Rachel Redbones did What? 02

After last night with Eddie, you know, the cripple, I was thankful that Dawn stepped in to relief me so I could at least have three cups of coffee.

"So, Dawn, how is our patient doing this morning? Did you make him some breakfast?"

"I did make him some pancakes and I think he's fine, but he's still fuzzy, foggy and confused. He kept mumbling something about needing a shower, which by the way, I'm not dealing with. Is that something you can help him with? I mean, I just can't do that."

"LOL, I'll figure something out to keep him clean. Well, did he try to lay one of his lines on you? You know he's in love with you, right?"

"OMG, he is so cheesy. He would do so much better if he just asked me out, you know, like a normal person would. He might be surprised what he gets on the third date."

"Kicked to the curb?"

"Well, probably, but we might make out first. So, are we going shopping today to get you something to wear or are you staying here with that mess next door?"

"Is that code for you still have my ATM card and you seen some cute booty shorts that are to die for and I should stay here and give Eddie a sponge bath?"

"Well, it's no fun if you figure out all of my codes. But the joke is on you, they're Gray with a White waistband and they're THOT exercise shorts, not booty shorts. They just happen to fit my booty like a skin on a grape, so there, smarty. Besides, you like Gray. Hey, what's in this red plastic container in your refrigerator? Are these leftovers?"

"Ah, no, ah, that's pickled goat's feet, so don't open it. OK, see you later, bye now."

"Alright and good job last night by the way. I mean, he thinks I jumped his bones 6 different ways last night, but he didn't mention anything about Randy or Rachel. See you when your ATM runs dry babe."

Huh, what do you know? I think that was a compliment and a slap in the face at the same time. And because I think I will look good in Gray, which I sent a text to Dawn hinting at that, and then I made a bank account transfer. Hah, and then I put on the Denim shorts that Dawn dared me to wear outside and went to the pharmacy. Not for more plastic shower bags, but for unscented and non-lubricated and taste free condoms, you know, just in case.

And that will be the last time I wear those shorts in public during daylight hours. And just as soon as I drop off this Sub to Eddie, I'm taking them off and hanging them on the far side of the closet.

"Hey Eddie, how you are feeling today? I brought you a Sub."

"Ah, who are you. Hey, wait, didn't we meet a few weeks at Freddy's party. You're Rachel, right?"

"We did meet and I am Rachel. Rachel Redbones. I'm glad that you remember me."

"Well, it's hard to forget someone who would do anything to kiss me."

"Ahh, listen to you being all fuzzy and foggy on those pain pills. Are you hungry and what happened between you and your girlfriend last night? It's OK, you can tell me."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to tell you that I did Dawn in every room last night when you can't get over me. I mean, it's a little foggy and fuzzy, but I think it was like 5 different ways."

"Oh, I see, so, she's probably pregnant, right? And I believe it was 6 different ways."

"Oh, yeah, she's pregnant for sure, but enough about that. Until she shows me that pee stick, you can sit on my lap and feed me that Sub."

"Let me prep it and I'll be right back."

I know that people spike the drinks at Kelli's Closet all the time, but this might be the first time someone spiked a Sub sandwich with pain pills. Don't worry, it's time anyways. And no, I won't be sitting on his lap to feed him like a baby. A lap dance style seat would hide too much of my legs which have never been these exposed because OMG, these shorts are so short.

"Alright Eddie, I'll hold the plate for you and you can eat with your left hand. So, based on what you said earlier, that Dawn girl emptied your balls completely and there is no need to, you know, help you out later tonight? Do I understand that correctly, Eddie?" Ah, Eddie? Are you awake?"

He was out and snoring, so before I snooped around his Condo, because I'm the good health care attendant, I filled small cooler with ice tea, ice and the Sub sandwich and placed it near his arm chair. And then I snooped around and placed the "plain" condoms in his medicine cabinet, you know, just in case. I was looking for a shrine to Dawn, but I was somewhat disappointed. Not that he didn't have a few creep shots of Dawn, but I was expecting to find a whole wall dedicated to her, not a few stained prints.

