Reassessing My Life

"That's fair, I suppose. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure she..." I was about to say that she'd have made a good wife for someone, but she'd cheated on me. Then I almost said that she had good qualities, but other than being hot, socially adept, and fun in bed, I was having trouble listing them.

Cassandra laughed as my mouth opened and closed. "Yeah, my point." She looked at her glass. "I don't like saying that. There was a time... honestly, I loved her. I still do, sort of; she's my sister, y'know? But when she went with Mom after the divorce. I lost a lot of respect for her when she did that, and then it plummeted as I saw that she treated guys like Mom did. Like she just wanted to be Mom's little Mini-Me.

"And I look at what Mom did to Dad and what Kim tried to do to you, and I just get pissed off. You're both good men, and neither of you deserved to be cheated on like that. I'm just glad you were able to get out before she really got her hooks into you."

I gave her a warm smile. "Thanks, Cass. That means a lot. I feel like a real ass for letting it get so far, but... I dunno. She shouldn't have cheated on me, but we shouldn't have been together in the first place."

Her voice was kind as she reassured me, "That's just how she is. How Mom was too, according to Dad. She's good at making a guy think they're the center of her world." She put her wine glass down and watched me closely. "Let's see if this sounds familiar: you mentioned something that you liked when you were dating, and she didn't seem to know much about it then, but she listened quietly as you talked. And then, within a couple of weeks, she could hold a reasonable but shallow conversation on it. And she did that over and over again, right?"

With a slow nod, I agreed, "Yeah. But, I mean, I do that, too. Try to learn about the things a girlfriend likes if I don't already know something about them."

"Yeah, but why do you do it? Because it's something they care about, and you care about them right? You want to learn about a thing that they like because they like it, and you want to understand them better. And maybe you learn enough about it to find out that you like it, too."

She shook her head. "When we were younger, Kim did it because she wanted to keep a guy's attention. I've never once seen her actually give a shit about anything she's learned longer than it was necessary to convince a guy that she was taking an interest in it. It's never been genuine, as far as I can tell. I had hoped she'd changed, but I guess not."

As we ate, I thought back through my relationship with Kim, and I definitely saw some things that, in retrospect, should have raised red flags. Would have, if I hadn't been listening to the people around me. Of course, now I was listening to Cass, but she'd never presented herself as anything but what she was; at least I didn't think she had.

I thought Cassandra might have a crush on me, and I kept that in mind as I looked back at how she and I had interacted, but it never seemed to be the primary reason for how she treated me or talked to me. She could be snarky or sweet, standoffish or friendly, but I never felt like she was steering me towards her own ends.

Even when things were at their best with Kim, I felt like she was hiding something; I didn't think she was hiding anything big back then, but the sense was always there. A lot of the other girls in her sorority were like that, too, and the frat boys just kind of put up with it for various reasons, most of them involving naked sorority girls. I went along to get along. I wasn't doing that anymore; I needed to trust my own judgment again, and that was going to start with Cass. I trusted her, too.

After dinner, we sat with the prenup and she made little "hmm" and "huh noises as she read. Finally, she made a little triumphant noise. "Child support!"

"You think she's trying to get child support out of me?"

"Yeah. I mean, if she's being conniving and not just trying to get back with you, that could be why the sudden drive for babies." She pointed to a bunch of various clauses. "You've got stuff in here for spousal support, the items in the trust, infidelity clauses, a bunch of things. But there's nothing in here about child support.

"I'm not a lawyer, but even with infidelity, I bet she could claim to be the primary caregiver and get you on the hook for a pretty hefty chunk. And that wouldn't go away if she remarried." She smiled at me. "And you're a decent guy. I imagine, if you hadn't caught her cheating, you would give the mother of your child a little more wiggle room if she decided she wanted a no-fault divorce later."

I sighed. "I swear to God. I just want to be done with this bullshit."

"Buck up, Jason. She can only drag her feet for so long."

That was true, but "so long" turned out to be much longer than I'd anticipated. She would request meetings and fail to show up. She insisted on counseling, then dithered on the counselor; the judge we were assigned was big on reconciliation, so she gave Kim leniency there. I had no idea where she was getting the money to pay for the lawyer at first, but Cass suggested that maybe she was taking it out in trade.

