Repeat After Me

"Talking about 'something else', can you get me a tall Campari and soda as well? It's for a lady if she ever shows."

"For the lovely Carol? Sure thing. On both counts." Henry turned to prepare the drink for Rob. He knew his customers and their tipples, especially the ones he liked.

"Drink for a lady, story of my second wife," Alan said morosely as he refreshed his and Rob's drinks with equal amounts of the constituent liquids, head full of a whirlwind of his own thoughts about his relationships. "Henry, we going to need more water," he called.

"Coming up."

"OK I'll bite," smiled Rob, "Are we talking about a lady other than Natalie and what happened to wife number two and the demon drink?"

"Well, number two became a Lady, just after we got married, which really pissed off wife number one, who was never a Lady by title."

"The beautiful Natalie was number one?"

"Oh, you noticed she was beautiful? She is and always was, beautiful."

"I noticed, I should, she posed for me for quite a few photos for most of the afternoon."

"I thought you only did the impromptu shots, your Aunt Jane did all the posing in front of the church?"

"That's what you and unfortunately only you, are supposed to think, Alan, my apologies for the deception. Usually, I just do the peripheral stuff and the groom's party at weddings. The exception to the rule comes for certain broken families where, for instance, the father and mother of the bride refuse to have anything to do with one another. So, what you and your side of the family are supposed to think, is that all the staged photos are in front of the expansive sixteenth century main double doorway of St Martin's. Then, when certain shots are being staged at that point, such as the father of the bride and the groomsmen together by the main photographer, I'm round the side of the church in front of the charmingly careworn fourteenth century choir chapel doorway, shooting the bride and bridesmaids with the mother of the bride and the mother's family. Aunt Jane has done enough of these weddings that it is choreographed to perfection, with my Uncle Bert standing on the corner orchestrating the movements of all the players involved."

"So, resulting in two albums, two DVDs, but one bill?"

Henry was back by then with more water and Carol's Campari. "I think he's got the idea, Rob," with a huge grin on his face, "It's a sadly increasing phenomenon of the modern wedding industry."

"That's another story of my life, my women —" Alan began.

Rob and Henry both interjected, "— Ladies you mean!"

Alan continued, "... OK, two Ladies and one woman ..." nodding to the pair with his tumbler aloft and taking a fortifying sip from it before continuing, "... All came to a sad end. The first woman gave my best friend a blow job, the second wife (who became the First Lady after I was knighted for services to industry), was a lush who gave blow jobs to just about everyone, and the final soon-to-be-ex-Lady is a dyke who gave ... bloody ... rug jobs to her female tennis coach, for crying out loud!"

He drained his glass, put it down and said, "The only reason I'm here drinking again after four years on the wagon is because now my first wife has suggested to me, with all the confidence that only a beautiful, confident, irresistible woman could possibly conjure up, that we become an item again. She actually said we'll 'see how it goes'. Then she storms off in a huff to her room when I deign to suggest that hell would have to freeze over completely before I'd even consider such an option. And even then the answer would be 'No way,' although I think I added a four-letter word in there somewhere as well. As for 'see how it goes?' I know how it went the last time, while I was grilling sausages on the back deck for our barbecue guests, she was swallowing my ex-best mate Jerry's sausage in our en-suite."

He poured another slug of whisky, while Rob and Henry looked on, unable to find anything to say. "I only caught them because I had been drinking beer all afternoon and evening and the main loo was occupied so I slipped into the main bedroom and they hadn't even bothered to lock the door!" He paused before continuing at almost a whisper, "She's just now told me that Jerry had been pestering her for twenty years since our courting days. I had treated Jerry's continual innuendo bantering as a bit of a joke between us, thinking nothing of it. She says I should have had a word with him long before. I hadn't realised that Natalie was at her wit's end and she asked Jerry what did she need to do to get him off her back, he suggested a hand job, apparently. Natalie said he went off like a fire cracker after twenty seconds, spraying everywhere so she clamped her mouth over the end to stop it going on her party dress and that was when I walked in on them."

Rob and Henry continued to listen without comment, letting him get it all out of his system, possibly for the first time. Another half an hour with the GlenDronach 41 and they might have to carry him to his room. Henry made a mental note to put a fresh jug of coffee on in a minute.

"Tonight was the first time I had spoken to her since that night. She's still living in that same house that used to be ours and still using that same bloody en-suite. I haven't spoken to Jerry since then either. I left him there picking up his teeth. And we were best friends for nearly forty years. He was my best man at my first wedding for crying out loud!" He laughed and gestured to the ballroom, where the thumbing bass from some anonymous disco number intruded into the quiet bar.

