All Comments on 'Q Without U'

That was a really good story

Well deserved 5*

Going through your stories again, JB44. Only a few I don't care for and even those, it's the story or something in the story, not your writing. I served in the MC with men who talked how you write.

The first thing, I loved "the author's note". Just remember, there are people that walk among us that will bitch about their ice cream being to cold. So personally I don't any give credence to anonymous. And the nay sayers that did leave a name, move on if you're gonna bitch about the story line, when you knew before what it was about. It's kinda like watching an entire movie on TV, then calling the network and bitch that the movie sucked. Most of us have over 100 channels today, CHANGE THE CHANNEL IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!

Marked down fort the ending.

Is no LW MC not a stud even with a pot belly like this one?

Good ending during the inventory, rather risky though. So many women interested in him now. I would have picked the lady cop Elise(?) although the dancers are possiblities.

Risky, but effective...

Thanks for several warm, fuzzy days! Thanks too for a well-written and enjoyable tale. Good work!

Great five star tale

Just had to reread this story. Especially since I finished the latest offering from my favorite Lit writer, in which Quinn appeared. 1 LW rooming with another LW . . . what a pair!

Well done.

I don't think you quite needed to spell out that Ulysses poisoned himself in your author note, we all should have guessed it from the beginning of the story, then at the end when we find out that he was the last one to do the medical inventory and in addition, why would Mark even know he was allergic to sulfur, let alone try to poison him.

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Anyway.

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I thought the story was well written, well plotted anyway, and as usual you do a good job of switching in between scenes. The main problem I have with your writing is your characters. They're typically quite bland and rarely emotive, which makes them hard to relate to. Even your smarmy villain in this story is just a cardboard cutout of the perennial LW foil that chases after married women. There's no depth to his depravity, it just simply exists. It's boring frankly.

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You're a prolific writer and technically you're great at a lot of aspects - plot, pacing, dialog. It's just that you're kind of bad at character writing. The only pathos that seems to come out is from the plot, not from the characters themselves and their inner turmoil. I can barely remember a story of yours where the protagonist ever does something as simple as grow by the end of the story. You know, it's easy right? Protagonist has some fault, they experience a great trial, they overcome it and learn to become a better person in the process.

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I say, give it a try sometime. Make a character, find his voice, let him suffer and grow and learn and all those other messy things that real, relatable human being do.

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Still, it's a good story and I rate it quite high based on it's other positive merits. I just wish I could have known who Ulysses was.

I didn't understand what role the mother('s weird character) played unless it was to highlight the inequity with which he was treated by the women in his life... The part about having to spell things out by a couple of readers is just stupid. When you walk into the kitchen after hearing a crash and there's a broken bottle of jelly on the floor while little Johnny, has his hands and face covered on jelly and he says 'I didn't do it.' Do you call in the police to investigste or can you reach the right conclusion on your own.

I must apologise - on re-reading my comment it comes across as harsh and it wasn't meant to be. I did write it in a hurry while trying to get to something else... So to JimBob44 please note this was not an attack or a put down. I genuinly either missed reading or missunderstood the mother's role and secondly I think theres more than enough intelligence amongst the readers to get the nuances...

Thanks for your writing. Enjoyed the story.