PUNKS Ch. 04: The Fuck Bus

The Summer of '92

City of Angels embarked on a forty-five city North American tour to support their successful third album - The Republic. The record had three songs getting significant airplay. Prior to the tour, Tina had been calling Joe every week. On the road, it was up to Joe to initiate calls. He was spotty at best. When he did call, the first minute was spent explaining why he hadn't called. In Miami, Joe made T an offer.

"I have an idea," he said. "You just said tonight's his poker night, right?"

"Yes."

"I have tonight off. How about you call my hotel room. I'll stay in."

"I thought you were on a bus."

"We are, but we sometimes grab a hotel when we have extra days in a city. It's nice to sleep in a real bed."

"You won't have any punk chick groupies with you?"

"Nope, just you, my biggest fan."

"Okay, I'd like that. What time?"

"You tell me."

"Give me your hotel and room number."

Six hours later, while Joe snacked on fish croquetas and cheese empanadas from room service, his phone rang. The front desk connected him.

"Hey, T. I'm just finishing up my dinner."

"I'm in bed."

Joe glanced at the clock. "It's only ten past seven."

"I wanted to be comfy."

"What would like to talk about tonight, Mrs. Giacomo?"

"What are you wearing?"

"Wow," Joe half laughed, "you don't mess around, straight to phone sex."

"I just want to picture what you're wearing."

"That's how phone sex begins. It's on page one of the manual."

She giggled, which always makes him happy.

"When room service arrived I had just gotten out of the shower. I slipped on my jeans to answer the door. I'm commando: no shoes, no shirt, my hair is uncombed from my shower."

"So your normal hair then?" Tina chucked. "Commando is nice."

"What are you wearing under the sheets?"

"My pale green soft cotton jammies, top, and bottom, but I'm not wearing anything under them."

"Also commando."

"Commando doesn't count with jammies, Joe."

"Since we're having phone sex..."

"We're not having phone sex. I only asked what you were wearing."

"I was thinking about you a few weeks back, before the tour. It made me so horny I jerked off in my studio."

"I hope you had no clients." Tina giggled. "What was it?"

"Purple Pussy Eater."

"Oh. My. God. That was amazing." Tina's mind went back to 1980. "You were possessed like a demon was inside you."

"I'll never forget that day, T. It's a fond memory."

"Day?" Tina exclaimed. "That entire homestand was crazy."

"It was like the cunnilingus carnival had come to town." Joe chuckled. "If I wasn't going down on you, I was thinking of it."

"Tell me about it. I mean - tell me what you were thinking that made you jerk off."

"You know the story."

"Just tell me as if I don't remember."

"Okay. Give me a sec." Joe organized his thoughts. "We were talking about your hair after I had said for the hundredth time how much I love your cotton candy hair colors. You were in the light blue phase at the time."

"I like that color, but I don't do it often."

"You were purple when we met, then pink, bleach blonde for a short time, then blue, and then back to purple."

"You remember that?"

"Yeah, I remember all the changes. It was purple for a long time, then you went back and forth a couple of times, just pink and purple. You did blue again, green once, and back to your purple and pink mainstays."

"Those are my favorite colors."

"I'm well aware. I adore your cotton candy hair. I love chicks who color their hair. It's a sign of a free spirit, someone who doesn't give a damn about convention or what other people think."

"I agree. I did it once in high school. Then I cut it short and let it grow back. At the end of freshman year at NYU, I went purple and have never gone back to natural since."

"That's when we met, during your first college dye job."

"I know when we met, Joe. I'll never forget that day or our first date. I knew you were the one. I think about those early days often." Tina paused. "Get back to purple pussy eater."

"Okay. At some point, I ended up asking if you had ever colored your hair below the equator. You laughed, said that was a dumb idea because no one would see it. I liked the...

Tina interrupted. "And you looked at me with the sexiest eyes and said, 'I'll see it.' and I became instantly intrigued."

"Hey, you're not supposed to remember... remember?"

"Sorry. You're right. I'll be a good girl."

"I hope not. Anyway, the band and I hit the road. I remember you were especially weepy because we had expanded our turf out to those industrial venues in Buffalo and Pittsburgh. Our road trips were getting longer."

"That was awful," she jumped in again. "I was fine when I had classes, or worked a shift at the Co-op, but alone in my room was a living hell. I missed you so much. When I have a man, I hate sleeping alone."