"Other than my daughter, who should be enjoying her nuptials with more uncomplicated hope for her future than I could ever have for mine, all my nearest and dearest blood relatives are enjoying the dancing and drinking and having fun at my expense while I'm in here telling my personal troubles to ... and no offence intended to either of you ... to a couple of complete strangers who I have never seen before today. That, gentlemen, is my life, rapidly going out the porcelain porthole. What do you say to that?"

Rob and Henry looked at one another initially. They both nodded and Henry said, "I'll go first Alan, if Rob doesn't mind, I've got 24 inches of mahogany between us for my protection."

Rob grinned "Go ahead H, I'm right behind you." He was warming to Henry.

"First of all Alan, I think you are an all-right guy, more than all-right. When my pompous twit of a boss, the hotel events manager, briefed us first thing this morning, before we even laid out the tables and everything, he stressed to us all to address you as 'Sir Alan' at all times, no exception. Later, when you first came in with the wedding party and approached me, you just introduced yourself as Alan and shook my hand. You told me that as far as you were concerned this was my bar and I was in charge. Any trouble I had with any guest, I was to deal with it and you'd back me up to the hilt. You asked if I was good with names and faces. I assured you I was. You said that the invites made it clear that the free bar ended when the happy couple departed, right? Then you said that after that point your tab would continue for certain individuals that you would point out, like Carol, for instance. Later, you added Rob here, plus a limited number of others, including, and I quote pretty well verbatim what you said, 'my ex-wife, a virtual lookalike to my stunning daughter; she's not supposed to be here and she is so smart I'll probably never even lay eyes on her, but you'll know Natalie when you see her - she can have anything she wants.' I've seen her, your ex-wife, she's as old as my mother but if she looked at me the way she looks at you, I'd sprout wings. If she has just told you she wants to get back with you, man, wow! I know she would walk on hot coals for you, and I think you've gotta give her another chance. You both deserve to get back together."

Henry put his hand on Alan's drinking hand. "I hear lots of things at the bar, Alan, people forget barmen are there, always alert and listening for orders, or changes of mood. Several of your ex-wife's family have said things both behind her back and to her face about you and she's shut them up sharply as soon as she has heard anything. She's told them how it was all her fault you divorced and that while you worked hard all your married life she never felt the business was a rival lover as some had suggested. She said it was like you were raising another child from an earlier marriage and that the business was something she cared for just as much as you did. She said the only reason you split was because you were strong all the time and she was weak just the once and she had regretted that mistake every minute since. Natalie loves you completely, Alan. Don't let her get away."

"Nice one, Henry," said Rob. He turned his attention to Alan.

"I know we've only met today and you are successful and old enough to be my father, so who am I to hand out advice to someone such as you? I've never even had a steady girlfriend let alone had marriage issues. You are talking to us about your dilemma when you think you should be talking to your family, but often family members who you only see at weddings, christenings and funerals, cannot see the wood for the trees. We can give you unbiased advice and, out of simple humanity, we really do care about you."

"Fellas —"

"Hear me out," Rob continued. "I've been speaking to Natalie quite a bit this afternoon. For about an hour she was conducting all her family members for the alternative wedding photos for her daughter's sake. She is a marvellous woman. I was curious about what happened to your marriage. For a start, I could see that you weren't here with anyone and neither was she. Talking to Eve, while she was getting ready to pose with her mother and maternal family, she let slip that since your marriage ended there hasn't been anyone else in Natalie's life, with never a mention of any Uncle Jerry. I don't know what happened to your former best friend, but he is not in the picture and hasn't been for a long time. I thought Natalie was fantastic, if it was me I'd give her another chance. What have you got to lose?"

Alan smiled when Rob had finished. Henry tapped Rob on the shoulder and nodded approvingly of the younger man's advice.

"What have you gotta lose, Alan?" Henry chipped in, "Take her out a couple of times while your daughter is on her honeymoon, so by the time she gets back you can look at the photos together as a family that is comfortable in its own company. Take it slow, so neither one of you gets hurt, no promises made, none to break. If it doesn't work out between you, at least you are talking with each other. It means you can still get together with your daughter for the major holidays through the year without undue rancour."

Alan generously refreshed his glass, offering another sniffer to both companions. Rob declined, but Henry grinned and said "You'll get me shot, but OK, a very small one." he turned and fetched a clean tumbler from the bar for himself. Alan played "Mum" this time and splashed the water in both glasses. The bottle was just past halfway now.

