Ralph and Mabel Go Medieval Pt. 02

Sure enough, the gaggle of young women was seen approaching at ten minutes past three. Ralph and Frank always found it interesting how the girls walked in twos or in fours. It was almost a military formation, as the first of them were a sort of buffer to the girls that strode in the middle, and so were the last few. Always, one short and pretty blonde and one very tall knockout of a redhead were seen striding in the center of the column, usually holding hands and giggling. Those were the two that made-out on the corner, while the other girls chatted and stood guard near them.

On this day, two of the young ladies walked ahead of the rest. They actually took spots on the corner of the street, as if claiming that territory for the short blonde and the tall redhead that would arrive shortly.

With rapt attention, Ralph watched and took a gulp from his beer. "Do you see what they're doing? They're holding the spot for the other two." He shook his head. "That's crazy, isn't it? That blonde and that redhead, they're like generals for all the rest. All the other girls do exactly what their two generals tell them to do."

"Yeah, they've got it down pat, don't they?" Frank agreed. "I've seen that little blonde snap her fingers, and the entire bunch of them get on their phones or run down the street together in a hot second."

"Do you think they're like Russian spies?"

"Nah, they're not spies, dude. They're something else. I wouldn't mind snapping my finger and having Sue Ellen jump to attention like that, though. Hey, you know what? We should talk to these chicks. Do you dare me to?"

"To high school girls? What the hell for?"

Frank looked directly at his buddy. "You know what for."

"Are you kidding? Those girls are half our age!"

"They're over eighteen, and that's the important part. I dare you to dare me, Ralph. Dare me to say something to them."

"Okay." Ralph nodded. "Say something to them."

"What should I say?"

Ralph made a face at him.

"I know." Frank decided. "I'll make like we're knights and they're wenches. It worked out pretty good on our wives, didn't it?"

"Okay. Let's do that."

"The rest of them should be walking by any minute. Let's go stand at the edge of your lawn to wait for them."

And so, a few minutes later, both men were positioned next to the sidewalk, as more and more of the intrepid young women came into view. Half a dozen of the girls made up the bulk of the movement, with a last pair assigned to guard the rear flank. As usual, the blonde and the redhead were in the center, while the rest were in measured strides just in front or just behind them.

Ralph let out a quick whistle. "Man, that redhead is ten plus."

"Here goes." Frank said, clearing his throat. "Hark there, you comely wenches. Come hither to listen to mine discourse."

At once, the shortest girl in the bunch, another pretty blonde, broke off from the rest and came to stand before them. "The fuck you just say to us?"

"Hither and thither, would thou, perchance, hark my knightly decree to woo thy comely nature?"

The blonde flipped both men off to their faces. Ralph felt it was okay for her to flip Frank off, since Frank was coming on to her a bit strong in his opinion, but he was mildly offended to get the bird after having said nothing at all. The tiny blonde glanced back at the rest.

"Hey, Haley," She shouted. "I think these dorks are talking Pirate! Come and handle it before I drop-kick them!"

"Not Pirate, Forsooth." Frank corrected.

"Whatever." The blonde waved them off and left.

Haley, if that was indeed her name, had brown hair and a nice bust. She came in the company of two others, another brown-haired girl with a lean figure and C cups, and a thick blonde with breasts much larger than that.

"Ahoy there, buckos." Haley greeted. "What be your business with us?"

Frank kept up the antiquated discourse. "By royal decree, we must entreat with the comely lass with the crimson locks. Bring her hither at once!"

"Tis our queen you mention, and ye had best do so with the utmost respect." Haley warned. "What business have ye with our Red Queen?"

"The business of discourse and relations. Merriment, wooing and the consumption of a tasty ale."

"Carousers, are ye?" Haley laughed. "The answer is nay. The Red Queen seeks her merriment only with the Yellow Queen that walks at her side, and with no other."

"We must insist on discourse." Frank said. "It is paramount!"

"She is much too high on the mast for bilge rats such as yourselves."

"Bilge rats? Are we bilge rats then, thou bereft lass?"

"If ye seek to tempt us with that lowly grog ye hold, ye surely are mistaken. Give me a good clap of thunder, and we'll see about discourse among us. Until then, go and hornswaggle your mothers."

"Hornswaggle our mothers?" Frank grunted. "Hark, you common serving wench. You speak to knighted men here, and not any sort of bilge rats! By my hammer and tongs, what I see before mine eyes are plague sores and embossed carbuncles!"

