Reindeer Games

This is my submission to the Winter Holidays Story Contest 2023.

I'm sure there will be objections to this being in Loving Wives, but for me, that's the heart of the story.

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"What?"

William "Call me Liam" O'Connor stared at the couple, dumbfounded. "You're what?"

"Reindeer. Specifically, we're two of Santa's reindeer." Joe Deere sounded almost bored, like he had answered this question a hundred times. Actually, this was a first for him, and for Dasher, his wife.

Liam glanced around the room, looking for anything new. He was sure he was being punked. He was a marriage counselor, not a psychiatrist, which was obviously what this couple needed. He didn't see anywhere that a camera could be hidden. So, what was going on?

"Well, I've got to say, you've hidden your antlers completely." Liam chuckled, willing to go along with the joke.

Joe looked with disgust at this clown. He was beginning to think that they could have found a better marriage counselor at the North Pole, but then he didn't trust the fucking elves anymore. Fucking elves, was right. Especially, that fucking elf. "Don't be so ignorant. We lose our antlers at the end of fall. Well, we males do. The girls keep theirs thru winter, until their fawns are born in early spring."

Liam decided to play along. "So, you pull Santa around in his sleigh, huh?"

"Yep," Joe responded. "Well, preseason, when we're setting up caches of toys around the world. You don't think Santa could fit all the toys in the world into his sleigh, do you? And returning to the North Pole to refill would just take too much time. So, during December we drop loads of toys around the world. We males do the work before our antlers fall off, saving the Christmas team for that special night."

"The Christmas team? Not you? Not man enough for the real night, huh?" Liam stifled a chuckle.

Joe rubbed his face. This was going nowhere, faster than Santa's sleigh. "No, don't you listen?" He thought for a minute about how to make this idiot see. "Have you ever seen a picture of Santa's sleigh where the reindeer didn't have antlers? Have you?"

"No, I haven't, come to think of it. I actually didn't know reindeer lose their horns." Hearing Liam's response, Joe was ready to get up and leave. This guy was such a dumbshit. Where did Dasher get his name?

"Antlers, not horns. Christ, do you know anything?" Joe shook his head. "The reindeer on Christmas Eve are FEMALES! They have their antlers, while we already lost ours. The magic is mainly in our antlers. We stags couldn't move that sleigh on Christmas."

"And Joe's plenty strong," Dasher piped up. "The loads they cache are carried in a sleigh twice the size of the one we pull, and they carry loads three times the weight!"

"So Rudolph's a female, huh? Rudolph sounds pretty male to me." How far will these people take their delusion.

"That asshole!" Joe exploded.

Dasher patted his arm to calm him down. "Rudolph's the only male that's ever flown on Christmas, and he had to borrow some magic from all our antlers to do it. But Santa thought his bright nose would help that foggy night." She shook her head at the memory. "It was so odd having a deer flying in front of me without a set of antlers!"

Liam sat back; sure he could shake their delusion. "I'm sorry guys, but your delusion has some holes. I know enough about deer to know you've screwed up. I mean, anyone that has seen 'Bambi' knows that his mother didn't have antlers, only his father!" He sat back smugly, feeling proud of his having knowledge that they obviously lacked.

Joe jumped out of his seat, ready to go. Dasher pulled him back down while he grumbled, "I didn't come here to educate the damned ignorant bastard."

Dasher patted his arm again as she turned back to Liam. "Yes, female deer don't have antlers. Except for caribou."

Liam jumped in again, to show the point they were missing. "Okay, caribou, whatever they are. But you said you are reindeer, not caribou."

Joe's grumbling increased to a boiling point. More patting on the arm while she explained, "In Europe and Asia, where we've been domesticated" (Joe mumbled 'Civilized! I'm not a fucking horse.' Dasher rolled her eyes). "we're called reindeer. Our North American cousins are determined to stay" she glanced at her husband, "'uncivilized', and are called caribou. But we're the same species."

All that sounded made-up to Liam. But there were other issues. "Okay but come on. You don't look like any deer I've ever seen. I mean, no fur, you walk on two legs, and I've never seen any deer with breasts like your wife's..."

Dasher clamped down on her husband's arm to keep him from leaping over the desk. "Apologize! Now," she demanded. One glance at the wild look on Joe's face and Liam quickly nodded and said, "I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry."

Dasher Deere felt her husband settle back in his chair, but she could still feel the tension in his arm. Liam had better watch himself or he'd find out how strong Joe really was.

"That's the magic of Christmas. We deer and the elves are only manifested that way in November, and we resume human form by mid-January. If we stayed in our holiday form year-round, those pointy-eared elves would end up in a lab somewhere and we'd probably be heads on some hunter's trophy room wall." Dasher shivered as she explained.

"Look, asshole," Joe began. Dasher slapped his hand hard. Joe grimaced and rubbed his hand as he continued. "Sorry. Look, can we get to our issues. I don't give a damn whether or not you believe us, but we're here for counseling, not for your edification."

"Okay, what's the problem?" Liam sat back, sure that their delusion would end up being a big part of their problem.

"Well, for one thing, I'm raising a fucking elf!" Joe erupted. Dasher cringed in her seat.

"What?" Liam didn't see that one coming.

"More fucking explanation," Joe groused. He sighed. "Look, our magically form doesn't manifest until we are five years old. My son turned five last month, and he's an elf!"

"How does that happen?" Liam realized that he was giving credence to their psychosis.

