PUNKS Ch. 22: Platonic Bullshit

February 1995

A few weeks after Joe and Jen's dates at the Starlight and at the theater, she asked Joe when he was coming back. He explained that he had no business in New York, but he was busy in California with an upcoming trip to the bay area and studio work in Venice. He also booked several gigs for The Eldorados along the coast. Joe was back on the beach bar circuit, and he was happy to be playing live again.

"My band is really good," he told Jen. "and playing out is fun. I missed it. So I'm just focusing on my business here."

"At some point, you must come out and see Tina. Right now her only complaint is she's missed you on four straight trips. She thinks everything is fine, except for your crappy timing. You need to tell her face to face that you're not fucking her."

"When I see her next, I'll do that, but I'm not making a special trip for the charade. She's not calling me. Aside from a few emails, she's making no extra effort, so I'm not sure why she's complaining."

"I can't explain that. I'm just saying you need to take the next step, in person."

"Yes, I get it, Jen. I appreciated you spending time with me last time, but I was still killing time alone and I don't want to do that anymore. Unless I called Tamara. She might make travel expenses easier to swallow."

"I saw her last week. We talked."

"At The Starlight?"

"Yes, she was there trolling for young men. I was at the bar and she approached me."

"Were you trolling for men?"

"No, but I've been to happy hour four times in the past two weeks, and I have to politely decline drink offers every time."

"You're becoming an irregular."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sure there are people who go there almost every day. Those are the regulars, once a week people are irregulars."

"I guess that's me, and I know some regulars. This one couple, Marcy and Dave, they remembered me, and you, and they're quite familiar with Tamara. You cost Dave twenty bucks that day."

"How did I do that?"

"Some of the couples that hang there place wagers on the singles, who will score, who will strike out. He bet on Tamara scoring you, and he lost. Marcy won because she observed you playing with me, but not with Tamara. She was making her moves and you weren't reciprocating. Marcy bet you'd leave with me."

"Really? They bet on hookups?"

"Dave says it's live action and he's a bit of a degenerate gambler, according to Marcy."

"What about Tamara?"

"We sat in a booth and talked for well over an hour. I told her a lot about us, our friendship, the history with Tina, and what you and I are doing. She's a very nice lady."

"So your pals now?"

"Sort of. If I see her, we talk. She has opinions, Joe, especially on love and sex. She's a level-headed woman, no-nonsense."

"I can see her being a straight shooter. She wasn't shy about what she wanted."

"No, she's not. I have to go. Please look at your calendar. If you want this plan to work. You need to come out and face Tina. I'll hang out with you Joe. I promise you won't have so much time to kill. I'll do my best."

"Okay, Jen. I'll get back to you when I see an opportunity."

"Bye, Joe.

******

Another month passed before Tina broke her long string of phoneless Mondays. Joe was taken by surprise at 9 AM, the time she usually called. He had stopped sitting by the phone months ago. It was a strange conversation. She asked about Jasmine almost immediately.

"She's great," Joe said, "She left here a few hours ago. We had a nice weekend."

"What do you do when she stays over?"

"The same things we always do. We cook, hang out on the beach, check out the ocean walk, we fucked, and she came to my gig."

"Gig? What gig?"

"Chico and I revived our rockabilly project. We're playing every weekend, just our local bars."

"I had no idea."

"Maybe because you don't call anymore."

"Yeah well, I've been feeling jilted Joe, and maybe jealous. It seems odd that I've missed you four trips straight and you're hanging with my friends in my absence. What's up with you and Jenna?"

"Nothing is up. We hang out because I have time to kill and she's available. We are old friends, as you know."

"Do you plan on fucking her too?"

Joe didn't take the bait. "I should be so lucky. Jenna has made it clear, especially since the Casey incident, she won't fuck me."

"Jesus Christ, Joe. Did you try?"

"Not exactly... Well, we played that game I told you about, Strangers In The Night. Do you recall that?"

"Vaguely."

"It's a role-playing game for exhibitionists."

"Oh, that's right. The hook-up game. You pretend to be meeting for the first time and fool around in public." Tina furrowed her brow. "Jenna played that with you?"

"Yes. And she started by telling me she won't fuck me. So it was just role-playing."

"Would you have fucked her if she wanted to?"