"You cried over the phone. I felt terrible. On the return leg, around State College and Scranton, you perked up."

"Because I knew you'd be home soon."

Every trip was like that. You'd be okay for the first few days, sad for a week, and cheer up as we made our way back. When I called from New Jersey you said you had a special surprise waiting for me. You met us at the studio and molested me when I stepped out of The Minnow."

"Awww, The Minnow. Do you ever miss your little RV?"

"I think about her. She changed our lives on the road - until we drove her into the ground."

"That was a sad day. Can you believe I cried for a fucking Winnebago?"

"Yes, I can," he said. "You tend to anthropomorphize, and you loved The Minnow."

"I did," T said softly. "She took care of you, and brought you home safely."

"Okay, back to my story. I loved coming home. You'd meet at the studio or Grand Central Station and make a scene of running and jumping in my arms. All that kissing never got old."

"I missed you."

"Then you'd take me home and fuck me senseless. Every. Single. Time. I miss coming home to you."

"I miss that too."

"On that homecoming, you were like a little girl with a naughty secret, all giggly and making eyes on the subway home."

"I couldn't wait to show you my surprise."

"You asked if I liked that you went back to purple hair. I was happy because I was nostalgic for the color you were when we met." Joe paused a moment. "Back home you ordered me to strip naked and lay on the bed. You sucked my cock for a little while, then you stood up and told me to watch while you seductively unbuttoned your top and removed your bra. Then you slowly took off your pants. Normally, our clothes fly off as if a tornado struck. This was different. You made me wait. When you pushed the front of your panties down, just a tiny bit, to give me a peek of your purple pubes. I swear, T - I was instantly overcome with emotion - and then I was crazed with a desire to be in that tuft of purple."

"I knew you'd like it, but your reaction was way more than I expected."

"It was what you had done beforehand that turned me on - a special treat for me. I imagined you trimming and shaving around your pussy, making it all smooth and slick, leaving a nice patch to dye purple. The thought of that made me wild. I had to have you. All I wanted was to eat that purple pussy."

Joe stopped, thinking the story was over, his mind wandering back in time. Tina didn't see it that way.

"Don't stop," she said. "Tell me more."

"Oh, okay. Ummm. It doesn't matter what color, your pussy is intoxicating. I can hang out all night licking you and sucking. Playing slow is my favorite. I want to savor you, your scent, your taste, and the delicate softness of your pink flesh on my tongue. It makes me delirious. I can't get enough of you."

Joe paused, waiting for a response. None came, so he continued.

"That night, I didn't want it to end. I tried to take it slow and give you as much pleasure as I could. I wanted to make it last, but you exploded on my face. You were so wet, more than usual, and you're normally a gusher. I drank up every drop and kept sucking you until you pushed me away."

"Oh, baby, you really got me." Tina moaned. "Ohhhhhhh, my, God."

"Hey, are you cumming?"

"Yes," her voice squeaked. "Yes, baby." Tina panted. "I'm cummmmming!"

"Good girl. I didn't realize you were diddling yourself."

She replied with breathing and a long sigh. "You didn't notice how quiet I got?"

"I figured you were just listening."

"My ears were. My fingers were busy." She let out a long exhale. "I was reliving that night."

"I'm glad to be of service."

"You rocked me, Joe, and the next morning, and later that day. I think you went down on me twice a day that entire homestand. It was incredible to be desired in that way, always, you were never sated."

"It's like you sucking my cock. Now you know how I feel, just a piece of meat for you to have your way with."

Tina laughed, "Your poor baby, a victim of my overactive libido."

"I miss us, T. I really do," he said softly. "We were special."

"I know, Joe. I miss us too."

*****

As the tour approached New York, Joe called Tina from Philadelphia. He had hooked her up with backstage passes for the show at Radio City Music Hall.

"Jack and April are so mad," she explained over the phone. "He's the best man. He can't skip this. April threatened to not attend the wedding."

"Who are you bringing, Troy?"

"Thank God he doesn't like your music. I wouldn't have fun with my husband tagging along."

"You wouldn't be able to fuck me."

"We're not fucking, Joe."

"That's what you said last time, and guess what happened?"

"That was a mistake. I don't want this to be a..."

"Oh, so you regret being with me?"

"No, Joe, I don't. It's complicated." She paused. "And you don't make it easier by teasing me."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Giacomo."

"Please, stop calling me that."

