Requiem Ch. 03

No words left my lips as the pressure continued to strangle me, sinking me further into nothingness. It consumed my grandfather in a puff of smoke, as I knew it would do so to me. Hyperventilating, I thrashed about, only to realize I made no movement at all. Like a sinking stone, I sunk further and further as the dark presence kneeled over me, breathing down my neck like an animal. Squeezing, choking, gasping, there was nothing I could do. I felt a sudden jerk, as parts of my brain lit up like a Christmas tree when I felt all the breath knocked out of me. My lungs were screaming in protest. Endorphins and adrenaline cycled in my bloodstream within a fraction of a second, as my eyes shot open with a piercing gasp from my lips.

Feeling alarmed, I jolted awake with a shaky breath, only to realize Meg was on top of me, shaking me by the shoulders and shouting at me.

"SHERRON! Oh, Jesus, thank God. She's awake!" Meg leaned away from me as I caught my breath, while several other people were crowded around the room, peering down with equal concern.

I felt disoriented as I attempted to take in my surroundings. All the faces were blurred, the lights incredibly blinding in the room. I assumed I had passed out after taking that puff or two from Meg's stash, not realizing the outcome could be so drastic. I felt a nagging thought that my tolerance had been low for quite awhile after not smoking for a good five years since college. And, knowing of my history with sleep paralysis, albeit rarely, I could only assume this was what that was – I was experiencing another episode. I could already feel the dull thud of the tension headache arising again. Wincing, I rubbed my temples to ease the throbbing as I felt another pair of hands holding the sides of my face, asking me to turn towards her.

"Sherron, sweetheart, turn towards me. That's right, just like that..."

Turning my head, I saw a silhouette of a woman as a blinding light was shined in my eyes. I winced again, but the softly padded fingers calmed my tremors as they brushed my cheek. The light switched back and forth from one eye to the other.

"Now look towards the wall, babygirl." A sweet voice said softly.

I felt as though I were in a dream. I couldn't see Veronica but I knew she was there, touching my face, redirecting the path of light to shine in different places around my eyes.

"She's responding well, I think she was experiencing some sort of disturbance neurologically connected. Do you know if she has any history of seizures or tremors?" Vonni said beside me as she rubbed my temples, soothing me into a relaxed state. I leaned back and closed my eyes and corrected her.

"Paralysis..." I whispered, feeling the cooled fingers releasing the pressure build up.

"What's that?" She said, leaning her ear towards my mouth. I felt her hair brush my jaw as I tried to control my breathing for an entirely different reason. I licked my lips and swallowed, realizing my tongue grazed her ear as I did so. Vonni jolted to stillness when I whispered again, more clearly as strength returned to my voice.

"Sleep paralysis. Rarely do I... have episodes. They're usually induced... somehow." I moved my face into her neck out of exhaustion, again not thinking of the ramifications of doing so. I felt her move her cheek to my forehead and she gasped as my breath rained down her neck in a steady rhythm, or so I thought.

"Jesus! She's quite hot. Does anyone have a cold washcloth? Good, perfect. Run it under a faucet, Chloe. And ice!" She shouted as I seethed and cringed.

"Shite,I'm sorry, babygirl. Shhh... I didn't mean to shout." Veronica eased her cheek on my head again, trying to keep it cool and shielding me from the light above with her hair. Light-headed still, I relented and allowed my senses to take over. I vied to not fight it for I only felt weaker when I tried.

"The light." I croaked. There were mumbling voices sayings things I could not decipher in my weakened state. Somewhere near, a light switch was turned off as the shadows filled the space. I felt the blackness swallow me again as I drifted away, feeling faint murmurs and touches. Hands parted my jacket from my body as I felt cool air blowing around me from above.

I remembered smelling lavender before I blacked out.

I heard music once again. The sounds were faint as I weaved in and out of consciousness. It was the same solo my grandfather first played for me. Johann Sebastian Bach'sPartita No. 2 BWV 1004during the movement ofGigue. My heart stirred as I heard it again, feeling more alive as it soaked itself in my pores to the bone.

Eyes fluttering, the lounge was pitch black as I strained to see above me. I wondered for a split second if I was alone. As I began to stir I felt hands weighing me back down on the couch gently, but with force.

