Right Place, Right Time

"You should celebrate. We should celebrate," her best friend, Bonnie, said, all cheery and upbeat.

"Celebrate? You've got to be joking."

"Hey. Getting divorced isn't the end of the world. It's...it's a new beginning. It's a different door opening when the old one closed. It's..."

"Bonnie? Can you please give it a rest?"

"Sorry. I'm just trying to cheer you up. If you want to mope around and feel sorry for yourself, Kristen, go ahead, but I'm having no part of it."

"It's not so much that I'm having a pity party, I just want to spend some time alone thinking and maybe...taking inventory. That's all."

"Haven't you done enough of that over the last year?" her friend since high school asked.

The truth was, that was pretty much all she'd done since the day her husband, or as of today, her...ex-husband...told her he was bored. That had been just over a year ago, and yet she could see his face and hear every word as though it was yesterday.

"Bored?" she remembered asking, assuming he wanted to take a vacation or maybe go fishing. With any luck, maybe he wanted to try something new in the romance department; an area where things had dropped off from slow to non-existent over the course of a few short months.

After all, he was a doctor who worked a ton of hours, so if he wanted to take a little time off, that was fine, even if he needed to spend it alone. They'd been married for 12 years and never really been apart, so she was willing to be flexible if that was what it took to get back to normal.

"Yes, bored," he repeated.

"Not with work, right?" his wife asked, as the fear inside her grew in intensity.

"What? No! I love my job."

As she realized he meant with her, she felt sick to her stomach. She'd done everything a woman could do to remain physically attractive, and she enjoyed lovemaking as much as he did, and could count on one hand the number of times she'd said 'no' in all the time she'd known him.

But having turned 40 a few months earlier, it was possible he really was referring to her. And the fact that she never thought of herself as beautiful made her even more certain he was.

Kristen Lee-Holmes had often told she was pretty, and she thought that was true, at least to some degree, but rarely had she ever heard anyone tell her she was beautiful in any kind of convincing way.

She felt like she looked a lot like a supporting actress she'd seen on many TV shows but couldn't name until her husband mentioned it once during a movie. The woman's name was Julianne Nicholson. Like the actress, Kristen had a few too many freckles and strawberry blonde hair while her blue eyes and nearly-perfect smile were her best attributes.

She wasn't selling her very fit, nicely-toned body short. She was just a little light 'upstairs' and barely able to fill out a B-cup bra. It was more that as a package, she felt like she was nothing special. At 5' 6" and 115 pounds, she thought she might be a '7' when she looked her best. Even though she was at least as attractive as her 43-year old husband, Gavin, because was a doctor, he could easily date younger, more attractive women whereas she wasn't sure who else would ever be interested in her.

Her insecurities went even deeper when she thought about things like education and work experience. Gavin had a medical degree. She had an associates from a community college. He had an established, prestigious career. She stayed home and had never worked. And worst of all, she wasn't even a mother, so on her worst days, she could do a pretty job of beating herself up.

Until recently, Gavin had always at least made her feel beautiful, her own insecurities aside. So she, in turn, had done everything she could to look her best for him, and now she had that sick feeling that it still hadn't been enough.

"Is it me?" she weakly asked.

"You can't be all that surprised," he replied immediately, doing so rather tersely.

"Wait. You're saying it is me? You're bored with...me?"

He stared at her for several seconds then shook his head.

"I can't believe this is a surprise to you, Kristen," he told her, essentially repeating what he'd just said.

"Gavin. I've done everything humanly possible to look young and attractive to you and be someone you can be proud of. I...I have no idea what it is I've done wrong."

Her husband sighed loudly then said almost patronizingly, "You haven't done anything wrong, Kris. You're great. You're fantastic. Amazing even."

"Then what is it?" she asked, almost begging him to explain. "Is it...being 40?"

"No. Jesus, Kristen! Think for a change!" he told her as though he was talking to a child.

She'd watched him slowly change over the last several months, and a part of the change was the way he spoke to her. Another was the way he was finding excuses not to make love with her, and the reason why was becoming clear. Or at least it was starting to.

"So?" she asked, on the verge of crying.

