Purgatory

I caught a ride back to the Farm with Jenks' driver. Jen had watched, and thought I looked 'dumb.' I told her that was the effect I wanted. After all, I was a club fighter. And I was trying not to attract a lot of attention.

She and I went to the mat. Literally. We had a nice bout, which I won -- barely. She hurt me a lot more that Bennett ever did.

We had a nice dinner in the main room, and there was a round of applause from the guys who were there. I waved. The Jen and I went upstairs and watched an old James Garner movie. And went to bed. I got another workout then.

The dinner with Kim's folks was making me nervous. I asked Jen to accompany me. We had reservations for seven, and we were staying over.

John and Eileen arrived right on time. I shook his hand and gave Eileen a hug. I introduced Jen as my partner. Eileen looked a little deflated.

We ordered drinks. And I asked, "I'm still in the dark about what happened to my marriage. I was too depressed and ashamed to ask earlier. But Jen says that I need to deal with it in some way, and I agree. I hope you can help."

Eileen said, "Brian, Kim loved you. Loves you still, I believe. But she....she has been erratic before. When she was thirteen, she had a breakdown. She spent some time in a hospital. She got out, went back to school. About a year later she attacked a boy in her class. She hurt him. Hit him with a bat. She went back into the hospital, started a drug regimen. And she got better. Since that time there has been no recurrence."

John interrupted, "Until she had the guy beat you up. I consider that a recurrence."

"She seemed subdued before that day, maybe a month before. I assume she was having sex with Bennett."

"We...she brought him around two weeks before the incident. John and I were very surprised and dismayed. She said she was with him. She would tell you soon. She didn't seem off the rails then, though. He didn't say much."

"Did you think to tell me?"

"She said she was going to do that. So, no. We had no way to see what she would do."

"What's their status now? I heard she was living with him."

"Yes. She and young Johnny live with him. He's not a thug, Brian. I don't know about the beat down, but from what we see and know, he's not a thug." Eileen seemed sincere.

"Well, I can't say I wish them well. How old is little Johnny?"

There was a pause. John said, "He's eleven months."

"Oh. So....she....was maybe pregnant when she brought him around. Is it more likely that pregnant women have these breakdowns?"

Again there was a pause. Eileen shook her head, "We don't know. After the incident, she didn't show any signs of a breakdown, Brian. Just that scene. But a horrible scene."

Jen had listened carefully to all this. She's smarter than I am. She said, "Do you guys have pictures of Johnny?"

"Oh. Well, no, not here."

"Not on your phones?" Jen asked. Her tone was sharp. I was beginning to see.

I said, "Eileen, is there something I need to know? John?"

Silence. Jen said, "He's your son, Brian, not Bennett's. They somehow don't want you to know that."

She turned to them, "Why not?"

"Kim says it's really Jamal's. He'll be the one to raise the boy. She asked us not to say anything. Jeez, Brian, he looks like you."

I said, "I need to process this. I will not just walk away, though. I cannot believe she could do this. After the beating, maybe...but....this is so fucked up.

John said, "Brian, I sympathize with you. I do. But what good would it do to interfere?"

"Well, I'd get to know my son. And, after what they did, I imagine I could get some form of custody."

Just then the waiter came and asked if we were ready to order. I hesitated, but then decided to go ahead. For one thing, I was hungry. We all ordered. The process seemed to ease the tension at the table.

Jen asked me, "What do you know about the divorce? What did she say about the pregnancy?"

I looked at John and then at Eileen. She said, "Kim's lawyer sent you the papers. There was no mention of a child. There was no child then. When he was born, Jamal's name went on the birth certificate. The divorce was final by then. You know, we all assumed it was his child, not yours. She had been with him many times during the month, and not so many with you."

"True. I assume it's true. Maybe twice with me. What's the relationship like with Jamal? By now he must be aware that he's not the dad."

"He...well he was aware soon after the birth. He left for a week. Then he came back and has been with them since. He doesn't change diapers. We haven't been around them all that much to say more."

"Okay. Doesn't tell me much. What's word on his condition after the bout?"

"He's hurt. He has difficulty speaking clearly. The doctors say it will probably clear up with rest. You....you hurt him badly, Brian. How does that make you feel?"

"I feel good about winning. I could have killed him, you know. Have you watched the fight?"

