Research and Analysis - Crossover 04

Research and Analysis

Crossover #4

"Decker, my man, I've got all the time in the world...just tell me."

He sat there holding his cup. The tea was probably already lukewarm or cold. Holding the cup was the equivalent of him "holding on", I think.

Decker began, "Lin, I've told you some things about me but not a lot. I haven't lied to you, I just haven't told you a lot. So, settle in..this may take a while.

"I come from a wealthy family and I mean a WEALTHY family. I'm the only child, my dad is a hard driving, A-Type personality who inherited a family fortune and a family business and built them into a huge fortune and a lot of businesses. I'm not sure I can name them all. Well, from an early age my father has been grooming me to take over the whole shooting match. He's not ready to retire, not by a long shot, but he wanted to get me in place to take over anyway.

"He sent me to the best schools, from kindergarten on up. I graduated middle of the class from a prestigious prep school and he already had me accepted to attend an even more prestigious university. I'm not sure if it was just plain teenage rebellion or that I really had an inner need to establish my own identity, but I kicked over the traces and enlisted in the Army.

"In the army I was nothing special which, in many ways, was a good thing. Nobody was looking at me as "The Rich Kid"; I had to achieve success on my own just like everyone else. After I was out of basic training and into ATS (Advanced Training School) my commanding officer discovered that I had ROTC experience. He offered me a pass to OCS (Officer Candidate School). I turned it down. I didn't want to be a big deal in the Army, just a soldier who does his job.

"I did move up in rank, though, and found myself in Special Ops group, tough guys, tough duty, tough places. I did well with this until IT happened. I was on mission to interdict some rebels in a country which I shall not name. There are still some secrecy measures in place, you know. Anyway, the helo got shot down by an RPG, two of my guys were killed outright, and of the twelve remaining, half were injured or wounded..or soon would be.

"The rebels massed for an attack. We knew they weren't looking for equipment, intel, or hostages; they were looking for blood. We had a call in for "exfil" but the rescue helo was far away and pretty much in the same jeopardy that took us down. My guys that could fight and I fought them off for what seemed like an eternity. It was brutal. One more of my men was killed, and the rest wounded and incapable of fighting. I had some wounds myself but I was able to aim and shoot a gun, so I took over their weapons and fought off the rebels the best I could. I even had to resort to using the aviation fuel from the helo to make "Molotov Cocktails" to keep the attackers at bay. Well, before I was killed, the rescue took place. I was happy to be alive and see my men saved too.

"As things happened, the whole incident got a lot of publicity and I was put forward for a decoration. I got it, and several of my men were recognized too. I insisted on it. I picked up my medal while I was in the hospital recovering from my wounds. One of them was severe enough so that I couldn't continue in combat or even in the service. I was mustered out with a service connected disability.

"My dad wanted me to come back and work for one of his companies. I chose to come here and enroll in school, do the frat thing, and get through on my own. Where I go from here, who knows? Maybe back to my family but I don't know.

"What happened last week is something that's happened before. I suffer from PTSD from my experiences in the Army. I've had it since I got discharged a couple of years ago. It is termed "Moderate", whatever that means...I guess that means that it's not bad enough to disable be but bad enough to require ongoing care. It's always there in the background but, for example, when I get over stressed it will trigger an episode. They usually build slowly, I hardly know it's happing, reaches a peak or a crisis, and then subsides and I'm back to relative normal. Some guys have horrible problems and get caught up in alcohol and drugs, wind up in prison, an institution, or kill themselves. I'm lucky none of THOSE things have happened to me...yet..and I hope they never will.

"What kicked this latest episode off was my father campaigning to get me out of school and back to business with one of his companies. Also in the mix is that my mother is ill, well, she drinks way too much....has done for years...and she's back in a rehab again. And on top of that, my boss at the insurance agency wants me to put in more hours, essentially full time. He said he'd train me, get me licensed, and move me along. I'm good at what I do there, and I like the guy, but I'm really not ready to give up school.

"So, that is IT, in a big nutshell--NUT being the operative word."

As I listened to Decker tell his story, some of which I already knew--though I was not about to tell him that, or ever tell him that I knew, I felt my heart pound, and fall, at the same time. Decker was so matter of fact about all of this, not an ounce of self-pity, just a straightforward recitation.