"Aargh!" The leaner brown-haired girl rumbled.

"Heave to, mate Lacy." Haley cautioned. "These landlubbers are loaded to the gunwalls with water-downed grog."

"A heavy lot of cutpurses, tosspots and malaperts are thou!" Frank sneered.

"Let's blow the men down." The blonde interjected. "Dead men tell no tales."

The girls sounded serious, Ralph considered, while Frank was simply ribbing them to get a rise out of them. It wasn't the first time Ralph had wondered if the lesbian mob wasn't a street gang, despite how pretty and well-dressed they were.

"Avast, Lady K," Haley said. "These scurvy dogs aren't familiar with our code of conduct." To the men, she said, "You're near your rope's end, scallywags."

"Prating recreants." Frank admonished the women, before he turned to Ralph. "Here standing before us are the most lyingst knaves in all of Christendom!"

"Tis a good day for bloodshed." Haley threatened.

"By God's teeth," Frank cursed. "These cullionly barbermongers are not worth the breath it takes to seduce them. These unruly sorts we should run down in a field and take by force."

"Our heavy lot are the scourges of the Seven Seas, dead man." Lady K growled. "I say these blighters have earned their Black Spots, Haley."

"That one speaks of raping and pillaging." Lacy pointed. "Let us turn the tables on them, mateys. Instead, we will do the raping and the pillaging here!"

All three girls began looking at the two older men with a new and very different intensity on their faces.

"Uh, prithee... I beseech thee..." Ralph started. "My friend, he jests. I cry you mercy. We're no foes! Shun our counsel!"

"Yaarrr." Lacy said. "Plunder!"

"Pillage!" Lady K intoned.

"Tis a mutiny ye have set loose!" Haley added. "Raise the Jolly Roger, lasses! We'll be measuring these two for their chains now!"

"To Davy Jones' Locker with them!" Lacy shouted.

At once, the three enraged teens pounced on the two hapless men. Ralph had no qualms over leaving Frank behind, as it was Frank that had gotten the girls all riled up in the first place. He managed to slip away from the blonde with the extra-large boobs, and was halfway to the porch, when he heard a blood-curling roar from the street.

"Cry havoc!" Haley exclaimed. "Keelhaul these addled dogs!"

It wasn't just the three girls they were tangling with, Ralph realized, as more and more girls were seen streaming onto his lawn and coming after them. Ralph ran, oh, how quickly he ran, until he set foot on his porch and reached out for the handle of his screen door. That's when his attackers caught up with him. They pummeled into his sides and jumped on his back, propelling him through the screen door and into the living room.

As one slender arm wrapped around his neck, and the girls kicked at the back of his knees to down him, Ralph only had the presence of mind to scream out one word.

"Mamaaaa!"

From the picture window of her house across the street, the retired schoolteacher Mrs. Segura had seen everything.

"Well, it serves those men right." She muttered. "Ralph and that other lunk of coal had no business calling out to those girls to start with. Shame on those men! Those girls are half their age!"

Because the commotion on the street was so much more exciting that the soap opera she had on TV, the older woman shut the set off and shifted around on the couch to keep looking outside. Mrs. Segura had no idea where so many teenage girls were coming from, but it seemed their numbers had mysteriously doubled from the seven or eight she'd seen initially. She watched the teenage posse drag both Ralph and the second dimwit into the house and out of sight. As intrigued as Mrs. Segura was, she hurried into the kitchen to toss a bag of popcorn into the microwave, and hurried back to her big window.

"Whatever those girls are doing, they're sure are a lot of them." She mentioned.

Even half an hour later, when her popcorn bag was two-thirds gone, the girls still had not left the premises.

"Oh, I hope they're not tearing up Mabel's house." Mrs. Segura worried. "I'd better get over there and put a stop to this."

Mustering up as much courage as she could, the older woman raised her chin and strode out her front door. The moment she began crossing the street, two of the teenage hussies saw her from the porch and immediately went to cut her off. Mrs. Segura didn't even get as far as Mabel's lawn, when she had two fierce little Amazons glaring back at her.

"I think you girls have made your point." Mrs. Segura said, tactfully. "Maybe it is time you should all leave, before you really get in trouble."

The tall girl standing in front of her looked like a dark-skinned Wonder Woman. She set her hands on her hips and defied the schoolteacher with her eyes. "There is nothing to see here. Move along, citizen."