"The game was hot, but that was two months ago. A lot has changed since then."

"Like what?"

"I'm focusing on life here, my business, Jasmine, and just keeping life simple. Things got a little out of hand back there, T. I needed to step back."

"Jen says you have no plans to come out."

"I have no reason to be there. My life is here, and I prefer LA this time of year. You know I hate winter in New York."

"I'm doing the same, Joe. I have to make changes, but I don't know where to begin. I'm thinking about starting a new business, in fashion. That's who those visitors were back in December. They might work with me to make it happen."

"That's it, no changes in your personal life, just the business?"

"For now, that's all I can manage. I'm thinking about selling the gallery."

"Wow, that's news. Are you serious?"

"Yes, and you cannot tell Jenna. I'll handle that when the time is right. It might take a year. I honestly don't know."

Tina then vented about the wealthy clients and investors she's relied on for a decade in business, how demanding and unreasonable they can be, and how she's fed up with entitled rich assholes making her job more difficult. She closed with, "I love art, Joe. It's been my life and my passion, but I've grown to loathe the bastards in the art world. I've had enough."

-- Withholding ---

Joe was genuinely anxious as he walked up to the front door of the Amethyst Gallery. It was late April. He hadn't been in New York for three months. He and Jenna were in regular contact. She was Joe's eyes and ears in Manhattan, keeping him up to date because Tina was not. When Joe called T about this visit, she was suddenly resurrected. calling him five times in the two weeks leading up to his flight. She was kind of a broken record, lamenting the fact it had been so long since they were together, eight months now, because she missed his last four trips. Then she went upbeat, telling him how happy she was that he was flying out when she was available. She hoped they'd have some alone time.

That last part was why Joe was nervous about this visit. This phase of the mission was going to be a challenge. When he walked in, tall, brunette Brittany greeted him like a corporate robot. She was attractive, but not interesting. Her smile seemed forced.

"May I get your signature on the visitor's log?"

"No, I'm not signing that."

"I can't let you in then."

"Didn't we play this game before? I'm not trying to be difficult, Brittany, but this is a social visit, not business. I can leave, and then you can explain to Tina why I didn't show up; because you wouldn't let me in. It's your call."

"Very well," She buzzed Joe in.

He did not like this new lobby separating the hostess from everything else with glass doors. Tina was going through a security phase. First, it was the caller ID at her desk to monitor the phones. Then came the visitors log, and now a security wall of glass with a buzz-in system. Once he got past her high-heeled foot soldier, Joe knocked on Tina's open door.

She was up in an instant coming his way. Joe felt the familiar rush of warmth the sight of her always gave him, like aged bourbon spreading its wings in his chest.

"It's been so long," she embraced him.

Joe wrapped his arms around her waist and breathed her in. He was already feeling weak. "Yeah, it's been too long," he said into her pink hair. "You look fantastic." He felt the need to kiss her.

"Thank you," she leaned back, held him at arm's length, and looked at him. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, T."

"Have a seat. I have something to wrap up and then we can leave."

Tina sat at her desk and typed on her computer, chicken pecking with two fingers. Joe found that curious. Even he knew ASDFJKL semi. "Did you ever have typing class in high school?"

She looked up and smiled, "It's the only class I ever got a D in, and only because the teacher liked me. I actually flunked. My dumb ass attitude was, when will I ever need to type?"

"I passed typing."

"You took type in high school?"

"It was an elective all the girls took," Joe smiled, "me and twenty-seven girls for an entire year."

"How many of them did you fuck?"

"Not one."

Tina went back to her pecking, pounded the enter key and a printer behind her fired up. She waited for the document, folded it, placed it in an envelope, and stood. "Let's get out of here."

The moment Joe dreaded had arrived. Tina took him by the arm and happily strolled out of her office. Brittany buzzed them through the glass doors.

"I'm done for the day, Brit. Have a nice night."

"You too Mrs. Giacomo."

Joe made eye contact with Brit as Tina led him by the arm out the front door to the street. She immediately turned south, in the direction of The Cairo.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"The Cairo, of course. That's our place."

"Can we just walk a while?"

"I only have a couple of hours," Tina reminded him.

"Yes, I know, and we're having lunch tomorrow. Right?"

