Revenge of the Nerd

"The same ..." she had a quizzical look on her face. "So nice to meet you. If Jeff says you're his friend, I'm sure you're a lovely girl. Come on in and meet everyone."

I tried to protest, but she put her arm around me and led me to the kitchen.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. --"

"Sunny" she said.

"Sunny."

"You should know why she uses that," Jeff said.

"Jeff," Sunny admonished.

"Petal Sunshine Goldberg. What would you call yourself? Mom was born on a commune." He said it with obvious affection.

We reached the kitchen.

"Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Jeff's friend Ashley," said Sunny.

Her mother got that same quizzical look but it didn't last long. She greeted me warmly. So did her father.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs...."

"Sam and Harri," interrupted Jeff.

She must have seen the confused look in my eyes. "I'm Harri, short for Harriet. And this is my husband Sam," she said, graciously resolving my confusion.

Harri was wearing a colorful, tie-died blouse and a peasant skirt. She had an exquisite necklace that appeared to contain turquoise. It was very unusual. She saw me looking.

"Do you like it? It's an original Harri."

"Harri makes jewelry," said Jeff. "She learned it on the commune and found out she was a natural. She gets orders from all over the country."

I could hear the love and admiration in his voice. It must be nice.

They asked about me. I couldn't give them a wrong answer. Whatever I said was "wonderful" to them. Where I lived was "so nice." Majoring in business was "so important." I was "so sweet" to take Jeff home with me. But they made it sound sincere so it wasn't sickening. Being with this family was a constant dose of self esteem. I wish...

"Oh my God, I've been here almost two hours. I have to get home. They'll be wondering where I am."

Probably not. Since it was the day before Thanksgiving, Dad might be home for dinner. If Mom was home I wouldn't see her until dinner was ready unless I went looking for her. They would have no idea I was missing. The contrast between these people and my family was starting to depress me.

Sam said, "Why don't you give them a call and stay for dinner? I made Steak Diane."

"Sam's a chef," said Jeff.

"I, I can't. I have to get home. Thanks for the invitation, though."

Sunny hugged me. "You come back any time, Honey. You're always welcome here."

Harri hugged me. "I hope we see you again, Buttercup."

Petal, Buttercup, I guess she had a thing for flowers.

Sam hugged me. "You're a sweet girl. You're welcome in our family anytime."

"It was so nice to meet all of you."

It was one of the highlights of my year. It was one of the highlights of my life.

Jeff walked me to the door and he hugged me. "I'm glad you came in."

I lost it. I buried myself in his arms and started to sob. I had no true friends. My family was cordial but I couldn't tell if they really loved me or I was just their responsibility and an appropriate reflection of their status.

I treated people according to what I thought they could do for me. How did I turn out such a mess? It was all Jeff's fault. I couldn't remember the last time I had an unguarded moment before I met him.

"Be my friend," I asked.

He held on until I settled down.

"Of course."

He wrote down his number and said to call if I needed to talk.

I told him I'd call to make arrangements to drive back to school. Then I left.

I composed myself and by the time I was home, I was the ice queen again. I couldn't decide if my visit with his family had been enriching or traumatic.

Jeff had told me on the ride home what Thanksgiving would be like at his house. Everybody would say what they were thankful for.

Sam and Harri would take the most time. In a holdover from their hippie days they would give thanks for everybody and everything. They would give thanks for the cycle of nature that refreshes the soil. They would give thanks for the rain which gives life to the plants and cleans out toxins from the air. They would remember old friends and be thankful for having known them. The whole family would be thankful for each other.

My family would say, "Let's eat," after they told me how beautiful I was.

That seemed to be the only way I was recognized. It had never bothered me before. That was the way it was and that was the way I had come to view myself. With all we had, why bother to take the time to appreciate it? Now it gnawed at me.

I may have been disappointed when I got home, but I was not surprised: I look beautiful.

Did they know I had come back from school? Did they know I had some kind of life there? Did they notice how distracted I was? I'm questioning my life, my choices, and they're making small talk, the few times anybody says anything other than, "Please pass the" whatever.

Thanksgiving dinner was worse. Actually it was the same but that made it worse. Did they think as little about each other as they thought about me?

It was a pretty busy weekend. Friday night I was to meet with my high school entourage. They would undoubtedly want to know what I was doing, who I was seeing.