And I was barely into his third dresser drawer when a knock at the door shocked me back into reality. I opened the door and looked straight into two coke bottle bottoms. I think his name is Darrin or Dirk.

"Hi. I'm Andrew. Is Eddie home? I thought I would check in on him."

"Hello Andrew. Eddie is home, but he's passed out right now. Why don't you come in for a minute? He has a habit of drifting in and out of sleep and he would be happy to know he has a visitor. I'm Rachel, by the way. You and I actually met a few weeks ago at Freddy's party."

"Oh, so, did I get anywhere with you? I mean, I remember drinking a lot of soda pop that night."

"Have a seat Andrew and sometimes first base is hard to define. Shall I get you a beer or an ice tea?"

"Ice tea please. So, first base is like a kiss and a cheap feel? I had a lot of pop."

"Hmmm, no kisses, but plenty of cheap feels. Don't you remember having me pinned to the fence Andrew? I'm disappointed that you don't remember that. I mean, I was at your mercy."

"Oh, I remember now. I was balls deep and my cum was running down your thighs, ah, right?"

"LOL, no that was your other imaginary girlfriend. Don't you remember seducing me into sucking you off while that nerd girl stood beside us, you know, learning stuff?"

"Oh yeah, it was your throat that I was balls deep in, ah, right? My cum was running down your, well, just where was it running down from? Ah, your shoulders?"

"Ugh, my throat Andrew. It ran down my throat and with great force I might add. You were quite the stud that night, but you didn't call me the next day. Did that cute little nerd girl erase my number from your phone later? I don't mind because she was really cute. Besides, you walked me to my car later and well, you must remember what happened then, right? I mean, we were outside of the car with a chance to get caught and that made it so extra hot. Do you agree, Andrew?"

"Ah, yeah, I dry humped your legs from the side, right?"

"No silly, listen, not everyone gets to finger bang Rachel Redbones outside of a parked car. As a matter of fact, that title belongs only to you, Andrew."

"Yeah, that was really hot and I haven't washed my left hand since."

"Your right hand."

"Yeah, I was knuckles deep with my right hand and the nerd girl was still watching us, right?"

"Sort of. She was so excited that she fingered your mouth while you were finger banging me."

"And?"

"Well, the nerd girl was very limber. I'd be shocked if she didn't have a nerd baby in her belly."

"And?"

"Hmmm, I didn't need anything from the snack table. You filled my belly twice that night."

"And there was a little of my cum on your lips when I finished wrecking your mouth for the second time?"

"I licked it off. I mean, I gave you a minute to take a photo on your phone, but you let the nerd girl take it away from you, you know, because she's pregnant now and you can't have phone numbers in your phone."

"And?"

"And you didn't call me the next day. I mean, I bent over for you."

"Is that when I pulled your panties down?"

"Well, you ripped them because you're such a naughty boy. But the nerd girl took you by the hand and walked you away from me because she had enough of what you were doing to me. And OMG, were you ever doing it to me, like a boss."

"And I laid the wood in different positions, right? Like a beast?"

"Wild man will do, Mr. Big. I mean, you did claim me as your number one slam piece and all. And by claim me, I mean that hickey lasted for almost a week and it was so purple. You know, until the nerd girl jerked you off of my neck."

"The nerd girl must have dumped me already because I don't remember her. So, you and me, right? Can we kiss and make up, you know, on the couch?"

"You mean you want to get half naked and make out with me? Right here on the couch? Next to a sleeping Eddie? Your friend, Eddie?"

"He has a Den in the back."

"And your balls are about to bust?"

"You're killing me here Rachel Redbones. I mean, it sounds like I lost my virginity several times at Freddy's party and I had too much soda pop to remember any of it. I need some instant replays."

"And some more blow jobs, Andrew?"

Well, I had him all jacked up and I didn't have to jack him at all. Besides, I did want to find out if the "plain" condoms would be tasteless, so I led him into Eddie's Den, had him drop his nerd shorts and rolled the condom on him. And before I had it all the way on, it was over. I had another full condom, a spent Andrew and no idea if these condoms were really "spring fresh" like the box says.

