound. I saw Lisa's reaction; her choice of boyfriend for the week wasn't scoring any points with her at the moment.

Everybody except Steve and Matt offered to help with dinner. Diane and Amy made a salad while Bailey and Lisa put the trays of lasagna in the oven. Mike hovered, while I refreshed drinks (and made sure that Matt, in particular, always had a fresh beer).

As we ate, Bailey and Diane carried the conversation, with the occasional assist from Lisa. Mike and I volunteered to clean up.

It was still raining, which ruled out a late swim or sitting on the deck. We would have to entertain ourselves indoors.

- "None of that trivia shit." said Steve. He was in a bad mood - probably because Bailey was playing host to a group of people he didn't like and had nothing in common with. Or maybe he was still ticked off that I had threatened him.

- "Well, you don't have to play if you don't want to." said Bailey.

That was not going to help my plan.

- "We could play Beep Bop." I suggested.

- "What's Beep Bop?" asked Diane.

- "It's a drinking game." I knew that description wouldn't appeal to Diane and Amy at all, so I went ahead and explained the rules before they could opt out.

"Everybody sits in a circle, and the person who lost the last round starts by saying 'One'. Then we go around the circle, counting off ... 'Two', 'Three', 'Four', and so on." I pointed at the people to my left as I said the numbers.

- "I know this game!" said Lisa. "Five is Beep, and seven is Bop."

- "I've heard of this, too." said Bailey.

- "Right - instead of saying 'Five' - or any multiple of five, you have to say Beep. Any number with a seven in it or any multiple of seven is a bop. That includes 14, 17, 21, 27 and 28. If you don't get it right, you have to drink. But the real trick is this: when someone says Beep or Bop, we have to reverse direction. For example -" I pointed to myself. "Let's say I'm number four. Mike is next, and he says Beep. We reverse direction, which means that I have to say 'Six'. If I forget, that's a mistake, and I drink. Then Joanne" (who was on my right) "would have to say Bop, and then ...?"

Joanne smiled. "Back to you. You have to say eight."

- "So if you mess up, you have to chug a whole drink?" said Steve.

- "No. Just a sip is fine. Believe me, there'll be plenty of drinking, because everybody will make mistakes. Imagine what happens when we get to 14-15-16-17."

- "What about 35?" asked Diane.

- "Good. It's multiple of five and seven, so it's a Beep Bop. You change direction twice, so continue on the same direction. And just so you know, 25 is five times five, so it's a Beep Beep. Let's try it, just for a laugh. Practice round. One."

- "Two." said Mike.

Lisa was three, and Matt was four. Steve said Beep, and everyone looked at Matt. Apparently my instructions had been too complicated for him. He finally realized that everyone was looking at him.

Steve laughed and pointed at him. "You'd be drinking!"

- "Thanks for reminding me, Steve. Last rule: you can't point with your finger. Only your elbow." I demonstrated.

- "That looks so stupid." said Lisa.

- "But it's a rule. Anybody who points with a finger also has to drink - so there can be multiple people drinking after each round."

- "That's right!" said Bailey. "I remember this now. We used to play it in Grade 8. Without the drinking, of course."

- "Let's try a round." I said. "Matt, you start."

Matt, Steve, Bailey and Diane said their numbers, fairly slowly (the game usually sped up after a little practice and little drinking - which always led to more errors). Amy said Beep, and Diane immediately came back with six. Bailey had been waiting on it, and said Bop.

- "Eight." said Diane - and Steve - simultaneously.

- "Ha!" said Lisa, pointing a finger at Steve. "You drink!"

I solemnly pointed my elbow at Lisa. "So do you."

That got a good laugh from everyone. The two losers drank, and Steve started over at one. Joanne had the first Beep, and Diane the first Bop, so that Amy, who was in between them, had to call out four, six, and eight in quick succession.

I was ten, which made a Beep. Joanne called eleven as we changed direction back to her. Bailey was fourteen (a Bop), and Diane remembered that it was coming back to her - Beep.

- "Sixteen." said Bailey.

- "Seven - Bop! Ah, shit." said Steve.

Lisa took great pleasure in pointing her elbow at him. So did Bailey.

We started over from the same spot, and the numbers came faster, because they were identical to the last round. Steve got his Bop for 17 correctly, but just as Bailey said 'Eighteen', so did Matt.

There was a collective groan around the circle. Beep Bop is a quick game, and it can get competitive (some people will deliberately look in the wrong direction when saying Beep or Bop, hoping to throw another player off), but it can also become collaborative. The group usually wants to see how high a number they can reach. Once 1 to 21 have been mastered, everyone wants to reach 25 and 35.

Mike, Amy and Diane had relaxed a bit, too, and were getting into the game as they realized that they would only have to drink if they made a mistake.