I thought, "Geez! I thought I knew about Decker...you never know...We've all got our problems, heaven knows I've got my set, but I had no idea Decker was struggling with all of that.!"

I looked at him and said, "DECKER, my sweet boy! I had no idea...no idea whatever that you were going through all that! Why didn't you tell me? I don't know what I could done to help but...geez...I could have done something!"

Decker paused, "Lin, I knew you had enough problems of your own. I was just trying to be of help to you, offer at least some support. This sounds trivial, but I knew sex would settle you down sometimes and I rather enjoy oral sex with you so...well...I thought....but...If it helped at all, I'm glad...if it complicated things, I'm sorry. I really do care for you, though."

"Thank you, Decker...Thank you SO much. Here, let's get another cup of tea. There's something I want to share with you and I hope it lightens your load not increases it."

A couple of fresh cups of tea took only a few minutes. We moved from the table to the couch where we would be more comfortable. Decker sat facing each I one one end and Decker on the other. It's not a big couch so, we were less than an arm's length from each other. The cups went on coasters on the coffee table.

I gave Decker an unvarnished recount of my last few weeks. I told him about my exciting lesbian sex-capades Tanya, Tanya and Gladys, and my latest one with June. I may have gone into more detail that I needed but I wanted to give him a flavor of how much fun that was and what it meant to me, especially with June.

And then I shot straight from the shoulder about him and me, "Decker, what set me off last week was not something you said, it was something I heard! You said to me 'Lin, I love that' when I finished my hand-job/blow job; what I heard was 'Lin, I love YOU'. There's a big difference between those statements.

I knew I had to explain more, so I said, "I think I understand it better now, though it's not entirely clear, but when you said, 'I love YOU' I couldn't handle it. We've talked about some of this: Am I lesbian? Am I bi-sexual? and hetero-sexual with lesbian tendencies? Am I pan sexual? poly-amorous?. All of this was running around in my mind. The bottom line was that I didn't feel loveable by anyone and that anyone who tried to love me was going to be disappointed and I was going to be disappointed in myself."

I wasn't sure I made my point, so I continued, "Think about it, if I were in love with a woman and a man came along, maybe like you came along and I became attracted and attached, my woman would be in a fury to get rid of you and keep me. The converse is true, as well, only you'd probably want nothing to do with me and chase me into the arms of my woman who wouldn't want me either. Where would that leave me?

It seemed to me Decker's attention was drifting. I needed to get to the point, "I believe now that I have a solution. Two things clicked with me this past week. First, your analogy of the ice cream cones. I like, no I love, Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla, and Cherry ice cream all the same. My favorite is the one that I'm eating at the time. PERFECT! Second, Tanya told me of her marriage to a man who accepts her bi-sexuality, in fact supports it, while Tanya has fallen in love with a woman, a beautiful woman just like Tanya. She can do both because both people love her and accept her and support her. So, my solution is: Rather than be torn by my love of sex with men and women, I should embrace it and follow my heart.

Now was my chance, it was as if I were on a 10meter platform getting ready to dive into a pool when I didn't know if there was any water in it. I said, "Decker, this is where my heart is now...I hope it is where yours is too...I've come to realize in this last week, Decker, that I love you! I LOVE YOU, Decker! I've also come to realize that I LOVE my new friend June! Tanya and Gladys already know that I LOVE them!"

I moved closer to Decker on the couch, reached out and put my hand on his shoulder and, gazing into his eyes, said, "Decker, the question now is: Do You Love Me? The next question is: Do You Love Me Enough for me to be in love with my women, whoever they might be?"

Decker look at me with some amazement, and said, "Lin! This all....well...all...a lot for me to digest. I hardly know what to say...and don't take that as a 'no' or a 'yes'. Let me let it sink in!"

I don't know why I expected him to respond immediately but I understood that, with all of the other stuff going with him, giving him time was the right thing.

We polished off what was left of our tea and looked at each other. We not only looked tired..we were tired.

Decker suggested first what I was about to suggest, "Let's sleep on it! Can I stay over?"

I took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom. That answered his question.