"Will you be backstage before the show?"

"It depends. I gave Jack's passes to Casey. She's bringing her roommate. If everyone's on time, we'll see you before the show."

"Why not Jenna?"

"She's visiting her boyfriend in Boston. He took a job on that huge project, The Big Dig."

"I see. He's crazy leaving Jen behind. Hey, does Casey have a boyfriend?"

"No, she doesn't."

"Nice, she's cute and available."

"Don't even think about it."

"Casey's rocking a hard little body there."

"Shut up, Joe. She's only twenty. I know you're just trying to make me jealous."

"Is it working?"

"No, you're annoying."

"Definitely jealous," he snickered. "I have a bus to catch. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I can't wait to see you. Have a safe trip."

*****

After three visits to New York in ten months, Joe and Tina had rekindled the shorthand they had used years ago as a couple. She'd excuse herself to the ladies' room, give Joe a seductive glance, and he'd slip away two minutes later. They'd find a quiet corner, away from gossipy friends and fans, to talk or steal a kiss. After slipping away backstage at Radio City, staring into his eyes, Tina had something to say.

"I'm serious, Joe. We're not sleeping together this time. I'm trying really hard to get past that."

"That's your Catholic guilt talking," he smirked. "In the end, the naughty Catholic school girl will plow through the guilt and have her way."

"You're such a jerk."

"That's why you're here, T. Because you want to be with me. It's not my music."

She buried her head in his chest, not responding to his comment.

He wrapped his arms around her. "I wish things were different. You could come out to L.A. I'd like to show you California."

"I would love to see your life in Venice. You make it sound magical."

"Maybe, someday." He kissed her hair. "We better get back before your gossipy hostess does the math on how long we've been gone. I have to get to work. This is no night on the town for me."

After wandering back to the pre-show party, Joe noticed Casey giving him and T the side-eye with a wry smile. She whispered to her roommate, who looked at Joe. The college girls giggled and turned away when he glared at them.

"Fuck," he thought. "They think something's going on. Why wouldn't she? Every time I come to town her boss vanishes."

*****

When the house lights went down, Tina felt the same rush of emotions she experienced at Joe's Beacon Theater show. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood out. It was suddenly hot in the theater. Goosebumps made her arms tingle. Her heart thumped. Every nerve in her body trembled with excitement as she watched a roadie shine a light guiding Joe to center stage.

The Radio City crowd roared in anticipation. Tina looked to her right at Casey, her employee. Casey looked back, smiling while jumping up and down. Fans held lighters over their heads, a thousand tiny flames in the dark.

There was no announcement. The first chord crashed in unison with the purple and white stage lights illuminating the band. Joe stood center stage, on guitar, playing the opening to Shadow Of Doubt, the band's latest song on the radio. It was a hard-driving rocker, heavy and loud with a long guitar intro, a perfect opening number.

When he stepped to the mic and began signing, Tina screamed. She looked towards Casey, who smiled back at her. Tina realized she had tears running down her cheeks. Embarrassed, she reached into her clutch for a tissue and wiped her eyes.

Casey leaned in and shouted over the din. "It's okay! I get it. He's amazing!"

Tina nodded. "Yes, he is!"

For 115 minutes, Tina Giacomo watched Joe Theroux ply his trade. She marveled at his energy, always in motion, interacting with the crowd up front, while his bandmates focused on their craft. On this tour, Joe didn't play guitar on a third of the songs. Mic in hand, he roamed freely: left, right, front and back, as if spreading himself evenly to all fans. Once again, she had front row balcony seats, compliments of Guerilla Records. Watching Joe work the crowd, she wished she was the screaming girl up front receiving his attention.

After a three-song encore, she said goodbye to Casey and her NYU roommate. "I'm gonna say goodnight to Joe and then go home. I'm drained."

"Okay. There's a big party at our dorm," Casey said. "I'm glad we have tomorrow off."

"Have fun. See you Monday." Tina waved and disappeared into the crowd.

*****

Tina wasn't going home. She ditched her guests because she wasn't interested in sharing her time with Joe. Like his last visit, she said one thing and contradicted her words with decisions placing her in temptation's path. She mingled backstage with Laura and other Guerilla Records people and watched from a distance as Joe signed autographs and posed for photos with fans.

Forty-five minutes after the show, when Joe noticed she was alone at the after-party, he whispered to PJ. "You guys are on your own for eats. I have other plans."

