PUNKS Ch. 31: Tabloid Trash

June 1996

Jenna walked into Tina's office. She sat across from her. Tina put a finger up, "One minute."

"I thought you had already read it."

Tina ignored her and kept reading. When she finished, Tina looked up, flipped the magazine closed, and exhaled. "Well, that reads like a love letter. It's like she doesn't even care we know."

"So you think he slept with her?"

Tina made a 'duh' expression. "Ya think?"

Earlier that day, Jenna came into the office telling Tina the NY Post had a piece criticizing Mila Carrera's work. The entertainment & culture reporter for The Post wrote that Miss Carrera got too close to her subject, intimately close, and lost her journalistic objectivity and integrity. Tina had already read the Rolling Stone piece, two days ago, and again yesterday. She went to the newsstand at lunch to get a copy of The Post, read that article, and then read the Carrera piece a third time.

"I spoke with Joe Monday morning. He didn't mention anything about this... like it's not out there. Last month when I asked how the interview went, I didn't get anything close to this. According to him, they had a couple of drinks and talked at his bar."

"It's pretty clear they were together for a few days."

"Yup. It's funny that I didn't get that when I read it the first time. I thought it was just a beautifully written expose about his life and... his friends. Reading it again, looking for clues, it's not hard to see her time with Joe was more than he said."

"What clues did you find?" Jen asked, wondering if they saw the same things.

"She mentioned the coffee shop and then later said, 'Each time Joe entered the cafe he was greeted... blah, blah, blah.' And from that, you can infer they went to that place multiple times. How much coffee can you drink in one day? Then she wrote about his morning runs. She went there to have lunch with him. How did she end up on a morning run with him?"

"Also, he cooked," Jen said. "That was an obvious clue I got right away."

"I didn't. I first read it as her saying that Joe likes to cook for his friends. I read the running thing as her just saying he runs every day. Now I see it as him cooking for her and Mila being on those runs with him. The clues are all over her writing. She didn't hide her fling with Joe very well."

"She wasn't trying to hide it, T. She wrote a story about her time with Joe without saying they became intimate friends but conveyed that through these anecdotes. She wasn't obvious. It's very subtle. Ya know, T. If she doesn't give a fuck that we all know, maybe it's more than a fling."

Tina leaned back in her office chair. "Thanks for that, Jen. As if I don't feel bad enough. I thought this was going to be about his life, his journey, and his career. She skimmed over his past like nothing that happened before has anything to do with the man he is now."

"I felt that too. Then I realized she made a decision creative people must make all the time. What should she focus on? What is the intention of her work? She painted a picture of his life, not his past."

"I want to call him but I know he'll be annoyed if I make a big deal about him sleeping with her. He clearly doesn't want to tell me... because he hasn't. He was matter-of-fact about their meeting. It was pleasant but not a big deal."

"I think it's definitely a big deal. That woman is smitten and I bet Joe is feeling the same. Remember what he said about his offer? If we visit him we won't want to come back. Reading that made me feel it. Maybe Mila didn't want to come back."

Tina held up The Post. "After this tabloid trash, she probably wishes she stayed there. What I don't understand is this jerk's obsession. She wasn't interviewing a president or the pope. It's a fucking fluff piece on an entertainer. Who cares if she got close? What's at stake here?"

"Nothing. Do you care that she got so close?"

Tina exhaled, "I felt the burn. I felt it the first time because she wrote so beautifully about Venice and his life there. I wanted to book a flight after reading this. Now it's..."

"Jealousy?"

Tina smirked. "A little."

Jenna laughed, "Me too. I'm green with envy that she got to 'share his life." Jenna made the air quotes. "What are you gonna do? Are you going to ask him about it?"

"I have to be careful how I do it. If I come off as judgemental he'll react poorly. I'm not judging him. He's single. She's single. They obviously had a wonderful... meeting."

"And that led to another kind of... meeting."

"Yeah. And the Italian restaurant scene was romantic, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. It made me wish I was his dinner guest."

"Yup," Tina scrunched her nose. "We both know what Mila got that weekend. She stole our VIP Rewards."

Jenna laughed. "Yeah, and that story tells me she'll be going back for more."

"Lays potato chips," Tina said. "You can't have just one."

--- Interrogation ---

When Tina next called Joe she didn't bring up the article at first. She wanted to see if he would mention it. He did not. She talked about issues with her family and the mundane gallery business.

