Rag Doll Ch. 06 Pt. 01

"All I ask is that you join me to greet my mum and yours on her birthday; that's right, she was your mother, even though she was never allowed to tell you that. Instead she had to watch as you turned away from her and removed her from your lives, although that wasn't your fault. She never blamed you for that; she knew you didn't know any better. Maybe now we can together offer her an apology for not being there when she needed us most, and to promise her we'll try and do better by the people in our lives than she ever got from the people in hers."

"I have waited for far too long already to come and see her; I left her behind, and it will always tear at my heart that I didn't do enough to save her. I know and freely accept I bear a heavy portion of the guilt for her death; if I had only pulled her onto the train with me that night, maybe she would still be alive today, and that is the burden of guilt I can never put down, that I didn't try hard enough to save her, that I left her to die alone. All the contrition in this world won't absolve me of my part in her death; I know this; I feel it every day of my life. Her blood may not flow in my veins, but it's on my hands, and I can never wash it away, nor should I.

"Perhaps both of you will come one day to realise that Barbara really was our mum. She brought me up, she kept me safe, she loved me unquestioningly, and she would have done the same for you in a heartbeat, but you were taken from her, and she was never allowed to have what she wanted most in the world: to be your mother again. In every possible way that matters, she was the best thing in our lives, but we stood back and let her go far too easily, and far too soon."

"However, the past is what it is; none of what happened can be recalled, or undone now, and the hurt has cut too deep to ever sponge it away, but perhaps we can start again, this time as adults, brothers with a common loss and maybe after all this time, a common grief. I will be there whether or not you decide to come. I hope to see you there, but I will understand if you don't, because, after all, perhaps not that much has changed for you."

"I do know one thing though: regardless of how you feel about her, I know Barbara will always watch over you; even if you never honoured her, she still mourned her loss of you. In her heart she was always your mother, both of you, and because you were once part of her, perhaps one day you will hear her, as I did, and finally understand that she loved and needed you, and never let you go, despite what life and her family had done to her. I hope that one day you will come to realise just how much we threw away, and for that hope, and for our loss, and for her sake, I make this request. Please be there if you can.

"Your brother

"Nicky"

Yaz put down the letter and looked at us, tears on her cheeks.

"After all this time, he's still hurting so much! Poor Nicky, so much guilt and pain, and for nothing! He went away again thinking you didn't care, after he tried to reach out to you one last time, all that hurt and loss...!"

Rick tried to put his arm around her to comfort her, but she shook him off.

"No Ricky, don't...don't touch me, just don't! You did this to him, you and Bobby; he was alone, you left him out, you left him out every time and hurt him and hurt him, and yet look! He came back and he still thought of you! You never once tried to help him, and you let him leave! He was your brother, he's my big brother, he's still hurting so much, after all this time he's hurting and he's not here, and it's your fault! Shari...!"

Rick looked at me in bafflement, but I think I understood where Yaz was right now; Rick and I, we'd been the architects of so much of Nicky's misfortune, our father's puppets, who'd stood by and laughed while so much evil happened right under our noses. Right now, compared to him, we were looking pretty shoddy and worthless. He knew we'd done nothing to help our mother, or tried in any way to save her, and he'd expected no less from us, and so he'd taken the guilt for that failing on himself, because he loved her and thought he'd failed her. And yet, even though he believed nothing had changed for us, he'd still tried to reach out, he'd even invoked his beloved Barbara to watch over us, her two despicable sons. This was why we needed him back: he was the heart and conscience of our family, and Yaz had seen that.

Shari took a sobbing Yaz into the other room so she could compose herself again, while Rick and I stared guiltily at each other; the same thought uppermost in both our minds, I'm sure; if we'd received that letter in time, would we have gone? The answer that scuttled and scurried around in my mind was "No". Last summer I was still too busy being a morose prick to have ever considered any kind of rapprochement with Nicky, and that was the shameful truth that hurt the most. That letter would have made no difference to me.

Rick, of course, was nowhere to be found when that letter was mailed, otherwise things might have been very different; his change had already happened, but I had still been alone and sunk in bitterness.

