Redemption Pt. 01

"Are you scared Jackson?"

Startled, Jackson looked at Brenna. "Scared of what?"

"Going away."

He thought about it for a second, but no longer. "No, not really. I worry more about not making it through boot camp than anything else."

"I'll be scared for you then." She had to look away as she said it, tears welling up in her eyes yet again.

"Don't be Bren. I'll be fine. Really." He reached over and made the mistake of trying to comfort her by patting her knee. Her very bare knee. He jerked his hand back quickly but not before getting a feel of her smooth skin.

She didn't say anything for quite some time and he hated that his choice to join the military was hurting her. Hated that it made her worry about him.

"Let's go to our secret place. Can we?"

"We've got all night, so why not. Off to the Super-Secret-Hidey-Hole it is."

Brenna had too much going on in her head and the swirling feeling from the beer wasn't helping. She wondered how much longer it would be before it wore off and she felt more like herself again. She toed off her cowboy boots and settled her feet on the dash so they could cool off too. It wouldn't take long to get to the Hole so she leaned her head back against the headrest and let her eyes close.

He knew she was asleep before she probably did. She'd gotten too still and her breathing was even, steady. Unfortunately, her sleeping gave him plenty of time to watch her, look at her with new eyes. She really was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Always had been. Of course, now he was just seeing a little more of her than usual.

Brenna wasn't really backwards like she thought. Just conservative. Or so he'd thought. Now he wasn't sure if Brenna was truly conservative or if she did it to make her parents more comfortable. Either way, this scantily dressed Brenna was really working him over. She looked so good that it hurt. Even her toes were sexy with their deep red color that looked so very dark against her pale skin.

Lately, her eyes had been the thing that were turning him on more than anything. Even when he was five her eyes had been the prettiest things he'd ever seen. He'd never seen another person with eyes so brilliant a green that they almost seemed to glow. Especially at night. Tonight the light from the fire had made them seem almost otherworldly. She used those eyes to make you do things. Every time she'd really wanted something from someone all she had to do was turn those eyes on you and let them fill up with tears and BOOM! Whatever she wanted, she got. Immediately.

Amazingly, Brenna was the furthest thing from spoiled that a person could get. She was more caring, more loving than anyone else he knew. So tenderhearted that sometimes he worried about her, about people taking advantage of her and using her, hurting her. He would do anything to protect her. He wouldn't be the person he was today if it wasn't for her caring for him.

She shifted in her seat and turned towards him, her face so serene in sleep that he couldn't resist touching her smooth cheek. She stirred lightly, waking slowly without realizing that he'd been the one to disturb her.

"We there yet?" she asked, her voice husky with the sleep still on it.

"Just around this corner. You sure you want to come out here? We can go home. It won't hurt my feelings if you need some rest, Bren." He didn't like the faint shadows he'd been seeing under her eyes lately.

"I need this Jackson. More than I can tell you." Her voice was low but he heard the near desperation in her tone.

"Okay, get your boots on. We'll have to leave the Jeep here and hike in. Grab a couple of flashlights from the glove box too." Jackson pulled the Jeep into a little bare spot next to the path they'd hacked out two years ago and pulled their bag out of the storage space. He came out every few days in the summer to keep the path clear in case either of them needed some time away from - well, anything. No one else knew about this place. At least, none that he'd ever encountered.

Brenna handed him one flashlight and turned the one she carried on, sweeping the entrance of the path to check for spider webs. She really didn't like spiders, at all. It was all clear so they took off down the path, occasionally knocking a bug away or smacking at a stray branch. It took a little more than five minutes to hike in to their little slice of paradise.

"It doesn't matter how many times I see this place it always takes my breath away," Brenna whispered, awe in her tone.

"Yeah. I'm definitely going to miss this." Jackson replied. He moved with sure steps to the table they'd set up and pulled out his book of matches to light the lanterns they'd gotten from Brenna's Grandfather. They'd set the area up to be like a little house. A cozy living room made up of some wicker tables, some chairs and a fluffy chaise lounger built for two. On the right side of the living room was the bedroom, a huge hammock strung up between two oaks.

