Rage Against the Latrine Ch. 12

Natasha fell asleep on the drive home and I carried her from the car to our bed, before tucking her underneath our duvet. Faye came the following day and had to wake my girlfriend as I got up to cut the grass and weed the garden. 

I sat down for brunch with the two punk rockers while they waited for their colleagues to arrive. "Do you want a giggle?" I asked of Natasha and Faye. "This came for me today." I passed them a Recorded Delivery letter and Natasha's eyes scanned it.

Dear Mr John Parkes,

On the twenty-second of last month, my client was violently assaulted at your property by an associate of yours when they attended your house in Sarratt Green to collect personal items. After the unprovoked assault, they then urinated over my client.

We have assessed the incident and have the following damages claim. £100 for damage to the clothing Miss Roberts wore that day. £250 to have the car seat professionally cleaned. £1500 for distress and damage to feelings. Furthermore, my client has advised me that while in your care, her belongings were damaged and the cost of these items totals £3,000.

I therefore strongly advise you to make prompt payment within five working days or else we reserve the right to take legal action to recover these funds. We are confident that any court in the land will rightfully award my client these monies and legal fees and suggest that you settle this outstanding liability without delay. We remind you that any court judgement will severely restrict the ability for your continued employment at financial institutions and would recommend that you act swiftly to avoid this eventuality. 

Yours sincerely,

Barry Holmes

Legal Adviser.

Faye's face whitened. "It's OK," I said to the red-haired rocker with a chuckle. "He's not a solicitor. And he doesn't know the law. I've checked, and he is a £25 a letter bloke that advertises on social media. Samantha knows my employers do a financial check, and a CCJ against anyone living with me is a black mark, so she thinks she can use that to squeeze some cash out of me."

"Fucking bitch!" Natasha squealed. "I should have punched her."

"You did," Faye and I said in unison. 

"But it's just designed to frighten me. I'll write back and tell her I have seven witnesses that say Samantha started a fight and that they manhandled those boxes into her car and probably damaged her own property. Hopefully, she will let it go."

"And if she doesn't?" Faye asked.

"Then she'll waste her money in court." That confident dismissive response of my ex-girlfriend's legal action didn't match how I felt; I knew Samantha held grudges and she would not forget that my current girlfriend urinated over her. I put the potential tribulations out of my mind as I did not see the need to worry about something that may never happen.

But in the pit of my stomach, I saw trouble ahead. Fortunately, I had five punk rockers to entertain and they would ensure I had plenty of other things to think about.