PUNKS Ch. 27: Every Lie Is A Secret

October 1995

Three days after Joe and Jasmine returned from their New York trip, City of Angels flew to Tokyo to start the twenty-four-day Asian tour. Tokyo is thirteen hours ahead of New York. After two days of forcing his body to adjust, Joe called Jenna in the early morning hours to reach her in the evening.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Talking to you on the phone, duh."

"Where are you, In your room, on a tour bus?

"I'm sitting on a tenth-floor balcony in central Tokyo with a view of other tall buildings, having my coffee at 7:14 in the morning. I can see a lady cooking her two kids breakfast in the next building. I feel like a peeping Tom."

"How was your flight?"

"Long and painful. I had leg cramps nine hours in. Today is the first day I woke up in the morning, JST. If my math is good, you just got home from work?"

"Yes. And I had an interesting day. We need to talk when you get back. Something is going on with T. She's been a bit agitated the last few days. I'm sure it has something to do with your dinner."

"Hopefully Troy's in her doghouse. He'd deserve it. I'm sorry we had trouble connecting when I got back to LA. I had three days to prepare for this trip and so much shit went wrong. We're lucky to be here with our equipment. I fired a man I've known for almost ten years. Some days I hate my job."

"What did he do?"

"It's a long story. I'm hoping Danny can step up because we need him. He's been promoted to lead guitar tech now. I assume Tina gave you her account of our fabulous double date."

"Yes, and she thinks the sun shines out your ass. You are on the threshold of having babies with Jasmine, and you're right, Troy is in the doghouse. She said he was rude to everyone all night and he gawked at Jasmine's tits."

"That's all true, except for me having babies. Tell me about my sunny ass."

"You were her knight in shining armor according to T. Apparently you defended her a few times when Troy was condescending. She really appreciated that, Joe. Tina said you saved her from embarrassment."

"Yeah, her husband is a jackass. I wanted to hate him. Then we started off with a few laughs, so I thought maybe I won't. That didn't last long. He was rude to Tina, not so much to us, but with T, he was openly disrespectful. It was awkward and I felt compelled to step in... as politely as I could."

"Tina loves you for it. This is good, Joe. You hit it out of the park, and so did Jasmine. Tina is totally intimidated by her. She's gorgeous, Joe. I saw it. I was kinda upset myself."

"Really? You were jealous?"

"I don't know what it was. You didn't feel weird standing in my office with me, Tina, and Jasmine? I certainly did."

"I was freaking out inside, cool as an igloo on the outside. There were so many secrets in that room. Tina is not the only one feeling intimidated. Jasmine thinks Tina is amazing and she's certain T is still in love with me."

Jenna laughed, "Yeah, because she is, but how did Jasmine come to that conclusion?"

"Just the way T looked at me, with love in her eyes. That's what Jasmine saw all night and I saw it too. The thing is, I gave it back to her, and Jas saw that too."

"I see it too. All the time, Joe. Every time I'm in the same room with you two, it's like your eye fucking each other."

"You've never mentioned this before."

"It doesn't matter. I've seen it. So how bad is it with Jasmine?"

"She mentioned it the morning after, but then dropped it because she didn't want to spoil our last few days in the city. There were some quiet moments. I could tell something was on her mind, and I knew what it was, but she held back until we got home."

"Are you guys okay?"

"We're still together if that's what you mean, but I don't think we're okay. I think it's good I had to leave town. Jas will have a few weeks to sort through her feelings."

"Whatever happens, as far as Tina knows, you and Jasmine are having babies. Okay?"

"I won't deny that we have talked about it."

"So you and Jas have talked about babies?"

"Only casually. We're not picking boys' and girls' names. When you're with someone for two years you talk about the future and what you want. Babies came up."

"It's been two years? Holy crap."

"October of '93, before the last Asian tour. When I get back I'll take Jasmine's temperature and let you know how sick our relationship is."

"What will you use as a thermometer?"

"Now you sound like gutter-mind Tina."

Joe also phoned Tina and left a message with his hotel number. She did not call. The band climbed aboard the tour bus for the Japan leg of the Asian leg of the world tour and his opportunities to call the States were limited. Later in the tour, he called from Taiwan. He left Tina another message.

"Hey T. I'm in Taipei, Taiwan. I'll be here for two days. You can call here anytime." He left his hotel info. She did not call. He did speak to Jenna again.