It was the most beautiful place that either of them could ever remember. Directly in front of their living room, less than twenty feet away, was a perfect spring fed pool that always had clean, clear water in it. The water was never too hot or too cold, at least during the summer. It was only deep enough to hit him at lower chest level but that wasn't a bad thing. Large oak trees surrounded the place and hid it from view. They'd happened upon it by chance one day when they'd gotten lost exploring and claimed it as their own.

It had taken weeks to drag all their furniture out to the hidey-hole but it had been worth it. It was the only place in the world that felt like their own. It was where they had done some pretty serious thinking over the past two years. And where they'd escaped to when things got tough or too stressful.

Obviously, this was one of those times for Brenna. She went and stood by the pond while he lit the lanterns, found a station on the battery powered radio and set out the pillows for the hammock and chaise. They rarely used the chairs. It just made it seem more like a living room to have chairs. Or so Brenna had insisted.

He watched her stand there for a long time, waiting for her to come to whatever conclusion it was that she needed and come back to him. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle sitting so close to her dressed the way she was but he wasn't going to deny her if she needed comforting. He hoped it wasn't more bad news about her Mom.

Brenna was lost in thought alright but it had nothing to do with her Mom this time. No, her thoughts were all centered on Jackson. By the time she'd decided what to do the moon was high in the sky. She turned and went to the hammock, knowing that it wouldn't take long for Jackson to join her there. He waited just long enough for her to get settled and for the hammock to stop swinging before he came over.

"Knock, knock. Can I come in?" he asked, being silly, trying to make her smile. It worked but it was a very tiny smile.

"You promise not to tip me out?" She asked, reminding him of the first time they'd tried to share the hammock. She reminded him of it each and every time. It still made him chuckle. He'd never seen a person fly so far so fast.

"I promise, now scoot," he said, shooing her with his hands. He settled his long frame into the ropes and sighed as it seemed to hug him. Nothing was better than a good hammock.

His side was plastered against Brenna's but he didn't feel nervous like he'd thought he would. It was nice. Easy. He put his arms behind his head looked up at what stars were visible through the heavy clouds.

"It's so quiet here. So peaceful. Sometimes I wish I could actually live right here. Of course, I don't know what I'd eat, but I'd find something eventually." Brenna sighed and shifted, bringing her body closer to his. He went still for just a second then relaxed again.

"I don't think that whoever owns this land would appreciate you squatting on their property. I mean, more than we do right now."

"I wouldn't care. Possession is nine-tenths of the law you know."

"Argue that one in court, Bren. I'm not going to tell you that you have to go. I love this place too. It's special. Something about it makes all your troubles and fears feel like they aren't so bad."

"Don't go Jackson. Please."

She'd said it so quietly that he'd almost missed it. She had tried to talk him out of going several times but she'd never come right out and asked him not to go. He knew that telling her no was going to hurt her so much, but he also knew he would have to. "I have to go Bren. It's going to be my career."

Hot tears were rolling down her face. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I won't see you for years at a time. Never knowing what might have happened to you, always worrying that you're hurt - or worse. I can't stand the thought of it."

Her words, the tears in them and on her face almost made him wish he could tell her he'd stay. He'd already signed up and would be leaving in three short weeks. His heart ached at the thought of leaving her but telling her that would only make things worse. Saying anything more at all would just make it that much harder for her to let go. "Bren, I wish this didn't hurt you so much. I wish that you could be okay with my choice. I know you never will be and that makes it hard on me. I worry that you're going to hate me for what I want to do."

Her gasp was loud in the silence. "I could never hate you, no matter what choices you make. I don't want you to go. I don't. If it were my decision I would force you to stay, but it isn't my choice. And I would never want you to be miserable because you were somewhere you don't want to be." She took his hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. This time she didn't let go.