"Calm, Sher. Lay back down. Can you hear me all right? How's your head?" Veronica's voice was close to me, incredibly close.

I opened my eyes that finally had become acclimated to the light exposure to find her greens looking down at me, our gaze striking alarm within us both. I blinked the fatigue away, assessing the situation now that I was aware and alert. My lips felt dry as Veronica eased her hand underneath my head, tipping forward a glass of perspiring water between my parted lips. I nodded my thanks, feeling the sarcasm and wit returning as I swallowed and said, "How'd you know I love playing doctor?"

She quirked an eyebrow at me while smiling devilishly, armed with a smug look.

"Aye, I've known."

Her features contorted in worry, once again. "You really scared us back there. I was downstairs with your friend Chloe, her husband and... Dylan, when Meg, your other friend, came flying down the stairs screaming at Chloe to help you." She was breathing steadily as she fingered my hair, the digits raking through the locks lovingly.

"I almost fell out of my chair when she said you weren't moving, I immediately thought you were in cardiac arrest. Do you know how fast I sprinted up those stairs? Several of the barmaids hate me because I knocked over their serving trays, flying past them to get to you. I had no idea where I was going, but Meg's voice directed me even though I was leagues ahead of her. However, your friend is a wee fast fucker, all right. Before I could open the doors, she pummeled through them and literally pounced on you to wake up." Veronica smiled down at me as her white teeth reflected the moonlight coming from the open window.

"Long legs of the Little family. You should feel proud you were faster than her from the start. I haven't experienced an episode like that since college, though. It's been so long, no wonder Meg freaked out. She's only seen it happen once, yet that was minor, because I awoke within seconds of it happening. This one lasted for several minutes till you arrived." My voice finally felt stronger than before. As I recalled the amount of time that elapsed during my paralysis, my mind backlashed back to reality once again.

"Oh, shit! What time is it? Katie must be furious with..."

"Shhh..." I felt a finger hush my lips as Veronica shook her head.

"You need to rest. It's only been roughly thirty minutes, but I seriously believe you should lie down. This episode took quite a toll on you. You were burning up when I rushed to your side. You're not going anywhere outside this room until I say so." She grasped a hold of my chin with a serious gaze. Faintly, I could still hearAustra'sbeat vibrating the walls of below.

"And, that bloody headache you were talking about caused you to black out for fuck's sake!" She shook her head, stubbornly. "You're not well enough. This was a serious event that just happened to you. Please, just rest." I heard sincerity in her words and just like that I was subdued.

"But, wont Dylan be confused as to where you've gone, though?" I asked with genuine concern. She peered down at me as both of her eyes fluctuated while looking directly in my pupils.

"He was in here after I found you. Him and Allen are in a certain suite in this club at the moment discussing business deals with one of your friend's frequent clients. He saw you, Sherron, but he doesn't know who you are. As far as he thinks, you're just a random woman who had a seizure." She petted my hair as a troubled look washed over her features a third time.

"Babygirl, are you sure you're all right? When you woke up before from your nightmare, you shot up with a start. It was as if you were scared awake. Could I ask you something personal?" Veronica asked as her hand resumed its banter colliding with my cooling skin near my forehead.

"Sure."

"What did you dream about that would frighten you so badly?" Her brow hollowed following her question, her direct attention on me.

I gazed into her emerald depths, not wanting to relive that terror. Taking a deep breath, I began.

"I was dreaming of my grandfather, and reliving one of the most precious memories I have of him. He was playing for me with the violin he had just given to me for my tenth birthday with what you're hearing right now." I pointed my finger, still looking directly in her eyes, at the entertainment system with the LED lights shining distinctly in a marquee:

When her eyes returned to mine, I continued.

"And, when it ended, the last note echoed so I couldn't hear anything. I was completely deaf and my sight vanished before I could think of a single thought. This darkness swarmed around me, and it felt... terrible. Malevolent. It was suffocating me," I recalled as Veronica's eyes widened at hearing them.

"Suffocating you? I was thinking you were having some sort of fit at first but you weren't trembling or shaking at all like the common symptoms of a seizure. You were as stiff as a board one moment, breathing erratically, and the next you're wide-eyed like a deer in headlights and gasping for breath, completely alarmed. And, full of...fear." Her eyes revealed her emotions underneath the doctoral mask.

