Rachel's Research Ch. 03: Emily & James

"Dad? Christ no! Now I'm pregnant he's so besotted I could wear a sack and he'd still adore me."

She turned towards me, apparently satisfied with her appearance.

"Was the baby planned?" I asked.

Emily gave me a strange look.

"Everything I say is confidential, right?"

"Of course."

"Even from Dad?" she insisted.

"If that's what you want," I assured her.

She thought for a moment as if making up her mind then took a deep breath.

"Well, the truth is, the baby wasn't an accident, but Dad doesn't know that. He thinks something went wrong with my birth-control pills. The truth is I came off them on purpose. I wanted to have his baby. I got pregnant deliberately."

"Had you already talked about it?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

There was a short pause while Emily thought again.

"Ye..ess," she hesitated.

"But he didn't want a child?" I ventured.

"It's not like that," Emily continued. "Dad doesn't really understand how strongly I feel about him. I don't think he realises the depth of what's happening between us. He feels guilty even after all these years and not just about the sex; he thinks he's ruining my life. He thinks I should find someone more my own age, fall in love with him and leave Dad on his own. He's told me as much."

"Isn't that just a clever way of putting pressure on you to stay?"

"Not at all! He really thinks that's what I should do. He didn't want me to get pregnant in case it stopped me having a normal life in the future."

She turned towards me, her eyes fixing on mine.

"But I don't want a normal life! I want to be here, with him, doing... all this!"

She waved her arm around the room.

"If I could marry him, I would in a split-second. Doesn't every woman want to have the child of the man she loves?"

I knew the truth of that only too well but said nothing.

"How does he feel now the decision has been made and you really are going to have his baby?" I asked instead.

"Deep down he's pleased as Punch. He's over the moon at the idea of being a Dad again, but most of the time he can only see the problems." She paused. "And there's no shortage of those."

"Tell me."

"Well to start with, I had to lie to the Doctors and midwives. They want to know who the father is in case I claim benefits and they can slap a child support order on him. I told them I had a fling on holiday, got knocked up and don't know the father's real name or even the country he came from."

"Did they believe you?"

She snorted.

"It seems to be very common," Emily replied. "They gave me a look that seemed to say 'okay, we're got ourselves another slut here' but then they just got on with the job."

"What else is he worried about?"

"Birth defects, obviously," she replied. "But all the tests show she's perfectly normal. Now he's worried about what we'll do when she's born. What will we say when she's old enough to ask difficult questions? Can we keep on sleeping together and pretend we're normal parents? Neither of us likes the idea of having separate bedrooms for eighteen years!"

She smiled but I could tell she was serious.

"He's got a point," I said. "What are your plans now?"

"Well, we think we'll..."

There was the sound of a door opening. Emily span round excitedly. Even after seven years, her father's arrival could make her as eager and anxious as a teen. The realisation brought a warm glow to my rather cynical heart.

"It's him! Excuse me..."

Emily sprang to her feet and almost skipped out of the kitchen towards the hallway from where the sounds of a large door closing and heavy bags being placed on the floor were emanating.

There was the drone of hushed voices then Emily returned, holding the hand of a tall, remarkably good-looking man who looked a lot younger than his passport would suggest. He wore a smart, tailored grey suit, white shirt and brightly coloured tie, and carried a briefcase. There were flecks of grey in his short, dark hair and from his build and posture he clearly spent a great deal of time exercising.

I stood up to meet him. He shook my hand confidently but suspiciously. I could feel his sheer physical attractiveness despite being both married and in the presence of his daughter and lover.

"H..Hi," I stammered, blushing despite myself.

"Hello," he replied in a deep, melodious voice than made my tummy churn. "I'm James."

I introduced myself like a giggly schoolgirl, conscious of Emily's gaze on me. I couldn't tell whether she was watching me with jealous eyes, or with satisfaction at my obvious attraction to the man who had chosen her.

"I'm sorry I'm so late," he apologised. "My meeting over-ran and the traffic was terrible."

"It's okay Dad. We've had a good, long chat," Emily answered on my behalf.

For a moment James seemed horrified at her use of the word Dad in front of a stranger, but then apparently remembered the reason I was there.

"Do I need to sign the agreement now?" he asked, shedding his suit jacket before sitting facing me on a kitchen chair.

"Please," I replied, sliding the document across the table.

He signed it with a small, precise signature then passed it back.

"All done! Now, what can I tell you that my beautiful daughter hasn't already explained?

His tone was slightly patronising, but I put that down to him feeling awkward or uncomfortable at the prospect of discussing his incestuous relationship for the first time.

"Would it help if you two talked in private?" Emily suggested, as if sensing her father's hesitation.

James seemed relieved at the idea.

"Good idea Em," he smiled then turned to me. "Shall we take our drinks into the garden?"

It was a very pleasant evening. We sat on the newly-built patio in the evening sunshine, James with a glass of white wine, me with a Diet Coke as I had to drive home afterwards. At first the conversation was very awkward, based largely around my journey and the outrageous state of the roads.

James was friendly and close up, even more attractive but seemed reluctant to start the subject we both knew we were there for. Eventually I realised that the only way to get it raised was to do it myself.

"So how do you feel about being a father again?" I asked as I might have asked any expectant Dad.

He gave me a sharp look but then seemed to see no harm in my question.

"I'm a bit anxious to tell the truth," he replied. "Apart from the obvious, it's a long time since I last had baby duties."

The baby duties in question had of course been taking care of Emily. Now his first child was about to give birth to his second.

"Emily seems very happy about being a Mum," I observed as blandly as I could.

James smiled broadly.