Now, with my newly-awakened conscience and Shari showing me how to be a proper person, it would have been so different, but by the time I found her (or she found me) it was already too late; he'd been and gone again, and he'd left finally knowing once and for all that we truly were what he'd always believed we were. It was ironic, and not in an amusing way, that the morning I had accepted that Shari was what I needed, the morning I had apologised to Yaz for scaring and rejecting her, the morning I had finally realised just what a complete fool I had been, the morning I accepted that my family really was the most important thing in my life, that was the morning Nicky and his family were there alone, placing flowers on my mother's grave.

Something clicked, and I picked up the letter, scanning quickly through the first paragraph to what I'd heard.

"Nicky has a daughter; he's got a wife and a baby daughter. We have a niece!" I stated in astonishment, Rick's eyebrows suddenly going up as he took that in as well.

Then Shari was standing at the doorway with Yaz, who flung herself on Rick, burying her face in his neck as she hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry baby, so sorry, it wasn't just you, you didn't know any better, it's just...I was so sad for him, he's one of us and he's still in so much pain, he didn't do anything except try to help her, and yet he feels so guilty, poor Nicky, there's still so much hurt and loss, and it's not fair, it shouldn't be him, we have to find him and make it right with him, promise me we will, Ricky, promise me!"

Rick soothed her, nuzzling her neck as she cried for her lost brother.

"I promise, baby, we'll find Nicky, and I swear, we'll make it right with him; with him, and his wife, and his baby, our niece; do you remember reading that? We have a baby niece!"

Shari came and took my arm.

"I heard that bit, I was wondering when you'd pick up on it," she smiled. "Under the circumstances, I think we need to ramp-up the search for Nicky. This letter came from Albany, which I know is the capital of New York State, so he must live or work there or somewhere near there. At least now we have a location, it should make finding him a little easier. I think we need to make finding our big brother our priority; this property business can wait; family comes first."

*

The following day, Rick and Shari went shopping, and Yaz took me into town so I could buy something for Shari for Christmas. It was a strange experience for me; I'd never been Christmas shopping, so I'd never actually been in one of the department stores at Christmas-time; I'd never had a reason to, and I was almost overwhelmed by the colour, the glitter, the decorations and displays, and the Christmas music playing everywhere.

Yaz piloted me to the things she knew Shari would like, and helped me pick out a suitable present for her, then turned her back while I bought something for her as well, something to give my little sister on Christmas Day, and then Yaz parked me with all the bags and boxes while she went off to do a little shopping of her own. I also managed to buy a couple of other presents, then, laden down, we made our way home. I was enthralled; Christmas shopping made me feel, for the first time, that there was a special time happening in the world and I was part of it. Yaz made me stop on the way home to have my picture taken at a coin-op Photo-booth. When I asked why she just replied, "Ask Shari..."

Rick and Shari were also burdened down with bags and packages, and we spent that evening in a frenzy of wrapping and labelling the things we'd bought for each other, and stacking them under the tree. Shari had also stopped in at the post office and picked up passport application forms for Rick and me, which was why they'd made us take our pictures, reminding me that our priority was to find Nicky, and our starting point looked like this "Albany" place in New York.

Christmas Day was quiet but happy: we'd made a start on finding Nicky, we were getting our passports straight so we could go find him, and we were happy as a family as well as the couples we'd turned into. Shari gave me a warm jacket, fleecy gloves, and a handful of warm sweaters, plus some nice dressy shirts, and Yaz gave me a digital camera, so I spent Christmas morning making my beautiful sisters pose for me in their pyjamas while I snapped away. I'd bought Shari a new laptop with the very last of the money I'd saved from that thankless job I'd had (plus some other gifts I hoped she'd show me after bedtime...), and we'd all clubbed together and given Yaz an iPad. Shari and Yaz had given Rick warm clothing, boots, shirts, and underwear. The sight of Rick in his sleep sweats with a pair of silk Mickey Mouse boxers pulled on over the top was something to behold, although it's an image I'm trying to forget...