"Somehow, I don't know, but this one was different. Before, when I would experience sleep paralysis, I would be aware I was dreaming, and sometimes I could open my eyes, but not my mouth. And, there would be a distinct change in the atmosphere. As if an intruder was near, yet I could not see one. Sometimes you can see something, whether that is a full figure or a hand emerging from the edge of the comforter. It's absolutely fucking terrifying." I looked away towards the window, feeling safe in the glowing light of the moon.

"I remember you telling me you had trouble sleeping sometimes, but sweetheart, I had absolutely no idea how bad it was...is." She closed her eyes on the last word and bowed her head.

"You misunderstood. This is the first time it's happened in years. Tension headaches can cause them, however it was that and the pot that..."

"Pot? Sherron," Veronica's face hardened into a scowl. "You said you quit that years ago!"

I gave a confused look, a mixture of fear from her wrath, too.

"I did. I only smoked to calm my headache and my head. I was feeling on edge ever since..." I stopped mid-sentence, not sure how or if I could divert the sentence and hurtle over it.

"Ever since...?" Veronica turned her head a few degrees to emphasize her skeptical curiosity.

I looked at her fully in the eyes after expelling out all the negative thoughts in my head with one breath. "Ever since I saw you downstairs not an hour ago." I kept my gaze on her and she stayed completely still through out the whole exchange.

Her eyes softened as her lips parted, and then she looked away, staring up at the ceiling, blinking her eyes as they began to well. Biting her lip, she looked at me with watered greens, her cheeks red and rosy.

"Sher, I... I don't know what to say... I wish I had the words to tell you... everything, believe me." She abruptly stopped halfway, somewhat breathing hard, frantically trying to fight off her emotions with concealing them. Her attempt to keep them at bay failed as streaks poured down, her lips parting, breathing deeply.

"But, you cant." I said, knowing the answer before I could conceive what to reply with.

"No, I cant." She responded.

"Because you love another." No emotion left my face as a single tear fell, feeling the numbness swell within once again.

The striking face of Veronica Sutherland lost all control of her emotions as she broke down, her face hidden beneath her arms as she curled herself on my stomach facing towards me. Radical breaths rushed out as she cried, mumbling things as I attempted to console her. Leaning up, I raked my fingers through her hair, parting the curtain that hid her green eyes from me. She was looking downwards along my tummy that was exposed to help cool my temperature from before, in an unfocused manner, gazing aimlessly at a portion of my body. I wouldn't doubt that her sight would be blurry; she looked as though she was experiencing pain.

"...Please don't." She was whispering something that sounded like a weak whimper.

"Don't what, Vonnilove?" I said as I trailed my fingers through the grooves of her bangs, curling them around her ear.

"Please don't hate me..." She began to tremble again and cried. Shaking, she couldn't control herself as she grasped me, hugging me, wailing on my stomach looking ashamed.

"Don't cry, sweetheart, please. Please...? Come on, baby, shhh..." I tried cooing at her and holding her face but she shrugged it off, cringing away as if she were afraid of what I'd think if I saw her in her state. It took me aback a second, but I realized she was experiencing an emotional event, more so than she probably ever has before; anyone would recoil away from a touch if they felt insecure and in distress.

"Veronica? Look at me, baby." I kept my eyes on her as she slowly opened her own. She looked at me, leaning her face into my skin as she continued to cry. Silent tears fell as she took control over her breathing. I licked my lips, and said as clearly as possible so she'd hear, yet gentle like a whisper, "I do not hate you, nor could I or ever will."

Her bottom lip trembled as she closed her eyes in pain once again. "Then why... do I feel as though I've caused ....you pain? I look in your eyes ...and... I feel it. I feel what you feel." She spoke unevenly, her whispering becoming fainter.

"Come up here with me." I patted the side of the spacious couch and motioned for her to climb aboard.

She hesitated at first, an expressionless face for one moment, and then she lifted her legs, one after the other, until they were intertwined with mine. She discarded her heels on the floor, as her jean-clad thighs nestled further into the couch. Veronica held me, my arms beneath her own that were wrapped around my neck. We were close to each other, enough to feel our heated breath on each other's cheeks.