And, NO, we didn't jump into bed and engage in lengthy and vigorous intercourse, also known as fucking. I wasn't joking when I said we were tired...WE WERE! He climbed into bed and actually snuggled ourselves to sleep.

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It was almost a replay of the morning a week and a half ago. I woke up at 5:00 on the nose. There was enough light in the room to see Decker clearly. It had been another warm night so, as before, Decker was lying there naked, with his limp penis drooping between his legs. I stared at it and stared at it. I had that funny exciting feeling in my tummy. "It's time to do something wicked again," I said to myself.

This time I didn't tease Decker's cock like I did before. The last time I was experimenting as much as I had been playing. This time, though, I knew exactly what I was going to: There was an out-and-out blowjob in Decker's future.

What can one say about blowjobs. There are really only a limited, if one thinks about it. Penis goes into mouth, mouth does some sucking often accompanied by stroking of the shaft, man ejaculates...and...end of. Well of course there are variations but nothing really alters the essentials of the process. But there is something exceedingly sexy with the cocksucker fully enjoys the experience and enjoys the man's enjoyment.

In my case, that early morning, I set out to totally enjoy giving a man a blowjob. Yes, I had given my share of blowjobs...maybe more than my share considering Nawel's desires...but many of them were voluntary, not because I like to do blowjobs, but I liked the man I was giving the blowjob to. Swallowing cum was hit or miss but to say I gave a blowjob because I liked swallowing cum would be a mistake. I didn't swallow if I could help it and was rarely pleased if I did. I can't remember giving any man a blowjob because I really wanted to swallow his cum...until that morning when I set out to exactly that.

I gently moved Decker's legs apart and knelt between them. Miraculously, this did not wake him. I grasped his limp shaft in my hand and carefully raised it up and supported to I could apply my mouth to it. I lowered my head until my lips touched the head of his penis. This time there wasn't any pre-cum because I hadn't teased it out, so I had to lubricate the head of his cock with mouth. Somehow I remembered the head of his cock being smaller and my mouth bigger but this time it was the opposite. His cock may have swelled because I had a harder time getting it past my lips and into my mouth. That having been accomplished, I swirled my tongue around the glans and eased more of his head and shaft into my mouth.

Slowly I forced the his stiffening member deeper while stroking its shaft with my free hand. The more I did this, the stiffer his cock became. I surprised myself when I got virtually his whole shaft in my mouth and partially down my throat. I found that I relaxed, I could get it farther in without triggering my gag reflex. I felt my nose ticked by his pubic hair but I didn't actually force my face against his pubis.

I could feel his member swell, so I repeated the process, withdrawing the shaft until the head was just inside my mouth and then forcing it into the back of my mouth. It became easier with each thrust because my saliva increased and I was sure there was that evanescent pre-cum mixing in with the other fluids.

Speaking of fluids, I recognized the sensation in myself, my loins were stirring and I knew my vagina was lubricating itself. I tested the opening between my labia with my idle hand and discovered that, indeed, my pussy was wet...wet enough to leak onto my pubic hair. My probing turned into a full manipulation of my clitoris. Now not did I have enjoyment from Decker's cock in my mouth, I had the pleasure of my clitoris building--The Daily Double, I joked with myself.

You remember the old game, where you pat your forehead while you rub your tummy? Not easy was it! Well that's essentially what I was doing here. Sucking and massaging Decker's cock with my mouth and one hand and masturbating with the other. It took some concentration but in a way it made the sensations better...I was more aware of what I was doing and more aware of the sensations.

I could tell that Decker was about to shoot his load. His hips began to undulate, his abs contracted, and his cock drastically swelled. His semen shot to the back of my throat and went down like the proverbial raw oyster. After his first shot, I pulled my mouth off of his cock and watch his cum drip down my hand that was around his shaft. I licked at it as it ran down, like wax on a candle. Now that I knew how delicious Decker's cum was, I wasn't going to miss a drop. He shot another string, and another one after that. I caught both of those just as they came out of his penis. Finally the flow of his cum stopped. I squeezed his shaft to force the last of it to the surface and licked it when it showed up. I finished by slurping the runaway cum off of my fingers and wrist. Not a drop of cum hit Decker's body.