"I'm also working on my fashion venture. We've market tested our apparel and the results are very encouraging. I'm seriously considering an offer on the gallery. It's not a bad deal for me. Jenna is now involved in that. Have you spoken to her at all?"

"Nope."

"Well, she's busy too." Tina sighed. "I really miss you, Joe. I enjoy our talks, but I wish we could be face-to-face. I have so much I want to say. I've been thinking about you a lot. I miss you."

Joe decided to not fall into the I miss you trap. He missed her but didn't want to say it. "I heard some news from New York." He said. "I guess your husband is going to trial. Laura said his case is breaking some records for how long it's dragged on."

"Is Laura your New York gossip connection?"

Joe laughed, "If the story appears in the New York Times I think it's a notch above gossip. They call that news."

"Yes, he wants me to sit in court with him through the entire trial. His lawyers say that a show of support is helpful. I don't know if I can do that."

"You have a business to run, maybe two businesses in the short term."

"That's just part of it. I have no interest in sitting in court and listening to all the crap I've been hearing over and over for more than two and a half years. I despise his lawyers."

"Milkman, Hoover, and Banks?"

"What?"

"They've been milking this case, sucking up all your money and laughing all the way to the bank."

Tina tried to stifle her laugh but failed. "Very funny. Ya know. You've been saying that for a long time. It took me a while to see it your way. But I think you're right. After all these motions and delays Troy will go to trial no better off than he would have been eighteen months ago. He should have gotten it over with."

"He'd already have a year served, and maybe you'd be divorced."

Tina didn't respond to Joe's divorce remark. She was developing immunity to his jokes about her marriage.

"When does the trial start?" Joe asked.

"Jury selection is coming up, but it looks like August."

"Well, good luck with that."

"Don't pretend to care about Troy."

"I'm not. Fuck Troy. I'm concerned for you. I hope you get through that media circus unscathed."

"I appreciate that." Tina paused. She really wanted to discuss Rolling Stone but didn't want to be the one to bring it up. She had one other thing she wanted to talk about.

"Have you been thinking about our vacation? I think Miami would be a good place too."

"Yes, I have thought about it, and Miami would definitely work."

"When do you want to do this, Joe? I want to start planning it, picking the dates, and looking into flights and hotels. Could you use your card to pay upfront so I don't leave a paper trail on my end? I'll pay you back. I just want..."

"I can do that, T."

"Are you serious, Joe? Do you really want to do this?"

"Yes. I think so, T. It would be fun."

Tina didn't like the words 'I think so' but she wasn't going to nitpick. At the moment, she was getting what she wanted from Joe. Once it was clear he wasn't going to mention the article, Tina thought... 'fuck it. I need to know.'

"I read Mila's piece. It was beautifully written."

"Yes, it was." Joe laughed. "You must have been dying inside wanting to bring that up. I can't believe you made it this far without interrogating me."

"I didn't want to annoy you."

"Why would I be annoyed? She did a nice job."

Tina waited for more but Joe gave her nothing. She broke the silence again. "Is that all you have to say about someone writing so eloquently and intimately about your life... nice job?"

"There's not much to add, is there? It's all on the page."

"I can't believe you're being so blase about it. Did it not move you? It moved me, and Jenna. We're both envious of the time she had with you."

Joe sensed Tina had done the math and figured out he and Mila slept together, but he wasn't going to offer her information. "Yes. It moved me. She's a beautiful writer and was very kind to my friends."

"And you."

"Yes, and me."

"Joe. You've been telling me about your life in Venice for years. I joke that you make it sound like the Magic Kingdom, but I know it's not. You've been honest about the problems there. This article captures all of that, but there was more. It felt intimate to me."

That was the second time she used the word intimate. Joe knew what was coming, the inquisition he was not interested in. He didn't take the bait.

"That's the way she writes. It's always personal and less about the artist's career."

"I've read enough of her work to know this was different."

Joe sighed. "When it's about you, or someone you love, it might feel that way."

Finally, T asked the question gnawing at her. "Are you in a relationship with Mila?"

Joe gave her some silence to chew on, several seconds of nothing. "Yes, but the term relationship is not black and white. There are many shades of gray. We don't know what it is."

"I knew you slept with her," Tina's tone amped up a bit. "and I'm not the only one who felt it. Jenna did too." She was working hard to not lose her cool. T was upset.