And it didn't hurt my plan that Matt made three of the first five mistakes.

We played for maybe half an hour, until it became painfully obvious that we weren't going to get past 35 - not as long as Matt was playing. He had an amazing ability to make the same mistakes over and over. I tried not to show it, but I was particularly enjoying the look of frustration on Lisa's face.

By common consent, we gave up on it. But the girls wanted to continue doing something fun, like playing another game.

- "I have a travelling Scrabble board." said Diane, just as I'd known she would. One of her high school friends had told me about the marathon scrabble games they'd played. "It's a little small, though."

- "Mike brought a full-size one." I said.

Mike was as surprised as anyone, because it had been my idea to bring it.

- "Really?" said Diane.

Lisa might have been up for it, but she hesitated; Scrabble was unlikely to be a favourite of Bailey's. Diane picked up on that.

- "We could play a variation." she said. "Sometimes we do the illiterate version."

- "The what?" said Lisa.

- "You spell the words phonetically. As long as it sounds like a word, it counts. We could also play the rude version at the same time."

- "The rude version?"

Diane grinned. "Dirty words count double."

Bailey began to laugh. "Okay, we could try that." She looked at Lisa. "Teams?"

Steve and Matt, predictably, weren't interested. Joanne opted out as well. She held up a little bag of weed.

- "Is it okay if I ...?"

- "Yeah." said Bailey. "But not in the house, okay? Just go out the sliding doors. If you stay under the porch, you won't get rained on."

- "Now we're talking!" said Steve.

- "Yeah." said Matt.

The pair of them went outside with Joanne.

Mike got the Scrabble board, while I went to the next phase of my plan, which involved purple Kool-Aid and Swish, a type of moonshine I got from a farmer outside Hamilton. It got the name Swish because it was deceptively smooth - but it packed a punch. Combined with the Kool-Aid, it became even more dangerous, because you could barely taste the alcohol.

I gave Bailey the first sample.

- "What is it?"

- "Purple Jesus." I said. "Try it."

- "It's good." she said, sounding surprised. She passed it to Lisa "Try this."

Lisa did. "Wow. Okay - I'll have one of those."

I ended up making six of them. Diane and Amy asked that I not make theirs too strong.

Rude Scrabble turned out to be fun. Diane and Amy teamed up, of course, as did Lisa and Bailey. Mike and I were severely out-matched, because we would look at the letters on our board and see real words - correctly spelled. It took an effort to find misspellings. The girls were also significantly more adept at finding dirty words than we were. Or maybe we just had shitty letters.

I was reasonably proud of TOEISTRS, which wasn't worth a lot of points, but got rid of all of our useless letters - plus a bonus.

"What the hell is that?" said Lisa. "Toasters?"

- "Oh, come on. Twisters, obviously."

- "Lame."

- "That's awesome, Kyle!" said Diane. "Fifty point bonus for using all of your letters." Amy was also nodding her approval.

A moment later, though, Lisa started giggling, as she rearranged her letters. Bailey started giggling, too. Lisa lined up her tiles with the second 'T' in our word. She kept them covered with her hand so that we couldn't see, until she finally revealed them. PHUQT.

- "Wow." said Diane.

- "What is that?" said Mike.

- "PHUQT." said Lisa, smiling from ear to ear. "As in, you guys are so fucked."

Of course, I'd made a mistake by putting our word next to a triple letter score box, which is exactly where Lisa's 'Q' ended up. Diane did the math.

- "Thirty-nine. Then double for being dirty. Seventy-eight."

Lisa and Bailey were now officially enjoying themselves.

Joanne and the two guys came back inside. She flashed me two fingers.

- "Hey, Kyle - can you grab me a fresh beer? You're closer to the fridge."

- "Make it three." said Steve.

- "Coming up. Unless you'd rather have a Purple Jesus."

- "Ooh." said Joanne. "You're making Purple Jesus? Yes, please." What a wonderful accomplice she made.

- "What's a Purple Jesus?" asked Steve.

And that is how you hook a fish. Except that the fish I was really after was Matt. I made his drink significantly stronger.

Joanne came over to watch rude Scrabble, while Steve pulled out a laptop so he could watch the Jackass movie. Lisa and Bailey were trying to come up with dirtier and dirtier words, while Diane and Amy somehow maximized their score by hitting the best bonuses every time. Mike and I were solidly mired in third place, but he had loosened up a bit and even made a few funny comments.

Steve was chuckling. Matt sat beside him, staring at the screen with his mouth open. He was completely hammered, but lacked the sense to stop drinking.

Diane and Amy won the game handily. Lisa wanted a rematch. I had Joanne take my spot with Mike so that I could concentrate on making drinks. Naturally, I served Steve and Matt first.