Prodigal Father

Gail went to the bathroom to wash her face, then went into the bedroom and pulled out John's picture. Sitting on their bed she gazed into his eyes, her eyes misting again at what was lost.

David peeked into the bedroom. As usual, Gail was gazing tearfully into the eyes in John's picture. He quietly entered the room and sat down next to Gail as gently as he could.

Gail nearly jumped out of her skin, and nervously tried to hide the picture, as David put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"It's alright, Gail," he said, "I know about the picture."

"Y... You know? Why didn't you say something?"

"Well, at first, I was angry," David said, "I thought that you were still in love with John, that I was just a place holder until he came back..."

"No, David, no!" Gail cried, "It's nothing like that! My love for you is true; but you have to understand, John was my first love, the father of my child..."

David started to interrupt her.

"... David, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it came out. You are Mark's father in all the ways that it matters, but I can't deny John's role in his life. He made a terrible mistake, and paid for it, but it was done out of desperation, to provide for Mark and me.

"You are my love, but I can't deny the small piece of my heart that still cares about John, and thinks about the life that we had planned for ourselves. Please never doubt my love and devotion for you."

"You didn't let me finish, Gail," John said, "I said that 'at first' I was angry; but then I understood, almost exactly what you just said."

"If you understood, and didn't say anything, why now?"

"I didn't say anything before, because I felt that it was a very private moment for you. Why now? Because, with John's release I sensed that you feel more torn. Not that I think that you want to go back to him, but that your guilt at his going to prison for you has come back. I wanted to tell you that those feelings are understandable; that I understand, and will support you in whatever you want to do."

"Whatever I want to do?" Gail asked, "What do you think I might want to do?"

"I have no idea. Maybe you feel that you should tell Mark about John. Maybe you want to reach out to John, make some sort of closure, even allow him into Mark's life.

"I'm not that noble, I won't say that I'm 'okay' with all of that, especially the last. However, I love you with all my heart, and will be there for you always."

Gail threw herself into David's arms crying into his shoulder.

"Thank you so much, Honey," Gail said, "I can't tell you how much that means to me, how much it eases my mind. I feel like I need some time to let this all soak in, but I think it's best that we honor John's wishes for now and not tell Mark about him, Maybe, as you said, when he's older, but not now."

They had one more tearful hug then pulled themselves together before getting Mark to get ready for dinner.

They had a quiet dinner, the quiet only broken my Mark's childish jabbering about the strange bugs he found that day in the backyard. After loading up the dishwasher, David went to see to Mark as Gail finished straightening up the kitchen. As she leaned against the doorframe, watching David with Mark, she once again was so happy with how well they bonded, but felt a deep sadness that John had missed out on so much of Mark's life. She was already reconsidering their plan to not contact him.

After putting Mark to bed, they sat on the couch watching TV, though neither one really paid it much attention, each lost in their own thoughts. They were thinking about the same subject, though from different perspectives.

Gail was again thinking about John and Mark. She understood David's misgivings, and she wished that she had done a better job of reassuring him that this had nothing to do with any residual feelings she might have had for John, that her heart belonged totally to David. Despite this, Gail felt that if they could only convince John, that he and Mark deserved to have a relationship.

David was secure in Gail's love, though maybe not with quite the certainty that she felt. His concern was more with his relationship with Mark. Although Gail had never terminated John's parental rights, and therefore David hadn't been able to adopt Mark, he still felt a deep bond with him, feeling that he was truly his son, no less than if he had been his own flesh and blood. He was concerned that if they let John into their lives, that he might one day decide to exercise his parental rights and might come between David and Mark. While he was reasonably confident in their being able to prevail in any legal action, he feared the ugliness and strain that would put on all of them, and frankly, he wasn't confident in Gail's willingness to fight John on this issue.

They spent the night with no further discussion of the elephant in the room, then went to bed and made gentle love, letting their mutual love wash away their concerns for at least one last night.

The next morning after David gave Mark his bowl of Cheerios and sent him to play in the back yard, he and Gail sat down at the kitchen table with another cup of coffee.

"Gail, I..." David started.

"I'm sorry, David," Gail said, "I know you're anxious, but please let me go first."

David nodded.

"I know that you're concerned about the impact that contacting John will have on our family, especially on Mark. I'm not naïve; I know that there is a risk, but I honestly believe that it is a risk worth taking. John has already demonstrated his concern for Mark's well-being by walking away, by NOT trying to force his way into Mark's life.

"I think that we owe it to him to at least talk to him, get everything out on the table. Who knows, maybe he still wants to remain on the outside?"

"What if he doesn't?" David asked, "What if he decides that he wants visitation. Think about how much confusion that will cause Mark. He believes that I'M his father! He's too young to understand about divorce, about having two fathers."

Although his words were angry, his face wasn't, his eyes glistening with tears at the mere THOUGHT that he might lose his son, even if just for short periods of time.

"David!" Gail said sternly, "You ARE Mark's father, in every way that counts! From what you told me, even John understands that. The John I loved would never do anything to hurt me or Mark."

"The John you knew also wouldn't have committed a crime and got sent to prison, yet he did," David retorted.

Gail was crying openly now and ran to their bedroom, slamming the door as David lowered his face to his hands.