I would keep the information sparse and pry that same information from them to better maintain my aura of invincibility.

Saturday night was the "A" party at the country club. My parents were throwing a party in the afternoon and I would be displayed to all the eligible sons of their friends. I had gotten quite a bit of fodder from these events in the past. A proper girl can't just take out a personal ad.

Rest up Sunday morning and then back to school with Jeff.

Jeff. I had a few hours free on Friday afternoon and I heard the Sirens' call. It might be fun to hang out there.

I still wasn't sure why I was there when I rang the bell. The door opened and I saw a thin girl in her mid-teens. She had inherited the family proclivity for not drawing any flattering attention to herself by the way she dressed.

From her face it was obvious that she was Sunny's daughter. She wore no makeup.

"Ooooh, you're Ashley."

I saw nothing that suggested that she knew about my checkered history with her brother.

"Hi. Is Jeff in?"

"Jeff," she shouted.

"In the kitchen," came his voice.

"I'll show you."

She seemed in awe. Finally a response I recognized from someone in the family. There was an aroma from something cooking that I didn't recognize. It was nice. I followed her to the kitchen.

"Ashley, nice to see you, sweetie." Sam approached with his arms wide.

I accepted the hug. "Nice to see you, too, Sam."

Jeff was at the stove, his left hand holding the handle of a frying pan, his right stirring whatever was in the pan with some kind of ribbed metal thing.

"Sorry I can't leave here. If I stop stirring with the whisk for as little as three or four seconds the roux could start to burn and I'd have to start all over."

"And he's doing it right this time," said Sam. "Sometimes he puts the flame too high because he's so impatient and wants to get done rather than taking the time to do it right."

"That's not my experience," I said.

Jeff's face turned red. I was pleased.

"I like a nice dark chocolate roux so it takes a while," he said.

"What are you making?"

"Turkey gumbo. When the roux finishes, I'll pour it over the trinity and it will start to cook it. Then I add the stock as it loses its intense heat. I learned it from Sam."

"What's the trinity?"

"Onions, green peppers and celery, Chile'" said Sam in a Creole patois.

Little sister continued to gape at me.

The roux turned brown and got darker and darker. The aroma grew richer. Finally, Jeff turned off the light under the pan and poured the roux over the trinity. It sizzled for a while.

Doesn't it sound just like you know what you're talking about when you learn the lingo? He stirred the trinity for about half a minute, then poured the hot stock into the large pot that contained the trinity, the turkey and some other stuff I couldn't identify. On went the lid and the flame.

"I take it you met Sandy." He gestured towards his sister.

"Not by name. Hi Sandy."

She giggled, "Hi," and then she ran from the room.

Jeff invited me up to his room.

"Are you going to show me your etchings?"

"See. That's the Ashley I like."

"See you, Sam."

I took Jeff's hand as he went up the stairs. Why the hell did I do that? It just felt right. I was beginning to wonder if I was a multiple personality.

It wasn't what I thought of as a typical guy's room. No posters of scantily clad women. No sports stars on the wall. Lots of books and a shelf of debate trophies. I had no idea he was on the team. Actually, I had no idea there was a team.

Something had me curious. "You're so smart. How come you didn't skip any grades? I mean, you seem to have practically skipped a couple of years of college."

"Mom skipped three years. She was increasingly younger than everyone in her classes. She's convinced that being with older kids messed her up socially so she absolutely refused to let me skip. She said I could finish college as fast as I wanted, but in high school I was staying with my grade."

"And she was right," I said. "Look at how smooth you turned out."

He pushed me. "See, I even like you when you're nicely mean."

We exchanged details of our Thanksgivings. I didn't have much to say because not much happened at my house.

Sam and Harri took longer than a Passover seder. Both of them mentioned the blessing of me as Jeff's friend. Hearing that sent a chill through me. His dad mentioned the blessing of having a day he wasn't called in for some emergency.

Sunny stopped in. "Hi, Ashley. I heard you were here." She gave me a big hug. "How was your Thanksgiving?"

"It was okay."

She got a sad, almost pitying look on her face for an instant, but the smile returned quickly. She ran her hand over my hair. "Well, it's really nice to see you. I'll leave you two alone." It sounded awfully suggestive.