Neither of them spoke for some time. They lay there, listening to the soft music in the background and holding hands as if letting go would make one of them disappear.

They dozed off and on, waking when someone shifted or the stingy breeze cooled their flesh. It was only midnight when Brenna made the choice that would change their lives and their friendship forever.

It wasn't exactly the way she'd dreamed it would happen, but those things were for fairy tales and this was reality. Moving slowly, as if sleeping, Brenna turned on her side and wrapped her free arm around Jackson's stomach, her head fitting easily onto his shoulder. She feigned surprise, as if just realizing what she'd done when Jackson's arm pulled her back against him, leaving that arm around her body. She settled back in and sighed contentedly. It was nice to know he wasn't averse to the thought of touching her.

Jackson's head was reeling. The smell of her hair and her skin was making it hard for him to breathe. She had snuggled right into his body as if she'd always belonged there. And that is exactly how it had felt for him, as if he'd finally found that perfect place. He didn't want to lose the peace he was feeling so he stayed still and didn't push for all the things he wanted at that very moment. He settled for letting his fingertips brush lightly over her arm, up and down, rhythmically, slowly. He was leaving gooseflesh in his wake and that was something thrilling for him. To know he was doing something that felt good to her was more than he could ever have asked for.

It progressed so slowly that neither of them realized where it was going at first. It seemed so innocent, so calm. Perfect. It started with a touch. The hand that had been lying lazily across his stomach began to move up and over his chest, then back down over his stomach and up again making his breath catch. The fingers that had been lightly stroking her arm moved down to stroke her side just as lightly, touching bare flesh where her tank had pulled up.

Long moments passed like that before hands got bolder. Her hand wandered up under his shirt to stroke the warm flesh she'd barely been able to feel before. She explored him as if trying to commit every inch to memory. Despite the fact that it was killing him, he let her take her time, let her set the pace. He could feel her warm breath on his face and turned his head to find her lips easily, softly. Their first kiss was perfect, breathtaking. They seemed to know what to expect, what the other was thinking. They turned towards each other, his hands burrowing into her wild mass of hair, hers wrapping him tightly to explore the expanse of his back. Still they took it slow, easy. Here in their secret place, time didn't exist.

Everything was pure instinct. Neither of them had expected to get so close but it was a lovely dream come true. At some point, Brenna managed to work Jackson's shirt from his body, exposing him to her eyes and hands. Jackson worked the straps on her tank top down and his lips worked to cover every inch of milky pale flesh that he exposed. Both were breathing hard, bodies clamoring for more but unwilling to give up what they were already getting.

Every slide of his hands on Brenna's body was as arousing for her as it was for him. Eventually though, the hammock became a hindrance. It had been fine for the lazy touches but both needed more than that now. As if sensing her frustration, Jackson hopped off the hammock and pulled her up, carrying her to the chaise, settling her there comfortably before continuing to explore what flesh he had access to. It wasn't enough.

Clothes began to magically fall to the ground and each new discovery was thoroughly explored and breaths were harsh with need. Jackson's thoroughness sent Brenna over the edge twice, her voice calling out for him over and over. It was close to being too much.

Finally it was time. Jackson was carefully poised, eyes locked on Brenna's as he eased himself inside her body until he couldn't go further. He hated that he was about to cause her pain, had promised her that he would try to never, ever hurt her, but this was unavoidable. Taking her hands in his tightly, holding them close to his heart so she'd know how much it hurt him to hurt her, Jackson broke through her barrier and held his breath when she cried out. He didn't move, waiting patiently for her pain to ease.

The sting wasn't so bad, more shocking than painful. Still, Brenna took a moment to let her body relax again, to get used to the feeling of being so connected to another person. It only took seconds for the needs of her body to overwhelm her. It was such a greedy feeling, to need more of another person so much that you are hungry with it. Cautiously she moved her hips and let him slide deeper inside, pain gone, replaced with urgency.