"You said you were envious, did you mean jealous?"

"I'm not so proud that I can't admit it. Yes, I felt the burn. I imagined her having what I want. I pictured her getting your VIP rewards treatment, and I want that."

"Well, Mila made the flight and redeemed the offer first, and yes, she definitely got my VIP package."

"I bet she did. Are you going to see her again?"

"I'm sure I will. We're discussing it."

"Do you see a future with her?"

"I don't know, T. It's too early to say."

"Not long ago, when we talked about loneliness, you said your heart was open to a relationship. Are you with Mila?"

"Maybe, if we could make something work, but she lives in New York. I have no idea how to manage that distance."

"Do you think she'll visit you again?"

"I've asked her to, but she's busy at the moment. I hope Mila comes back to Venice. She says she wants to. Listen to yourself, T... the rapid-fire manic questioning. I'm pretty sure I'm being judged right now."

"I have one more question, and that's the end. I promise. Are you aware of the criticism she's getting for this because it's so personal?"

"She told me about it, but how do you know about that?"

"It's in the New York Post."

"Seriously? Other outlets are on her case?"

"Yes, The Post is. I don't know about anyone else."

"I didn't know it was that bad."

Tina exhaled. "Well, I hope she finds a path through this. She's a good writer and her feelings for you really came through in her work. She shouldn't be crucified for that."

"Is it that bad, T?"

"It's not good." Tina had one more question. "Hey, does this thing with Mila affect our vacation plans?"

"You said no more questions. You promised."

"That's the last one. Are we still doing Miami?"

"Damn, T. Your promise ain't worth shit. You broke twenty seconds after you made it."

"Just answer the question, Joe."

"At the moment, yes. One thing has nothing to do with the other."

"Good. I really hope we can do this. I gotta go, Joe. I'm tired. I have to sleep. I'll call you later in the week. I love you. Bye."

"Bye, T. Love you."

Was Joe serious about meeting Tina for a Florida fuck-cation? Yes, he was, but he wasn't convinced she'd do it. Part of his playing along was him wanting to know if she was serious. Would Tina go that far to fuck him?

And what the fuck is this shit in the New York Post?

-- Doubt --

"I'm not trying to start a fight," Tina said. "I'm just saying I have doubts about whether you'll actually do this. I don't want to get my hopes up and then have you say...." She switched to a dumb male voice. "Sorry, T. I don't fuck married women anymore."

"I told you. I'm willing to talk about that, in Miami. I love you, T. If you show up there, I'll be there." Joe paused. "But honestly, I doubt you'll fly."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you've never left that city for me. I have flown to New York so many times since we reconnected. I do my best to see you, even when our relationship isn't what I want it to be. You've never left Manhattan... not for me. I'll believe it when I see it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"It's not a feeling, T. It's a fact."

"I'm sorry for that too. I want to do this Joe. I'll be there."

"We'll see."

"What do you think the first thing we'll do when we get to the hotel?"

"Check in." Joe chuckled. "That's always the first thing."

"No! In our room."

"Unpack."

"You're being a jerk."

"Listen T. If we're gonna talk about sex there's only one thing I want to discuss."

"What's that?"

"I have something I need to ask. It's been on my mind ever since you told me about the glory hole."

"Oh shit. Are you judging me after having some time to think about it?"

"No. I'm not even sure if that was real. When you were telling me your story I was all in, believing every word and loving it, but then doubt began to creep in."

"What do you doubt?"

"All of it. Is that story true or did you make it up for me?"

"Why would I admit to a sex act that ninety-nine percent of people would find repulsive if I didn't actually do it?"

"To get me off, which you did. So, are you saying it's true?"

"Do you want it to be true?"

"I want the truth. If it's true, fine. If not, that's okay too. I just want to know if you shared a cock at a glory hole with your slutty friend Kim."

"I know it turned you on that night. Does it still make you horny?"

"I've jerked off a few times thinking about it. So, yes, I think it's hot."

"Why does it matter if it's true or not?"

"I'm just curious, T. It was shocking to hear you confess to that, but not entirely because you worship cock. You love giving head and you get off on risky sex." Joe exhaled. "Knowing that, I believe you could do a glory hole. I'm just not sure you did."

Tina didn't reply.

"And, I can equally accept that you may have invented the whole story just to get me horny and thinking of you sucking strange dicks."