Kim kept amping up the harassment, too. First, she got other people involved. Our friends texted me and dropped by. Her family did, too. Kim's sorority sisters really got into it, with a fair number even suggesting that if I got back with her they would be happy to help me get even first, with Kim's approval. And my frat brothers, some of them, came by unannounced; most were on her side, but a few let me know that she'd tried to seduce them so that they'd try to bring me back into the fold. I guess there was still some fraternal solidarity left out there.

I switched phone numbers and only gave the new number out to trusted folks, so that helped a little, but that still left in-person visits. I knew it was just a matter of biding my time, but I was so fucking sick of hearing her name that I wanted to scream.

Through it all, I had a few loyal companions: a handful of folks from high school and college, my brothers, my father, and Cass. It would have been easy for her to side with Kim, or even to just step aside, but instead our friendship grew over the months of my divorce. She understood my frustration; I think hers might have been even greater than mine in some ways, due to her disappointment in her sister.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't start to have feelings for Cassandra. She was sarcastic as hell, and I was often on the receiving end of her wit, but it never felt mean spirited. I started to go over to her place to escape the Disciples of Kim that kept knocking on my door and asking if I'd heard the good word about reconciliation.

Cass was a study in contrasts. She was a true blue-- or black, I suppose-- goth, but she had some pretty old-fashioned notions on fidelity and propriety. During a long, drunken conversation on the subject, I learned that she was only interested in long term relationships. She'd had two boyfriends and a disastrous one night stand in between that convinced her that they weren't for her. As she had put it right before passing out, "I'm kinky as fuck, but I'm not a slut. Nothing against sluts, though, 'cause some of my best friends are sluts."

She dragged me out to go clubbing sometimes, trying to get me both out of the house and out of my head, and I'd seen her in everything from Victorian finery to skintight PVC. But she rarely bared actual skin; the most immodest thing I saw her wear was a one piece swimsuit when we went swimming at a nighttime pool party. She was heavily tattooed, all her own designs, with full sleeves and thigh pieces. They were beautiful, intricate works of art that I loved to look at.

Her torso was heavily inked as well, but I never got to see much of it. When I asked about those pieces, she got a little shy. "That's... I don't want to be a famous artist or anything. I just want to make my art and make a living as an accountant so that I don't have to worry about starving. And some of my stuff, well, I don't mind if people see it. That's the stuff on my arms or legs or hanging on my walls.

"But the other..." She smiled bashfully. "I don't want to share them with just anyone. They're for the people that I want to really know me, all of me." Then she laughed. "Well, that and my tattoo artist. Can't avoid that, really."

When I was with her, I enjoyed my life again, really enjoyed it in a way I hadn't in a while. She had done in college what I should have, exploring who she was and who she wanted to be, trying different things on and letting them go when they didn't work, until she got herself on steady footing. I was envious of that, even if it had left her with a pretty sizable amount of student loan debt.

We were sitting on her couch one night, watching a movie, when I realized that we weren't just sitting together, or even sitting close to each other. We were cuddling. I don't know how it happened, but she was leaned against me, her head resting on my chest and my arm around her, and I felt really, truly, completely content for the first time since this whole thing had begun.

I stiffened for a moment, worrying that I was making a mistake. I didn't want to get into some kind of rebound thing with Cass; I really did like her. I might have even been falling in love with her. But I was still a little gunshy about who I really was and who I wanted to be, and I didn't want to fuck anything up, including our friendship.

She squished up against me, hugged me tight, and patted my leg, as if she knew what I was thinking and was trying to reassure me. Telling me without speaking that it would be what it would be, and we'd be fine either way. I settled again, kissed the top of her head affectionately, and we ended up falling asleep there together. It was the best sleep I'd had in half a year, even if I did have a crick in my neck the next morning.

Things were a little lowkey between us over the next week; our lunches were still pleasant, and we were still friendly, but I think she was waiting for me to make a real move.

And then my divorce finally came through. All the stall tactics that Kim had tried couldn't entirely slow the inexorable crushing advance of the court system. I had a paper in my hand that said I was free, and I wanted to celebrate.