Jeff rolled his eyes.

I wandered around his room, picking up things, moving things, snooping.

I went to his closet and opened the door.

"Now I know why you dress like that. It's all you have."

"I have a suit and a couple of jackets."

"Nerdwear. I should take you shopping."

"You know, I think my sister needs it more than I do."

He hit the nail on the head with that one. I had some time free on Saturday morning. Maybe I could take her shopping. What the hell was I thinking? Was I trying to be the me he seemed to like so much? Did I like her? I really didn't know. "Do you think she'd like me to take her shopping tomorrow? We could pick up a couple things. I could give her some tips."

"She'd be in heaven. I knew I was right about you."

"Don't get all sappy on me."

I had Sunny's credit card with me and I bought Sandy a few things. She started out in awe but she loosened up a bit as we spent time together. I don't have a little sister and it surprised the hell out of me that how much I enjoyed it.

I spent some of my own money to get her some makeup. When we got back to her house, I showed her how to use it.

If I'd had a little more time I would have taken her for a haircut. She was on cloud nine and I felt pretty good about that. Nobody else was home when I left her and I was kind of disappointed to miss them.

I had always looked forward to my parents' parties in the past. I would be provided with additional opportunities, like a salesman getting live leads.

This year it didn't satisfy. I was starting to look at the guys as people, rather than opportunities, and I didn't much care for them as people.

Was I becoming enlightened? If so, life was much easier when I was ignorant.

I felt exhausted when it was over. It had been an effort and I hadn't enjoyed it. Well, tonight I would get to see my friends, except they really weren't friends. They were people who thought highly of me in a competitive environment, people who would follow my lead. They would fawn over me to curry favor.

But would they offer if I needed a kidney? Well, maybe that's setting the bar a little too high for friendship.

I realized I had only one friend -- Jeff. For that matter, if I really needed help, I could probably count on Sunny more than any of the people I had previously thought of as friends. I couldn't think of an accurate name for them. They were more than acquaintances, but far less than friends.

I had a very strong urge to call Jeff and tell him I really did consider him my friend, but talk is cheap. I wanted to show him I would be there for him, in the unlikely event he needed something he couldn't get from his family or his other friends.

Then I had a goofy idea. It wouldn't exactly say I'll be there for you, but it would let him know how important he was to me. I picked up the phone.

"Hi, Sunny. Is Jeff in?"

"Ashley. What you did for Sandy was so sweet. She's on cloud nine. Thank you so much."

"I was happy to do it. She's a really good kid."

Thinking about it brought a smile to my face.

"Just a second, I'll get Jeff."

Having to wait for him didn't change my mind.

"Hi."

"Hi, Jeff. You doing anything tonight?"

"Not really. We'll probably watch a movie here."

"Good. I want to take you to a party."

"What kind of party?" he asked.

"The kind I go to."

"Wouldn't I be kind of out of place there?" he asked.

"Not at all. You'd be with me."

"I'm, stunned. Is this like a date?"

"No, not at all. This is a date."

"Okay. Are you sure? Won't this kind of hurt your status?"

"I won't be losing anything important enough to me to worry about. Have your Mom, have your Dad, I'll be over there to help you pick out something to wear."

Jeff cleaned up pretty good. Put a tie and jacket on the boy and he looked almost, cute. When it came to conversation, my idiot savant wasn't fully up to the task. Small talk was still in his idiot zone. I didn't care. The inability to talk about unimportant nonsense didn't seem important at all.

I shared my view of him as an idiot savant pointing out his idiot conversation. He was tickled.

He did make some people uncomfortable when he cut straight through their bullshit and focused on what lay behind it. That amused me.

In the few instances where the conversation included something of substance, some of these people were genetically and familially destined to be business and political leaders, he shone. People forgot I was there they were so drawn into discussion with him. Not only did it not bother me to be ignored, I was positively proud of him.

Eventually I had enough of these people, I don't know what the word is, but these people I knew. I said my goodbyes and told him I wanted to go, even though it wasn't that late.

He seemed pretty mellow as I pulled out of the driveway.

"You know, I really didn't think it was going to be much fun, but I had a good time. I'm surprised," Jeff said.

"Stick with me, kid, and you'll go far."

"Back to school?"

"There too."

In just a few minutes I turned into a driveway.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"My house."