PJ looked up, noticed Tina, and nodded. "I bet you do. Be good, brother."

Joe walked across the party to great Tina. As he approached, Tina leaned to Laura, "Watch this." She put her hands on her head, widened her eyes, and let out a yelp, jumping up and down like a young groupie.

"OhmyGod! OhmyGod! I can't believe it's really you! I love you sooooo much - since your days with The Young Punks. I'm your biggest fan." She pulled the neckline of her shirt down. "Will you autograph my lucky breast?" Tina lowered her voice. "Or any place you want on my body."

Laura covered her mouth while laughing. Joe smirked because it was funny. Tina's groupie impersonation wasn't too far from reality.

"I'm sorry it took so long to break free," he said. "I have obligations to paying customers."

She held out her pass. "I'm credentialed."

"I said paying customers. That's a comp from my company." He glared at Laura. "What are you laughing at? Those girls buy my records and pay your salary."

"I'm not laughing at you," she said, "and she is your biggest fan." Sensing she was the third wheel, Laura peered off in the distance. "I have to go talk with Marty about a thing. See ya."

As Laura disappeared, Joe looked around to see who was watching. "Let's get out of here before they want another piece of me."

"What about the guys?"

"They send their best. They're retiring early tonight."

"Bullshit. You're making that up, so it's just the two of us."

"Is that a problem?"

Tina looked up at him, her expression neutral. He took her by the hand and led her toward the backstage door.

"Every time I see you, you're better than the last time," T said as Joe held a door open for her.

"You've only seen us twice."

"I'm including SNL, so that's three times."

"We only played two songs that night."

"Can't you take a compliment without a debate? You were great tonight, Joe."

"Thank you, T. We had a good show."

They walked to the tour bus in a backstage garage area. Joe knocked, the door opened and they slipped inside. He introduced Tina to their driver, Bradley, and reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. He chugged half and offered the bottle to Tina.

"No, I'm good."

He downed the rest and walked to the back of the bus. Tina followed him. In the back bedroom, Joe pulled her close. He kissed her gently. T kissed him back.

"Don't get your hopes up, Mrs. Giacomo. I have no intention of violating your vow of marital chastity. I just need a fresh shirt and a disguise. I'm happy with our album taking off, but I'm losing my anonymity."

Tina held him close for a moment before letting him go. "I'm pretty sure I've violated my vows just being here."

Joe tossed his sweaty shirt on the floor and pulled a fresh T-shirt over his head. "You did kiss me back just now. I wonder how the Pope would score that on the infidelity scale."

She shoved him away, then pulled him back, closer, and kissed him again, this time harder. He pulled her body against his and put a hand on the nape of her neck to hold her kiss longer. Their tongues performed a brief, breathless ballet.

He leaned away. "You just added ten points to whatever the Pope's score was."

"Where are we going tonight?" She asked.

"I don't know T. I'm game for anything. It's your city. You lead the way."

"Where are the guys? You said they were turning in early."

"I sort of lied. They're getting a bite to eat, then they're staying at The Chelsea. They need a real bed."

"And where are you staying?"

"Bradley will drive the bus back to the studio to park overnight. He's got a room too. He's earned it."

"Can we ride over with him?" Tina asked.

"Sure, is there someplace you want to go in Chelsea?"

"Yeah. I think there is."

Joe informed the driver that he and T would accompany him to the studio. Bradley was a professional with many rock tours under his belt. He asked no questions. He fired up the engine and rolled toward Chelsea. Tina and Joe sat on the sofa.

She leaned against him. "You didn't answer me."

"About what?"

"Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying here. We always have someone remain with the bus. Since we rewarded Bradley with a room, I drew guard duty. I usually do because I have the luxurious master suite accommodations."

They sat quietly listening to music while the bus weaved its way to Guerilla Studios. When Bradley parked it and killed the engine, he had one question.

"Are you in for the night, Joe?"

"No. We're gonna grab a bite." He removed a set of keys from a cup holder and held them up. "I've got the spares. You're good to go."

Bradley tipped his Cubs cap. "Thanks, Joe. I'm exhausted."

"Enjoy your bed, Speed Racer. I'll see you around noon." He turned to Tina and whispered. "We got two speeding tickets on this tour."

Bradley stepped off the bus. Joe closed the door behind him. When he turned to ask Tina where she wanted to go for a late-night snack, she didn't give him a chance.