"OMG, are you saving the condom?"

"Never mind all that. Are you going to call me?"

"I promise. Hey, did any of that sex stuff actually happen or are you just jerking me around?"

"Well, we did meet, you did pat me on the ass and there was a nerd girl checking you out. Her name was Gail and she asked me back off. And let's not forget that you blasted just now before I had a chance to jerk you around, as you said."

"So, I slapped your ass around, did I? Like a macho man? You know, a macho guy who just filled that condom up? Extra-large, right?"

"Regular stud, but you did fill it full and I felt your hand on my cheek at the party, but I didn't fall over. Listen, stud, I know how the macho man thing works. I mean, I know you guys have to "play the field" and "kick the ball around" and "smack that ass" and all, so you can still call me, even if you call Gail."

"Meaning I can have a slam piece and a side piece?"

"LOL, that would imply that you have a real girlfriend that is not rubber first. What's her name by the way?"

"Heidi. But let's not talk about that. I mean, Heidi is kind of a whore."

"Meaning you guys pass her around each week, from house to house? I mean, that makes you guy's the man sluts, not Heidi. I'm sure she is a fine plastic woman."

"Geez, I'm sorry, you're right. She's the best thing that ever to us."

"Until I came along?"

"Duh and I'm not sharing. So, about my macho status? I mean, I have a pocket protector meeting later tonight. I think I heard you scream when I filled that condom that was the size of a swimming pool."

"Your status is fully intact, Andrew. And that wasn't so much of a scream as a "what the hell", but don't worry about it. Here, let me drop the shoulder of my shirt to show my bra strap, give you a pucker kiss on the cheek and you post it as selfie. And by the way, Mr. Macho, it wouldn't bother me if you and Gail stopped by tomorrow night. If I can keep Eddie awake, you guys can play a video game. And I promise, no drama if you bring Gail."

"I'll ask her. So, was your number ever in my phone?"

"No silly. Here and LOL, keep Gail away from your phone. She should wear a sun dress. Sun dresses make it so easy to get a hand of ass that is barely covered in small bikini brief panties. Geez, did you post that selfie already? Is that your phone blowing up?"

"Wow, this has been the most exciting day of my life. I got nerd street cred baby. But I should go. The Pocket Protectors don't tolerate tardiness."

"Alright Andrew, but did you want to slap my ass around a little before you go? I'm still figuring out the types of things I like."

"You mean like you lean over and I slap it?"

"Well, I was thinking I could lay across your lap, you know, so I could figure a few things out. You can be rough, but not too rough. I'll put another condom on you. I mean, you don't want to show up at We Be Pocket Protectors with a huge wet stain, do you?"

"OMG, you should be a Sex Ed teacher. However, just for the record, you're trying to figure out what you like in the bedroom and you came to me to smack that ass around, right?"

"LOL, sure, but I don't think you should let Gail hear you say that."

Well, I don't want to judge spankings based on Andrew's performance, so I may give it a try another day. I mean, it was, well, it was sexual alright, but I think there must be an art to it, so smacking my ass is still on the "To Try Out" list, for now.

And for my other freaky little thing, I have two condoms from Eddie and 1 1/4 from Andrew and no, I still don't know what I'm going to do with them.

What I had to do next was to make my 30 seconds walk of shame to my Condo and let the back of my thighs cool off. OMG, Andrew needs to learn the difference between cheeks and thighs. Or maybe the spanking thing isn't for me, if this is a standard result. But I couldn't stay home too long because Eddie should be waking up soon. So, while I was home for a few minutes, I did two things.

The first thing I did was to leave these short shorts on even though I swore that I was taking them off four hours ago. The second thing I did was to find the nerd girl Gail on Chang. I sent her a DM letting her know that the kiss on the cheek selfie was just an ego booster and nothing more. I also suggested that she accept the date from Andrew to stop by Eddie's house tomorrow night. Oh, and to wear a sun dress. Yellow.

End Rachel Redbones did what? 02