Jackson set the pace, slow and easy at first, reveling in each little gasp and moan. As long as he lived he would never forget the way she looked, flushed with need, the sound of her voice as she moaned his name. He would take it to his grave with him. The feel of her body moving under his was more erotic than anything he could ever imagine.

It came closer and closer, racing over them unchecked. Brenna's back arched, her hands grasping for Jackson's blindly. He took them, holding them tightly as she blew apart for the final time, taking him with her into the freefall. Once again, they held their breath.

The very moment he could, Jackson pulled her up against his chest, turning her and cradling her gently. Her body was fluid and seemed to flow into his without any restraint. Her breath and his were still ragged, her eyes locked onto his as if she were afraid to look away and discover it had all been a dream. There was only one little thing that both held back as they held each other. Words.

It was a shock to both of them to discover that it was only three a.m. They had hours left to spend before Brenna needed to get home. They didn't bother dressing. Both had taken a dip in the pond to rinse off and cool off but came right back to each other on the chaise.

Jackson worried over her, upset that he'd had to hurt her but she just laughed happily, assuring him that she was truly okay. They shared a soda, talking quietly, stroking each other gently. Still, no one said the important words. It was too new, too delicate to ruin with awkward confessions.

They made love again as the sun began to rise, taking their time, watching each others faces and clinging tightly. It was just as sweet the second time. They rose slowly, rinsing off in the pond again and getting dressed. They gathered their things quickly and repacked the Jeep. Jackson held her hand the entire way back to town, bringing it up occasionally to brush his lips over her fingers and knuckles.

The trip to her house went much too quickly. She was reluctant to get out of the Jeep and leave Jackson. Her body was tired and sore but her mind raced. There were so many words she wanted to say but she couldn't do anything but look into his eyes. Finally, she nodded and Jackson came around to open her door. He didn't walk her up to the door, watching her from the spot where he leaned on the Jeep's fender. As her foot hit the first step, she heard Jackson call out her name and she turned towards the sound of his voice.

"Hey Bren?!"

So familiar, so wonderful. "Yeah?"

"I'll love you forever."

Her breath caught, held, sobbed out quietly. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Sure about that?"

"Absofreakinlutely."

"Good, because I'll love you one year longer."

His happy laughter filled her ears as she unlocked the door and closed it quietly behind her before sliding down it to sob uncontrollably.

During the next three weeks Brenna and Jackson spent every possible moment together. Of course, they were never really alone like they had been at the Hole but it was enough. They even went on a double date with Nic and Ryan.

There was only one problem during those idyllic days. It was all laced with the sad knowledge that Jackson would be leaving far too soon. There were promises of course. He'd call and write whenever he could, which would be often. Would come home every chance he got.

The day dawned overcast and so hot that the air seemed to want to choke you. He picked her up in his Jeep and they drove to the bus station. She would drive it back to his parents for him later. After he was gone.

Other people showed up to say their goodbyes but he held onto Brenna with one arm the entire time, keeping her close to his side no matter what. Eventually there was no one left but them and Nic. It took everything in her but she managed not to sob hysterically while he was telling her all his promises again. Something inside was tearing apart as he held her close and kissed her over and over. Her heart seemed to sink lower and lower. By the time he stepped onto the bus she wondered if she was even still alive.

He waved as the bus pulled away, his shoulders slumped with his own grief. She stood there, tears silently rolling down her face. By the time she was able to move the bus was probably in the next town. Nicola led her away, taking Jackson's keys and driving them to his home. His adoptive parents took the keys from Nicola, tried to assure Brenna that he would be okay, but she was too far gone for words now.

She waited every day for a phone call, a letter. Nothing came. Four weeks after he left her entire world fell apart. Without him she had no one to turn to for comfort, for peace.

That weekend she went to the Super-Secret-Hidey-Hole and burned all the furniture.

*

*Thank you for reading and I am working on Part Two- thanks for your patience!*