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Click here(to be continued, let me know if you are interested, thanks!)
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoI can't believe you left this story hanging like that. I was enjoying the story but now I feel like i wasted my time. D'Angela
dirtybear42about 19 years agoYou started out with an idea, devlpoed it in part 1 then, what, forgot where you were and stopped. Along with your grammer and gender blunders..........A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME
Anonymousabout 19 years agoThe only problem will be is you don't continue it!
Poor guy is still transpiring...
Lukas
Johnny_PTabout 19 years agoAuthorHi there
I would like to thank you all for the comments, and I am very sorry for the enormous amount of grammatical mistakes in my story. I re-submitted this chapter so that most of them get corrected. I definitely need a proofreader, because very often I let lots of mistakes in my stories, even if I proofread them myself and use a spell checker. You see, I am not an English native speaker, so I need all the help I can get. I have already contacted some editors in the volunteer editors page, but so far got no answer. Therefore, if you would like to be my proofreader or you know someone who would be willing and capable to be one, please let me know.
Johnny
Anonymousabout 19 years agoI think this story has real possibilities and is fairly hot, but there are major grammatical errors that distract the reader and jolt one back to reality, away from the fantasy. Have a friend who knows good English to proofread your submission before it appears online. If you do this, everyone will be waiting to see what transpires next! By the way, the father was PERspiring, not TRANSpiring! Get it?
Anonymousabout 19 years agopoor guy was traspiring...what's that mean? there was confusion between gender pronouns and mother/daughter names... try to edit before submitting the next chapter.
Anonymousabout 19 years agoIt is particularly annoying when a good storyline is blotched by a confusion between "his" and "hers". It's fine to have a sexy argument, but let's get the gender to agree.
Anonymousabout 19 years agoIt's good that Cindy is so concerned with carrying her baby to term as a symbol of their love. Of course, the symbol will likely be impaired with birth defects due to fetal alcohol syndrome, given her alcohol consumption while pregnant.