"If that was my goal, it seems to have worked because you're jerking off to me sucking a fat cock at a glory hole. If it's true, and I actually did it, we have the same result. Why does it matter?"

"You're gonna let me hang on this aren't you?"

"I love that you're thinking of me, baby. That's the most important part of my confession. I want you to imagine your cock in my mouth. I like that you're fantasizing about me when masturbating."

Joe knew she had the upper hand and it annoyed him. He wasn't jealous of her cock sucking. He loved it. He just wanted to know the truth. Did she do that? It was usually Tina feeling off-balance about Joe's sex life. She did a mental reverse suplex to get on top.

The Temptress wasn't going to confess to fabricating a tall tale or admit to actually sucking cocks at the glory hole. Why should she? Tina gets the benefit both ways. Joe has a raging boner thinking she sucked strange dicks. She loves that about him. Also, his doubt prevents him from being too judgy... because he doesn't really know. From T's perspective, it was perfect.

With this Mila bullshit gumming up her plans, she needed the win.

-- Investigation --

After hearing the New York Post had reported on Mila Carrera's story, Joe had to look into this. Why would anyone outside Rolling Stone magazine involve themselves in this story? His first instinct was to call Mila but he decided to dig elsewhere. He called Laura.

"About halfway into the read, I knew you slept with her," Laura said. "Because of course you did. But I wasn't certain. Then Dawn came into my office and asked, 'Can you believe Joe slept with Mila Carrera?' and then I knew for sure. Everyone here reached the same conclusion because we know you so well."

"Look, I'm not here to discuss my personal life. I turned down this interview how many times? It's not like I lured Mila in. She flew to LA to meet me, and we clicked."

"I'm not judging you. You're single. I am questioning her judgment. First, there's the issue of sleeping with you, then there's this beautiful piece of writing that basically confesses everything. She could have not done that."

"That's how she writes. It's always a personal and intimate story about the life of whoever she's talking to. You should read some of her work. You'll see the pattern."

"Did she fuck the others?"

"Don't do that, Laura. Mila is a competent and intelligent woman who is also single. I called to ask you if you had a copy of The Post with the article that went after her. I need to know who wrote that and what they said."

"It's Josh Levine."

Joe didn't gasp, but his internal reaction, how he felt hearing that name was as good as a gasp. Laura had to sit through a speechless moment.

"Motherfucker," Joe said under his breath.

"I know," Laura said. "That asshole holds a grudge."

"Can you read that to me, or send me a copy, because I need to know what that big, hairy twat wrote. If he thinks he'll get to me by hurting Mila, I'll fly back there just to punch that pie-face motherfucker in his pig snout."

"Take it easy, Joe. You've done a good job ignoring him over the years. We don't need to be posting bail for you... again."

"Do you have the douchebag's article?"

"I can find one somewhere around here. I know it's making the rounds."

"Call me back when you find it. I just need the gist of the piece. What's his point?"

Joe seethed as he waited for Laura to call back. He and Josh Levine had a history. Levine was a music critic, film critic, theater critic, and entertainment reporter. He and Joe had a stupid spat many years ago that Joe had put behind him. Levine did not.

When Laura called back, she read Levine's commentary on how Rolling Stone magazine has fallen from the upper echelon of music journalism. Their reporters are celebrity chasers. The magazine no longer had the edgy writing of Hunter S Thompson and P.J. O'Rourke commenting brilliantly on culture and politics. They had Mila Carrera chasing low-level rock musicians who are heartthrobs for a lesser educated and unsophisticated readership. Rolling Stone is dead.

"Hang on a second, Laura. Stop." Joe exhaled as if he was holding his breath while she read the piece.

"What's up?"

"He's not wrong. You know I've been a subscriber since high school, but he's right, Rolling Stone isn't what it used to be. They made this shift fully into culture and entertainment and away from politics and it hurts the reputation of the magazine."

"They focus on entertainment now, and that's not a bad thing, Joe. Politics doesn't need to infect every form of journalism."

Laura read the rest of the piece in NY while Joe sat quietly in LA. What pissed him off was Levine's focus on Mila, her lack of professionalism, and her absence of journalistic integrity in covering an artist she was a fan of. He said her writing had a tone of a schoolgirl with a crush. It was sweet and syrupy and lacked the objectivity readers expect from a world-class publication.