I think the present that meant the most to us, though, was one that Shari gave to Rick and me. She'd taken an 8x10 portrait photograph of Barbara from one of the albums and had it framed for us; it was a picture of her that must have been taken before all the bad things started to happen. She looked so young and happy, her eyes smiling as well as her lips, her light-brown hair and grey eyes shimmering in the light and her silver filigree charm bracelet on her wrist. I'd forgotten about that bracelet, and seeing it in the picture brought back a fleeting quasi-memory of seeing it glitter in the sunlight. I briefly wondered where it had gone; it wasn't on the list of things removed from the house, and it wasn't in among her things in the attic.

Rick and I stared for long moments at our mother, really seeing her for the first time, her beautiful face young and carefree, not beaten-down, cowed and afraid, her smile fresh and radiant, before I took it and placed it on the mantelpiece, where we could see her properly.

Rick and Yaz had volunteered to make Christmas lunch, so I stretched out on the couch in front of the fire with Shari on top of me, watching Christmas TV while roast turkey and all the trimmings happened elsewhere. Shari was grazing on my neck when she happened to look under the tree and noticed there was still a handful of unopened presents. I saw where she was looking, and her raised eyebrow.

"I um, I...got something for Nicky, just a small gift, something with his name on it just so we could...feel like he was here today, too..." I whispered, blushing slightly at the admission.

Shari smiled sadly, her eyes misting.

"How strange baby, so did I, and I think Yaz and Ricky did as well. That was a nice thing you did Bobby. Maybe somehow he'll know we're thinking about him; who knows, maybe it'll call him back home. I put something under the tree for mummy too, just to let her know I'm thinking of her, and a little something for Barbara from you and Ricky, I hope you don't mind?"

I hugged her close, smelling the fresh berry scent of her hair.

"Of course I don't mind, I should have thought of it myself, a little something to tell her I'm sorry and that I'll never forget her."

Shari kissed my forehead, and wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes.

"I think she knows now, Bobby, and once we find Nicky and put our family back together, it'll be over and she'll be able to rest, I'm sure."

She tapped the tip of my nose and grinned happily.

"Cheer up, now, baby, it's a happy day today. You may not be aware, but it's the most wonderful time of the year!"

I didn't want the day to turn melancholy, not my first real Christmas, so I kissed her to say thank you, and Shari kissed me back a bit more seriously. We spent the next few minutes making out, my hands roaming over her, squeezing, fondling, touching, holding, while our lips and tongues fenced and chased each other. Shari broke off to look down at me, her eyes wide, and beautiful, and very, very sexy.

"Dinner won't be ready for at least two hours, Bobby, do you want to go somewhere more comfortable?"

I nodded, and she jumped off me and stuck her head in the kitchen, telling the others not to disturb us. With that done, she grabbed my hand and towed me from the room, leading me upstairs and to our bedroom. Once there she began pulling my shirt out of my jeans, undoing buttons as I squeezed her delectable little bum, pulling her against me so we could grind against each other. Shari grinned as she rubbed herself against me, my hands sliding over her and into the back of her jeans to squeeze and knead her taut little cheeks.

"Turn around, Bobby, got a surprise for you!" she grinned, kissing the base of my throat as she gave my crotch a quick squeeze. "I think you'll like this!"

I turned around and closed my eyes, listening to the soft, subtle sounds of cloth rustling as she got changed, my cock throbbing with anticipation that it was one of the gifts I'd given her in private.

"Ok, baby, you can turn around now!" she murmured, and so I did, my eyes widening at the sight before me. Gone were the jeans and tank top, and in their place was a sheer black teddy of the briefest sort, a few wisps of lace covering the strategic places, covering her while contriving to make her look even more naked than if she'd just posed in the buff. The outfit was set-off perfectly with black, elbow-length fingerless lace gloves, sheer black seamed-stockings with lace hold-up tops, and black stilettos, making her long, slim legs look truly endless. A black velvet choker set with a large green stone around her creamy throat perfectly complimented her sumptuous mahogany-red hair.

"Do you like it, baby?" she smiled, doing a slow twirl, and I could only nod in open-mouthed appreciation.