An opportunity presented itself that weekend, an invitation by a friend from college to a party. I was concerned at first, but neither he nor his girlfriend had been part of the Campus Crusade for Kim, so I tentatively told him I was going to go and asked if I could bring a plus one.

"So... a date?" Cass's mouth quirked up when I asked her.

I took a deep breath and said, "Yes. If you want. I don't want to put any pressure on you or screw things up between us or mmmf!" Her arms went around my neck and her lips on mine in a sweet, long, closemouthed kiss.

"Pick me up at 8?"

Cassandra was ready on time, dressed in a blood red choker, black minidress, biker jacket, and a pair of heavy boots with enough buckles, studs, and zippers to make a Cenobite proud. Her jet black hair was hanging loose down her back, and red lipstick and cat eye mascara with an eye of Horus accent finished the look. She gave me a little peck on the cheek as she greeted me, and we were on our way.

The party was bigger than I had expected, as was the house. It took me a little time to find my friend, who laughed when I told him the divorce had gone through and shouted, "Welcome back to the land of the living!" I introduced him to Cassandra, leaving out how we had met, and she and I made our way through the party.

Cass was out of her element; dancing in a club where the regulars have become friends is one thing, but a party full of strangers is another, especially when you don't really fit in with the aesthetic or personalities. I still fit in with the aesthetic, but I realized how little I had in common with most of these folks now, so I could sympathize.

We found a quiet corner and decided to head out early. She went to use the restroom while I made the rounds and said goodbye. And that's when I ran into Kim.

The thing I had forgotten about the parties in college was that it didn't matter who had been invited and who hadn't, and my friend was still in that college mindset. He had invited me because he wanted to make sure I showed up, but I hadn't realized the invite list wasn't exclusive, but inclusive; anyone that heard about it could and did show up.

"Jason!" She hugged me before I could stop her. "I'm glad to see you're doing well. I really am sorry about everything, even the way I acted after..." She bit her lip. "I know that wasn't fair. I should have given you your space, but I just loved you and missed you so much. I should have been more mature and realized you needed your freedom."

"Uh... thanks? I'm glad you're doing well, too."

She smiled sadly. "I'm not. Not really. But I know..." Kim sighed. "I know this is something we have to do. Please, go and find someone to get it out of your system. I'm going to stay faithful while we're apart, and I'm going to go to therapy. Next time around, I'll be exactly who you need me to be."

"... What?"

Kim sniffled. "It'll hurt, but I know we'll be together again. I'll check in on you every once in a while and see when you're ready to get back together." I dodged the kiss on the cheek, and she waved goodbye as she melted into the crowd.

What the actual fuck.

Cass found me standing in the same spot, shellshocked. She led me outside to a couple of lawnchairs, and I related the meeting with her sister, her eyes growing wider with each line of the exchange.

"What that actual fuck?!"

I nodded. "She's going to keep coming back if I don't put a stop to this right now. I need her the fuck out of my life once and for all, and apparently a divorce isn't enough."

She slowly nodded. "Okay. Okay." A resolute look appeared on her face as she turned fully towards me. "I know what we have to do. Jason, do you trust me?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

Cass smiled and touched my cheek, then kissed me softly. "Is this... are we going to be a thing? Like a real, actually, trying-to-be-long-term thing? Do you want us to be?" I kissed her back in answer, and she giggled. "Okay, then, come on."

She pulled me back into the house, up the stairs, and found an empty bedroom. "I'll be right back." I opened my mouth to ask a question, but she just kissed me again, then exited the room, that delightful little giggle the only sound she made.

I waited for about ten minutes before I was ready to go looking for her, but I told her I'd trust her. Five minutes after that, she came into the room, giddy and amped up. She shrugged her jacket off, revealing her inked, toned arms. "Okay, we've got about fifteen minutes. Get undressed."

"Wait, what?"

Her hands were at the back of her choker, working at the fastener. "In a little bit, Kim's going to come through that door. I told her that I came with you, and that you told me that you wanted to talk with her about the two of you. Resolve things with her. And that's, ha, that's true, but just not how she thinks."