"Henry," Alan said, "This is my last glass of booze tonight and I think I'm going to get back on that wagon. This malt is fantastic, and I'd like you to take the rest of the bottle home with you, I know you'd appreciate it. And, if your idiot boss shoots you, I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"It's not that 'boss' that I can't handle, it's my girlfriend Jenny!" Henry laughed as he put the glass down after smelling the delicious bouquet again without drinking. "She was one of the waitresses at the meal and she's at home now. I might have to wake her up to come back and drive me home. She'll kill me!"

"I'll give you a lift, H." Rob offered.

"Actually, Brian should be back with the car soon." Alan said. "He took the happy couple to a different hotel that none of their friends knew about, to give them some privacy tonight and tomorrow when they depart for the airport. Brian's currently taking a few of the older relatives home and should be back soon. He came prepared to drive all night so he can get you home if need be."

"I might take you up on that." Henry said, gratefully. "Oh! oh! Don't look now but we are about to be joined by the ladies."

Alan and Rob spun around on their barstools. Striding towards them were Carol and Natalie.

Rob noticed that Carol had changed into a classic sparkly black dress, cut low at the top and suspended from impossibly gossamer-thin straps, the hem a couple of inches above the knee, showing her shapely legs down to her slender black high heels. She had also let her dark blond hair down from its previous elevated style, to frame her face and tumble onto her bare shoulders. She was smiling as she strode purposely towards him.

Carol reached Rob before he could compose himself and get off his stool. She wrapped her arms around him and fastened her lips onto his lips and kissed him on the mouth like her life depended on it. She pressed her body tightly up to him, thrusting her tongue deeply into his mouth, wrestling his stunned tongue, sucking his lip and biting it sharply before drawing breath and deepening her kiss once more, taking away his breath from him. Carol broke off the kiss and regarded him, her arms still around him, stroking the back of his neck, and smiled.

"Mmmm! You taste of whisky, I thought you might have finished up my Campari by now."

"N-no, I haven't," stuttered Rob. "Well, the ice hadn't completely melted yet so I thought you were worth waiting a bit longer for. If I knew you were going to welcome me like that I'd have waited until that drink evaporated, or became really cobwebby like Miss Haversham's wedding breakfast. So, you know I would be the last to complain right now but what happened to your earlier hesitancy?"

She grinned, her smiling face bright and beautiful. "Natalie and I had a long talk about you and she agreed with me that it was time to check out that you are probably nothing like the Best Men of this world who think bedding the Matron of Honour is a given."

"I assure you I'm not, and you are the only girl in this world right now that I am interested in. I might have to get the ring altered, though."

"What ring?" Carol remembered they spoke earlier about a ring when they played with Barry.

"My Grandmother's ring" Rob enlightened her, "It's actually not her original engagement ring, my sister was given that, but she did leave me her eternity ring, which Grandpa bought with his retirement payout years ago. My Sis says it's got quality, I wouldn't know, I don't know if Grandmother knew, but apparently it was quite pricey."

"Is this the Grandpa with two left feet?"

"No this was Mum's side of the family, they just have four thumbs on each hand, I'm a sort of hybrid."

"I think it's time to dance, don't you?"

"OK."

As they walked towards the dancehall, they left behind their audience of three. Alan and Henry both smiled and briefly looked skywards. Natalie frowned very slightly, her smile at Rob and Carol fading.

"What's this, you two cynics? Don't you recognise young love when you see it?"

"We were just wishing the young couple good luck," Alan ventured, "they are both among my favourite people."

"And I was going to fetch the soda fountain in case that smouldering kiss turned to flames! Actually, we are both jealous," smiled Henry, happy to have two of his most favourite customers at his bar.

"Judging from the level in that fancy bottle of malt, I suppose you three have been discussing our earlier conversation, Alan?" Natalie said as she eased onto the stool next to Alan, revealing more than a tantalising flash of shapely thigh through the slash in the side of the shimmering blue silk dress, until she was settled. Neither male at that point had any thoughts that were suitable to verbalise at that moment. "Or were you guys just male bonding?"

Despite both males consulting each other by eye contact, great minds did not necessarily think alike. Henry offered "Bonding!" while Alan confessed "Yes!" simultaneously. Another exchange of looks and each agreed "Both!"

All three laughed.

"And?" she enquired.

Alan climbed off the stool and thought it remarkable that he could still stand by himself without the room spinning out of control. So far so good. He held out his hand to his first ex-wife and helped her to the floor, revealing another all-too-brief flash of thigh to his peripheral vision. He was concentrating, however, on her rewarding brilliant smile.

"I guess we're dancing," he said.

The End.