"I'll be back in LA in twelve days. I'll need the weekend to catch my breath, and then I'm flying out to see you. I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"What's going on with Tina?"

"She's gone quiet. She had a bad couple of weeks after your date, then she stopped talking about you and Jasmine, and Troy... and me and you. It's like she put it all in a box and stuffed it under her bed. She's not in a great mood, just getting by day to day, and keeping to herself."

"She's scheming. Tina doesn't waste a minute worrying, she thinks. There's a difference."

"She worries all the time," Jenna scoffed. "And I hear about it."

"You're confusing her venting with worry. She lets off steam to put thoughts into words and it's all part of her process, and then she plans. Jen, you're the same way. You bounce ideas off me all the time, working shit out in conversation."

"She seems focused and intense. I've seen it before, when she's juggling a lot of balls she'll just bear down and not allow herself to be distracted."

"That's not a bad thing. Maybe she's plotting divorce."

"I don't know, but I plan on inviting her to happy hour with Tamara. That should loosen her lips. Between the martinis and Tammy, she'll have plenty of social lubrication."

"When is this?"

"Later this week."

"I'll be in Hong Kong. Then we have four shows in Australia. Our final week is five shows in eight days. I'll barely see Australia, just airports, hotels, and venues."

"You'll probably see a pub, or six."

"A man must eat. I can't wait to see you."

"Me too."

-- Los Angeles ---

When Joe woke up in his own bed, he did not remember how he got home from LAX the evening before. He did not get out of bed. With his eyes closed, hugging his pillow, he focused on recall because his memory loss and fatigue troubled him. Joe managed to retrieve a blur of baggage claim and bandmates and a crowded cargo passenger van. It was as if he was black-out drunk the day before, except it was sober exhaustion.

The Asia trip was hard on him, physically and emotionally. Joe was having a crisis of the soul. The worst thing about being on the road is too much idle time - hours to think, and he thought too much about his messy life and the people he was hurting. It was the same problem he had when visiting NYC. Idle days and nights away from home were sometimes dreadful.

The simple fact he was in his own bed lifted his spirits, just enough to get out of that warm California King. After grabbing a cup of coffee at The Grind, and mixing it up with the neighbors for the first time in weeks, he called Jenna from his sunny balcony.

"Tina is a vault," Jen said. "She declined happy hour and hasn't said a word about anything personal. I asked her why she hasn't returned your calls, and she just shrugged and said, 'We'll talk when he gets back."

"I'm flying out Monday. I could come to the gallery mid-afternoon or be at your place when you get home. It's your call."

"I'd kinda like to see you first. Will you see Jasmine this weekend?"

"She'll be here tomorrow, her usual Friday arrival. I'll have this weekend to assess the damage."

"Why don't you come to my place on Monday? You have my key."

"That's fine. I'll visit T on Tuesday. I'm only there for a few days. I have to stop in the office to meet with Laura to finalize our east coast dates."

"When are you on the road again?"

We have eighteen shows in the west starting Thanksgiving weekend. Then we take the Savoir's Birthday break and do the eastern leg."

"Is that the end, Joe? Are you really done touring? That's what you said two years ago, but you're out there again."

"This is definitely the last tour, Jen. I love the shows but I'm tired of the long flights, especially over the Pacific. The flight from Sydney to get home was over fourteen hours, not including the delay on the ground. I'm so sick of airports, airplanes, and shitty airlines."

"I heard one of your new songs on the radio this week."

"Which one?"

"Every Lie Is A Secret."

"Did you catch the lyrics?"

"Not really."

"You really don't like my music, do you?"

"Your music is fine, Joe. I'm just not a hard rock or punk girl. I like mellow music. Or as Tina calls it, snooze music. I like your quieter songs."

"Then you should like this record. It's got three of those, including that song. Listen to the lyrics, Jen. You'll know what it's about."

"Is it about Tina?"

"No. It's about me and the lies I'm living," Joe laughed. "What's funny is, T likes to overanalyze my lyrics, she could easily think that song is about her."

"She thinks every song you write is about her."

"Some of them are. You might like Epilogue. It's not that hard, and not everyone likes that."

"I've heard some songs. It's good, but still too loud for me."

"Do you not have a volume knob on your stereo?"

"You know what I mean."

"Listen to Every Lie Is A Secret, Jen... the lyrics."

"What lies are you living?"