John said, "I watched. I watched live. I watched the video. I know you could have killed him when he came off the ropes. But you didn't."

"And I don't know why, even now. I hated him. But...he got some of what he deserved."

"There is some question of whether he has any money coming after this. His backers are leery about his physical condition. But the contract says that he's insured against injury. So maybe."

Jen said, "Have you spoken to Kim since the bout?"

"No, just on the phone. We have Johnny with us, Brian. At our house, with a sitter."

The food came then. It was a good restaurant, but I picked at my food. Jen ate hers, and then most of mine. My hunger was gone.

We ate in silence, mostly. Then I said, "I want to see pictures now."

Eileen pulled out her phone. She had lots of pictures, and video. They ate dessert and I looked at those. We ordered coffee. I looked some more. Jen was looking over my shoulder -- after she finished her pie.

"He's a cutie," she said.

"Sure is. Eileen, John, no way I let this go on like it is."

"He loves his mom and dad, Brian. You saw in the video."

"I saw. We're staying here overnight. Tomorrow I'd like to meet Johnny. What can we arrange?"

John said, "Kim doesn't know you're even here. I feel bad about going behind her back."

"I leave that all to you -- with her. But I have options here, including DNA. But looking at him, there's no doubt. I can go to court. They committed fraud on the birth certificate. Or if not, I can get it corrected. If possible, I don't want lawyers."

"Okay. Why don't you come out tomorrow for lunch. Johnny will be there."

That's what we did. When Jen and I were up in our room, we ordered wine. We had nothing at dinner, since they were teetotalers.

She asked, "What are our options?"

"I'll have to consult someone versed in Virginia law. I know Harry Bacon practices over the river. I'll call him in the morning. How do you feel about all this, Jen?"

"You know, I should feel threatened, but I don't. I'm sure of your love. All the rest -- just details."

"I love you, Jen. You're the best."

"Oh? And what about your baby's mama?"

I laughed. "I loved her. But it was never like it is with you."

The next day at lunchtime we showed up at John and Eileen's suburban home. They greeted us at the door, and ushered us into the living room, where young Johnny was playing on the floor with some wood blocks. He looked up at us.

Eileen said, "Johnny, this is Brian and Jen. They came to see you and have lunch."

Johnny looked at us, and went back to playing with the blocks. I squatted down and picked up one of the blocks. I stacked it on top of his pile. Then another, and another until there was a tower of several blocks. Johnny looked carefully at it. He knocked it over with one swipe. He laughed and laughed as I said, "Oh, no!." I started piling blocks up again. He waited until they were fairly high, and I sat back to look. He knocked the tower over again, laughing. We played this game for a while, and then another with an accordion that was nearby. I'd pull or push the instrument, and he'd press the buttons, making different sounds.

Lunch was announced. I stood up, and so did he. He was tentative walking. I held out a hand, and he took it. We walked into the dining room, where Eileen picked him up and put him into a highchair. He was having bread and peanut butter, with celery. The adults had quiche.

Eileen's cell phone rang. She went into the kitchen. When she came back she said, "That was Kim. Jamal is being transferred to rehab. The one down the street. She's coming here after he's settled. I got the impression that she'd be here in thirty minutes. They were already at the facility."

I looked at Jen. She said, "No reason to delay things. All of us can see that Brian here will want to be a part of Johnny's life."

John said, "I agree. But, prepare for...some discord."

Eileen, seeing that Johnny had eaten all his lunch, took him up for a nap. The other three of us discussed how this all might go. John would meet Kim at the front sidewalk, and let her know about our presence.

Her car pulled up just then. Eileen came down the stairs without Johnny. Jen and I watched Kim get out of the car. She looked haggard, but good. Her dad met her as she came in the gate to the yard. We watched as they spoke. Kim jerked her head, looked at the house. She shook her head 'no.'

The discussion continued for some time. Eileen went out to talk. The three of them turned after a few seconds, and came inside. Kim was between her parents.

I said, "Hi, Kim. This is Jen."

"You son if a bitch. You bastard! You hurt Jamal bad. Hurt him!" She was not loud, but emphatic.

"I did. I didn't hurt him as much as I could have, though. And, you know Kim, you're not one to talk. Payback's a bitch, eh?"

She looked down. She said nothing for maybe twenty seconds. Then she looked up, tears in her eyes.