"Well come here, then, baby, aren't you going to unwrap your present?" she crooned, and I obliged, closing the distance between us in a heartbeat, to hold her tightly as my lips crushed against hers, my hands roaming over her all over again, holding and fondling this vision of beautiful young womanhood!

Shari broke our kiss to smile at me.

"So you really like it then? It took Yaz and me ages to find, but when we did, she got a set just like this one too. Ricky's in for a treat tonight! I'm so glad you like your present, baby, I wanted your first real Christmas to be special!"

"God, you look amazing!" was all I could say, "You look like the reason the riot started!"

Shari grinned impishly at the compliment. Her nipples were suddenly obvious, poking solidly through the material of her teddy, the darker circles of her aureoles just visible through the sheer material, and I began to think about how to get this magical garment off my girl; I wanted to see her naked so badly right now, and so did my cock, judging by its throbbing.

Shari slid her hand down and squeezed my swollen cock.

"I see Little Bobby likes his present too!" she grinned, giving me another firm squeeze.

"Less of the little, if you don't mind, you disrespectful girl!" I grinned as I responded by lightly stroking my fingers over her barely-clad pussy, making her jump and gasp.

"So Bobby, what do you want to do now?" she purred.

I answered her by pulling off my clothes as fast as I could, unbuttoning and shoving down my jeans while Shari finished unbuttoning my shirt. Between us we got me down to my shorts in just a few seconds, and now I could devote some care and attention to peeling my girl out of her underwear, a skill Shari had been kind enough to teach me at some length over the last few weeks.

As I embraced her, my hands explored the back of that teddy, finding the single hook and eye that kept it all in place. While we kissed, I unhooked it, peeling it down from her shoulders and pushing it around her waist. Shari stopped kissing me to smile and give a quick shimmy, and the lacy confection dropped to the floor, leaving her clad in just stockings, gloves, and choker.

That did it for me. With a low growl of lust I pulled her close, my hands sliding down to cup and squeeze her lovely, tight little bottom, her mound rubbing against my now solidly erect cock.

Shari hooked her fingers in the waistband of my shorts and pulled them down; I got the message and pulled them off the rest of the way.

"That's better, baby!" she grinned, kissing me while she wrapped her hand around my cock and began a slow pumping motion in time to the motions of our tongues as we kissed deeply. Shari edged me backwards as we kissed, until the back of my legs met the bed frame, so I sat down, with her sitting astride me, her lips still glued to mine. My hands were still clamped to her lovely bum, and I began slowly pulling those delectable cheeks apart and squeezing them together again, making her gasp into my mouth each time I did it; I knew she liked it, so I kept doing it, feeling her kisses becoming sharper as her arousal climbed the longer we played and fondled each other.

By unspoken agreement we stopped, Shari breaking our kiss to smile gently as she rose up, and slowly impaled herself on my aching cock, head back and eyes closed as she slid onto me with a long hiss of satisfaction. When she was all the way on me, she leaned down and peppered my face with soft little kisses, then straightened up and began to rock back and forth, grinding herself against me as she rose and fell. I could hardly bear it. The feel of her tight pussy squeezing me as she fucked me was out of this world. With the sound of her little cries as she stimulated herself, and the feel of her soft lips when she leaned down and kissed me, I was in a state of almost total sensory overload. That never stopped me kissing her smooth creamy neck and shoulders, though, or nuzzling between her breasts as she rose and fell on me. Her nipples were like bullets now, stiff and solid, and when she leaned back against my encircling arms, I was able to dip down and suck and lick those delightful, stiff little nubs, making her groan and quicken her pace.

When she came, it was like an electric shock convulsing her; her body stiffened, her hands holding my head immobile against her, her body trembling as her pussy clamped down on me, preventing me from pulling out; not that I was going to. The feel of her tightening around me was all it took for my own climax to gather and batter its way through me, and I came in a welter of sperm, jet after jet pulsing into her as her pussy convulsively sucked and squeezed at me, milking me of every drop.

As I finished pumping into her, Shari began to come down, slumping against me to hold me close, our hearts hammering together in the aftermath of our mutual storm. I flopped backwards onto the bed, Shari lying on my chest as I gasped for breath; making love to my girl was always a breath-taking experience, in more ways than one!