"Are you serious?" Joe almost laughed. "All this deception and manipulation is not good for my soul. I can't keep track of my bullshit; what I tell Tina, what I tell Jasmine, my band, keeping my story straight with my business partners... I'm drowning in lies."

Jenna didn't reply for a moment. "You didn't say my name."

"You're probably the only person I've been honest with... for months."

"You did keep one secret from me, for a while, about fucking Casey."

"That's why I didn't say years. I did keep that from you. I'm sorry."

"I have to go, Joe. I guess I'll see you Monday after work."

******

When Joe heard the door open, he met Jenna in the living room. They embraced and kissed, a long overdue, passionate kiss. Jenna buried her head in his chest. "I'm so happy to see you."

Over dinner, they talked about everything, the pasta and shrimp on their plates, Tina, Joe's tour, his crappy flights, and Jasmine.

"How did your weekend with Jasmine go?"

"It was not the same. She showed up Friday and we were fine, but I could sense she was not comfortable. We did what we always do, a weekend on the beach. We cooked and I took her out for Italian at my favorite place. It was normal except it wasn't."

"Did you fuck?"

"Yes, we did."

"I guess that's a good sign. If she slept with you she's probably getting over whatever troubled her after her trip."

"I don't think so."

"All you have to do is maintain the illusion of love in LA. What actually happens is not as important as what Tina believes."

"I know the plan. Believe me, Jen. I am maintaining the illusion."

Jenna wanted to stay in during Joe's visit. Aside from her working and Joe running errands, they barely left the Hawthorn. There were no happy hours with Tamara or dining out. After weeks on the road, Joe was happy to stay home, watching movies or just being in her bed.

On his last night in town, Joe was cleaning after dinner and putting dishes away, when Jen came up behind him. She hugged him, her arms around his torso, and a kiss landed on his shoulder blade. "I don't feel like a movie tonight."

"Good, because I didn't get one."

"Did you have something else in mind?"

"Just you," he turned and wrapped his arms around her.

"Good," She reached up and kissed him. "I'm gonna get ready for bed. Join me?"

"I'll be along shortly."

He watched as she walked away. Jenna seemed quieter tonight. They talked over dinner but she had little to say. Joe had expressed annoyance early in his stay about her belaboring points regarding Tina and the plan. He had heard it all a dozen times. Maybe he bruised her feelings.

Joe found Jen tucked in bed, under the covers, waiting for him. She watched silently as he undressed. He clicked her bedside lamp to the dimmest setting and climbed under the sheets. She met him in the middle, her warm body welcoming him.

She kissed him sweetly, her arms pulling him in. "I've been looking forward to this all day," she said as Joe held her close, his fingers combed through her hair. She kissed him again. Her hand slid down his chest, fingers caressing his tummy, slowly moving lower. She scratched her fingers in his pubes and then found his cock. Joe kissed her more passionately as Jen lightly massaged his head. His hand cupped her breast.

"You are so beautiful," he said. "Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to be with you."

"Sshhh," she placed her finger on his lips.

"I thought you liked it when I talked."

"I do. But I'm... " she kissed him rather than speak. Jen stroked Joe as they kissed passionately. He moved lower, taking her nipple in his mouth. She held his head, fingers tangled in hair. Jenna opened her legs as his hand slipped between her thighs. He moved lower again, kissing her tummy. As his tongue drew a circle around her navel, Jen fell back, spreading her legs wider, wanting his attention.

Joe moved between her legs, under the sheet. His tongue slid through her tuft of pubic hair. Jen gasped slightly when the tip of his tongue flitted at her clit. He sucked her bud, taking it between his lips, Jenna gripped his hair as Joe focused his attention on her pussy. His hands slid under, gripping her bum, as he sucked her clit.

As much as Joe enjoyed fucking he was most satisfied with oral sex. Jenna's taste and scent filled him with joy. Nothing made him happier than feeling her body react to his touch, and hearing her sighs and moans as he brought her pleasure. He craved her. Any subtle sign that she was enjoying his attention, her hands holding his ears, thighs opening wider to accept him, gave Joe tiny goosebumps. Eating pussy was his rapturous place. Jenna's body, the way she moved, her scent, her taste, was exhilarating. Joe was very happy between Jenna's thighs.

He slipped his tongue lower, parting her vulva, sliding through her moist, pink lips. He pushed his tip inside her, taking in her juice. A warm rush of excitement flowed through him, a tingling sensation stimulated his brain as his senses were full of Jenna, his lover and friend.