"It's all my fault, I guess. I was wrong and he was wrong. What we did was wrong. I...I can't explain. Not fully. I was...I fell for him on a dance floor, and fell into bed. Infatuation, and I knew I was fucking up."

"But why have him beat me? Why the humiliation?"

"Brian, I was afraid that you might...might do what you did -- hurt him. I know you, Brian. You have that in you. I guess I thought to get the jump on you. That was wrong."

"Worst day of my life. But, I looked over at Jen. Things worked out very well for me. I'm happy. I doubt I can fully forgive you. And, you kept me from Johnny. All in the dark about it."

"I don't want to have you in his life, Brian. Jamal's his dad. Always has been there for him."

"Only because you never told me. It had to be obvious. I'll do what is necessary to be in his life, Kim."

She walked away. She knew she had to give ground. Also, she was in a state about Jamal.

She turned and said, "Jamal is seriously impaired. He has suffered a bad concussion, maybe more. The tests showed that he might recover with time. How did you manage to be so good at boxing, Brian? For God's sake, he's one of the best in the country."

"I had incentive. And expert help." I looked at Jen again. "Also, he thought I was another bum of the month. He wasn't ready."

Eileen said, "Let's all go into the living room and sit. Kim, do you need something?"

"Maybe some water, thanks." She was staring at me and Jen.

"None of us knew that Jamal would be boxing you, Brian. I had no idea until you took off that robe. You had a different name. When I saw it was you, I was so scared. I was going to stop the fight, but it was over too soon. You called me a bitch."

"Yeah. If the shoe fits."

"Revenge. All revenge. What now?"

"I don't know. My motives have changed. Jen and I will decide. Maybe mostly her. It's all strange territory for me. Johnny, too."

We had some further discussion, and then Kim went upstairs to sleep. She needed it. Jen and I went back to our hotel and got our stuff. We went to a motel near the Clark's house. Jen called Manny to say we'd be back in two days. She told him about Johnny.

When she was off the phone, she said, "Manny's excited to see Johnny. He's not as stoic as he makes out."

The next morning, I consulted a lawyer about child custody matters in the state. I took some knowledge back to the Clark's house. I hoped that we could work something out. Jen and I had discussed the idea that Johnny might spend some time at the Farm. She said that Kim would probably have to come with him, for now. Or maybe Eileen and John.

Apparently, Kim had also consulted an attorney about Johnny and custody. She was not hard-assed about me seeing him. While we were talking, Jen was playing with him on the floor. When he knocked over the first tower she built, she caught it. Two hands, and tilted it back. Kim and I stared. It was an amazing feat. Johnny was not impressed. He knocked it over again, and this time it fell.

We worked out that Eileen and Johnny would come to the Farm with us for a week. Then we'd see. Kim would deal with Jamal. He didn't want Johnny to see him right then, anyway.

Johnny stayed at the Farm for two weeks. He was the hit of the place. Eileen and Johnny had a room in the main building, and ate with the rest of us. Eileen was not unaware of the attractive men around her. She flirted, but that was it. Johnny was walking, then running around. Jen and I entertained him after dinners, and Manny had fun with him as well. But it was a business, and Manny, Jen and I had to see to it. Manny decided to hire another instructor. He had someone in mind. Chin Yang. He was as American as any of us. He had been educated in Pennsylvania, had Army experience, and trained fighters in the military and for the federal government as well. He was thirty-four, but looked twenty. He came out from Pittsburgh for an interview. All of us liked him, and he accepted the position on the spot. He needed two weeks to wind up something he was doing. As he was leaving, he turned to me, "Did you have a boxing match the other day? I, well it looked like you."

"It was, indeed. It's a long story."

"I'll be interested to hear, someday." He smiled and left. Chin's nickname was, incredibly, Rob. I was interested in finding out about that. I doubted that it was a completely innocent thing.

As he was leaving, Eileen appeared. She said hello, and Rob smiled at her. She smiled back, somewhat seductively. I was beginning to wonder about her. Kim may well have been an apple that didn't fall far from the tree.

Jen and I took Eileen and Johnny back to Virginia. When we arrived, Kim was there, and she and Johnny had a big hug. It was heartwarming, and if not for our history I would have been warmed in my heart. But, you know, not so much, now. However, I did find myself much more curious about what she would say, IF we talked.

