Putting The Past Where It Belongs

"What did you expect when you ruined our marriage?"

"We can work things out. I was stupid. I was selfish. I was very immature. I've aged a dozen years since you left. You weren't supposed to find out."

"Doesn't the past exist for you anymore? I'm just supposed to forget that vows and promises mean nothing to you? What did you expect to happen if I did find out?"

"Hadn't thought it through. Hoped you'd never find out I guess."

"Why?"

"I've asked myself that question about a million times. There is no way to justify it. Nothing comes to mind other than I never thought I'd get caught."

"How many others and how long was your affair with Trent?"

"Just Trent. We did it once at work and then the camping trip a few weeks before you caught us" as tears filled her eyes.

"What changed to turn you into a slut? I mean one day you believe in a lifetime of being faithful and the next day you decide to piss on it? I don't get it."

The tears were really flowing and she choked out her responses "I wish I knew, gawd I wish I knew. I'm so sorry."

I had nothing more to ask so I stood there shaking my head.

Darcy took a few to compose herself "So what do we do about the house? I'm behind on the mortgage payments."

"Sell it. I never want to sleep there again and I doubt that you can afford to buy me out. Hell you can have the house since I cleaned out the rest of the money. Have your lawyer draw up a quit claim deed."

After a long pause "I'm sorry to have put you through all this agony. I'm sorry I cheated and crushed that I've lost you."

After a minute Darcy wondered "Is the money gone?"

"Yep, living here for a reason. Does Ginger know the details?"

"More or less. We told the detective what set you off. She never visited Trent in the hospital and filed for divorce. She left Acrid and warned me to never cross her path. I hope she moved away because there was hate in her eyes when she warned me."

"Sounds like you keep in touch with Trent."

"Not really. He's back at Acrid and told me to tell you that he'll get his revenge. Are you hungry? My treat."

"Pass. That ship sank in deep waters. It's never going to float again."

It wasn't spoken with spite but Darcy became a little emotional. I walked back into the house. A few minutes later Darcy drove away.

( * ) ( * )

About a month later I was at the Two Minute Warning bar and grille. Although I wasn't on a date, I had made inroads with a gal named Lacy. It seems that she comes in here about as often as I do. We're here on the same day several times per week. She'd been a little put off the first few times I bought her a drink. But tonight she was sitting across from me as we watched some games.

As armchair sports commentators we sucked. I never saw it coming when my chair suddenly tipped over sending me flying.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" as I scrambled to my feet.

The man staring at me must have been Trent. He looked like he had the world's worst case of Acne. His arms, neck, and face were severely pocked marked.

I smiled "Hey Trent. You're looking, well, interesting. Looks like your face matches your soul."

Sadly for me Lacy giggled which seemed to irritate Trent who shouted "You're dead Danny. Buy your burial plot now!"

We stared at each other before Trent turned and left.

Lacy alerted the manager to have security watch the parking lot. In hindsight I probably should have called the police. Maybe they could have paid Trent a visit.

It was dark when I left the bar, without Lacy I might add thus again keeping that record spotless. They say you never hear the bullet and that was true for the one that passed through me. It hurt like hell and there was blood gushing out. Before passing out I remember hearing several other rounds fired. When I was out of surgery I learned that the other shots were Trent being gunned down by the bar security. I'd only been hit once, by a rifle blast, and it did a number on my liver and intestines. A few inches up down left or right and the outcome could have been deadly or caused spinal cord damage.

Without a job I'd given no thought to insurance so bankruptcy was in my future. The faith-based hospital shipped my welfare ass off to the county hospital. Their way of blessing me I guess. The upside was that since Trent was deceased, and I had sizable medical bills in my future, the charges against me were dropped. If the county incarcerated me then they'd be on the hook for my medical treatments. A win-win for everyone but Trent. My parents got their bail money back.

I got a get-well card from Ginger apologizing for Trent's behavior and wishing me a speedy recovery. No return address was given. Visits from Darcy or her family never happened.

My daily activity usually starts with a visiting nurse tending to my needs and then leaving. I was doing my physical therapy solo. When you've got no insurance you do these things yourself. Between my mother and father I was getting enough encouragement to get better and move out. I was spoiling their quiet existence.