"Problem, Rochelle?" Another girl stepped up behind the first two watchdogs.

"No, Mindy." The black girl replied. "No problem at all. This lady was just going back to her house. She lives right across the street, at 593 Voltaire."

Mrs. Segura was no dummy. She knew a veiled threat when she heard one. Whatever was happening in Mabel's house, she did not want anything like it following her into her yard and happening in her house too. Mrs. Segura looked at the black girl, and next at the other watchdog standing before her, and lastly, she had a glance at this Mindy girl that looked to be in charge of whatever was going on. Finally, Mrs. Segura made a turn and went back home.

The older woman did not stop watching, however. It was near a full hour later when the mob of teens finally filtered out of Mabel's house and got into several cars. That was a strange thing too, how those cars had just shown up out of nowhere and the girls had jumped in right away. It reminded Mrs. Segura of something the Mafia would do.

After waiting an extra fifteen minutes to be sure, she guardedly made her way into the neighbor's yard. The screen door was ripped to hell, she noticed, as she got onto the porch and peered into the open doorway.

"Oh, my." Mrs. Segura whispered.

What she saw in Mabel's living room was quite a sight. The two pumpkin heads, Ralph and his ugly friend Frank, were stripped naked and hogtied in the living room. Not only that, but they were shoved together on the floor between two couches, not facing each other but in opposite directions. The result was that each man was getting a very close eyeful of the other man's genitals. Even worse, the girls had put on a thick coat of make-up on both men, making them look like extremely unattractive transvestites.

Mrs. Segura couldn't help it. She covered her mouth with her hand but could not fully suppress the guffaws, yes, guffaws, that were spilling out of her mouth.

"Mrs. Segura, thank goodness it's you!" Ralph called out when he realized she was inside the house. "You have to help us! Can you push one of the couches away so we can roll onto out backs?"

"Yeah, grandma." Frank nodded. "I've been staring at Ralph's nut sack for the last half hour, and let me tell you, that's not a good thing to be staring at."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to push that couch." The old woman said, after sizing up the large piece of furniture.

"Can you at least try?" Ralph pleaded.

Mrs. Segura frowned, but she went over there anyway and tried to shove that big piece of junk aside. She scooted the couch by a couple of feet, enough that the bound men could roll a few inches apart. They both started wiggling like fish.

"Get these fucking belts off us!" Frank demanded. "Come on, grandma!"

"Watch your language, young man." Mrs. Segura automatically snapped. She chuckled again, when she saw how bad the men looked with so much make-up caked up on their faces. That's when she got a look at Frank's lower body. "Do you have an erection now? You have an erection after being tied up the way you were, while facing another man's crotch?"

"I was thinking about all those girls that were jumping on us." Frank said.

"No you weren't." Mrs. Segura shook her head. "You just said you were looking at Ralph's balls for the last half hour."

"I was not looking at his balls!" The captured man denied.

"Will you please untie us?" Ralph asked.

The older woman huffed, but she did lean over to see the binds. Both men had their belts around their wrists, behind their backs, and their underwear knotted up at their ankles. They could barely move, except for undulating in a funny way or rolling over on their sides like fish.

"All right." Mrs. Segura gave in. "Both of you, roll over on your stomachs."

"I can't." Frank protested. "I've got a hard-on."

"How am I going to untie your hands if they're behind your back?"

"What do you want me to do, bend my rod? That's going to hurt!"

"Can you untie me first?" Ralph asked.

"Why do you have to get untied first?" Frank demanded.

"I want to wipe this crap off my face before my wife gets home."

"Hey, I have crap on my face too!" Frank reminded him. "I look like a fucking clown, dude!"

"Well, so do I!" Ralph returned.

"Ralph, lie on your stomach." Mrs. Segura directed.

"Why does he get to go first?" Frank growled. "Let me loose! Let me loose!"

"Somebody needs a time out." Mrs. Segura rolled her eyes.

"Listen, you old dinosaur," Frank threatened. "You untie first, or so help me, once I get loose I will march across the street and shit on your flower garden!"

"Frank, you're not helping here." Ralph said. 'We got into this mess because of your big mouth, remember?"

In angry frustration, Frank started rolling back and forth in the limited spacing.

"So disrespectful." The older woman commented. "Your erection isn't going down, Frank. What happened here? What did those girls do to you?" When the first man didn't reply, she looked to the other. "Ralph, what happened?"

"Do you really want to know? They stripped us, and they tied us up, and they... Well, they got us hard with their hands..."