"Why me?" A soft voice blurted to my right, my ear detecting hot air falling against it.

"What do you mean, 'why you'?" I said, confused.

Vonni leaned over me, her hair falling against my face again, causing me to hold my breath. I had forgotten how to breathe, my eyes transfixed on her eyes, then to her full mouth that was delicately parted, then back to her eyes again – only to divert back to her lips. I desperately tried to even my breathing with her so tantalizingly close. She looked down at me and I noticed how her eyes dilated. I felt a chill as I shivered beneath her, feeling the cool wind from the window rushing past my half exposed midsection. Moonlight transcended on the scene of Veronica and I, wrapped in each other's arms as every fiber in my being wrestled my conscious to keep from kissing her. Not yet. Not at this moment.

"Why do you love me?" She said hovering over me, her Scottish accent a faint, weak whisper.

I didn't even have to think.

"You saved me from myself..." I began.

"What does that even mean?" Veronica interrupted. I felt as though she was testing me. For what, I don't know. However, she was acting precautious which was what startled me.

"Vonni... before I met you, I knew someone else. I thought I knew what life was before I met her, having known what it felt like to feel dead inside until you find something of such grand spiritual value... yet, I did not." My eyes bore into hers as I continued.

"I knew her for such a short while, it was so terribly short. I had met Femke on a backpacking journey through Europe when I took a route somewhere in Belgium that lead me to Amsterdam. We were such... I'm not sure; I'd say two individuals who felt lonely in the world, even though we had more friends than we could count on each hand. I fell in love with her wit as she fell in love with my poetic language. I felt whole for the first time, and I felt immortal with knowing that we loved each other... and then, she passed away." Veronica's eyes softened once again, imploring me to continue my story.

"But, not before she sent me a note from her laptop. Femke was in immense pain, yet she held on long enough to tell me something that was vital for me to know. I was in college back in the states at the time she succumbed to her injuries from the car wreck, so I couldn't be near her. Yet, she told me everything I needed to know without even saying, 'love' to me once."

I felt my arms grow weak as they fell to my sides, heavy like lead.I suppose I'm not 100% better after all,I thought.

"I received that note from her, that lone paragraph, from her friend who forwarded it to my email a month after she had passed. It was closure, in a way, but I still felt disconnected to the world. There was nothing that made me feel alive. I lost faith in everything. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up... so that I could be with her. Because she told me she would dream about waking up next to me since she was falling asleep. And then... she never woke up." I breathed deeply, counting to myself to not get myself overemotional. It had been more than six years since Femke's death, yet I found myself capable of coping, with meditation and restful sleep.

Sometimes though, it was difficult to not think about her and reminisce of our time together. Who ever could think a thought so fragile could be so destructive in an obscure situation?

Veronica was staring down at me with wide eyes, her mouth parted further than before.

"I became a ghost of myself. Everyone noticed through out college. I found no happiness in my work, nor did I put any effort into helping myself. I was deteriorating as the days passed, until, one day... randomly I grew bored. I was a smoker back then, so I was stoned and had absolutely nothing to do. I surfed the web for a few hours, joined a chat site, and within minutes... I find this profile of a girl by the name of surrealvonni23, and am compelled to message her. I just... wanted to know you for some reason. And, you were actually quite put off with me with my smooth opening line ofhi..."

"Ha ha ha!" Veronica bellowed from above me, finally smiling after such a depressive streak. She giggled and wiped her eyes with her shoulder, looking at me with a smug grin.

"I was nervous! Here I was, talking to an American college student, not knowing what the fuck to say! And, your pictures were a different story..." She trailed off in a sexy tone.

I nudged her in the ribs. "I wasn't the only one on that site to post nudes." My eyes twinkled in the moonlight as I looked up at her.

"True." She said, gazing down at me. I looked away as the music transitioned to its final movement,Chaconne, as the violin's musical voice swayed and slowed to a slower pace. I felt her hand under my chin, holding it securely while turning. She rested my chin in front of her, scooting her elbow that Vonni was resting her weight on closer to me rather than the edge of the couch.