I settled back on my haunches and proceeded to finish myself off with masturbation. I was surprised how quickly my orgasm happened. It must have been the extra stimulation of giving Decker a blow job that over-sensitized my clitoris. I didn't have a monumental climax but it certainly wasn't one that I could have missed happening.

I laid back down next to Decker who, by this time was awake basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. He rolled over onto his side, placed his lips against mine and gave me a passionately deep, tongue filled kiss.

"Be careful, my love," I warned him, "some of your cum is in my mouth, do you know that?"

"Oh, I know that, Lin but it doesn't make any difference to me. Your kisses are sweet no matter what." he whispered, as he kissed me again and again.

I whispered, "You are a devilishly sexy man, my sweet. I could eat you up, my love!"

With a quiet chuckle, he said, "I thought that's what you just did!"

"Only the first of many, my love, only the first of many more....I Love YOU, Decker, I DO!"

Decker squeezed my hand and whispered again, "I love you, Lin. You heard me right this time...I LOVE YOU!"

I barely made it to work that morning.

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But I did go to work that morning. I thought, "Yes, I was feeling giddy. Giving Dexter a blow job in the morning could turn into a regular thing...If I'm lucky!"

Then it dawned on me, It's great that I've finally gotten a taste for blow jobs (pun intended) but that's only half the game with Dexter. Having sex with my women perforce is virtually all oral sex...unless one throws the occasional strap-on or power tool. Those pesky penises add a whole other dimension to sex, especially for women like me who have depended on women for their sexual gratification. One might think that genital/genital male/female sex would seem to be an easy answer to expanding one's sex life. Well, not necessarily so. There is always that lurking problem for a woman: Pregnancy!

I was lucky that Nawel didn't get me pregnant; I was a fugitive from the law of averages there. It was a zero chance of my getting pregnant during my...what should I call it..my "lesbian" phase. But Decker is a different story; he is a young, virile, sperm infested male and I at a 39 am not beyond the age of fertility. Yes 39 year-olds who get pregnant are considered late in life events but it's not uncommon, in fact, today it may be MORE common given women's choices with respect to early careers and late motherhood.

Birth control, at my age? Unthinkable just a few short months ago. Now it seems that if I am going to give myself fully to Decker, I'm going to need to think about that...and so is he! Condoms are a good option, if Decker wants to wear one. I'm NOT going to take the pill or wear a patch or any of that nonsense; I don't want to fuck up my hormones just to avoid getting knocked up. Surgery is out of the question; the only invasive thing I want is Decker's cock in my vagina. I guess Decker and I could subsist on nothing but mutual oral sex...with an occasional hand job thrown in...but that circles back to a need for a FULLY sexualized relationship.

"Good Moooorning, Dar-Lin" Gar chanted as has become his wont, "you look light on your feet this morning, my dear!"

"So do you, Gar, but then that's always the case with you, " I said feeling catty, "your shoes must last forever!"

"Now, THAT'S not nice, Dar-Lin," Gar announced with mock pain, "not nice at all. I mean...its TRUE...but still not nice...What's the number for HR? My feelings are hurt!"

I joshed back, "Gar, You're going to wear that poor HR lady out! I'll buy you a pair of shoes if you don't go...you know the mid-heel, red with purple trim, and the rhinestone accents. You won't wear those out...and I wouldn't wear them out in public."

"Oh, no! Sexual harassment! Call the PC police! I'm wounded to the quick. Yoohoo, HR lady!" Gar was a natural comic.

"Here's a scoop for you, Gar, Mr. Decker is back in town," a total tease, I was, "and I've discovered his nefarious plan! He just wants to be a nice guy...a friend...and that's o.k. with me."

"Oooooh, Dar-Lin! That's delicious news. How many blow jobs did it take to settle him down? If you need any help in that department, I'm available!"

"You've got a dirty mind, my friend Gar," I gave him a fake snarl, "a lesbian? giving blow jobs? Is there something wrong with that picture? He's just a nice guy. By the way, what's the extension or HR? I think we both have a little business to give her...maybe!"

If only he knew, so far blow jobs were working with me and Decker. The next phase would take some planning.