Doctor Gavin Holmes leaned forward, looked right at his wife, then told her, "You're like...steak. Really good, delicious steak. Filet mignon even. But I don't want to eat steak every day for the rest of my life. I want other...food. I want...variety. I need some excitement in my life before I'm too old to enjoy it, Kris."

Being compared to a piece of meat was the least hurtful thing he said that day. The worst was letting her know that she wasn't enough for him anymore; that she was, in a word—boring.

In addition to staying in superb shape, Kristen was more than willing to try new things in the bedroom even when those things weren't particularly enjoyable for her. But she did them because the love she felt she got in return made it all worth it, and she'd been very much in love with her husband since meeting him a little over 13 years ago when he was a young resident on his way to becoming a very successful OB-GYN.

Kristen hated herself for crying, but she couldn't help it as she asked the proverbial sixty-four thousand dollar question.

"Have there been other women?"

Gavin looked away and she knew. But in keeping with his penchant for brutal honesty he looked right at her and said, "A few."

"How long?" his deeply-shaken wife asked.

"Four months maybe? Give or take."

She grabbed a tissue from the coffee table in front of her as Gavin tried to mitigate the damage.

"Again, you haven't done anything wrong, Kris, don't blame yourself. I just can't stand the thought of never being with anyone else for the rest of my life. It took me a long time to admit it to myself, but I'm just not a one-woman man. I think maybe I wanted to be, but I'm not sure I ever was, and the fact that you were enough to keep me faithful all these years says a lot, and you should feel good about that."

"Gee, thanks," she said, unable to even look at him. "Glad I could be of service."

"So um...I think it's best if I pack my things and leave now," he told her without even acknowledging her hurt.

He stood up then said, "I'll be filing for divorce this week, but I want you to know, I'm not asking for anything more than my half. I just want out."

It took all the inner strength she had not to lash out and say something out of anger, and she came very close to doing so. Instead she sat there in silence listening to him grabbing suitcases and noisily throwing things into them. The sound of the last zipper being closed was audible all the way downstairs and made her flinch just before he came back downstairs himself.

"I'll uh, I'll text you as soon as I know where I'll be staying," he told her with no emotion.

He waited for her to reply, but she continued sitting there staring at the floor until well after he was gone.

So even after a year, she still didn't feel like celebrating what was by far the biggest loss of her life that now felt like the biggest failure, too. It made no difference that she'd 'done nothing wrong'. In the end, the results were still the same.

She was now 41 years old, single, and felt more alone than she ever had. And for most of that year, she'd had no real interest in taking care of herself. She was still thin, but that was mostly the result of not eating. But she felt soft and that added to her already low level of self-esteem. Only recently had she forced herself to get back into her regular routine of yoga and pilates, and that was the one and only thing she felt good about these days.

"Come on, Kristen. Have a drink with me," she heard Bonnie say. "Who knows, right? Maybe you'll meet someone nice. Or at least cute."

"Bonnie? I love you like the sister I never had, but please stop asking me to celebrate on the day my divorce was finalized, okay?"

"All right. Fine. I'll stop bothering you. For now. But I'm not gonna let you keep this up for another year. Or even another month. You're getting back up on the horse, and you're going to ride it. Got it?"

"The horse. That's a great analogy considering I was just freed from the consummate horse's ass."

Kristen saw Bonnie trying not to laugh, but a little spurting sound came out, and when it did, Kristen smiled. The smile made Bonnie laugh, and that's when Kristen lost it. The two of them hugged and laughed until they cried, and when it was over, she thanked her dearest friend for always being there.

"And I always will be," Bonnie told her before asking what she intended to do with the rest of her day.

"I'm not sure yet, but I was thinking about going to a park and just sitting there for awhile and do some thinking."

Bonnie sighed the same way Gavin had, then told her, "You don't need a friend to sit and think with, do you?"

Kristen managed a smile then told her, "Not today, okay?"

"Okay. You win. But if we don't go out tonight, we're going out this weekend."

Before Kristen could reply, Bonnie held up a hand and said, "Uh-huh. No talking unless it's to say, 'Okay, Bonnie'."

Now Kristen sighed, smiled again, then said, "Okay, Bonnie."

"That's my girl!"