At that moment Mark came in.

"Why are you crying, Daddy? Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy and Daddy just had a little argument and we're both upset. She's in her room for now, but she'll be back down for lunch."

Mark was thoughtful for a moment.

"Okay," he said brightly with all the innocence of childhood, and ran off to his next activity.

David still had his doubts, but he knew that when all was said and done that he couldn't deny Gail. John and Mark were a part of her life before he came along, he would just have to be strong for her, and back her up, even if he thought she was wrong.

For her part, Gail was sobbing softly into her pillow.

'What am I going to do?' she thought. 'I love David with all my heart, and it will kill me if I drive him away, but a part of my heart, my soul, tells me that I have to give John an honest chance to be a part of Mark's life.'

She anguished over her dilemma, and had reached her decision when she heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Gail," David said softly, "Can I come in?"

"Of course, Honey, please come in."

David opened the door and came in, quietly closing it behind him.

As he sat down beside Gail and put his arm around her, Gail started to speak.

"David, I..." He put a finger to her lips.

"This time," he said, "I think that I should go first. As I'm sure you have, I've been agonizing over this. I believe that whatever we do hurts, or at least risks hurting someone, and I've decided to shoulder that risk."

Gail was stunned, tried to speak, but no words would come.

"I think," he said, "that we, or I guess that would be you, should talk to the Probation Office about getting in touch with John. I don't know what the procedure is, maybe they can't give us his contact info without his permission, but I'm sure they can forward a letter to him."

Gail threw her arms around him.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Honey!" she said, "I promise that I won't let this come between us."

David kept his doubts to himself, but made two vows: He would make every effort to make whatever happened work, but he would also protect his family with all his might, and Heaven help John if he threatened their family in any way!

Epilog

They were able to make contact with John, and although it was with quite a bit of reluctance on John's part, they got him to agree to a meeting. Strangely, he wanted to meet with David, alone.

They met at local pub and each got a beer and sat down at an out of the way table.

"I suppose you're wondering why I wanted to meet with you alone," John started.

David couldn't resist a small snort.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he replied, "I suppose you're going to enlighten me?"

John had to smile as well.

"The reason I didn't want Gail here, at least not yet, is that Gail has a very big heart."

David nodded his agreement.

"Even after all that I did, she stood by me. She never would have divorced me, or gone on dates..." He shot a glance at David. "... if I didn't push her.

"I think we both know that if she were here she would push and press until we agreed with her wish that I be a part of Mark's life.

"What I need to know, without Gail here to pressure you, is how do YOU feel about it? Are YOU okay with it? Because, if you're not, I'll tell Gail no, and end this right here and now."

David thought for a few moments. A part of him, the selfish part, wanted to take advantage of this opportunity; but another part, the kind, loving part, couldn't do that to Gail and Mark, and for that matter, to John.

"Okay with it?" he finally spoke, "I guess that's sort of a relative term. I can't honestly say that I'm 100% okay with it; but I'm not unalterably opposed to it. I love and trust Gail, and she believes in you and wants this. Frankly, I think she needs it. I'm not a shrink, but I think it might be residual guilt over your split, but I really don't think that matters at this point.

"For what it's worth, I do trust you, but if you betray that trust, if you come between me and my family, we're going to be having more than just words."

"Fair enough," John said, and they held out their hands and shook on it.

Gail, who had been watching through the window, could restrain herself no longer, and came charging through the door, running over and hugging David, while showering John with thanks.

"Easy, Gail," David said, as he extracted himself from Gail's embrace, "We still have to work out the details."

"I don't care!" she said, "As you said, those are details. The important thing is that we will work them out together!"

Work them out they did. They decided, mainly at John's insistence, to not ever tell Mark about his parentage. He didn't want to take any risk of dividing Mark's loyalties.

He did agree to have DNA samples taken in case they were needed for any medical situation.

John was eventually introduced to Mark as a friend of Gail's from long ago who recently moved to town, and David helped John get a job with his company.

He became such a fixture that he eventually became "Uncle John," and David grew comfortable enough let him take Mark on short trips.

David and Gail (especially Gail!) tried to fix him up with single friends, and he did go on a few dates, but his heart wasn't really in it.

David thought knew why, and for a time was somewhat uncomfortable, but eventually decided that John was no threat and just let it go.

For several years, they were a happy extended family, until John and Mark were driving home from a camping trip. As they came around a bend a drunk driver swerved into their lane. With no way to avoid the collision, John yanked the wheel so that his side took the impact as he threw himself across Mark.

Mark suffered just some bumps and bruises, but John died nearly instantly, surviving just long enough to smile up at Mark, and say, "I love you, son," then closed his eyes and was gone. Mark reached for the cell phone to call for help.

When Mark told his parents what happened, they both broke down in tears, both grateful tears that their son was alright, and sad tears at the loss of their friend.

"Mom," David asked, "why did Uncle John call me 'son?' He always called me 'Mark' before."

Gail was at a loss for words, but David once again came to her rescue.

"Uncle John never had any children," he said, "and though he never said it out loud, I know he always thought of you as a son. I think he knew that he was dying, and wanted to say it at least one time before he was gone."

Gail barely held it together until Mark left the room, then started bawling on David's shoulder as his own tears flowed freely.