I stood as the choker came off, and she continued, "So I figure the best way to show her it's over is to really, really show her you've moved on. When she opens that door, you're going to be balls deep in your new girlfriend." She reached for the hem of her minidress.

This was one of the best ideas I'd ever heard.

No. No. This was one of the worst ideas I'd ever heard.

"No." My voice was clear and commanding. She paused. "No, we're not doing that." I crossed the few steps to her and took her hands.

"But I thought you wanted to--" She looked both hesitant and relieved.

"I do. God, I do. But not-- not like this. Our first time together... it should be about us. You and me, not her. She doesn't matter anymore to me, at all. Even as a nuisance. I'll deal with that. But I'm not..." I kissed her, pulling her to me and holding her tight. "I'm not going to taint this. This is good, us being together is good, and I want it to stay that way."

We sat on the bed together, cuddling and kissing for a little bit, before she broke away. "I just wanted to... I lo-- care about you so much, and I just wanted her out of your-- out of our lives."

"I love you, too." Her smile could have lit up the surface of the moon. "But I..." A devilish grin spread across my lips. "I want to see you, all of you, when it's just us. I want to be the last person to see you naked." I chuckled, "Well, other than your tattoo artist. Can't avoid that, really." Cassandra snorted. "It's... that's something special. Something you've held yourself to, kept as an intimate thing just for yourself and the people you love. And I want to... to honor that. To not dishonor it or you by asking you to--"

Her voice was insistent and a little angry. "You didn't ask! I would have done it for you. For us!"

My hand brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. "I know you would have, Cass. And I love that. But what I'm saying is that I don't want you to." Then, with a happy grin, she pulled me down onto the bed and we made out, taking brief breaks to discuss the new plan, until we heard a knock on the door.

Our hair was mussed. Cassandra's lipstick was smeared, and I'm sure I had some of it on my face. That lovely, nearly translucent pale skin of hers was flushed, and I couldn't wait to see how far the flush continued down her neck and beyond. But that would have to wait. We sat up, and I called out, "Come in!"

The door swung open, and Kim's face went through about a dozen emotions in a moment, finally settling on a sort of angry confusion. "What is-- Why are--"

I took Cass's hand in mine. "I'm sorry, Kim, I wanted to tell you another way, but this is as good a time as any. Cassandra and I..." I brought it to my mouth and kissed it. "We're in love. We hadn't planned to move quite as quickly as this, but the truth is that we're engaged. I haven't had time to get her a ring yet, but I know you have good taste. Maybe you can help suggest something?"

"W- W- W- What?!"

Shaking my head, I said, "I'm sorry, I know that's a lot to ask. But we need to get married pretty soon. You see, Cass is pregnant. You're going to be an aunt!"

My ex-wife froze. Her face went blank, like she was having a total system reboot. Then she shrieked, "You. Fucking! BIIIIIITCH!" I swear to God, I thought her jaw was going to unhinge like a snake's with that last word. She surged forward, clearly intent on doing physical harm to one or both of us.

I stood up between her and Cass, grabbing her arm as she tried to rake one of her claws across my face. "Get the fuck out of my life, Kim."

Cass peeked out from behind me. "Yeah. Sorry, sis, but he's my meal ticket now."

Kim's eyes went back and forth between us, and she yelled, "Four years! Four years I was with this fucking loser, you slut! He's mine! I spent hours listening to him talk about those stupid movies! And do you know how much shit I had to read about the Hundred Years' War? Who has a fucking war for a hundred years?!"

Cass smirked, "England and France. I was never a history buff, but my man really got me turned onto it. It's interesting stuff! I can't wait to watch him teach our kids about it."

That was it. Finally, I saw it in the beast's eyes. She was unmasked and defeated. I released her hand and she drew back and away from me. "Fucking assholes. You deserve each other." Then she flounced her ass out of the bedroom, slamming it behind her. Cass and I erupted into laughter.

Later, back at my house, we sat and cuddled together on the couch, content with our final and total victory in the War on Kim. Cassandra chuckled, "So, how do you think she's going to react when she realizes we're neither engaged nor expecting a child?"