"Yes, but this is what I was looking forward to most." Tina leaned against Joe, "And then we can come back to my office, after hours. I've missed our time together."

Tina went back to walking, at a brisk pace, having set the plan she had in mind. Joe usually did what she wanted when he was visiting. She just assumed he'd go along.

"We need to talk. I've made some changes in my life."

Tina slowed her pace and looked at Joe. "What changes?"

"No day drinking is one."

"Well, that's no fun."

"My doctor thinks it's a good idea to cut back."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, T, just trying to stay healthy in an unhealthy world."

"I can have a cocktail, can't I?"

"Yes, but I'm not doing our thing at The Cairo?"

Tina stopped and turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"The massage and affection thing. I'm trying to get things under control with my life and... " Joe paused. "I'm not fooling around anymore, T"

"You just decided that's it? You didn't bother to tell me we can't..."

"I'm telling you now. This is very difficult for me, T. I'm not fooling around with you, a married woman I love and want to be with. My time with you fucks with my head and gives me false hope. It's been three and half years since we reconnected and I have spent most of that time wanting you, waiting for something that's never going to happen."

"Waiting for what?"

"For you to leave your husband."

Tina stood in silent disbelief. Her facial expression was both blank and confused. "When did this change of attitude occur?"

"Your second honeymoon was the start of it."

"I told you that wasn't what you think it is."

"Except it's exactly what I think it was, a romantic getaway with him to recommit, fuck, and live happily ever after."

"You're mad at me because I fucked my husband in Aruba?" she said too loud.

"I'm not mad, T. I just need to focus on reality. After the honeymoon, you went to Florida with him. Those are facts that suggest your marriage is fine and I'm living in a fantasy trying to get you back. You don't even try to keep in touch. I'm just coming to grips with the fact it's never going to happen the way I hoped. I need to grow the fuck up and move on."

Tina let out a long exhale that puffed her cheeks, "Wow, you've really let this get in your head."

"That's where you want it, T. This whole blow-jobs-aren't-cheating thing is a head game. It keeps me on your string, like your little Joe puppet. It's killing me, T."

"You're my puppet? Where the fuck did you get that?"

"You want me to come back to you because you love me, so you give me just enough to keep me on the string. It's not enough for me. I want you, all of you, forever. Blow jobs and giving you massages aren't what I need. I need it all."

Tina furrowed her brow so hard her eyes closed and shook her head in disbelief. "You want me to just up and leave my husband for you?"

"Have you not been listening to me for the past three years? Yes, that's precisely what I want, but it's never gonna happen, and I've accepted it. I'm not interested in the affection and blow job consolation prize."

She put her hand to her brow and looked down the street at nothing. They stood there for several seconds. Tina was clearly agitated and maybe offended, but trying to keep her cool.

"Can we just walk and talk calmly," he asked.

"Okay," she said lowly.

Joe put his arm out, she took it and they walked slowly with no destination.

"Does this have anything to do with you and Jenna?" she asked.

"No, T. We're just friends. You know that. Jen's a smart girl. She knows the score. I'm in love with you and she has no delusions. Would I fuck her? Yes, she's amazing, single, and available, but she knows better than to get involved with me."

"What about Jasmine?"

"That's a wildcard, and you have something to do with us not being exclusive. Jas knows all about you and she sees my love for you as a major risk for her. What if she and I got real and then you came back to me? She thinks I'd dump her in a second and run to you."

"Would you?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I think yes, other times no. Jas doesn't want to be my second choice. I'm trying to prove to her that I'm over you, but first, I must prove it to myself. I can't fall back into our old ways, not if I want to move forward with my life."

"So this is about Jasmine?"

"She's a big part of it."

"But you'll fuck Jenna."

"I'm single. I can fuck anyone I want. Jasmine sees other men. That's our deal. I'm trying to convince her to give me a chance at the real thing."

"And then you would no longer fuck other women, including Jenna?"

"Are you under the impression that Jen and I slept together?"

"No, well, I thought maybe..." Tine stumbled on words, "You spent a lot of time together when I wasn't around. And now you talk regularly. But I know you haven't fucked. She made that clear."

"I want to be exclusive with Jas. I want to have a family someday. I love her and she's my best shot at that. I just need to focus on my future, and what I want, without distractions."