What really sucked was that I had to wear adult diapers until my body adjusted to my internal landscape changes. The side effects of one of my medicines included 'anal leakage'. What the hell do I have where 'anal leakage' is an acceptable side effect? Whatever, I get off of this medicine once this bottle is empty.

When my legs were strong enough to jog, I did. Morning. Noon. Evening. I stayed close to home wearing down the sidewalks and inciting the same dogs to bark at me every trip around the block.

Once I felt comfortable to venture out I stopped at the convenience store. Then further to the grocery store. Finally I made it to Two Minute Warning.

Lacy was there and greeted me "Hey stranger, you've lost weight."

I eyed her up and down and responded "Hey stranger, you are looking oh so good."

"Pervert. You scared the shit out of us that night."

"You and me both. Working my way back to being a contributing member of society. Was hoping I'd run into you."

"What a sweet talker. We took turns checking up on you at the hospital but then you disappeared."

"Yeah, no insurance so they cut their losses and made me a burden on the county."

"Ahhh, okay. You really are looking good. Do you have your full release yet?"

"Well not quite. I go in next week and I'll try to bullshit em. Not how I thought I'd spend the last three months."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure, make it water. Everything else seems to be on my avoid list."

Prior to the shooting I'd just been some sleazy guy buying her drinks. Now Lacy was much more forthcoming. Turns out that Lacy and her mother owned the place. As I was in no condition to pursue her, wearing diapers has a way of quashing your courage to flirt, it was simply nice killing time chatting her up.

( * ) ( * )

Once out of diapers, and with my strength sufficient to hold down a job, I found work at an auto parts store. Sixteen hours a week worked its way up to a full time job within a few months. That was enough income to move out of my parents' house. It also meant I could get health insurance at a reasonable cost. That helped immensely with my prescriptions.

I was working the counter just past five one Friday when a woman brought some windshield wipers up to the counter.

"Could you confirm that these are the right ones for my car?"

She looked vaguely familiar and I caught her looking at my name tag.

"Well what kind of car are these meant to go on?"

Looking up her vehicle type and year confirmed she'd made the right choices. Size twenty four on the driver's side and twenty on the passenger side.

"You're the fire ant guy aren't you?"

"Well, maybe" as I winked at her.

"I thought so. Didn't he shoot you? But it wasn't you who killed him?"

"Yes and yes. He shot me and then the off-duty cop working security killed him. Had he not done that I wouldn't be here gazing into your dreamy eyes."

After rolling her eyes "Dreamy, yeah right. Looks like you suffered some brain damage. Not tonight but maybe we'd could meet for coffee so you can tell me your side of what happened."

"You married or otherwise committed? I don't go there."

"Nope. How about day after tomorrow? What's your schedule look like?"

"I work this shift. In at noon and closing at nine. Breakfast? Bob recommends that Village Inn over there. Not many of them left. Name a time that works."

"Well I have to work at nine so let's meet at 7 Am. I'm Faith by the way."

"Nice meeting you Faith. See you soon. If you want I can install those on your car after breakfast."

"That'd be great. Looking forward to it."

For the first time in over a year I had butterflies in my stomach. It was nice to know that I wasn't considered a pariah after all that I'd done. Making sure I was presentable I headed off to the restaurant. The hostess told me to sit anywhere. Faith wasn't waiting so I grabbed a booth and waited. And waited. I was just about to order myself when the hostess came back over.

"Are you Danny?"

"I am."

"Faith can't make it but she wants you to call her" as she handed me a scrap of paper with a phone number on it.

My disappointment faded quickly.

"Hello?"

"Faith, this is Danny."

"Oh thanks for calling. I didn't have any other way to get in touch with you. I can't make it for breakfast. My son is sick and daycare doesn't take the sickies so I'm waiting for my mom to get here. I'm so sorry. Can we try again in a few hours? I took the morning off so maybe we can meet before you go to work. My treat since I stood you up."

"Well if you put it that way, sure! You have my number so call me back when you're ready."

After devouring a stack of pancakes and coffee I understood why Bob liked this place. Heading back to my apartment I got caught up on some online classes I was taking. My plans were to get back to the kind of job I had before the plant closed. Needing better computer skills was one reason why my resume had been rejected.