And we did talk. After Johnny settled down, we found that John had made a dinner. It was to be served at six, so we could get on the road to Mountain City. That left two hours for social interaction.

Jenn took me aside and said, "It may be time for you to speak to her. You know it's something that has to be done."

"Maybe. If she's willing."

"I do believe she has to do it as much as you. Just go over and take her outside to the backyard."

That's what I did. I walked over to where she and Eileen were playing with Johnny.

"Hey, Kim, can we go outside and talk?"

She looked scared. "Okay." She got up and we went to the back patio.

I said, "I thought we should talk. About Johnny, maybe. But really, I'd like to...understand what happened."

"Me, too." She started to tear up. "I...I started to have sex with Jamal. I mean, he's beautiful. Well, he was, before. And maybe I always had a thing for black guys. So, when he came on to me at a bar, I was more than tempted. And when we did it, it was fabulous. Sorry."

"You...just fell for him, straight up?"

"Yes. It isn't your fault. You and I were great together. But...I've always had a restless side."

"We were fated to fail? That's too bad, Kim. But I can understand it. I mean basically you're saying that you were always a slut. Sorry." She smiled. "But what I cannot for the life of me understand is the scene at the house. Why did you want to humiliate me?"

"I thought about it a lot. I felt so bad about fucking Jamal behind your back. I was feeling guilty all the time. And I knew -- just knew -- that I was going to keep fucking him. It was thrilling. So, I felt more guilty. I think I began to blame you. I thought my guilt was your fault. You were too good. And so, I was more guilty. I started to hate you because you were so good to me." She shrugged. But, I thought it made some sense. In a weird, twisted way.

"It wasn't a psychotic break, then?"

"Not like I had before, at least. I hope I've grown out of that. It was as if I was rationalizing my fucked up behavior. Otherwise, I had only myself to blame. But it was definitely crazy."

"Yep. And it made me....determined to get back."

"Yeah, you can get rich boxing. You should probably thank me. You know, Jamal probably is done. He doesn't think so, but I do."

"What are we gonna do about Johnny? We shouldn't fight over custody if we can help it."

"Split time in some way. How much can you get away from your new place?"

"Not too much. But we did hire a new guy. Actually, I've been thinking about buying some property near the farm. A defunct ski resort. And, if I do that, I can offer you a place. I don't know about you and Jamal, though."

"I'm not going to just abandon him. Right now, he's whiny. It drives me nuts."

"Tell me why he agreed to do the beat down. When you two were at the door later, he seemed to be the one to pull you away."

"Well, Brian, Jamal has rage inside him. Rage like I saw in you when you were punching him. You must have seen it in his boxing."

"Nah. He was fighting guys he could beat easily. He didn't need his rage. He has rage against...what? Not me, specifically, at least."

"Guys like you. He grew up downtown. Shit kickers messed with him since he was nine."

"Ah. Okay. Wrong place, wrong time."

"I told him to beat you up. I didn't know he would go so far. I asked him later about it. That's what he said."

When we were finished talking, I thought I kind of understood what happened. She had character flaws that I didn't see right off. She was...a slut. No other way to see it. But a complex one with a conscience that drove her to hatred. Unbelievable.

We ate. John was a good cook. Turned out that he did most of the cooking. Plus work. I was wondering more about John and Eileen. Where was she when she might have been cooking?

Later, on the drive home, I brought Kim up with Jen. It turned out that she had gone to the second floor and listened to us through an open window to our talk.

She said, "That's about as close to the truth as you're going to get."

"Yes. So, how should we deal with Johnny? Also, Jen, will you marry me? I'm so in love with you. I was gonna wait. But after that talk, I feel -- liberated, somehow."

"Brian, Brian," She was crying. "Yes! You would ask me while you're driving. I'm going to make you pay for that." She laughed through her tears.

We got married on a Saturday, a month on. It was a small ceremony, at the farm. I couldn't find my mother to invite her. Manny had a sister who came with her husband and two almost adult children. John, Eileen and Johnny were there. Kim decided not to come, although Jen insisted that we invite her. Jen and I had a short honeymoon at a Delaware beach. Then back to work.

I signed to fight a contending light heavy. I would be paid 200k. That was because I was a mystery guy, and, like Rocky, a club fighter. The bout would be in one month. No matter who won, the money would fund the purchase I wanted to make.