"Ask my 'wife'," Joe said, adding the air quotes.

Dasher looked at her husband with sadness and regret. "Santa. Joe, you know how irresistible he can be!"

"Irresistible?" Liam looked at the stunning Mrs. Deere, her with those luscious breasts. Then he heard Joe growling and realized that he was staring. He frowned and focused. "You found that fat old man 'irresistible'?"

Dasher smiled guiltily, quickly wiping it off her face at her husband's frown. "Santa's not that jolly old elf all year. Like us, he only manifests for Christmas. During the year, he's a chiseled, 6'3" incredibly handsome, fit man..." She trailed off as Joe's growling resumed. "Well, he is," she mumbled. "You know he is."

Joe groaned loudly. "The boss came to visit six years ago and sent me out to line up some supplies. He took her out to dinner and dancing, and five years later I find out my beloved son, who I bonded with, is a fucking ELF!"

"I keep saying I'm sorry! I'm so damned sorry. But I was drunk, and you know how overpowering Santa can be, even when he doesn't mean to be. And he kept complimenting me, telling me how sexy my ass looks every year while I pull the sleigh. Then, it just happened. It'll never happen again, I swear!" Dasher was weeping, pulling at Joe's arm.

Liam cleared his throat. "Well, Joe, don't you think you can get past this? We can work on some exercises on trust. Obviously, your wife loves you, and you love her, and you say you love your son..."

Joe leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He rubbed his face. "That's not the problem. The slut's pregnant, again!"

"Damn it, Joe!" Dasher sobbed, "You know it's not my fault! Why can't you let it go!"

"Fucking Rudolph! You couldn't fuck anyone else, but that goddamn asshole? How cuckold will I look with an elf son and a fucking red-nosed kid?" Joe looked up, weeping with humiliation.

Liam was amazed at how intricate their delusions were. "You had sex with Rudolph? How is that not your fault?" Even in his humiliation, Joe thought again that Liam was one hell of a lousy marriage counselor.

Dasher glanced at Joe, and whispered again, "It's not my fault." Turning back to Liam, she explained, "Reindeer usually go into estrus in September and October, so it's never been a problem for us, but sometimes it can delay until November. That's what happened to me, Joe.

"I'd never had that happen before. I never felt that rush, that heat. You've got to understand what it's like to go into heat -- your whole body needs it. It's not a fucking choice!" She broke down into sobs.

Joe picked up the story. "That red-nosed asshole was in the field where Dasher was grazing, took one sniff and jumped on board! I heard them grunting like pigs rutting and got there right when the asshole was hopping off. I could have killed them both."

"Yeah, but you didn't. Joe, you took one sniff and jumped right on me. Fucking nature took over for you, too; just like it did for me. You didn't chase Rudolph and kick his ass like you would have if you were in your human form -- you let him run away because you just had to fuck me." Dasher stopped sobbing and smiled at the memory. "Wow, did you ever! I hardly felt the red-nosed prick, but you! And you came and came!

"Joe, this child could still be yours. It may not be Rudolph's. I keep telling you that." She rose up and sat down on Joe's lap, hugging him and laying her face against his. He hesitated a moment, then hugged her back, kissing her neck.

"I love you, sweetheart, but I can't wait for five years to see what color the fawn's nose is. It's bad enough that the guys call me Elf-dad, but Rudolph! Why did it have to be him? He's so fucking smug about it. He keeps it up and I might develop a test for venison!" Joe ranted.

"DNA? Can't you just do a DNA test?" Liam questioned.

"NO!" they both yelled. Then Joe explained, "We're not sure how our DNA will look, compared to natural humans or caribou. If it comes out different, we could end up in a lab somewhere."

Dasher gently kissed her husband. "Joe, we don't need to be here. You know that. You felt how strong the pull was that day on you, well imagine what it was like for me in estrus, hormones coursing through my body. It really wasn't my fault. I love you, Joe, and you love me. You know it. I know I fucked up with Santa, but I'll never be alone with that fat bastard ever again. I promise. Let's go home. I want some time with my husband." She stood and pulled at his arm.

He knew that he did love her. He knew that he couldn't, wouldn't do without her. And he did remember how angry he was with Rudolph but how quickly it was forgotten as the scent of his doe overcame his consciousness, replacing his hate with a need to mate. And what a glorious mating that had been.

As he got up, he hugged his wife to him, but mumbled, "Better not be a red-nosed bastard."

Liam sat back smugly, thinking, "Another successful conclusion. God, I'm good!" Then he began thinking about what a great paper their delusion would make. He was about to suggest that they might need some more sessions when he realized they were both looking at him.

"Thinking about what a story this would make, aren't you?" Joe accused.

"No, no," Liam blustered. "Everything in our session is confidential -- strictly confidential."

Joe laughed. "Well, let me ask: Do you normally take notes? Maybe record sessions on tape?"

Liam suddenly realized that he hadn't taken a single note, nor had he remembered to start the recorder.

Joe saw the awareness dawn on Liam's face, and said, "When we walk out the door, you won't even remember this session or anything we said, not even as a dream. Something about puberty makes it impossible for adults to keep hold of magical things or events. The younger the child, the more they can see, but as they approach puberty, it's all forgotten." Joe chuckled, "You won't even remember to bill us for the session. Ta-ta, asshole."

Both the Deeres laughed as they left the office, arms around each other. Even though Liam was a terrible counselor, they both felt hope for their future.