She got up to leave then told Kristen, "Okay. Go have your alone time, then call me and let me know you're home and doing okay."

"I will. I promise. And Bonnie? Thank you."

"Hey, you know I love you, right?"

"I do," Kristen said quietly. "And you know I love you, too."

"Yep. No doubt about it. But you need someone else to love you, because, well, I...I don't...swing that way."

Kristen gasped in mock horror.

"I can't believe you just said that!" she told her friend, who was always saying things that were politically incorrect.

Bonnie laughed then said, "Let me put it this way. If I was ever gonna switch teams, you'd be the reason for it, okay?"

"Ha! That's high praise! I think," Kristen replied with a fake look of confusion.

"Trust me. It is. And Gavin is a damned fool. "I'm a year younger than you, and you look ten years younger than I do."

There was some truth to that. Bonnie had never been all that attractive. She was a good 25 pounds overweight and there were other flaws Kristen never noticed or cared about because all that mattered was her friendship. And over the years, Bonnie had proven to be 'a friend indeed'.

Bonnie put her hands on her hips, tilted her head a little, then said, "I should actually hate you!"

Kristen laughed, stood up, then hugged her friend and thanked her again for all of her support.

"My pleasure, sweetie. And you will call me tonight, got it?"

"Control freak!" Kristen mumbled loudly enough to make sure Bonnie heard.

Once Bonnie was gone, Kristen sat there for a bit then decided where she wanted to go. It was a gorgeous day outside, and the flowers would be blooming in her favorite park, and that's exactly what the doctor had ordered.

Already feeling better, she went upstairs to change and get ready to go. She wasn't about to do her makeup to sit alone in a park, but she did put on a touch of foundation to cover the freckles and just a bit of mascara and called it a day.

Forest Park was aptly-named. Located just three miles from downtown Portland, Oregon, it was a staggering 5,200 acres of nature just waiting to be enjoyed. Kristen hadn't been there in at least two years, and it felt so good to walk around and enjoy the beauty of nature.

The flowers were indeed blooming, the birds were chirping, and the sun was shining; a perfect day to take inventory. Again. Being summer, there were quite a few people there, but a park that size didn't feel crowded at all. After wandering around for half an hour or so, she sat down on a park bench and just let the warm rays of the sun hit her very pale face.

As she sat there, she felt like this was a really good decision. The peaceful calm was just what the doctor ordered, and she vowed to start really pushing herself again during yoga and pilates classes starting the very next day.

"No more of this," she told herself as she basked in the sun's warmth.

Kristen was in denial. She wasn't the type to pretend nothing had happened. It had, and she'd fretted, stewed, and cried about it for an entire year. She knew she couldn't magically draw some mental line and never look back, but she felt like this...this...walk in the park...would be a kind of demarcation line. It would serve as a new beginning of sorts. It was a tangible event she could look to just as her husband's stunning revelation had been a year ago.

As she sat there with her eyes closed, those and many other thoughts running through her mind, Kristen had the sensation of hearing a voice. When the sensation repeated itself she opened one eye and realized she wasn't imagining it.

"You look very relaxed," she heard the voice say.

"I am," she replied as the other eye opened before both the person behind the voice came into focus.

"This is certainly the place for that," the person said as Kristen sat up and tried to make sense of who this was and what was being said.

"I'm sorry. Who are you?" she asked without any hint of annoyance.

"Oh. No, I'm the sorry one," the stranger replied with a pleasant smile. "I'm Aaron. Corbett. My parents are here renewing their vows, and today just happens to be their 30th anniversary."

"Thirty years. Wow. That's amazing," Kristen said as she looked around.

"No. They're not here...yet. I was just bringing some things in to set up for the ceremony. I saw you earlier and I was on my second trip out the car when I noticed you were still here just peacefully sunning yourself. I know it was rude, but I just felt like I needed to say hello," he told her apologetically.

"No, that's okay," Kristen said. "I'm actually kind of glad you did. I don't need to spend the entire day out here half asleep."

"I do apologize for bothering you, though," Aaron told her again.

"It's kind of ironic," Kristen said without explaining why.

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh. Well, as fate would have it, your parents are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary, and I'm 'celebrating' my divorce, which just became official this morning."