"I didn't realize you lived in Penn Valley."

"We moved here after I graduated. I guess the house in Merion wasn't expensive enough. This is."

"I'll say. It looks like a fine old hotel."

"That's no problem, I have a reservation."

"But ma'am, you didn't bring any bags."

"I checked into the room earlier."

"Seriously, what are we doing here?" he asked.

"I wanted to spend a little more time with you."

"So, you're taking me home to meet the folks?"

"Oh God, no. Not until it's absolutely unavoidable."

I'm sure my voice told him the idea was appalling.

"You're still embarrassed by me?"

"I'm embarrassed by them."

I parked and led him in. Jeff's bedroom wasn't small, but it would have easily fit into the front hall. I suppose there were some parts of the house you could have mistaken for a hotel.

"Isn't the concierge on duty tonight?" he asked.

"No. You'll have to rely on me to make the plans."

I took his hand and led him up to my room.

"This isn't your room. This is your quarters."

He explored.

"Whole families could live in your walk-in closet."

I closed my door. His childlike wonder at my rooms and the wealth they represented was endearing. This night had been one of the best I ever had. He was most of the reason.

I'd sort of had it in the back of my mind, but at that point I realized I really wanted him, not because I was in the mood for sex, though I was, but because he was Jeff.

I grabbed his jacket, pulled it off of him and started kissing him. I loosened and ripped off the tie and dispatched his shirt. I slipped the straps of my dress off my shoulders and reached for his belt as the dress dropped. There was no thought, no planning behind this. I just had to have him.

I pulled him over to my bed by the waist of his pants, unzipped them, released them and pushed him down on the bed. I unhooked my bra and tossed it.

I kicked off my shoes and knelt before him. I yanked off his shoes without untying them and threw them somewhere behind me. I stripped off his socks and hauled down his boxers and tossed them too. I dropped my panties and jumped onto the bed with him.

"Slow down," he said. "You have to savor this."

"Shut up. Sometimes you're starved, you see the perfect burger, and you just have to scarf it down."

I kissed him passionately and he returned it. I kissed my way down his body. He was as aroused as I was. I slowly took him into my mouth, savoring the scent, the texture, the desire. I sucked it. I licked it.

It aroused me the way it had aroused him when he did all those things to me. Boy, did it arouse me. I didn't linger because there were other things I wanted to do. I could get back to this another time.

I released him, climbed over him and impaled myself in one quick stroke. My need was urgent. I moved up and down on him rapidly and an orgasm overtook me within a minute. I didn't slacken my pace until I noticed his movements change. I dropped my chest onto his and rolled to my right, pulling him on top of me.

"Fuck me. Fast. Hard. Just do it."

He did.

As I was reaching a second, intense orgasm, he had his. He was almost spasmodic.

He lay there on top of me for a while, breathing heavily but otherwise not moving. Then he rolled off.

"That was intense. Not much planning. Not artful, but intense," he said.

"Who are you, the sex critic for the Inquirer? Sometimes you just have to go with your passion, let your instinct take over. Don't you ever do anything without planning?"

"Not if I can help it."

I thought for a moment of how best to explain it.

"You consider yourself an amusing guy, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I guess."

"Stop with the false modesty. You're very funny. When you come up with one of those great quips, do you analyze the preceding syntax and context? Do you sift through all the implications and determine which would make the best philosophical, political or sociological humor?"

"Are you making fun of the way I talk?" he asked.

"Yes. Or does it just happen by instinct?"

"I just do it. It's instinct."

"There you have it. I just wanted to express what I was feeling." I nearly added, "about you." "It was intense. It was exactly what fit the situation. It was instinct."

He thought about it, a look of concentration on his face. He lay on his side, propped up by an arm looking at me. Then he smiled.

"I guess this is one of those situations where I'm idiot. You can be very wise."

My smile got even bigger. I was feeling emotional goose bumps.

"Do you have a bathroom I could use?"

I pointed to a door next to my walk-in closet. What's a bedroom suite without a bathroom?

He made his way toward the door. I rolled onto my side to watch him. What a cute little ass. I smelled the pillow and the sheets where he had just been. His scent was rich and intoxicating. He had grown on me so much and so quickly that I couldn't fight the feeling that I was falling for him completely.