He glided his tongue back up, through her lips to her clitoris. Sucking her bud between his lips caused Jenna to gasp. Her breathing gave Joe a clue she was getting closer. He worked her clit, licking and sucking. Using her ass, he pulled her against his face. Joe concentrated on her soft pussy. For him, this was heaven.

Jenna squeaked and panted, her ass bucked off the mattress, pushing Joe's face up. He kept his tongue on her as she moaned through the first surge of orgasm. Her legs spasmed. Her body shivered. Jenna screamed, pulling Joe's hair so hard it hurt. Another wave crashed. She bucked, then pushed Joe's head back.

"I want you inside me?" She said, guiding him up. He kissed her belly on the way and flicked his tongue at her nipples. Jen reached down for his cock as her mouth found his in a passion kiss. Joe's knob pushed against her pussy, spreading her wet lips, penetrating her vagina, just a little.he held it there, barely inside her, as she kissed him.

"Please fuck me," she whispered into his mouth. Joe pushed his rock hard shaft deep inside her with one slow thrust, feeling her vagina accept his head, wrap around his girth and slide down to his base. He held himself there, Jenna's body filled with his long cock. She squeezed him, moaning in pleasure.

Joe pulled back gently and began fucking Jenna slowly and sensually. His mouth never left hers. Their lips wet and soft, touching, kissing, tongues darting, and dancing. Her warm, soft pussy felt amazing. Joe felt a rush of electricity as he slid his cock in and out of her tight, but slippery vagina. Jen's hands locked behind his neck, keeping his face where she wanted it, again hers.

The emotions Joe felt while he was inside Jenna were sometimes overwhelming. In the months they'd been together he learned her body. He knew what she wanted, what she needed, and was so happy to be with her. She was a special woman in every way.

*****

Joe awoke on the morning of his flight home to see Jenna coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and drying her hair. The bedroom was dark, illuminated only by the bathroom light. He rolled on his side to face her, watched her get partially dressed, then go back into the bathroom to do her hair and makeup.

"Did I do something to upset you?" He asked.

"Oh," Jenna jumped, startled, "I didn't know you were awake."

"Have been for a while, just thinking. Something seems off. Are we okay?"

"Yes, we are."

"When I got here Monday you were so happy and since then you've been... you seem distant at times."

"I'm fine, Joe. We are good. I'm not upset."

Jenna went back to her hair and makeup. Joe lay there, not quite buying her answer that she was fine and they were okay. He'd spent enough time with her over the past several months to learn her moods, not that she was moody. Jen was even-tempered and level-headed. She rarely showed negative emotions - and very little drama. Her pensive mood over the last two days was noticeable because it was so rare.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she sat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through Joe's hair. She leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. She stared at him for half a minute, saying nothing.

"Last night I felt like we weren't fucking," Joe said, "We were making love. It was sweet and really good." He touched her hair. "It's been like that this whole visit. It's just different."

"Sometimes we fuck like wild animals and other times it's sweet lovemaking, like you said. I like that. Most of the time we're somewhere in the middle."

"It's not just you. Tina was happy to see me. We talked about our date with Tory and Jas, and we made light of it, but after that, she was not herself. Our lunch was a downer. She talked about Troy's case, her business woes, and how she feels trapped at home and at work. She wasn't maudlin, as you said she was, but she wasn't happy either."

"She has a lot going on in her life, but she's not talking about it, at least not with me. You probably know more than I do from that lunch date."

"It was just the same old stressors she always has."

"Maybe it's because you laid on the Jasmine talk a little thick. You said you went hard on that, telling T how much fun she had here and how she's..."

"Yeah," Joe interrupted, "I said Jas had a great time and was grateful for the trip. I didn't discuss relationship matters, just the trip."

Jenna shrugged, "Then I don't know."

"I'm getting the same vibes with you that I had with Jasmine. My senses are tingling. Like, we're fine, everything is good, but something's just not right."

"I believe T is having a crisis of faith," Jenna kept the talk on Tina, "faith in her marriage, her career, her past decisions, even her faith. She's trying to figure shit out. Our plan is working. I honestly believe this is a turning point."

She leaned down and kissed Joe again. "I have to get ready." As she stood and walked to her closet, Jen turned. "Don't forget that box of pastry I left you on the counter. Take that for your coffee. I didn't brew any since we're on the run this morning."