"I'm rarely at a loss for words, but I'm not sure how to respond to that. I suppose 'I'm sorry' makes sense, but if he was abusive or...an ass...then there'd be nothing to be sorry about."

Kristen laughed at the reference to his being an ass then said, "He wasn't abusive. But the 'ass' part is perfectly descriptive."

"Everything's all set up, and I've got some time if you'd like a sympathetic, non-judgmental ear to bend."

Kristen looked at him again and confirmed her two first impressions. He was a very nice looking guy, and he was also very young.

"Are you a glutton for punishment or something?" she teased with a smile.

Aaron laughed then assured her he wasn't.

"Not at all. Just a guy with time on his hands who's enjoyed talking with you."

"If you're sure," Kristen replied, now thankful for his kindness and his company.

"I'm sure," he told her.

"Then please," she said, as she pulled her purse up on her lap so he could sit down.

"Before I start bad-mouthing my ex, are you married?" she asked.

Aaron laughed then told her he wasn't.

"Never even been close."

"Good for you," Kristen joked before apologizing for being so cynical. "I don't really mean that. It's just that my marriage, a marriage I thought was really strong and very satisfying, ended so fast that it left me shell-shocked."

"Geez. What happened?" Aaron asked with genuine interest.

Kristen summed it all up for him in less than a minute then sat there waiting to see if her 'sounding board' would reply or get up and run as fast as he could.

"That's...horrible. It almost sounds like your ex-husband was a robot programmed to inform you he'd reached his time limit or something."

For whatever reason, Kristen found his response funny. The way he said was as much a part of the reason why as the words themselves, and they made her laugh.

"Of all the many, many things I've thought of over the last year, that wasn't one of them, but it's a very apt description."

"Yeah. I mean, who just walks in and says to someone he's been married to that long..."

Aaron stuck his arms out as though he were a robot and said in a monotone voice, "Spouse? Our time limit has expired. My programming indicates I must move on."

She laughed even harder this time and thanked him when she managed to stop.

"It wasn't that funny," Aaron told her.

"Oh, it was very funny. Trust me."

"I will admit you looked happy when you were laughing, so if that helped at all, I'm glad I interrupted your quiet time."

"Yeah. I'm...I'm glad, too," she told him.

He glanced at his watch then said, "I should get going. My folks and my sister should be here soon."

"Oh, yes. By all means. Don't let me keep you."

Aaron stood up, wished her the best then said 'goodbye'.

"Bye, Aaron. And thank you so much. You really made my day."

He struck a Jimmy Durante-style pose and said in Durante's voice, "That's what I do!"

Kristen laughed again then thanked him one more time.

"Oh. I don't even know your name," Aaron said.

"Oh, wow. Talk about self-absorbed, huh?" she said in reference to herself. "It's Kristen. I'm not sure about my last name right now. It was Lee before I got married and Holmes when I was."

"Kristen works, and it's pretty name fir for a very pretty woman," he told her, but not in any kind of lewd way.

"Thank you. That's very sweet of you to say," she replied wondering why anyone that attractive would say that unless he was just trying to make her feel good. If he had, it had worked, so she really was thankful.

He smiled, bowed almost ceremoniously then said he needed to run.

She assumed he meant figuratively, but when she said, "Okay. Sure," he took off at a sprint, and when she got it, that made her laugh, too.

"I so needed that!" she said out loud to herself as she watched him slow down, turn and wave, then wait until she waved back. Once she did, he turned back around and continued walking.

Now feeling as good mentally as the warm sun had made her feel physically, she decided to sit there a little longer and bask in the warm feelings this pleasant stranger's unexpected visit had provided. She could do that because, chief among the lessons she'd learned throughout her ordeal, was the importance of trying to find joy in little things. A close second was how rare true love was along with how much it was to be treasured while third on her list was learning the hard way that people change.

Kristen wasn't sure how to make use of all of this hard-won knowledge just yet, but she knew it would all be put to good use whenever she was ready to start looking for that elusive thing called love again.

Now tired of sitting—and thinking—she got up and decided to head in the same direction Aaron had gone. Not because she thought he was a possible source of her future happiness, but because she'd already seen everything in the other direction.