At around ten my butterflies returned when Faith called. Took me ten minutes to make it back to the Village Inn. Faith met me outside and we walked in together.

After ordering another breakfast we got down to swapping lies.

"I did some online research on your little escapade. You caught your wife doing the dirty with a friend and then staked him to an ant hill before disappearing. You came back, he tracked you down, and tried to kill you. Did I get that correct?"

"Yeah, I wanted to kill them but I just couldn't pull the trigger on the shotgun. I was out of my mind with rage. Staking him to an ant hill was a knee-jerk thing to do. I emptied our bank accounts and disappeared for a few months. Being a fugitive wasn't working for me so I came home."

"They charged you and then dropped the charges. How'd you pull that off?"

"With Trent dead and my mounting hospital bills it was cheaper for them to let me go. With no victim to worry about it came down to money."

"Well that worked out well for you."

"I guess. Living with the guilt and a lifetime of medical issues from being shot is what I'm left with."

"What medical issues. You look great."

"Intestinal and liver issues. No more alcohol and spicy food is off the menu. Enough about me. You have a son but assured me that you weren't married. Enlighten me."

"Got pregnant in college. Drugged at a frat party. If I wanted I could try to track down the sperm donor but I'd rather my son never have any contact with whoever banged me that night. Whoever he is he's a lowlife scum. My dad is a great father figure for my son."

"How old is your son?"

"Just turned four."

"Let's see: this plus that carry the one and you must be approaching twenty five then."

"Close enough. How about you?"

"Twenty nine. What kind of work do you do?"

"I'm a receptionist. How long have you been at your job?"

"Just a few months. Worked at the factory that shuttered. I did inventory control but nobody around here needs that skill right now."

"I assume you're divorced?"

"In the works. The wheels of family court take time. I didn't file until after the shooting and then you have to be separated for six month after filing."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. We're done. Everything is signed and now we're simply a pair of names on the court docket for some time next month. I don't even have to be there. Before you ask, no, I'm not interested in reconciliation. I haven't seen her, even in passing, since a few days after I got back. She never even bothered coming to the hospital after I was shot."

"You seem, I don't know, blasé about it. Did you ever really love her?"

"Enough to shred my heart when it happened. You don't go ballistic unless your world has been shattered. Then months of doubting my masculinity and wondering what I did wrong. I could live in the past or look forward to the future. In my mind the question is 'Did she ever really love me?'"

"Tough question."

"Have you ever been in love, I mean other than your son?"

That brought a few tears to Faith's eyes so I interjected "Never mind. I had no right to ask that. Look, here comes our breakfast."

We ate in relative silence and then Faith reached across the table and put her hand on mine "Yes."

"Yes?"

"We had agreed to wait until graduating to get married. When I got pregnant he carved me completely out of his life. He knew it wasn't his and that was that."

"Do you still love him?"

"Not really. Parts of my memories still yearn for Camelot, but he left when I needed him the most. Yes I should have never gone to that party but getting drugged and raped was never something I signed up for."

"Did you report it?"

"Yeah, what a joke. Campus security did absolutely nothing about it. The local police couldn't help as the state gives complete legal jurisdiction to campus security. Their way of shielding the university from liability. If you shred complaints then nothing ever happened."

"Wow, I never knew. That sucks big time."

"Tell me about it."

We'd run out of time "Let's go and I'll install those wiper blades for you."

"Shoot, I left them at home. You'll have to drop by and do that some other time" was spoken with a sparkle in her eyes.

"My schedule is working and taking online classes so call whenever. Thanks for buying breakfast. My treat next time."

"Sounds like a plan Danny. Nice to learn about you" as she gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Have a great day Faith. Hope your unnamed son gets better."

"Jerk, his name is Charles, after his grandfather."

Faith waved as she drove off. Gnawing at me was this feeling that I knew Faith. With the age difference she must have been somebody's kid sister when I was in school. Thinking about it felt like digging up ancient memories.

( * ) ( * )

Faith called while I working and left a message. On my break I returned the call which also went to messages. Phone tag was on.

.