Mrs. Segura's eyes gaped open. "Go on."

"They played Rock, Paper, Scissors. The winners got to ride us."

"You mean they raped you?" Mrs. Segura realized. She let out a nervous laugh. "I thought they were going to trash the house, not... You know, do that to you!" She felt her face flush. "Did you enjoy it, Ralph? Did they make you, you know, ejaculate?"

Embarrassed, Ralph turned his head. "Don't tell my wife."

"What about you, Frank?"

The man started spouting profanity.

"Language!" Mrs. Segura said. "Ralph, what did those girls do to Frank?"

"He wouldn't shut his big mouth up. That blonde with the big boobs, Lady K, she turned him over and stuck her finger in his butt."

"Did you have to tell her that, dude?" Frank scolded. "At least I didn't have some girl sitting on my face, like you did!"

"Actually, I didn't mind that part so much." Ralph shrugged, before he remembered the older woman was still there. "Uh, Mrs. Segura, don't tell my wife I said that either."

"Those girls tore into your house." She summarized. "They stripped you. They tied you up, and they had sex with you?"

"They kept saying Heartbreakers Rule."

"Heartbreakers?" Mrs. Segura asked. "Those were the Heartbreakers?"

"Have you heard of them?"

"Don't you watch the news on TV?"

"No, just the football games."

"Those girls are taking over all the high schools!" She informed the men. "They're at Madison, Bell, Charleston. They're everywhere! You should have seen the big protest they started up the other day. A principal resigned his post because of them!"

"I don't give a shit who they are, grandma!" Frank cried out. "I just want you to get me loose!"

"So you can shit on my flower garden?" She asked.

"That was five minutes ago! This time, I'm shitting on your Welcome mat!"

"That's it." Mrs. Segura resolved. "I am untying Ralph, but as far as I care, Frank, you can stay tied up for the rest of the day."

She walked around the two men, heading into the bathroom before she did anything else. After dousing a hand towel with warm water, she returned and wiped the cosmetics from Ralph's face.

"There." She said. "Now you won't look so bad if Mabel shows up. What about you, Frank? Are you going to hold still while I clean your face?"

"I am going to find that Lady K, and I'm going to return the favor for her sticking her finger up my ass!" Frank vowed. "Nobody does that to me! Nobody!"

"Frank, you still have an erection." Mrs. Segura observed. "You'd better get rid of it before Ralph's wife comes back. Stop thinking about high school girls."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" He mouthed off at her. "Maybe if some old lady had untied me ten minutes ago, it would be gone already."

In response, Mrs. Segura strode over and shut the front door. When she came back, she leaned over as if she were going to wipe the make-up on Frank's face, but she ended up straddling him at the thighs.

"What are you doing, grandma?" Frank asked.

Mrs. Segura did lean over, setting one hand on the man's chest while she wiped his countenance. "Is this how the girl had you, Frank? What was her name?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"I think it was Shelly." Ralph offered. "To tell you the truth, I don't see why Frank is making all this fuss. She was triple digit hot."

"You didn't get a finger in your ass, dude! Maybe I did!"

"That's because I didn't lip off like you did."

"Oh, you just wait!" Frank grumbled. He started bucking and squirming about, with the older woman still straddling him. "Just wait until I get my hands on that chick!"

"You're a real wild bronco, aren't you?" Mrs. Segura asked him. She wiped away at the paint on Frank's eyelids, her body pressed on his in such a way that his cock was pinned against her waist. "Were you able to get that girl off?"

"No, not with my hands and legs tied up like this."

"Who knew high school girls could be so horny?" Ralph contemplated.

Mrs. Segura finished cleaning Frank's face. "There, the make-up is all gone now. The next thing we should do is to get rid of this erection of yours, because you don't want that thing standing up if Mabel walks in, do you?"

Frank raised his head to look down at his waist, when she slipped her hand over his cock and held it. "You going to stroke me off or what? All right, grandma, go for it."

Mrs. Segura started stroking him. "You know what I don't like about men my age? All the wrinkles they have. You don't have any wrinkles at all, do you?"

"That's because I'm not a dinosaur like you are."

"Will you stop insulting her?" Ralph admonished his buddy. "If you keep doing that, she's never letting us loose!"

"It's okay, Ralph." She assured him. "When I was still teaching, my students came in with all kinds of different personalities. People like Frank; all they need is a little attention and a little freedom. Isn't that right, Frank?"