"She is. And she'll make a great Mum too. It's just that..."

I raised an eyebrow in silent question.

"Well, I'm worried she's burned her bridges too soon. I love her madly - I've never loved anyone like this before. But even if I wasn't her father, I'm more than twenty years older than she is. It's not so important now - or at least she assures me it isn't - but I'm sure it will become more important as we both get older. I'll be seventy before she's fifty."

"You're in very good shape for your age," I told him truthfully. "You don't look oddly matched now."

At least they didn't look odd now Emily had dressed up for her father's return. Prior to that she had looked like a schoolgirl.

"It's kind of you to say so," James replied, fixing his very attractive smile on me. "But that might not always be the case. Besides, we will always have the other problem at the back of our minds too. Sometimes all I can think is that she should be having fun with a boy her own age instead of having babies with her father."

It was the first time James had mentioned their incestuous relationship directly.

"She seems sure about what she wants," I argued. "And after seven years with you she should know."

"I suppose so," he agreed reluctantly then gave me a knowing look.

"Em thinks I don't know she got pregnant on purpose," he continued. "She thinks I believe her story that it was an accident. But I'm not stupid." He smiled. "When the empty carton of birth-control pills stayed empty for weeks I got suspicious. When I found the folic acid tablets hidden in her bedside drawer I was almost certain but when she started demanding sex every day and lay on her back afterwards, I knew for sure."

"Did it take long?" I asked.

"Three months."

"There were no problems?"

He laughed hollowly.

"When you're a man my age and a girl her age insists you have sex with her over and over again, you find reserves of drive and energy you didn't know you had. Besides, Em has a few tricks in bed that help."

"She's certainly very attractive," I continued, wondering what Emily's bedroom tricks might be.

Now I had seen her dressed for her father's return, I could well believe she could be a devil between the sheets.

"And she worships you," I told him truthfully. "She's told me how compatible the two of you are, especially in bed."

That last part wasn't quite true but I hoped it would have a positive effect. It did, but not quite in the way I had expected. James thought for a moment, then took a long sip of wine before looking at me.

"She's right. In all my years, I've never known sex like it."

He took another sip of wine then leaned forward in his seat and looked at me earnestly.

"I went a little crazy after her mother and I split up. I had my freedom, a job I loved which brought me into close contact with lots of good looking women and I was making plenty of cash."

He leaned closer and talked more softly.

"It's not something to be proud of, but I've slept with a lot of women over the last twenty years. A lot more than I should admit. Some have been older than me, most were younger, but I can honestly say that not one of them ever made me feel like Em makes me feel, in bed and out, every single day."

There was no doubting the veracity of his words, however unacceptable the relationship might be to others.

"This is the longest relationship I've had in my life," he went on. "Even longer than her mother and I were together, so I'm on entirely new ground. Yes, we're very compatible; the sex is absolutely amazing but it's only part of the Emily package. We both know we shouldn't have slept together once let alone lived together for nearly seven years but we are where we are and it's wonderful! When she told me she was happy she was pregnant; that she wanted to keep the baby and for us to be as close to married as we could be, I was over the moon."

He sighed deeply.

"Life is so good right now. I just can't help feeling it's all too good to last."

At that moment Emily carried a tray through the French windows and began to set the table for the three of us. The next hour passed in pleasant, friendly chat about babies, breast feeding, post-childbirth relationships and all the normal things any expectant Mum would want to know.

Having had two children myself, Emily saw me as a captive source of advice, more so because she could openly discuss the very special problems their unusual and illegal circumstances might bring about.

Dinner was light but delicious. I risked another glass of wine; with Emily drinking only water there was plenty to spare. With the bulk of their story told, we are able to relax more. As with all expectant couples, conversation tended to focus on the new baby and before long we were talking about their impending situation as if fathers and daughters routinely slept together and had children together.

As the evening air cooled, it was time for me to go home.

The sexual frisson between them had been clearly visible and had grown noticeably stronger. It did not take much imagination to guess what would be going on between them the moment the door had closed behind me.

"Did you get what you needed?" James asked as the two of them escorted me to the front door just as the clock chimed ten.

"I think so," I replied. "Are you sure you're happy for your story to be told?"

"If you tell it as we agreed, yes," he said seriously. "Are you still happy Em; it was your idea?"

"I'm happy," she smiled. "More so now I've met you. You're not judgemental. That means a lot."

I thanked her for her confidence.

"In an ideal world I would want everyone to know and accept us for what we are," she continued. "I want us to be able to go out for dinner and meet friends like any other couple without having to hide the truth. I know that will never happen, so I suppose an anonymous story and an article in your research will have to do instead."

We kissed our goodbyes. As I turned to go, James caught me by the shoulder.

"Em was right; I do feel better having told someone," he said quietly. "I want you to know that."

Both Emily and James kissed me goodbye again.

To my shame I shivered a little with pleasure as his lips brushed my cheek.

***

I drove home in the semi-darkness of the summer evening, my mind both satisfied and troubled.

What had I expected to find when I visited them? To be honest, I wasn't sure. In the past, my researches had led me to expect an imbalanced, possibly exploitative relationship where the older, more powerful father was dominating his less confident, less experienced daughter. I had even wondered how consensual the physical side of their life might really be.

What I had found was a balanced, loving couple who adored each other.

Seeing the two of them so natural and so relaxed in each other's company, it was hard to see why society would want to interfere in such a loving, caring relationship.

As I lay awake in bed that night next to the father of my own children, my mind was spinning.

Although I loved my husband without question, my mind was filled with images of my own earlier life, and certain important events that had taken place so long ago.

Events that society is still not prepared to accept.