I was riding my bike home after work when Faith finally broke through and our phones synced up.

"Hey there. Wasn't sure we'd ever connect. What's going on?"

"Just got off work. Car wouldn't start this morning so I rode my bike to work. Hauling a new battery home. What's up with you?"

"Wondering if you'd like to get together this weekend?"

"I'd love to. I work both days from noon until nine. I'm off Monday and Wednesday."

"Would you like to do a picnic breakfast with Charles and me?"

"Sounds great. Pick a day."

"Saturday. Columbine Park over by the rec center. Say 9 Am?"

"I'll be there. Hey, before I let you go, in the back of my mind I think we've met before. Have we?"

"Yep, see you Saturday, ta-ta!"

The phone went dead. What a tease!

My mind was a jumble. The excitement of dating returned. Questions swirled in my head. Is Charles a show-stopper right out of the starting gate? Would I even make a good role model? Not having been laid in forever made these decisions even tougher. One day at a time became my mantra. Saturday morning I was generating more butterflies. With sweaty palms I waited in the parking lot until I spotted Faith. Charles sprinted to the swing set in the park.

"Been waiting long?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you" brought a smile.

As I surveyed Faith's cut-offs I got busted "Do I pass inspection?"

"Well duh, that's a leading question. Of course you do, but you already know that. Bet you tried out a few different outfits before deciding on that one."

"Maybe."

Charles wasn't sure what to make of me, until I pushed him higher and higher on the swing. Faith sat on the blanket watching me interact with Charles. I sensed that I'd passed the first test. The date ended with a very pleasing full tongue kiss. My heart was singing. It was nice to feel this again.

Faith and I continued dating for another month before we became intimate. It was monkey sex. We'd both gone without for so long that there was no way you could call it making love. Neither of us minded it one bit. The feeling of a willing woman was great for me while the pleasure given from a gentle man was easily what Faith wanted. While I played with her lovely boobs she massaged my cock back to life, both during the night and early in the morning.

A week later it was making love. I'll admit that I'm short of the experience needed to be a natural at licking pussy. Faith wanted it so badly that she was more than willing to instruct me with brutally honest critiquing.

After a month of exploring our bodies we got down to discussing where our days of future past would be. It was near midnight when a naked Faith rolled over and cupped my balls.

"Danny, are we exclusive?"

"Well, I guess I hope so. I've had eyes for only you since that little picnic we had. How about you?"

"Yeah, it was unspoken but it is how I feel. If you want we can make that commitment and quit using condoms. We can can't we?"

"If it will ease your mind we can go get tested for STDs. I feel that I'm clean but it will clear the air."

"I like it. I also feel that I'm clean."

That was the first step. We tested together and copied each other with the clean results. Condoms were a thing of the past and Faith shared her birth control details with me.

Our next heart-to-heart happened about a month later. Similar circumstances as a naked Faith squeezed my balls.

"I think we've fallen in love, but still seem to be walking on eggshells when it comes to intimate talks. Do you trust women or are we all painted with the same brush now?"

"Well, the first cut is the deepest so those that follow are punished without cause. How about you. Are all men painted with the same disdain you have for your previous heartthrob?"

"Yeah probably. Like you said, the heart does not like to be hurt. The defense mechanisms kick in whether you like it or not. Did you ever figure out where we met?"

"Not really. For me to remember your eyes we had to have crossed paths a few times, right?"

"Several times but rarely back to back days."

"The mystery deepens. Don't give me any hints. I want to figure this out. Were you a receptionist when we met?"

"I was."

"Did you work at the factory?"

"Oooh, you're good. Yes I did."

"Front desk?"

"Yep. You rarely came in through the front doors so the only time I saw you is when you had a meeting in the conference rooms."

"Gotcha. I was married at the time so I always tried not to avoid eye contact. Well trained wasn't I?"

"That's how it's supposed to be. Where do we go from here?"

"How about counseling? Not that we're headed there but I know there's people who do pre-marriage counseling. Maybe that can help us leave the past in the past."

"I like it."

And so we did. That was four years ago. Yes we married. Faith is staying at home with our child. Charles enjoys school and being a big brother. I'm his t-ball coach and he acts and treats me like I'm his dad.