"So I'm just a distraction? Holy shit, are you a mess."

"I know, T, and I'm trying to fix that. This is the first step."

"So where does that leave us?"

"Platonic friends, if you'll accept that."

"What choice do I have?"

"You can tell me to fuck off and get out of your life. You did it before."

"Don't do that, Joe. That's a low blow."

"No it's not, T. It's the fucking truth."

"And you fucked me in the ass the last time we were together, and then you fucked Casey, so we're even."

Joe laughed hard but didn't reply to her throwing his sins in his face again. "I'm not going to apologize for trying to get my life on track. I told you months ago. I'm done saying I'm sorry for our fucked up relationship."

They walked in silence for a block. Joe had already told Jenna just about everything he planned to say to Tina so she would know precisely what Tina heard, and could react accordingly when Tina vents her frustration to her, which will surely happen.

"Look T. I made this trip midweek to make it easier to see you. I have business in the morning. We have our lunch date tomorrow, and I can see you Friday too. I want to see you, but that's up to you. You seem pretty upset right now."

"I am, Joe, I didn't see this coming. I need time to think." She stared at him with no sign of emotion. "I'm going home."

Joe watched Tina walk away. He said nothing, making no attempt to stop her. He said what he came to New York to say and now he had to trust Jenna's plan. That evening, he called Jenna at home because he felt he couldn't call the gallery without Tina being informed. He gave her a full report.'

"I'm not surprised she walked on you," Jenna said. "And I predict she'll cancel your lunch plans tomorrow."

"I told her I need to step back and you think she'll push me away further?"

"I do. Think about it. You just took control of the relationship by dictating new terms. When she cancels tomorrow, it might appear she's having a little tantrum, but it's just her way of trying to hang on to control."

"Wow, you really are inside her head, aren't you?"

"Yes, because I know her better than anyone. You just told her you're in love with her, and that's fine, but as long as she knows that she'll use it to manipulate you. Joe, this has been going on for years. Tina has been scheming and..." Jenna stopped herself. "Nevermind. Just trust me and don't cave in if she stops talking to you."

"That's the second time you said she was scheming and manipulating but then cut off your stream of thought. Is there something you need to say, Jen?"

"No. Just stick to the plan, Joe. Please trust me."

"If she cancels lunch tomorrow I'm flying home. I can't hang about this city all weekend for no good reason."

"Don't leave tomorrow. If she doesn't have lunch with you, we should meet after work. Is Davidoffs good for you?"

"Yeah, I like that place."

"Okay. Be there after five."

The following morning, Joe called the Gallery. Brittany told him Mrs. Giacomo would not be available for lunch. He had his answer. Jenna had called it correctly, again.

-- Davidoffs ---

Sitting in a back booth at Davidoffs, sipping water, Joe saw Jenna enter. He got up to greet her with a hug. "Thanks for coming out. I'm not in the best mental state right now."

Joe sat back down and moved to the back of the booth. Jenna joined him and slid over, very close. The waitress came by and took their drink orders.

"So you are drinking. Tina told me you quit."

"No, but I'm not drinking as much, and not in the middle of the day. It's after five."

"Is there a problem?"

"Nope, just cutting back and keeping my head clear."

"So what's up with your mental state, is it Tina's tantrum?"

"A little, but it's mostly the prospect of spending this weekend here with nothing to do. How bad was she today?"

"She was bitchy. She told me you want to do some platonic bullshit and carried on about you never having platonic friends, you always fuck them eventually. It's all bullshit."

Joe laughed, "We're platonic."

"Yes, and I reminded her. T said platonic bullshit three times. So you definitely hit a nerve."

"Well, my work is done here. I may fly home tomorrow, or I could reach out to Tamara. What's she up to these days?"

"I saw her two weeks ago. She's just doing her barfly thing. I really like Tamara, but she's a strange lady."

"How so?"

"So many ways. She has a lot to say about what we're doing. Tamara approves."

Jenna went on for a while about her talks with Tamara over the past few months and how the older woman is wise in the ways of love. Joe listened, barely saying a word for several minutes. The waitress dropped off their cocktails. Jenna raised her glass,

"Here's to you wrestling control from the queen."

"It sounds like you told Tammy my whole life story," Joe said after taking his first sip.

"Only the years I've known you and Tina."